The Programmer Joke Thread

I've never known of any, so I guess I better make some up...




Q:What did the programmer say to his girlfriend?

A: "This is the best hallicination EVER!".


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Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. Their mother does it for them.

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Q: What's the difference between a 7 year old and a programmer?

A: The 7 year old grows out of their Star Trek duvet cover.

Q: What does a programmer say after having multiple orgasms?

A: Great work, team!

Outside of MAYBE the first, they aren't programmer jokes.

The answer to "how many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" is "NONE, it's a hardware problem.".

Steve

There are 10 kinds of people, those who understand binary and those who don't

Theres no place like 127.0.0.1

I didn't get it either - but then I'm about as technology oriented as you are, Terra.

Thanks Steve. I was able to get a laugh out of that with your translation. It's strange to be a tech-tard in this environment. At least I feel comfy in the Mars thread. LOL. Earth sciences make so much more sense than technical science.

A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."

The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."

The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."

The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"

Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."

One of my favorites.... from a t shirt.....

SQL > SELECT * FROM Users WHERE HasAClue = True
SQL> No rows returned.

thunderbird,

A while back, I read where an Author "disclosed" how women "keep score" in their heads.... She even gave "point values" for certain things...

The funny part is.... Their "score" is based on their perception.... There is no shred of reality... They pick and chose what to score... and what to ignore.

So, you could clean the house, buy her flowers, make a romantic dinner.... and give her a wildly passionate night...

Yet, you will end up with a "negative point total" because you forgot to take out the trash.... :rolleyes:

Take Care,

Rich Beck BCIP, MCSD, MCIS

Never knew there are funny threads on WF!!

Yo Mommas so fat a recursive function to compute her weight threw a stack overflow exception.

Another one. This one is a true quote by Jamie Zawinski -

Programming is like sex:

One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.


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A programmer is sent to the grocery store with instructions to "buy butter and see whether they have eggs, if they do, then buy 10."

Returning with 10 butters, the programmer says, "they had eggs."

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Three programmers walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
The first programmer holds up two fingers and says "Three beers".

'Twas the night before implementation and all through the house, Not a program was working not even a browse. The programmers hung by their tubes in despair, with hopes that a miracle would soon be there. The users were nestled all sung in their beds, while visions of inquiries danced in their heads. When out in the machine room there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter. And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a super programmer (with a six-pack of beer). His resume glowed with experience so rare, he turned out great code with a bit-pusher's flair. More rapid than eagles, his programs they came, and he cursed and muttered and called them by name: On update! on add! on inquiry! on delete! on batch jobs! on closing! on functions complete! His eyes were glazed-over, fingers nimble and lean, from weekends and nights in front of a screen. A wink of his eye, and a twitch of his head, soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, turning specs into code; then turned with a jerk; And laying his finger upon the "ENTER" key, the systems came up and worked perfectly. The updates updated; the deletes, they deleted; the inquiries inquired, and closings completed. He tested each whistle, and tested each bell, with nary an abend, and all had gone well. The system was finished, the tests were concluded. The users' last changes were even included. And the user exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt, "It's just what I asked for, but not what I want!"

From http://stackoverflow.com/questions/2...rogrammer-joke

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."


The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

From http://stackoverflow.com/questions/2...rogrammer-joke

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”


The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”


The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”



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