Do your parents understand?

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Hey everyone, so long story short I don't really get along with my parents. Otherwise just a little context (well maybe a bit more than a little hehe):

I'm 23 go to university full time (w/1 semester left til I graduate), work 2 part-time jobs (about 20-25 hours per week combined), run my own business (web design/marketing), and live at home. When school's in session I have a pretty busy schedule (50 hours+ per week). I started the business this last summer but pretty much put it on hold during school (maybe a few hours per week with minimal work that has allowed the business to break-even/pay bills). I'm also personally working on a hookah site (few hours per week) and trying to monetize it.

Since I've been on winter break (started Dec 21st) I've been putting more time towards my business (working on a 20 page booklet to give to small businesses as a presentation tool) and my hookah site. I'm also keeping the same hours at my two jobs (20-25 hours per week).

I should also note that since I work 2nd shift and that I'm a college student, I have different sleep patterns than my parents (mostly my dad, who works 9-5) where I usually stay up late and get up late (dad says that I'm lazy and sleep to much). My parents help with tuition but I pay all my own bills (car insurance, phone, clothes, gas, etc...) and also pay my parents $100 a month to help out with food, electric, etc...so I have hold down a job.

However, during winter break I've been putting more time towards my business and reading up on internet marketing, SEO, web design, and social media. However, my dad has been very unsupportive of my business and has been giving me crap lately (he always does, but more so than often because he took the last 2 weeks off work). Whenever I bring up that I'm reading, doing SEO, or got a new client my dad only gives me a grin and gives me a lecture about how I need to focus more on school or spend my time looking for a job for after college.

It's really tough because I'm the oldest of 3, but my sister (1 yr younger) graduated college last spring (before me!!) so my parents are real proud of her, but disappointed in me. I've always been ok in school (I have a 3.2 GPA but changed my major twice and had to retake a few classes) but both my siblings have always been A honor roll students, so it makes me look like a retard.

My dad just told me a few days ago that he's disappointed in me and thinks that I will never be able to support myself (taking too long to graduate college, sleep in late, I'm not grateful enough, and that I don't believe in getting a job). It just really hurts and can't believe that someone who is part of my family would say that to me.

They just live on different planets. They believe that I need to focus on graduating (which I am, but I guess I'm not "putting enough effort in") and then getting a regular 9-5 job. They are also very traditional and only believe in manual labor (so they think that I just play on the computer all day long) I've also always been about saying hell to the status quo which only causes more friction.

I honestly believe that after I graduate, get more money coming in, and move out I'll probably rarely talk to them. I just want to live my own life and I get much more support from my friends than I do from my family.

Sorry for the long rant, just has been eating at me and was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or experiences negative feedback similar to this.

If you've read this far, thanks haha
#family #issues #negative
  • Profile picture of the author David Braybrooke
    Thanks for sharing CS!

    My family cheese me off. I trusted my instincts and moved far away from them. Now happier!
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  • Profile picture of the author twister85
    They want you to be traditional because they know it works and everybody else is doing it. The only person who can assure them that you're on the right track is you! Running away from your parents and thinking that you can live a happy life isn't a solution for this problem.

    Do something unique (In your business or university) that will make them proud. In your case its about money. Show them that you can make a decent more money than a 8-9 hour job with your business and they'll definitely support you.

    Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author PeterMFL
    My parents did not understand from day 1! Even when i showed them I was having some success with my business they would just go "They just going to join you for a little bit then everyone is going to quit." then they would say something like "did you play the lotto this week?" and eventually i got sick of their lotto mentality and avoided talking about my network marketing Business.

    I am now earning a full-time living off my Business and have not even told them yet... I know this sounds bad but I feel like they don't deserve to know since for such a long time they were never supportive of what I was doing... All the hours I spent learning and effort I put in just to be told things like "your working too hard, it's not going to work"

    I will tell them one day that I am making more money then them with my Business that they said was going to fail on a daily basis but for now I rather just do my thing and increase my monthly paycheck
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  • Profile picture of the author RikkyBoss
    I'm 23, this month will be 24. Year 2010, when I was 20, I was graduated from medical college as "the noble worst mark holder in history", far away from my childhood dream (when I was a child, I want to be an archaeologist).
    My friends laughed at me when I was talking about my dream making a business and help people out there. Yeah, because I'm a nerd and introvert, no one believe me simply because I'm not cool.

    In 2010 too, I've built my own business by selling hosting, VPS, and SEO services while I'm working in a surgery hospital, and I've made 3x of my salary by doing my own business, but yeah, no one believe me. They are believe that those money are my salary and bonus.

