So this guy finds a lamp..............

Three contruction workers were carrying cement blocks up a steep hill to a contruction site one at a time because the truck couldn't climb the steep hill with a load of bricks on it. They stopped to rest by a bush and found an old brass lamp. They rubbed it and a genie appeared, granting them each one wish. The first man wished he was on a beach in Hawaii and *poof* ...he disappeared. The second man thought that was wonderful and wished he was skiiing in the Swiss Alps. *poof* He suddenly found himself shooshing down a mountainside decked out in the best equipment. The third man looked around and said, I'm not carrying all these damn bricks up here by myself, I wish those other two guys were back here to help me.

:rolleyes:

Disclaimer: this was told to me by a Black guy. No racial slur intended.

A black man was walking home from the bar when he saw a what looked like a brand new bottle shining in the bushes. He picked it up. dusted it off, and out pops a genie.
"You have released me from my prison, What are your three wishes?"
The man thought long and hard " I am sick of my life, genie dude"
" I am sick of the "man" holding me down" " I want to be the "man" "
Genie, rather annoyed and impatient, says " What are your 3 wishes then?"
Dude says " I wanna be white, uptight, and outta sight"
**POOF** You're a tampon!

Big Rob,
I think that joke goes back to the 70s!

An Irishman, stranded on a desert island finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie comes out, and tells the Irishman he will grant three wishes.

Irishman: "My first wish is that all of my friends and family back home will live happy lives."

Genie: "Granted, what is your second wish?"

Irishman: "My second wish is for a pint of Guinness that refills itself every time it is emptied."

Genie: "Granted, what is your third wish?"

The Irishman takes a sip of the Guinness, smiles as he watches it fill right back up, and says to the Genie "I'll have another one of these!"

Slainte'

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders & the man says, " A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich came again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you will always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall, thin chick with long legs and a big a** who agrees with everything I say."

Terra

A woman is walking along a beach one day and finds a lamp. She starts to buff the sand off the lamp and a genie appears. He tells her he will grant her three wishes - but he says whatever she wishes for, her husband will get the same threefold.

She thinks for a minute and says that she wants to be the richest woman in the world. "Do you know how wealthy that will make your husband?" he asks. "Yes, but since I will be the richest woman in the world, there is no competition".

For her second wish she asks to be made the most beautiful woman in the world. "You realize how handsome your husband will become?" he asks her. "Yes, but I will be so beautiful, no woman will be able to take him from me." she replies.

Suddenly beautiful and wealthy beyond belief she sits and thinks for a moment.
"For my third wish," she tells the genie, "I would like a mild heart attack."

Three men find a magic lamp. They rub it, and the genie pops out.

The genie says "I'm not as easy as the other genies you may find. So in order to get your wish, you have to jump off that cliff over there while shouting what you want to become."

The first man leaps off the cliff and shouts "Millionaire!" He lands gently into a Rolls-Royce and is driven to his new mansion to begin a life of luxury.

The second man jumps and yells "President!" and is scooped up by Air Force One and flown to the White House.

The third man trips over a rock, stumbles over the cliff and yells "Oh shit!"

One more...

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. For years and years, they lived there and one day, they found a magic lamp.

They rub and rub and sure enough, out comes a genie.

The genie says, "Since I can only give out three wishes, you may each have one."

So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life. I wish I was home."

Poof! She was gone.

The redhead makes her wish, "This place stinks, I wish I was home with my family also."

Poof, she was gone.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie says to her, "My dear what is the matter"?

The blonde replies, "I wish my friends were here."

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
lunch..'


Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say..

A man walks into a bar carrying a box and orders a beer. The bartender asks him what he had there. The man opens it and reveals a little one foot tall man playing a piano.

The bartender said, "That's cool! How did you get that?"

The man pulls an antique oil lamp out of the box and explains, "I found this lamp and rubbed it. A genie came out and granted me one wish"

The bartender snatches it and rubs it. When the genie appears he asks for a million bucks. Immediately the bar is filled to the brim with a million ducks.

The bartender yells out, "What the hell happened?"

The man calmly put the lamp back in his box and tells him, "The genie is a little hard of hearing. Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

On a walk at the beach three guys find an old brass lamp...
rub it and out comes a genie granting only one wish for
each of them...
the first says "I'd like to be 10 times smarter than I am now"
"granted" says the genie
the second man spurred by the first says "I'd like to be a 100 times smarter than I am now"
"granted" says the genie
the third man even more encouraged says " I'd like to be a 1000 times smarter than I am now"
"granted" says the genie "you are now a woman"