Oh Man, Don't Say This To A Cop

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The top 13 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.


13. Officer, I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer, OK?

12. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

11. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

10. Hey, you must have been doing 95 to keep up with me, good job!

9. So, I guess they don't give cops physicals anymore, huh?

8. Y'know I was thinking of becoming a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

7. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

6. Gee, bet your glad they got the stretch uniforms in.

5. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

4. Hope I don't have to remind you, I pay your salary!

3. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

2. What do you mean, have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

1. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.


You've been warned! :-)
_____
Bruce
  • Profile picture of the author adeleadams
    Thanks a lot for sharing such precious information That could really save our asses. lolzzz
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    • Profile picture of the author ThomM
      If you want to have some fun try this line out.
      When you get stopped in a DWI checkpoint and they ask if you've been drinking tell them this. "No officer I don't drink, I smoke pot."
      The look on their faces and the way their jaw drops is priceless.

      A few years ago I went through a checkpoint and used that line on the cop.
      He realized I was messin with him and laughed.
      A half hour later I went through the same checkpoint again from the other direction. As the new cop asked if I was drinking that night the first cop turned and saw it was me. Before I could answer the first cop yelled over to the second cop, "He's ok he doesn't drink, he smokes pot".
      The look on the second cops face when he said that was priceless
      Signature

      Life: Nature's way of keeping meat fresh
      Getting old ain't for sissy's
      As you are I was, as I am you will be
      You can't fix stupid, but you can always out smart it.

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      • Profile picture of the author Roaddog
        After growing up in the gang infested (understatement) area of central L.A. and dealing with the Police on a near daily basis, I can tell you this...

        Say yes or no...officer


        "Give me six words of an innocent man, and I will find something in them with which to hang him" - Cardinal Richelieu


        Jim
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        • Profile picture of the author ThomM
          Originally Posted by Roaddog View Post

          After growing up in the gang infested (understatement) area of central L.A. and dealing with the Police on a near daily basis, I can tell you this...

          Say yes or no...officer


          "Give me six words of an innocent man, and I will find something in them with which to hang him" - Cardinal Richelieu


          Jim
          Despite my joke I use at sobriety checkpoints, I'm almost always polite and courteous when dealing with police.
          Two years ago I was pulled over on the thruway doing 20 mph over the limit on my bike. I rode off with a parking ticket.
          The reason I believe, is because of the way I treated the Trooper.
          I rode in a 1% M.C. club years ago and learned the hard way how to deal with the police.
          Signature

          Life: Nature's way of keeping meat fresh
          Getting old ain't for sissy's
          As you are I was, as I am you will be
          You can't fix stupid, but you can always out smart it.

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          • Profile picture of the author Roaddog
            Originally Posted by ThomM View Post

            Despite my joke I use at sobriety checkpoints, I'm almost always polite and courteous when dealing with police.
            Two years ago I was pulled over on the thruway doing 20 mph over the limit on my bike. I rode off with a parking ticket.
            The reason I believe, is because of the way I treated the Trooper.
            I rode in a 1% M.C. club years ago and learned the hard way how to deal with the police.

            I hear ya...you probably wouldn't believe how much crap I got out of over the years. Just being polite...really throws them sometimes...not used to it.

            Watched too many dumbasses with something to "prove" over the years, run their mouths right into the graybar.

            Some of the funniest/sad stuff I watch on TV these days is people talking themselves into jail ..like on.. Cops.



            Jim
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  • Profile picture of the author Spradle
    If he says "Your eyes looked a little blood shot, have you been drinking?"
    The best reply may or may not be:
    "Your eyes looked a little glazed. . . Have you been eating donuts?"
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    I think you should Be Free from hatred, stress or anything else bad in your life (:

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  • Profile picture of the author Halfdantimm
    I'll buy the man who says #1 a beer for sure.
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  • Profile picture of the author Lou Diamond
    Hello,
    I got a ticket for passing a red light near my house, I have not had a ticket in at least 20years I regret not talking the cop out of it.
    I keep postponing the hearing in court so it will not effect my insurance as it is so high already.
    Signature

    Something new soon.

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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    14. Hey Pig! I bet you're not man enough to write me a ticket!
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    • Profile picture of the author ThomM
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      14. Hey Pig! I bet you're not man enough to write me a ticket!
      For some reason that reminded me of a Drew Carey joke.
      He said the first thing he did when he got some money was run stop signs in the pouring rain. When a cop would stop him the cop would say, "Do you know why I pulled you over", he'd reply, "Yep, do you know why I ran the stop sign?".
      Signature

      Life: Nature's way of keeping meat fresh
      Getting old ain't for sissy's
      As you are I was, as I am you will be
      You can't fix stupid, but you can always out smart it.

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  • Profile picture of the author Dave Patterson
    15. Gee officer, your eyes looked glazed. You been eating donuts?
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    Professional Googler
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce NewMedia
    I forgot to add this with my original post....

    I actually GOT A TICKET IN MY GARAGE once...(no baloney!)

    I was coming home at about midnight and a cop was looking for speeders and running plates, I guess. I passed by him at the legal limit...didn't think twice, then he pulled out and got behind me pretty fast.

    He followed me a few blocks, and I turned off onto my street went a couple houses down and pulled into my garage. I thought he continued down the main highway. I got my bags and such and started to exit my car when I see the cop behind my car just outside my garage!

    I talked to him and it turns out I had never paid an inspection fee and I was ticketed for it - in my garage. I still laugh about it.
    _____
    Bruce
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