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About a month ago I found out that a high school friend of mine has cancer. He is only 49 and I was just in total shock. The worst part is that after my initial phone call to him I haven't called him back because I'm having flashbacks to when I was 23 years old and dealing with my dad dying of cancer. I'm 50 now and I need to figure out a way to shake those awful flashbacks and call my friend again before it's too late.
  • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
    Just call him. You will know what to say and do. Good luck to you and your friend.

    Originally Posted by gnajnik View Post

    About a month ago I found out that a high school friend of mine has cancer. He is only 49 and I was just in total shock. The worst part is that after my initial phone call to him I haven't called him back because I'm having flashbacks to when I was 23 years old and dealing with my dad dying of cancer. I'm 50 now and I need to figure out a way to shake those awful flashbacks and call my friend again before it's too late.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    YOU don't know what to say? Think of the poor guy that is ill. Call him. All you are looking at is a few nightmares. It's his life we are speaking of here. Get over it and do the right thing.
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    • Profile picture of the author maxdog
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      YOU don't know what to say? Think of the poor guy that is ill. Call him. All you are looking at is a few nightmares. It's his life we are speaking of here. Get over it and do the right thing.

      I have to agree with what she said, you know you could call a Pastor or someone that could really counsel you, the warrior forum seems an odd place to bring it up I know its the off topic section, but whatever.

      Good luck friend
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  • Profile picture of the author stevenh512
    Originally Posted by gnajnik View Post

    He is only 49 and I was just in total shock.
    I was only 29 when I was diagnosed with cancer. Been cancer free since November '06 but I've had a few medical complications since then (mostly lingering side-effects from the chemo).
    The worst part is that after my initial phone call to him I haven't called him back because I'm having flashbacks to when I was 23 years old and dealing with my dad dying of cancer.
    Sorry to hear about your dad, my grandpa died of cancer.. but really the only way to shake those "flashbacks" is to face them head-on.
    I need to figure out a way to shake those awful flashbacks and call my friend again before it's too late.
    You talk as if your friend is terminal, is that the case? Cancer is a horrible disease, but not everyone with cancer dies from it. I'm living proof of that, as are quite a few other people you might have heard of (Lance Armstrong and Tom Green come to mind). It's important for your friend to keep a positive "I can beat this" attitude, so if you do call your friend don't be the "doom and gloom" type acting like this is something he can't beat. When I was a kid, and this was at least 20 years ago, my grandma was diagnosed with terminal cancer and told she had 6 months to live. She's alive and cancer free today, so even if the doctor says it's terminal they're not always right.
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  • Profile picture of the author gnajnik
    I really need to just suck it up and call him. He is in stage 4 right now but according to a mutual friend, my friend is in good spirits regardless of what happens. Thanks everyone.
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  • Profile picture of the author workingmamma
    I had a friend die a few years ago and he was so full of life and only in his 20's. I cherish the last time I was able to spend time with him a week or so before he passed on. Please don't give that up for fear because this is one of the best memories I have!
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  • Profile picture of the author KimW
    I had cancer last year,hopefully it was cured. BUt as far as your friend, just letting someone know you are thinking of them and care can help beyond belief.
    Make the call.
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  • Profile picture of the author artwebster
    Cancer is a disease. It is not contagious. It does not convert sufferers into some form of monster.

    The word 'cancer' is like something from the war for terror. The very word has aggregated to itself a fearsome persona that few people seem able to contend with.

    People with cancer are still human beings. We cherish contact with other human beings BUT we do not enjoy seeing the fear and distress which so much ignorance of the disease engenders. To be perfectly blunt, anybody who visits me when my cancer is out of remission had better be coming out of concern for me - not because they have overcome an unnatural fear of a very common disease. The very last thing I need is pity.

    Honestly, if you cannot treat your friend as your friend, he is better off without you. I do not say this to be cruel to you but to be kind to him.

    As for what you term flash backs, these are only memories with which you have not been able to come to terms. I have watched three wives die but that did not stop me marrying again.

