Did I do the right thing? :(

People instinctively have a 'fight or flight' response to those situations. You are programmed to either do something to intervene or you aren't.

Worrying about it after the fact is pointless. You never had a choice to begin with as you apparently are not gifted with the fight response.

I have that response and when I've been in those situations my brain automatically went "It's Party Time!"

Let it go. You did what you were programmed to do.

I can't help but to think that what you did is wrong. If a friend of mine is getting beat up, I get in there even if I end up getting beaten up to. That's what I would like my friends to do for me so that's what I do for them.

Who's to say you'd have been able to stop him getting hurt even if you had gotten involved? It might've been both of you coming away badly, in that case.

Anyway, its over now so no point in dwelling on it forever.

Last year, I was walking away from a nightclub after having been out for new year's eve, and some guy tried to steal my mobile phone and wallet, after threatening me with a meat cleaver (it was real, as I touched it). My friend took off and left me standing there, facing him with it raised up near my neck somwhere, lol.

I managed to talk him down, and took off. Thankfully, I'm very tall and a quick runner, whereas he was short, podgy and couldn't run for crap.

S*hit happens, and "in the heat of the moment", people sometimes make puzzling decisions.

Yeah, who is to say? OBVIOUSLY, I just have problems with talking, etc....
People ALWAYS seem to try to read something into what I say. The last time some JERK tried to threaten me, I just stared him down. I tried to not move ANYTHING, and never said a peep. My FIRST idea was to basically try to give him whiplash, but I restrained myself. But I WAS TIGHT! If he even TOUCHED me, I resolved to hurt him at least 3 times as badly as he hurt me, though I DID have a floor at which I was not going below. You had to be there.

He said his piece, left, and that was that, nobody got hurt or even touched.

Still, if you and your friend are both male, and he was drawn into this through no fault of his own, he probably, and rightfully so, expected you to do SOMETHING! EVEN if it was telling those two guys that they were being dishonorable by ganging up on him. MAYBE one would have backed down.

At least you didn't run away. 8-/

Steve

It doesn't matter what WE think.

It matters what your friend thinks!

My guess is that's probably what's really bothering you. You feel like you let your friend down in a time of need. Luckily nobody was seriously hurt.

Perhaps your best respnse now is to be direct and say something like, "Sorry man, I don't know why I didn't jump in. It just took me by surprise and I feel awful for not stepping in."

All the best,
Michael

Some tough-love here.

You are the one questioning whether you did the right thing or not - which means you didn't and are looking for confirmation from us otherwise to help you feel better.

Since you didn't act, I am presuming you really just don't know how to defend yourself (or anyone else) and would have just gotten the snot knocked out of you, too. That wouldn't have done anyone any good -- but you need to look at the fact that next time it might boil down to either your life (if YOU get attacked and nobody jumps in for you) or the other person's.

Here's my advice - and it is spoken by a woman who got the crap knocked out of her -- once. Once was enough.

Go get together with your friend and enroll in a martial arts class. You are doomed if you expect that police can protect you or that others will. Once you understand some fundamentals it will boost your confidence - and that bit of confidence will make all the difference in the world how you handle threatening or dangerous situations. You will learn to try to avoid violence, but also how to deal with it in the event you can't avoid it. You can quickly master enough acuity to keep from getting completely smeared in a fight, and even come out on top. I'm only 5' 6" and 110 pounds, but I can level a man twice my size and three times my strength in about 2 seconds. I've even been known to tell a man who is trying to protect me "thanks, but this guy just ticks me off. I'd like a piece of this one myself." Do you know how the effects the psych of a bully? LMAO.

The world is a dangerous place -- you need to learn to defend yourself. Try Modern Arnis. It takes little strength to master it and you can learn enough very quickly to defend yourself and others in situations like you just encountered.

Sal,

The woman, in a just world, would give up any right to hide behind her gender if she unjustly attacks another. But that isn't the case. If she JUSTLY attacks another, THEN I agree with all you said.

Cryp,

If he was unjustly attacked, you are NOT a good friend!

Steve

This is a tough one and to be honest I don't know what I would do in the same situation. Like you said, these days someone is likely to pull out a knife or something and you could end up dead if you get involved. On the other hand, what if your friend ends up dead and then you feel guilty that you did nothing to help him.

I don't know if there is a right or wrong! I have three boys and if one of my boys was getting beat up I would hope that his friends would help him. On the other hand, if one of his friends was getting beat up, although I would think it would be the right thing for him to help, I wouldn't want him to because I wouldn't want my son getting hurt or worse.

