Dear Rachel Ray,
Dear Rachel Ray,
Hi. I just wanted to write and let you know that I think you're a bubbly fraud. Don't be too upset. I don't have anything against you personally, I just don't like you.
I was flipping through channels late one night after making out with a gal I was hoping to secure for my own at a local bar, when I stumbled upon your show on the Food Network. Now, I can cook your basic run-of-the-mill type fare, so I know my way around the kitchen a bit, but I am certainly not a chef and have never been so bold as to claim to be. So, I was about to flip the channel when all of the sudden you said,
"This is so easy, anyone can do it. It's a great way to impress your company, and it only takes 30 minutes!"
Maybe it was the sassy way you grabbed the pre-washed Portobello mushrooms from the fridge, or the way you giggled at one of your own jokes. I don't know, but after watching your show, I decided I would attempt to make Portobello Burgers with Roasted Pepper and Smoked Mozzarella, Pasta Salad with Broccolini and Ricotta Salata, and a Tomato & Onion Salad.
Thirty minutes my a@@, Rachael Ray! I did everything you did on your show. I even had a mini trash can on the counter to save elimination time. It took me FOUR HOURS! That's NOT including shopping time. (Did you really expect me to know that a shallot was a type of onion?!)
You should be ashamed of yourself for LYING to the American people. We both know it takes you more than 30 minutes to prepare those meals. FOUR HOURS, RACHEL! You're just lucky the gal stood me up and I didn't have to feed her the Roasted Pepper Paste (that's p-a-s-t-E, not p-a-s-t-A) that morphed into a large, rubbery ball of carbohydrates and tasted like old socks!
How do you sleep at night, you over-eager, over-active, over-eating, over-sprite piece of sh#t?
I hope to hear back from you soon.
Hugs and Kisses, X's and O's,
Bradley J Anderson
banderson@internet-mail-at-that-one-....google.whatever
Hi. I just wanted to write and let you know that I think you're a bubbly fraud. Don't be too upset. I don't have anything against you personally, I just don't like you.
I was flipping through channels late one night after making out with a gal I was hoping to secure for my own at a local bar, when I stumbled upon your show on the Food Network. Now, I can cook your basic run-of-the-mill type fare, so I know my way around the kitchen a bit, but I am certainly not a chef and have never been so bold as to claim to be. So, I was about to flip the channel when all of the sudden you said,
"This is so easy, anyone can do it. It's a great way to impress your company, and it only takes 30 minutes!"
Maybe it was the sassy way you grabbed the pre-washed Portobello mushrooms from the fridge, or the way you giggled at one of your own jokes. I don't know, but after watching your show, I decided I would attempt to make Portobello Burgers with Roasted Pepper and Smoked Mozzarella, Pasta Salad with Broccolini and Ricotta Salata, and a Tomato & Onion Salad.
Thirty minutes my a@@, Rachael Ray! I did everything you did on your show. I even had a mini trash can on the counter to save elimination time. It took me FOUR HOURS! That's NOT including shopping time. (Did you really expect me to know that a shallot was a type of onion?!)
You should be ashamed of yourself for LYING to the American people. We both know it takes you more than 30 minutes to prepare those meals. FOUR HOURS, RACHEL! You're just lucky the gal stood me up and I didn't have to feed her the Roasted Pepper Paste (that's p-a-s-t-E, not p-a-s-t-A) that morphed into a large, rubbery ball of carbohydrates and tasted like old socks!
How do you sleep at night, you over-eager, over-active, over-eating, over-sprite piece of sh#t?
I hope to hear back from you soon.
Hugs and Kisses, X's and O's,
Bradley J Anderson
banderson@internet-mail-at-that-one-....google.whatever