    Year 2012, I've married my love. I was resigned from my job in hospital and start focusing in my business. And that day has come, my hosting and VPS business went bankrupted. Every people laugh.

    I'm still selling SEO services until now, and yeah, just because I've invested all of my money for my wife's educations (it's a medical university, and you know it's not cheap in south east asia) and people never see me have some money, any people, my own parents, my own family, my wife's parents, my wife's family, all of them said that I'm just a jobless, poor, and no-future guy.
    I've told them about my business but no one cares, they think that "it's not a business if you don't have a big office, can't go shopping everyday and buy a car every month". But I keep going, I'm still in my way, my dream, even it's not an elite job in people's eyes.

    Moral of the story is :
    No one will believe that there are some youngsters making their own business, especially in my country. But our hands and legs are created to work based on our commands, not people's commands.

    "Hold Your Pains, Tell It When You're Already Successful"
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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
      Originally Posted by RikkyBoss View Post

      when I was 20, I was graduated from medical college as "the noble worst mark holder in history", far away from my childhood dream (when I was a child, I want to be an archaeologist).
      My friends laughed at me when I was talking about my dream making a business and help people out there. Yeah, because I'm a nerd and introvert, no one believe me simply because I'm not cool.
      Maybe, or maybe you think that, I don't know but reading the next paragraph makes you pretty cool in my eyes

      In 2010 too, I've built my own business by selling hosting, VPS, and SEO services while I'm working in a surgery hospital, and I've made 3x of my salary by doing my own business, but yeah, no one believe me. They are believe that those money are my salary and bonus.
      It really doesn't matter what they think, it's what you think. You think you're not cool because you think you friends think that. But, if you made 3x your salary, then you're cool as a cucumber and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

      Year 2012, I've married my love. I was resigned from my job in hospital and start focusing in my business. And that day has come, my hosting and VPS business went bankrupted. Every people laugh.
      Ok, not cool about the job and business but marrying your love, now that is cool. I'd be laughing at them.

      and yeah, just because I've invested all of my money for my wife's educations (it's a medical university, and you know it's not cheap in south east asia)
      That's cool too.

      I've told them about my business but no one cares
      You do though and that's the main thing

      and buy a car every month
      There's nothing cool about that, they lose half their value when you drive them away from the garage. Awful investment, not cool at all.

      Moral of the story is :
      It doesn't matter what others think if you know where you're going, they just want what's best for you. Life today is very different, especially where you are compared to their day. Don't beat yourself up. You've had a business so can do it again and you have the love of your life. That's cool and so are you.

      Chaotic Squid, I think Claude said anything I possibly could. They just want the best for you. It's never easy living at home into adulthood.

      Good luck though, I hope it all works out.
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  • Profile picture of the author kpmedia
    I should also note that since I work 2nd shift and that I'm a college student, I have different sleep patterns than my parents (mostly my dad, who works 9-5) where I usually stay up late and get up late (dad says that I'm lazy and sleep to much). My parents help with tuition but I pay all my own bills (car insurance, phone, clothes, gas, etc...) and also pay my parents $100 a month to help out with food, electric, etc...so I have hold down a job.
    This is good. I commend you on this. Many 20-something do not do this -- and they're losers in my book.

    I'm 23 go to university full time (w/1 semester left til I graduate), ... and live at home.
    You're in school. You get a pass on this. Even for up to a year after college, I'd be okay with it.

    but my sister (1 yr younger) graduated college last spring (before me!!) so my parents are real proud of her,
    Meh. I've known enough girls in my life to know what can happen there. Maybe she comes home knocked up, with no daddy to be found? Or maybe her college degree is worthless, gets no job, and has to live at home too? This is especially true if she didn't work, and has no real-world experience. Don't worry about what she's doing, focus on what you need to do. She has her own life to live. If anything learn from her mistakes and successes -- that's what wise people do.

    taking too long to graduate college
    Even when I was in school -- which was more than decade ago, and now I feel old -- a "four-year degree" took longer than 4 years to get. At least if you got good grades and paid attention. Even a "full load" of 12 hours is only 96 hours, and many take 130+ to get. I took 6-7 years, and part of that is because I worked and paid for it myself. Though I didn't live at home for about half of that. I graduated summa cum laude with tons of honors, and had a great time with several school activities. Yes, it "took time", but it was my time to take.

    then getting a regular 9-5 job. They are also very traditional and only believe in manual labor
    They're divorced from reality. Jobs aren't 9-5, or even full-time, in 2013. This isn't the 80s or even the 90s.