So it is a tough decision to make and a scary one. In all honesty though if I thought deep and hard about 'what is right' I would probably go with you should have helped. If your friend got into a fight as a result of his own stupid actions that he could have avoided, then maybe not.

It's hard, I suggest if you are feeling bad then you need to go and talk to your friend and get it off your chest with him. You wont feel any better about it until you have spoken to him about it.

Hopefully your friend would be a better friend to you - Thats all I have to say. Oh, nother note; if you spend your time in places (as randy gage says) where people go just to get stupid... then stupid things are gonna happen. Drink at home with your beloved, much better, or go to classier bars.

You have to watch what kind of situations you "attract" by your choices.

My two cents.

Tina. You are a damn redneck. LOL

I am pre-programmed with the flight response too, but I fight the urge to do so.

If in your shoes, I would have walked into the melee and broke it up... And if I could not break it up, I would either get my ass kicked or kicked some ass...

Unless your buddy deserved his beating, the beating he got when you stood by and watched will hurt him more in the long run.

Bloody noses and black eyes are temporary. Betrayal is forever.

You should ask your friend, not us...

I've stepped in to break up fights when I didn't know either party. I've probably broke up more fights than I've participated in, I just don't like fighting. I've had friends that helped me out and friends that just sat there frozen, to scared too move. I didn't really think any less of those friends who were scared, if only because I didn't expect them to help out. I was usually surprised to find myself jumping into the melee, it was just a reaction to jump in.

I'm not going to judge you for not standing with your friend, but your friend might. If you value his friendship and he was a victim and not the instigator, you might want to think about what you can do for him to make amends. I think that would make you both feel better about it.

Okay folks, here is how it went down. I stood at the bar and these 2 drunks were looking for trouble. Seeing as how they were aggressive I just walked away. Moments later I saw my friend talking to them. They grabbed at him and provoked him. However he did threw the 1st punch. He could have walked away ...

It doesn't make it easier. But through this whole ordeal, I learned alot. Never stay out late, leave trouble before it finds you and be prepared for the worst. It might just happen to you.

So, you walked away and then your friend threw the first punch. In my opinion then, you did the right thing, he was stupid. You're under no obligation to be stupid just because your friend is.

You don't have to help him, it might have been sensible not to otherwise you might have got hurt!

Personally if 2 people were having a fight with my friend i wouldnt have stood back and watched, i would have had to help them out

The right thing would be to call the cops. Jumping into a fight can only make it worse. Yikes!

If you are really a friend, you should have at least tried to stop the whole thing or even shout for help. Friends stand by each other!

Well in hindsight you should have intervened, even if it was just to call the police, or just grab your friend out of there before it escalated

I agree with Phantom, sorry bro but friends don't watch friends get their asses kicked. At least get the bouncers etc

Wow you woman

I somewhat wish your friend died so you would have to live with the fact you pussied out

Edit: That was insensitive of me. Immediately regret it.

Use how you feel now as fuel to never freeze up again.

I had a friend do that once, outside a bar, waiting for my streat meat.

He was an off duty cop too, WTH, he just stood there.

Luckily I used my sneaky ninja skills to bail myself out, it was a 2 v 1.

All over someone cutting me in line and me speaking up for myself.

When you leave bar, don't ever cut in front of someone waiting for a nice juicy Italian sausage


To the OP, hopefully you learned from this, stay away from shady places.

-Ross

In hindsight you probably should have helped him out seeing as how things panned out. However, is is one of those situations that probably happened very fast and consequently you were unable to make the correct decision.

This was a social situation you probably were not trained
to deal with. Often you hear of people who in a critical situation
describe their mind shutting down, and found themselves in a dream like state, and their bodies just doing what they were trained to do.

Also, it isn't just what's going on in your mind that affects your actions. Even though you describe yourself doing nothing, your body was going into overdrive internally. All of your senses were taking in a lot of information. Since you did not know what to do, your mind noticed that nobody else was doing nothing too.

If they did nothing, it's no surprise that you did nothing.

Crowd psychology has a great impact on individual psychology.

The wave of humanity tends to push us in the same direction.

All the best,
Dr. Freud (a.k.a David Maschke)

Don't knock yourself out about it! (no pun intended.... I think)

Some people have the natural instinct still near the surface, for others it is buried a bit deeper under the layers of civility.

You can get some training to make it more accessible, which I think is something everybody should do considering they way things are nowadays.

Find something that will teach you how to fight sneaky, down and dirty. thats what you need for the streets.