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Cheer me up

by serveandshare
7 replies
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It is cold and grey here in canada and it sucks! Anyone have any good jokes to help cheer me up? or if your not funny, how about something positive or motivational?

Thanks
#jokes
  • Profile picture of the author PowerWealth247
    Joke...
    An elderly couple is in court, she's been charged with shoplifting.
    Judge: You're charged with stealing a can of pears, how do you plea ?
    Lady: Guilty, but your honor, I was hungry.
    Judge: How many pears were in the can ?
    Lady: 6, I believe
    Judge: Then I sentence you to 6 weeks, one for each pear.
    Man: Your Honor, may I say something ?
    Judge: go ahead...
    Man: My wife also took a can of peas, sir.

    Smile..it makes you look better !
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  • Profile picture of the author pavondunbar
    Joke:

    A taxicab driver and a priest both die and go to heaven.

    St Peter awaits them at the gate and tells them

    "Here in heaven you will get a house for the number of people you brought closer to God. The more people you brought closer to God, the bigger the house."

    He shows the priest his house. It is a dirty old shack.

    St Peter then shows the taxicab driver his house. It was a beautiful mansion like the Taj Mahal.

    Outraged, the priest says to St Peter, "What gives! I was a priest all my life, preaching sermons and drawing people closer to God through his word, and all I get is this crappy old house. Why does the taxicab driver get the beautiful mansion?"

    St Peter responds to the priest, "Because when you were in Church preaching, people were sleeping. When the taxicab driver was driving, people were praying."

    LOL...

    Hope this cheers you up!

    Pavon
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  • Profile picture of the author valerieSONORA
    If I were you, I'd move far, far, south to get away from the Canada cold.

    As for something funny: Read about Pat draining spaghetti on her kitchen floor instead of the sink HAHAHAHA
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    • Profile picture of the author myob
      The original name for Canada, dreamed up by a parliamentary committee in London, was "Cold North Dominion," but that was too long, so they abbreviated it C.N.D. The King's Royal Governor presented the new name to the inhabitants, and they didn't say a word. Just looked at him.

      "Well, what do you think?" asked the Royal Governor?

      "C., eh?" said the first fellow, and just looked at the Governor.

      "N., eh?" says the second guy.

      "D., eh?" says a third one. Then silence.

      "Hey," says the Governor. "I like that. It's a helluva lot easier to pronounce when you spell it that way."

      So that's how Canada got its name.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ron Kerr
    It's only a few months until you will be a little warmer.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Moses and Jesus are out golfing in a threesome.
    Moses hits the ball into a water hazard. He walks to the pond, raises his hands, splits the water, walks between the walls of water and hits the ball.
    Jesus hits the ball into the water hazard as well. He walks across the water and hits his ball which has also floated on the water.
    The third player hits the ball. It falls toward the water, bounces on a lily pad and a frog leaps and catches it in his mouth. A crane swoops down and grabs the frog and starts to fly away. The frog opens his mouth, drops the ball which falls to the green and rolls into the hole.
    Moses looks at Jesus and says "I HATE playing golf with your father."
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    I don't have any jokes for you, but you shouldn't need them. Being in Canada, I'd think reruns of Corner Gas would be all over the idiot box. Watch a couple episodes and you should be smooth sailing.
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