    I honestly believe that after I graduate, get more money coming in, and move out I'll probably rarely talk to them.
    Don't do this. That's just the stupidity of youth talking.

    I just want to live my own life
    I wish you well.

    If I had one tip for you, here it is: Get health insurance, and stay on it. Thanks to the ACA ("Obamacare"), that's easier to do now. Things can happen, and they often do for most people. The question isn't "if", but rather "what will get you". You're not invincible, which is the dumb idea that most 20-somethings have. And I had it myself. But I was very, very wrong. Pretty much everybody I know has an issue to deal with, some quite serious. Always stay on top of your annual checkups.

    I get much more support from my friends than I do from my family.
    Wait until your late 20s or early 30s. That changes. Trust me. Your friends will be gone, but your family will still be there for you. (If you have kids, you'll make new ones, and can somewhat rely on them. But it's a different kind of friendship than you had in your teens and college-age 20s.)

    I think a lot of people on this site are younger than I am.
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  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
    WOW! Have you tried explaining to him about how your sleep patterns are merely different due to having to accommodate 3 schedules and how you are trying a (presumably) traditional job path while taking an untraditional one using a media that is up and coming? Frankly, assuming you are otherwise a decent person, he shouldn't be so quick to assume the worst!

    As for your siblings? Class load, major, college, teacher,OFTEN other students, and other things play a HUGE part in the effort you can tolerate and still get good grades. Frankly, college is supposed to be where you go to learn and get better in whatever. Grades are merely an often subjective way of determining how you did against your peers.

    I'll leave you with a good thought. I wish I could remember the details more. This IS a true story though! A father was relatively well off, and had two sons. One seemed really bright, etc.... His father paid 100% of the tuition to a good college. The other apparently wasn't one the father expected much from. The father paid 100% of HIS tuition, but to a trade school. He insisted his son learn a trade, and told him college just wasn't for him.

    They BOTH got decent jobs in the area they studied. The college student worked for a big up and coming company, and I think was a manager of sorts. The trade school guy ALSO worked for a big up and coming company. At least I remember HIS title better. It was a short title. He was the CEO and founder.

    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by PeterMFL View Post

      My parents did not understand from day 1! Even when i showed them I was having some success with my business they would just go "They just going to join you for a little bit then everyone is going to quit." then they would say something like "did you play the lotto this week?" and eventually i got sick of their lotto mentality and avoided talking about my network marketing Business.

      I am now earning a full-time living off my Business and have not even told them yet... I know this sounds bad but I feel like they don't deserve to know since for such a long time they were never supportive of what I was doing... All the hours I spent learning and effort I put in just to be told things like "your working too hard, it's not going to work"

      I will tell them one day that I am making more money then them with my Business that they said was going to fail on a daily basis but for now I rather just do my thing and increase my monthly paycheck
      Yep, "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" is a good book to read, it will show where your father is coming from, not sure whether it will help thought?

      I have been at this for 6 years, and eventhough l am on the right track, it will still take a mountain of effort, etc to extract it!


      My father passed away more than 15 years ago, so l only have my Mother to contend with!

      And her pattern of behavior is similar to your parents, or the parents of other WF members posts.


      If you don't make a decent income or wad of cash, in a reasonable time frame then the understanding goes out the window and remarks about keeping normal business hours, (staying up late, getting up late) start to come up.

      And the inevitable, you will get no-where with this, and you should try this instead!


      Yeah, l know, someone with a bit of business experience, (my father used to run a stock feed store) telling someone like me, with 6 years full time experience, that l should do this, is pretty hilarious!

      It would be like me telling a master chief that he should cut the oranges this way!!!!

      Or a Doctor that he will flunk it before he make the grade?


      As others have said, parents work hard in a job, usually, so that is the best advise they can offer, after all kids aren't cheap!

      But being in peak hour traffic for up to 2 hours per day for 35 - 45 years, with a severe limit on income, isn't that inspiring either!

      Obviously trying to have a reasonable discussion about your online job having no ceiling and showing strong signs of working, is usually a waste of time.

      A large wad of cash on the kitchen table may be the only thing that changes that!


      My Mother has no interest in what l am doing, namely doing flyers for a graphics hub website. Which is fine by me, at least she doesn't spit the dummy every few months which used to be the case!

      She has no idea of what is involved, and the process!


      I start off in one area and after months of effort, finally start to get projects accepted. Then realise, there is a far easier and more profitable area l could be doing that l am more passionate about and have to change tracks.

