Please help with punctuation

Whoa whoa whoa.. hold your horses...

Derek ... I understand what you're trying to get across with your two sentences but I think you should rewrite them.

You should never admit or say "I understand my resume is not the most impressive out there" ...

and your first sentence sounds like excuses in a sense, not a real concrete reason.

I would get some help reformatting the information in another way that comes across more powerfully.

I've re-written it a little, as well as changing the punctuation. Trust me: it's now much more suitable (albeit still perhaps not quite ideal), for the purpose for which you intend to use it.

Good luck!

(And don't ignore the apostrophe after the word "weeks": it looks a little odd, I know, but it's correct.)

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Reason for leaving: I felt increasingly unable to rely on any representations made to me by the management. I had originally been hired in the expectation that as soon as I had learned the menu, I would be employed as a server. I learned the menu very quickly, but the promised position didn't materialise, and the management's ever-changing explanations for this became consistently less plausible. Eventually, I felt I had no alternative but reluctantly to give 2 weeks' notice, and leave.

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My name is Derek Holton. I'm 21 years old and seeking employment in the hospitality industry.

I intend to keep this resumé brief, as I believe one can tell "only so much" about someone, in writing. I would hope and expect to be able to present a much more informative impression at an interview, and look forward to the opportunity to do so, in the event of that seeming suitable to you.

Alexa knocked that mofo outta the park..

I would go with her recommendations .. it sounds MUCH better

I was going to edit it for you, but Alexa did a fine job. Use her version.

Derek,

You actually didn't do bad at all. I have bolded my corrections....


Reason for leaving - The management did nothing but lie to me since I walked in the doors. I was hired upon the belief that I was going to be positioned as a server as soon as a (I) learned the menu. I quickly learned the menu and the management just kept putting me off and lying to me for months. I eventually put in my two weeks notice and left.

My name is Derek Holton(.) I am a 21 year old male looking to work in the hospitality field. I plan on keeping this resume short as I believe you can only tell so much of a person through an email/paper(...an email or a sheet of paper). I understand my resume is not the most impressive out there(,) but if I could set up an interview i'm confident that we would get along great.

Derek, I hope that I have helped and best of luck in your goals.

I would have to see the rest of the resume to be sure, but imo whatever the position is that you are explaining your reason for leaving for was, if it was for 4 months or less: DROP IT.

You're 21. People can understand you going to the beach and having fun for awhile. They can understand you taking a course. They can even understand you staying at home and helping your parents out.

Any of these reasons for the gap or a similar one--find one that is plausible and that you don't have to lie about--is better than the drama of that position. Get it off your resume if you can.

Alexa did do a great job in rewriting it, but the flags it raises to an employer are too much of a risk. Regardless of whether or not it was the ex-employer's fault, the hiring company is very likely to look at it as, "Oh no, here comes Mr. Drama."

If you're looking for restaurant or similar work, a few months' gap is not going to be a big deal at all. What employers are looking for in the entry-level restaurant, retail and office fields are passive, trustworthy, reliable people who can follow directions. More info on that here.

That's why there's a Off Topic Forum: The Off Topic Forum

Punctuation isn't going to help with that resume.

#1 rule - don't bash your former employer.
#2 rule - build yourself up within reason rather than explaining your deficiencies.

As for the link spammer above - reported.

Revamping a resume is essential, Derek. Whether you ask Lexy or even myself, you'll get a better quality resume that will help you get job interviews.
I have helped lots of people with resumes and they're not as hard as people make out. It's just that many people have the wrong idea about how to do it.

As others have pointed out, badmouthing your former employer will not help. A prospective employer will wonder what you'll say about them when you leave their business.

And honestly, prospective employers will wonder if the problem is that you weren't capable or reliable enough to earn the promotion, rather than your former employer not coming through as you expected.