    I feel very sorry for you that you have not come to terms with the death of your father 27 years ago but you cannot allow that to colour your reaction to someone who is now in a position to want strong, lively, unafraid people around him.
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    • Profile picture of the author gnajnik
      I called my friend this morning and we spoke for about 30 minutes. All of you are so right about him needing to hear from people who care about him. I think I will make the time to call him about once a week just to check in on him. He did share some sad news with me in that the oncologist told him that the cancer is spreading and that he may only have 3-4 months left. I just hope the doctor is wrong and the chemo or whatever begins to work. His cancer is in stage 4.
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      • Profile picture of the author jhdogtraining
        Sorry to hear about your friend. Good thing you have talked to him. He needs support from friends like you. It does not mean that you have to pity him just be there for him. Talk to him about your happy and fun moments with him, how about your high school days. I hope he'll get better.
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  • Profile picture of the author David17
    Sorry to about your friend and well i usually saw that people having such dangerous diseases live last moments of life very happily and don't let people sad coz of them
    Hope the doctors are wrong as GOD is still there to show some miracles
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  • Profile picture of the author Emily Meeks
    I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. My suggestion would be not only to be there for him, but help him to really, really enjoy life. Have you ever seen The Bucket List? It's basically about two terminally ill men who go out and do everything they ever wanted to do. That's what I would do in your shoes.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Brian
    Glad you did call him. If I was to die, I guess I'd want to live the last days of my life with everybody I met in my life whether enemy or friend, to at least say "goodbye" and thank them for being part of my life.

    It's sad, but we too shall pass.

    I guess it's the ultimate form of gratitude to say thanks for the good times during the last moments of one's life.
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  • Profile picture of the author reikidad1961
    Stop what you are doing and phone him now. Forget your own issues and call this friend, he needs you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Norma Holt
    Sorry to hear of your sad news and am so pleased that you overcame your reluctance to ring him. Perhaps you are worried that your own cancer might reoccur and you will be in the same boat. I believe that such fears can bring on disease so you have to get over them and accept your own healing.

    Originally Posted by artwebster

    People with cancer are still human beings. We cherish contact with other human beings BUT we do not enjoy seeing the fear and distress which so much ignorance of the disease engenders. To be perfectly blunt, anybody who visits me when my cancer is out of remission had better be coming out of concern for me - not because they have overcome an unnatural fear of a very common disease. The very last thing I need is pity.
    A few days ago a brain surgeon who is known and respected world wide died of a brain tumour. He was just 57 and took part in a reality TV show on Prince Alfred Hospital in Sydney. he battled the disease for 2 and a half years after being diagnosed and told he would live for only 6 months. In the meanwhile he organised to build a huge cancer clinic and involved the PM and many other prominent people. He was to receive the Order of Australia tomorrow, Queens' birthday homors, but, instead, will get it posthumously. He is to have a State funeral in respect of his standing in the community. His loss is everyone's loss.

    God bless

    Norma
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    • Profile picture of the author pcalvert
      What's really sad is all of the people who are dying needlessly. There is a very promising new therapy that can stop many types of cancer from growing-- it's almost like a "pause" button for the cancer cells. This therapy is inexpensive and very safe. But that is also part of the problem. Because the drug has been around for years, the drug companies aren't interested in funding clinical research for a drug they can't patent, and of course they aren't going to send sales reps to doctors' offices to tell them about this very promising new therapy. As a result, many medical doctors know little or nothing about it.

      This new therapy is called low-dose naltrexone (LDN). Some useful links:

      The Low Dose Naltrexone Homepage
      Low Dose Naltrexone Therapy
      LDN and Cancer
      Treating Cancer With Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN)

      Phil
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  • Profile picture of the author Denver Attorney
    Smoking is a main reason for this dangerous disease. If anyone can give up this bad habit. He would be safe. But i am feeling sorry your friend. I pray for him to get cure as soon as possible, because there is a treatment for cancer now days.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    I'm glad you called him - remember, this is about HIM. You would feel terrible if you let your past experiences and emotional response result in letting him down.

    Call him again - you know what the illness is now and where it's going. Don't dwell on that topic going forward. With everyone around him focused on his illness, it might be a release for him to be able to revisit the memory of other, happier times in chats with you about things you did "back then".

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  • Profile picture of the author gtara4
    pm me about some resources.
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    • Profile picture of the author mixelplik
      That's so rough, I'm sorry. My brother died of stomach cancer a few years ago, and I remember when I'd go to see him he would constantly be in a state of confusion. There were a few times when He thought I was 6 years old and started calling me by my childhood nickname. Sometimes he'd even get angry remembering some of the childhood arguments we had in the past as if they were happening at that moment. It got pretty scary.

      The only thing that actually got us through that was for me to constantly pull him back into the present with a calm and reassuring voice as to who I was. As the cancer progressed his "trips" would get longer but the moment of lucidity he did have we made the most of. I hope that your friend is able to get through this, and you as well.

      God Bless.
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