      Then being a new area, l have to learn some of the ropes again which means some more initial failures.

      And more time passes, etc!


      But in the end when my competency levels are high enough, then l should be able to churn them out with a high acceptance level.

      And then be well on my way to the 10 - 30 K a month income level some are enjoying!


      This reminds me of someone who had parents that thought that he was insane or throwing his life away.

      His name was Amit Meta, and, (well 5 years ago) he was clearing about 70k a month. Not bad for someone who dumped his medical career, for a dodgy PPC business!


      Hope l have helped.


      Shane
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      Your parents are supporting you and paying tuition - so what is there so bad about your life??? Your friends will be impressed by your online activity - it costs them nothing. Family is what stays when others are gone.

      Instead of being proud of your siblings for their accomplishments you sound petty and jealous. You resent your parents pride in your siblings - but your delays were of your own making.

      You are old enough to understand your parent's don't "get" your online work - how much do you know about what your father does at work every day? If your interaction with your parents has the same tone as your post - no wonder they feel you are ungrateful.

      after I graduate, get more money coming in, and move out I'll probably rarely talk to them
      And until you graduate, until you find a job and get more money...you'll stay where you are and expect your parents to fill in the income gaps for as long as you need. Then you'll walk away and never look back? What a prince.
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Young man;

        Your parents are disappointed in you, because they love you and want you to be successful. You are simply not doing what they think is best for you.

        So work better. Make more money. And move out of their home.

        Don't complain about their attitude when you are living under their roof. Show independence. Do you want your father to be really proud of you? Move out. Be independent.

        I'm going to be 59 tomorrow. When I was a young man, my dad had no idea how I made money. Her didn't relate to me at all. In his view, I was wasting my time.
        Now, I'm the father of a 35 year old man. When my son was in his twenties, he was a disappointment too. I thought he could be so much more. But now he has a high paying job, and is doing well. We all mature at different rates.

        So I understand these feelings from both sides now.

        Your dad wouldn't be disappointed, if he didn't care. He wants you to be prepared for life. He wants you to be successful. To you, right now, that sounds like complaining. And it is. But his motives are good.

        Want a bad parent? One that doesn't care?

        One day, if you keep at it, your father will be very proud of you. He expects a lot out of you, because he sees a lot in you.

        Saying that you won't talk to him later is a response of a very young person.
        It's impossible to see yourself from your parent's point of view.

        Time passes. Eventually, you'll see things more from a parent's point of view.
        And you'll laugh with your dad about how you saw life today.

        Do my parents understand? Not anymore. Cherish your parents. They sound like they are doing many things right.

        Added later; To the OP. You are 23 years old. How long have you been 23 years old? Less than a year. Think about this. Both of your parents were 23 years old, for an entire year. They have more experience being 23 than you do. And you know what they understand, much more than you do? What it's like to be 24 years old...and every year after that.

        Your parents understand, more than you know. Everything you are thinking? They thought. Everything you are feeling? The frustration? They know that feeling.

        Your parents are trying to help you. Believe me.
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  • Profile picture of the author marketingva
    I have one word for you: move. You have no right to complain about anything regarding your parents so long as you are under their roof. Do them a favor and move out. Geeze.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ricardo Furtado
    The big question….
    Do you understand your parents??
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    Ricardo Furtado

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    • I remember like it was yesterday. It's the middle of my senior year of high school and my 18th birthday arrives. That day I will always remember.

      Not because I turned 18 and could now call all the shots in my life. Or that I could come and go as I please. Or I could stay out all night and not answer to anyone.

      No, that was the day I went to school like every other day except when I got home after school my bags were packed and the locks were changed.

      And the note on my bags said my mother was kicking me out of the house and turned her back on her son.

      I never got in trouble before this. I kept my grades up. I worked everyday after school and all day on the weekends.

      My mother hated me my whole life and made sure she told me this all the time because of what my birth father did to her. I only knew and heard verbal abuse from her constantly.

      Do you know what it's like being a kid trying to please your hateful mother only to be forced into homelessness before I graduated high school?

      Sounds like you have it rough.
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  • Profile picture of the author chaotic squid
    Thanks for the replies everyone. However, some of you sound like my dad telling me that that I need to shut-up and that I have no right to complain (I question your own relationship with your children...)

    I'm an adult and act to things in a rational calm manner, but my dad has an angry temper that has done nothing but destroy his own relationships. While he is a hard worker, very few people can stand to be around him (can't work well with others) so he works at my grandpa's business ( w/only a few people).

