Asking for Prayers on Difficult Decision

by AnneE
15 replies
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I'm thinking seriously of ending or at least taking a hiatus/separation from my 28-year marriage and I'm asking for prayers that I may have:

- the vision to see clearly the right action to take
- the courage to carry it out
- peace of mind during this process


Thank you
  • Profile picture of the author un
    I'll pray for you and your husband. I know that things can be built up over 28 years that can make it seem like there is an impossible gulf between you and your spouse. I've only been married 5 and a half years, and I've been there.
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  • Profile picture of the author Patrician
    Have you tried counseling? Just like babies, marriages don't come with an instruction booklet and they take work...

    "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" before you really try to resolve whatever the issues are that are causing the schism.

    With that said of course you would need your husband's cooperation and mutual sincere desire to work on it.

    ... and I know that isn't always possible.

    Whatever you decide I wish you the best and pray that will be staying with your husband.
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  • Profile picture of the author Alex Barboza
    Separation... I suffered when parents separated some years ago. Now, I have thought about separating from my wife the last couple of months but I just feel I can't. Praying for you
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      It's your decision and you probably know what you want to do. That's a long time to be with one person.

      Choose what is best for you - but don't expect peace during the process. Even when leaving is what you want and need - it's still a loss no matter what. However, if it's a bad situation, there's a tremendous sense of relief when it's over. Take care of you.

      kay
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  • Profile picture of the author Sheryl Polomka
    Oh Anne what an incredibly difficult decision to make. I will say a prayer that you can see clearly and make the right decision for you. And to give you the courage to move forward with whatever you decide.

    You need to do what is best for you, it's your life and you only live once. Still, I know it must be incredibly difficult when you have spent 28 years of your life together, to end that will be a massive change.

    I wish you well
    Take care
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  • Profile picture of the author JustinDupre
    This situation sure is tough. I'll pray for happiness and a clear vision.
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  • Profile picture of the author regibiz65
    Hello Anne,

    Marriage can be challenging at times...but don't rush into any decision yet. Spend sometime in prayer and try to work things out with your husband. Remember, you are two imperfect people who once fell in love but are only seeing things differently now after so many years. But those differences can be overcome.

    I have been married for 23years so I know. I almost did myself - Thank God I didn't. I stopped focusing on the negatives and started complimenting his strengths and that did the trick for me. It can be fixed - trust me because I know.

    By the way, have you tried Mort Fertel's program? I'll PM you.(if I can) I hear it has saved a lot of marriages.

    I will definitely be praying for you my dear. Hang in there. Don't let another woman come reap where they did not sow. You are too far gone to throw in the towel.

    God bless you!

    Regie
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  • Profile picture of the author chrysalis
    Thinking of you Anne, but only you can make the decision. whatever you decide I hope it will be the right one for you. I left my first husband and lived on my own for 11 years. It was painful at first, but actually some of the best years of my life! I hope you choose what is best for you!
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Anne. After 28 years, I presume this is not a matter of abuse. If it is, quit thinking and get out.

    But if it's not...........
    My sister divorced after 30 years, and it was basically just because she was in a rut and she made a real bad turn in thinking it was the marriage that had her in the rut.

    Here's an option to think about:

    After that amount of time, you probably need a vacation from life as normal. Would your husband be understanding if you just told him you have some issues to work out in your head and you need to go away for a month? You could go somewhere new and do some exploring, resting, thinking - a few new activities that you've never done or thought of. Maybe take a short class, etc.

    You might be surprised how the vacation will revitalize you. It will also be normal to think about home now and then - but the things you think about home and marriage will evolve over a month. By the end of the month, you may have a very different perspective. You might find something at the bottom of your rut that you didn't know was there. You might also be surprised to find that after 28 years, a break might do your husband some good as well. A vacation is a much friendlier way to get a needed break to think than a "separation", too. He might be much more receptive to the idea of a separate vacation -- then if you come home feeling it's right to separate, you will have spared yourself the turmoil a separation will cause, so your thinking will be much clearer for that month than it will be with the emotional issues that "separation" will conjure up.

    In the long run, the decision that you make is going to effect your life in a lot of ways that you aren't going to be able to foresee, so you really do need support - and we support you. That is about all we can do, just list options you might not have thought of, just be here to listen and care.

    Good luck, Anne. I'm sure you will choose the options which are best for you.
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    Sal
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  • Profile picture of the author Aperio
    I will also keep you and your difficult decision in my prayers. I think there has been some very sound advice given so far, and since you are seeking prayers then you also know that prayer is also where you will find your answer. I would suggest spending some extra time in prayer in the presence of the blessed sacrament or also seek the guidance and counsel of a priest or clergy.

    You will find your answers if you just continue to ask the good Lord for help and take the time to be still and listen for it. Just remember that when we are weak it's when we're actually the strongest.

    You will be very much in my thoughts and prayers.
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  • Profile picture of the author AnneE
    I just wanted to touch base and say thanks for the advice, kind words, prayers. It is too soon to pronounce the marriage saved, but we have had some productive discussions on issues we were just plain stuck on.

    I've always been a big believer in counseling and getting professional help, but not hubby. But over the years I've found folks who can help with relationship issues just by helping me change my half of the equation.

    Still, we seemed pretty stuck on a couple issues. I think the only thing that has possibly gotten us unstuck was the fact that my husband could see I was serious about reaching the end of my rope for the status quo. I was just thinking tonight that it's almost a bit comical, but I think seeing me pack up my laptop was what made him realize I was actually planning on leaving, for real -- not just a storm out of the house fit.

    Again... too soon to tell how things will unfold, so keep those prayers coming.
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  • Profile picture of the author un
    I will keep praying. One thing you could do is to make an appointment with a marriage counselor...and then go with or without him. Either he's going to take you seriously about leaving and come with, or he's gonna be "afraid of what you'll say about him" and come with, or he won't come with and you'll still have the opportunity to talk to a professional who deals with this stuff from an outside perspective every single day.
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  • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
    I will definitely keep you lifted up in my prayers!

    I am in the 28th year of marriage as well and actually have been where you are. My hubby holds the same view as yours regarding counseling but thank goodness we never got to that point.

    One time after spending time in prayer, while hubby was at work I got out the phone book, placed it on the dining room table and opened it to the divorce attorney page. I took out a note book and wrote down some questions that I would ask if I truly were seeking a divorce and just conveniently left it all there on the table.

    When he came home from work, he read the list, slowly crumpled it up and threw it in the trash. He closed the phone book, put it back where it belonged and never said a word about it to me, nor did I say anything to him, but I can tell you things changed for the better.

    Sometimes after all of those years, hubbies just don't believe you when you say you've about had it or perhaps they just tune you out.:rolleyes: Either way, you just have to speak to them in a different way like when you packed up your laptop.

    I honestly pray that things will work out between you and your hubby and you will have a good many more years together in a meaningful relationship!

    Keep the faith!

    MissTerraK
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  • Profile picture of the author sarahberra
    Yikes I am so sorry. Please seek counseling first. There might be some hope left.
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