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Name... That... Comedian!

by Jared Alberghini
17 replies
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Here's how the game works...

STEP #1: Guess which comedian's quote is posted... & win a prize!

STEP #2: Redeem your prize by posting a new quote by your favorite comedian!

Let's start with an easy one...

"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."
Who am I?
#name that comedian
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Larry the Cable Guy.

    "You know that feeling you get when you tilt your chair back and it feels like you're about to fall? I feel like that all the time."
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  • Profile picture of the author KimW
    Steven wright.

    "Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
    Signature

    Read A Post.
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    KimWinfrey.Com

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    • Profile picture of the author MikeAmbrosio
      Originally Posted by KimW View Post

      Steven wright.

      "Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
      Yes - Stephen Wright.

      "The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter."
      Signature

      Are you protecting your on line business? If you have a website, blog, ecommerce store you NEED to back it up regularly. Your webhost will only protect you so much. Check out Quirkel. Protect yourself.

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      • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
        Lenny Bruce.


        Next quote
        I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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        • Profile picture of the author taskemann
          Originally Posted by Frank Donovan View Post

          I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
          George Carlin

          Next:

          A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
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          • Profile picture of the author joseph7384
            Originally Posted by taskemann View Post

            George Carlin

            Next:
            Jerry Seinfeld.

            It's my potty and I can cry if I want too.
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            • Profile picture of the author taskemann
              Originally Posted by joseph7384 View Post

              Jerry Seinfeld.

              It's my potty and I can cry if I want too.
              Correct Joseph!
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              • Profile picture of the author joseph7384
                Originally Posted by taskemann View Post

                Correct Joseph!
                I'll tell you the secret for finding info but you have to promise not to tell anyone.

                I'm connected to this thing that's called the internet and I go to a top secret site called Google.

                Google is an engine and this guy starts it up and it spits out all kinds of information.




                P.S. Did I mention that you don't need to fill it with gasoline, all you need are search phrases (keywords).
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                • Profile picture of the author taskemann
                  Originally Posted by joseph7384 View Post

                  I'll tell you the secret for finding info but you have to promise not to tell anyone.

                  I'm connected to this thing that's called the internet and I go to a top secret site called Google.

                  Google is an engine and this guy starts it up and it spits out all kinds of information.




                  P.S. Did I mention that you don't need to fill it with gasoline, all you need are search phrases (keywords).
                  Yeah, I did the same

                  But I will not tell anyone.
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            • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
              Originally Posted by joseph7384 View Post

              Jerry Seinfeld.

              It's my potty and I can cry if I want too.
              Howie Mandell -- and I didn't have to Google it.


              I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said "On your mark... "
              Signature

              Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

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              • Profile picture of the author joseph7384
                Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

                Howie Mandell -- and I didn't have to Google it.
                Well if you're into Howie, you would certainly know that phrase.

                Dennis check out this clip, I just about fell out of my chair with his Eyes and hands joke.

                Signature
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              • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

                I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said "On your mark... "
                That would be one Sir Rodney Dangerfield.


                "You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants."
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                Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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                • Profile picture of the author Jared Alberghini
                  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                  "You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants."
                  That quote would be from : Dave Attell


                  "Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!"
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    Good clip. I haven't seen anything of Howie in years. Dont' know what he's doing but he used to be pretty funny.

    Still waiting for someone to get this one....
    I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said "On your mark... "
    Signature

    Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

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    • Profile picture of the author joseph7384
      Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

      Good clip. I haven't seen anything of Howie in years. Dont' know what he's doing but he used to be pretty funny.

      Still waiting for someone to get this one....
      I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said "On your mark... "
      That's a classic, he has always been one of my favorites but I'll let some one else take a stab at it.
      Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author Patrician
    I don't know the answer (i forfeit the grand prize)

    but i have one i bet you are all too young to remember.

    Talking about a hangover, the comedian says:

    "My tongue is asleep and my teeth itch"
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    Patricia Brucoli
    Plug-In Profit Site Helpdesk

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  • Profile picture of the author art72
    "Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!"

    -Bill Connolly

    1st comedian... guess who?

    Silence... I Kill You!
    "My tongue is asleep and my teeth itch"

    - Shelly Berman (*Accused Bob Newhart of stealing his phone routine)

    2nd comedian... guess who?

    “I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a bitch, I forget it.”
    Signature
    Atop a tree with Buddha ain't a bad place to take rest!
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