    I talked to my mom earlier, which has allowed me to get some steam off my chest. However, the main issue is that in my business I do web design and marketing, which my parents simply can't comprehend (they think a website takes a few hours to build, and get confused when I say that it usually takes weeks to build and code) since they think marketing and design happens in minutes they think that I'm only wasting time. To me it's time well spent and I'm always learning...but they simply can't wrap their head around what I do, and they have no patience to let me show them or explain.

    Hopefully things with my dad will cool off for a bit soon, but he is a toxic person and his temper has even rubbed off on me a bit (I'm working on becoming more relaxed myself, and have just got into Buddhism but need to start meditating more).
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    • Profile picture of the author HeySal
      Originally Posted by chaotic squid View Post

      Thanks for the replies everyone. However, some of you sound like my dad telling me that that I need to shut-up and that I have no right to complain (I question your own relationship with your children...)

      I'm an adult and act to things in a rational calm manner, but my dad has an angry temper that has done nothing but destroy his own relationships. While he is a hard worker, very few people can stand to be around him (can't work well with others) so he works at my grandpa's business ( w/only a few people).

      I talked to my mom earlier, which has allowed me to get some steam off my chest. However, the main issue is that in my business I do web design and marketing, which my parents simply can't comprehend (they think a website takes a few hours to build, and get confused when I say that it usually takes weeks to build and code) since they think marketing and design happens in minutes they think that I'm only wasting time. To me it's time well spent and I'm always learning...but they simply can't wrap their head around what I do, and they have no patience to let me show them or explain.

      Hopefully things with my dad will cool off for a bit soon, but he is a toxic person and his temper has even rubbed off on me a bit (I'm working on becoming more relaxed myself, and have just got into Buddhism but need to start meditating more).
      I can understand both sides of this issue. There has never been anything I've ever done in my life that my father didn't criticize. It took me a lot of years to understand that his negativity wasn't about me - it was about him. His own mother always put him second to his brother, comparing, downgrading, etc - and it rubbed off.

      I love my father very much, but I couldn't be around him too much either. He has a way of making me feel like I'm doing nothing, even while I'm doing something. I remember him screaming at me to get a job when I was actually dressed with my resume's in hand downing some coffee on the way out to an interview.

      But I love him to death. He and my mother kept me alive and kicking even when the doctors told them not to expect that. He taught me to survive in the wilderness -- and when he was called and told I had not returned from a trip to the mountains one winter, he wasn't worried about me....just said "okay, have her call me when she walks out". So for all of his faults (yes, parents have them, too), he knows I'm not helpless, lazy, or stupid. You'd never know it listening to him carp at me, though. :rolleyes:

      It's okay not to see eye to eye with people you love just because they are family. It doesn't sound like you are being mistreated or abused in any way -- so just try to see that something in your Dad's life has made him like he is and love him anyway. You will probably be happier when you move out........but never stop loving him. He loves you in his own way even if sometimes it doesn't seem like he does. Just shut out the negative chatter and keep going and remember that someday you'll understand what has made him the way he is, and you will forgive him. You may even feel a little sorry for him. You will also remember how he housed you through school and how his help made it possible to get where you are in your life at any point of time and you will feel grateful for his love even if he has/had such a damned hard time showing you that he does.

      One of the hardest things for a kid to learn is how imperfect their own parents are as fellow human beings. When you reach that realization, and find you can love them and admire and appreciate what they have done in spite of themselves, you will have become an adult in the true sense of the word.
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        There is another way. Show them the money! They don't need to understand the ways and means if revealing that your bank account has legit earnings of 20k in it for 2 months part time work. Or even if it was just double your fathers monthly salary for one month. Money like that, anyone can understand.

        I admit I would have loved to have seen my fathers mouth opening and closing with astonishment and realization that you can earn in other ways than 8-5 working for others. You don't generally get rich that way unless you own the business or a high up partner. You just get by. true, some better than others.

        Having said all that. Respect your parents. Despite all their faults and old fashioned views they obviously care enough for you to support you and finance your efforts to get qualifications which if all else fails, could come in useful to secure a better job than a lot of people have.

        Be thankful, be grateful for their love and support. whatever it is!

        If you start making it big time and know that you have the will and can DO THIS and really want to go for it then prove it to yourself and them, move out and become successful and independent. Show them that what you are doing really works and you can make a go of it!

        The mutual respect will then be there!
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  • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
    that international sage, george thorogood, once said; 'get a haircut and get a real job.' or just move out instead of whinging
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  • Profile picture of the author chaotic squid
    That's terrible ThePromotionalGuy, sorry you had to go through something like that during your childhood no one deserves treatment like that.

    Is that sarcasm at the end though? If it is, I don't appreciate it, very rude.
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    • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
      Originally Posted by chaotic squid View Post

      <snip>
      Is that sarcasm at the end though? If it is, I don't appreciate it, very rude.
      You know what happens when you step back from a punch? It doesn't hit you and hurts a lot less than stepping into one.
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      • Profile picture of the author socialentry
        Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

        You know what happens when you step back from a punch? It doesn't hit you and hurts a lot less than stepping into one.
        Yeah but if it does hit you anyway, you brain gets rocked more.
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    • Did you think you'd get sympathy tearing your parents down on a public forum? Be thankful you have parents that want you in their lives.

      You have a self indulgent you should pity me because life is so unfair attitude while your parents allow you to stay in their home. I would venture to say you probably do your fair share of fighting and arguing with your parents.

      If you want to be taken serious then stand on your own two feet and put a roof over your own head without relying on mommy and daddy.

      Originally Posted by chaotic squid View Post

      That's terrible ThePromotionalGuy, sorry you had to go through something like that during your childhood no one deserves treatment like that.

      Is that sarcasm at the end though? If it is, I don't appreciate it, very rude.
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    I got the impression Quaotic Squid was relaying his situation and asking for feedback. So, why not offer feedback without judging him?

    From my perspective as a father, I don't buy into the attitude that a child should be grateful for getting support and being provided for. There is always someone with a more tragic story, yet a more compassionate attitude, to match every "I had it rough" story a person may bring up.

    My son didn't choose to be brought into the world and, for me, it would be intellectually dishonest to lay a trip on him about how I've provided for him and supported him, yadda yadda yadda. That is what I am supposed to do as a father! I do want my son to appreciate things because people who can appreciate things are happier than those who don't, but forcing a notion that he should be "grateful" for being alive is a huge pile of BS.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

      I got the impression Quaotic Squid was relaying his situation and asking for feedback. So, why not offer feedback without judging him?

      From my perspective as a father, I don't buy into the attitude that a child should be grateful for getting support and being provided for. There is always someone with a more tragic story, yet a more compassionate attitude, to match every "I had it rough" story a person may bring up.

      My son didn't choose to be brought into the world and, for me, it would be intellectually dishonest to lay a trip on him about how I've provided for him and supported him, yadda yadda yadda. That is what I am supposed to do as a father! I do want my son to appreciate things because people who can appreciate things are happier than those who don't, but forcing a notion that he should be "grateful" for being alive is a huge pile of BS.
      I agree with part of what you say. When you're a child, you aren't grateful, because you don't see it from that point of view. And your parents are there to take care of you. That's their Job. Having supportive parents is a huge plus.

      But when you're 23? Everything you get from your parents is a gift.
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      • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        I agree with part of what you say. When you're a child, you aren't grateful, because you don't see it from that point of view. And your parents are there to take care of you. That's their Job. Having supportive parents is a huge plus.

        But when you're 23? Everything you get from your parents is a gift.
        He's working two jobs, he's studying with just one semester left till he graduates from university, he's getting his own business established. Sounds commendable to me. His parents should be proud...and grateful their son is not a criminal thug and gangster as happens here to kids from good families with disconcerting frequency.
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        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
          Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

          He's working two jobs, he's studying with just one semester left till he graduates from university, he's getting his own business established. Sounds commendable to me. His parents should be proud...and grateful their son is not a criminal thug and gangster as happens here to kids from good families with disconcerting frequency.
          Yes, but he wouldn't be able to do all of that without parental support post-adulthood. That's where gratefulness comes in.
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          • Profile picture of the author kpmedia
            Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

            parental support
            In some ways, what they're doing doesn't sound very supportive to me. Namely the demeaning and constant criticizing, even when he's having some successes. Attitude matters, not just the money being spent on him. And he's trying, and has a game plan (at least for the near future).

            Some of you that are saying "move out" are divorced from reality too. Just FYI.

            Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

            I see nothing wrong with teaching even young children to learn gratitude
            Grateful, yes.
            Expecting a son to constantly bow down and kiss your @ss in gratitude? No.

            Being a student and working 20 hrs a week is not hardship.
            - 12 hours (minimum) of in-class time
            - 20 hours average study time, project time, lab time, etc
            - 20 hours working
            - Commute time to not just a job, but college as well, and maybe study/lab groups as needed
            50+ hours sounds pretty "full time" to me.
            If you didn't go to college, you honestly have no idea what is required to graduate.
            I don't think he ever said he had a "hardship" (disabled, etc)

            The only problem here is a Christmas vacation with a 23 yr old glued to a computer screen and parents who resent what they view as "wasted time".
            They don't understand computers from what I read. It's a "new fangled" thing still, and not a tool. To them, tools can only be manual labor items like hammers and saws. That's so narrow-minded and completely stupid. I never use my computer to play games -- not even Solitaire that came with Windows. It's a work tool. When done, I get off. (Yes, making rounds at few forums each days is working, too. Same as reading industry magazines. I need to keep current on trends, new tech, etc.)

            If and when his online business is profitable - they'll come around.
            So money is all that matters, huh?

            These parents are doing something right to have three academically successful children.
            Or maybe they're all succeeding despite the constant put-downs that would lead many teens/20s to suicide and depression?
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            • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
              Originally Posted by kpmedia View Post

              In some ways, what they're doing doesn't sound very supportive to me. Namely the demeaning and constant criticizing, even when he's having some successes. Attitude matters, not just the money being spent on him. And he's trying, and has a game plan (at least for the near future).

              Some of you that are saying "move out" are divorced from reality too. Just FYI.
              For a $100 a month, he gets a roof over his head, food in his belly, tuition assistance and some occassional grief. Pretty good deal.

              Attitude goes both ways and we've only seen one side of the coin.

              As far as moving out goes, why are people divorced from reality? Isn't moving out what people do? Or do kids these days just expect their parents to continue to support them?
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              • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                Attitude goes both ways and we've only seen one side of the coin.
                Yup. We are only getting one side of the story. If the father was telling it, it wouldn't be the same story at all.
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                • Profile picture of the author Kay King
                  I don't think we have a villain here. Dad is off work for 2 weeks and home more than usual. Son is on holiday break from school and home more than usual.

                  Friction happens. Son wants to talk about his internet business - frustrated when parents aren't fascinated or excited as he is. It's a common generational story.

                  His Dad has seen his son change majors twice and may be afraid this is the next change of focus. Parents nag - it's in the job description - but they often understand you better than you realize.

                  Dad goes back to work - son back in school. Six months from now OP is free to do whatever he wants with his life. Problem solved.
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        • Profile picture of the author Kay King
          the attitude that a child should be grateful for getting support and being provided for
          Your son is 3 - this person is 23. I see nothing wrong with teaching even young children to learn gratitude for "the good things our family has".

          Being a student and working 20 hrs a week is not hardship. The only problem here is a Christmas vacation with a 23 yr old glued to a computer screen and parents who resent what they view as "wasted time". If and when his online business is profitable - they'll come around.

          These parents are doing something right to have three academically successful children. They've set high goals and expectations. Their kids will benefit from that their entire lives.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

          He's working two jobs, he's studying with just one semester left till he graduates from university, he's getting his own business established. Sounds commendable to me. His parents should be proud...and grateful their son is not a criminal thug and gangster as happens here to kids from good families with disconcerting frequency.
          I agree completely. It is commendable. The young man seems to have quite a lot on the ball.

          Personally, I'd be proud of him if he were my son. But every parent has their own point of view.

          Grateful he's not a thug? There are lots of ways to look at that.
          My son isn't a thug either. I'm glad he's not. But grateful to whom?
          Thanking my son for not being a thug seems strange to me.

          And it would never occur to me that my son should be grateful to me, for anything I've done for him. I do it because I love him. And sometimes, I've said "No" because I love him. And part of raising children is preparing them for being an adult. And kicking them out of the nest, although painful...is part of it. But he does thank me, and he no longer asks for help. It's the "Not asking" that I respect.

          Anyway, when you are old enough to be on your own, complaining about your parents seems like a waste of time to me.

          It was the OP's complaining about his parents, that I thought was ..well...the way a teenager thinks. Not an independent adult.

          But his accomplishments? Impressive. And his dad not having any idea about how his profession worked? I empathize with that. My dad was a blue collar electrician. A great one. But he had no idea what I was doing to make a living. Selling? Can't I find a job? He told me he could pull some strings to get me in his factory. An offer he gave because he was a good father.

          But I was making twice as much as he was at the time. It wasn't until I opened a retail store, that he saw something he could understand.

          My dad passed away before I made real money as a speaker and author.
          But my mom saw it, and was very proud. Better late that never.

          To ThePromotionalGuy; Man, not being loved by your parents. And knowing it. That's just got to be the worst feeling. I'm very sorry. Those are deep wounds.
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  • Profile picture of the author karolinaboy
    I think you should do what you want to do. There's people that believe that getting a 9-5 job is security when it's not. There's people that think that going to school and having a diploma or certificate paper is going to get them far. Well, nope people don't care about those things.

    Only learning what you need to know and taking actions will get you far. Dream big and never give up. You will have to believe in yourself and just do what's best for you. Save up some money and move out.

    Hang around the dreamers and the doers of the world. The same situation you are going through, some of the worlds richest people have been down the same road. There's going to be alot of people telling you you can't do that.

    Go prove them wrong by becoming successful. I know you can do it. Make it happen. It's the best revenge ever. When you get there go surprise your mom and dad with a new house and car and let them know that they don't have to pay bills anymore and then they will realize that you don't need a 9-5 or college. Henry Ford had a 5th grade level of schooling I believe, Mark Zuckerburg dropped out of college to pursue his multi-million dollar business, Bob Proctor dropped out of college, the list goes on.

    Just keep your eyes on the prize. Stay focus!
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by chaotic squid View Post

      Thanks for the replies everyone. However, some of you sound like my dad telling me that that I need to shut-up and that I have no right to complain (I question your own relationship with your children...)

      I'm an adult and act to things in a rational calm manner, but my dad has an angry temper that has done nothing but destroy his own relationships. While he is a hard worker, very few people can stand to be around him (can't work well with others) so he works at my grandpa's business ( w/only a few people).

      I talked to my mom earlier, which has allowed me to get some steam off my chest. However, the main issue is that in my business I do web design and marketing, which my parents simply can't comprehend (they think a website takes a few hours to build, and get confused when I say that it usually takes weeks to build and code) since they think marketing and design happens in minutes they think that I'm only wasting time. To me it's time well spent and I'm always learning...but they simply can't wrap their head around what I do, and they have no patience to let me show them or explain.

      Hopefully things with my dad will cool off for a bit soon, but he is a toxic person and his temper has even rubbed off on me a bit (I'm working on becoming more relaxed myself, and have just got into Buddhism but need to start meditating more).
      You should give your father an example of a high end site, (the ones company's spend $10,000 to create and a further $5000 per month to maintain)!

      And the wad of cash as well! :rolleyes:


      My father was a bit like yours, he would get into a terrible temper, over not so serious situations!

      Like if l came home from school on a wet miserable day, and decided to give feeding the cows hay from the back of the tractor a miss. He would come home hit me and yell at me to do it!

      I got into a habit of hiding under the bed, and waited til later on, when he calmed down.

      He then explained to me how important it was, but missing one night out of a week, when there was plenty of grass about, made no sense to me!

      Obviously important to him! :rolleyes:


      But yeah, as other have said, job security is a joke. I have seen Holden in AU go under recently and people that have worked there for 35 years getting the boot, (some have a mortgage and 3 kids, etc).

      30% will end up on the dole, probably til retirement.

      Obviously you can work in a job and do something on the side, but of course the time issue arises!

      Work in a job, and take 10 or more years to crack the online thing. Or ditch the job and do it in about 5?


      But on the other hand the vast majority who ditch college, and go down the "create the next Facebook" end up failing!

      Not true for you!


      Yep, try the above ideas, or don't say a word, and possibly leave large deposit slips around your room, your parents may at least get that it is working. And is long term if they see them after a year or two!


      Shane
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  • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
    there must be something wrong with my upbringing

    my parents have always supported me and i dont pretend to be a saint, they still do

    mutual respect may help
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  • Profile picture of the author kpmedia
    Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

    I hope your dad kicks you out on the street.
    You'll get an education then.
    What a heartless SOB you are.
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  • Profile picture of the author socialentry
    But what if your father is this guy

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  • Profile picture of the author socialentry
    or this guy

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  • Profile picture of the author mt000
    My parents dont support me either, i know how you are feeling.
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    They probably don't understand what your doing because you still live under their roof. Are you paying rent/utilities? That alone might show them your trying, & change their tone.
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  • Profile picture of the author lcombs
    Well, my ol' man was 43 when I was born and my mom was 37.
    So, by the time I was 10 they were too old to keep up with me and
    my brother. (2 years older).
    The best they could do was keep a roof over our heads and food on the table and
    hope for the best.
    Worked out great for my brother, not so much for me.
    But, my point is, you're on your own.
    Do what's best for you.
    Hang in there; Appease your parents as much as possible.
    And when you graduate, give them a smile, a polite "told you so",
    and get the hell out of Dodge.
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