Relationship Question - HELP!

by GGpaul
31 replies
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Hey guys, so I've been with my girl for 6 years. Woah. (Yes, I should put a ring on it).

So....my girl and I see each other once or twice a month (long distant relationship that happens to work out).

We've come to the point where we realize we do the same thing over and over. And I guess I'm reaching out to you folks. Perhaps you can help me give some type of ideas/tips as far as what I can do with my girlfriend and I when she's in town. We're tired of going to the movies and eating out.

We want to try something different. Do you guys have any suggestions, or WEBSITES that I can go to that can stir up my ideas? Anything besides Yelp?

We want to try something "different". Outdoor activities or a new hobby but I just need some source that I can look at to start thinking.

Thanks WF fam.
  • Profile picture of the author JimDucharme
    Wait, you're in Long Beach and you dont' have any ideas? Dooooooood!

    It depends on the person, but my wife loves for me to plan an overnight getaway and surprise her with it. Find a nice hotel or bed and breakfast, book dinner and tell her to pack a bag. Don't tell her where you are going.

    Festivals and craft fairs are great too or trade shows focused on home improvement or self improvement...ie, the Home Show and such..

    Also, paintball.

    Regards,
    jim
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  • Profile picture of the author PeterLarson
    Find a good church in your area and get involved together in visiting people in prison, clothing the poor, feeding the hungry, helping orphans and widows in their distress. Such activities should fill your lives with meaning and eliminate the boredom rut you seem to be in.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    It'd help to know what you do now.

    One thing the ol' lady and I do to mix things up is take classes in something neither one of us knows anything about. Cooking classes, salsa classes, wine tasting seminars, painting classes. We found things we like to do separately and new hobbies to do together. Entering the unkown together can be exhilerating.

    Do something that gets the endorphins up. Do you have a fitness club nearby that has a rockwall? Go climb it together. Take an improv class together. When's the last time you took her dancing?

    Plan a nostalgia night and retrace your first date. See how things have changed. How they've stayed the same.
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    • Profile picture of the author GGpaul
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      It'd help to know what you do now.

      .
      All we do is eat out new places, watch movies and occasionally go to Vegas. We need to figure out something else. We also have an annual Disney pass.

      My interest doesn't tie with her interest so we are trying to agree with something together. I love cars, I love videogames, I love going to shows, I love music.

      She loves jumping off planes, going hiking, going on rollercoasters. All of which I'm not interested in.

      This is just to name a few.
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Have you tried sex? I've heard that can be fun......

        I'm joking. You're not married, so sex is impossible.

        But exploring a ghost town? That sounds like fun.

        And sex in a ghost town is fun too...except for the splinters.
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          Have you tried sex? I've heard that can be fun......

          I'm joking. You're not married, so sex is impossible.

          But exploring a ghost town? That sounds like fun.

          And sex in a ghost town is fun too...except for the splinters.
          I saw that 3 letter word once, wondered, what does that mean?

          Then I realized it was Tex Mex restaurant and they had spelling mistakes in the menu!
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          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
            As Claude said, if you were together full time you would not have all this time to quickly run out of things to do in the Locales you frequent. you would mostly be working in the week, crashing out in front of the tv in the evening. (all the really good stuff)

            It's the little things that make up a relationship, like do you get on, are you compatible can you enjoy conversation, make each other laugh etc! Just like being with each other even in the mundane things of life. can you find fulfilment just being in each others company

            Six years is a long time to be doing this. Each time you are making a special effort to go out and do stuff! You dont have to do this all the time and most people do not. It's just an occasional thing. And, much more appreciated when you get to do it!
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      • Profile picture of the author Joe Stewart
        Originally Posted by GGpaul View Post

        All we do is eat out new places, watch movies and occasionally go to Vegas. We need to figure out something else. We also have an annual Disney pass.

        My interest doesn't tie with her interest so we are trying to agree with something together. I love cars, I love videogames, I love going to shows, I love music.

        She loves jumping off planes, going hiking, going on rollercoasters. All of which I'm not interested in.

        This is just to name a few.

        Hmmm...

        A long distance relationship and you have few (or no) common interests beyond what you've listed?

        I don't mean to be negative, but perhaps you should both take a step back and really think about your future. You obviously care about each other if you've been together that long, but you're going to have to find at least 5 or more things in common in addition to what you've listed as having already done if you plan on staying together.

        If you only see each other 2-3 times per month and you're already bored can you imagine what it would be like to be together full-time?

        My wife and I hooked up back in our party days and got married not long after getting clean and sober. One day we woke up and it was like "who ARE you?" We have very little in common now. Actually, we've been in counseling for a long time and I'm telling you what we were told.

        We have to find things that we enjoy doing together and as a family, but we also have to have time to enjoy our own interests as well. It's all about balance. You also have to be willing to give in and try things that the other enjoys too. I've sat through some really crappy movies and meals, but so has she. Give and take, man.

        Not to harp on you, but it's very important that you find that common ground. Otherwise you may be in for a long ride. I'm speaking from experience.

        Originally Posted by PeterLarson View Post

        Find a good church in your area and get involved together in visiting people in prison, clothing the poor, feeding the hungry, helping orphans and widows in their distress. Such activities should fill your lives with meaning and eliminate the boredom rut you seem to be in.
        Actually, Peter has some great advice! It's very fulfilling to help others and there's always someone in need 24/7. Just sayin'.

        Good luck!
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by Joe Stewart View Post

          .
          If you only see each other 2-3 times per month and you're already bored can you imagine what it would be like to be together full-time?
          Not that the OP asked us about that, but it's a valid point.
          Me? I'm happy going for a walk with my wife, shopping with her, rubbing her feet. Making her laugh so milk comes out her nose.

          Any activity we are doing, is a far distant second place, in order of importance.

          Can it be that you still feel the need to entertain each other?

          You need to know something. There is no "Lifetime of exciting events to keep it fresh". Life is being together doing chores and boring jobs...peppered with moments of getting away to do something exciting. It's not the activity, it's who you're with.

          This is assuming that you are looking for a lifetime partner. If it's just fun, then that's a different story. Remember, you still haven't tried sex. Once you do, skydiving doesn't seem that exciting. Of course, skydiving lasts longer.


          Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

          How about whale watching cruise?
          Kay; We would rather be left alone. And stop trying to roll me off the beach, back into the ocean. I'm not dead, I'm ignoring you.
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  • Profile picture of the author LarryC
    You could take a look at this guy's blog:

    Travels with Tio | A blind man's path to happiness

    Full Disclosure: I'm one of the author/blogger's partners on the project, but I'm only posting the link here because I think it's directly relevant to the OP's question and he asked for website suggestions.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Long distance? Where is she living?

    Have you ever thought of meeting up in the middle at some kewl place between you? If you're into natural things there's fossil or rock hunting.........museums, ghost towns, hiking, maybe a boat rental somewhere? Fishing?
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    You love cars and she loves adventure. Here's something you'll both remember forever:

    1 Day Racing School « Skip Barber Racing School
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  • Profile picture of the author GGpaul
    Hahhahaah omg you guys are terrible hahaha.

    She's scared of ghosts. LOL.

    Hmmm..
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    • Profile picture of the author JimDucharme
      Originally Posted by GGpaul View Post

      Hahhahaah omg you guys are terrible hahaha.

      She's scared of ghosts. LOL.

      Hmmm..
      When you have different interests, try stuff neither of you have tried before. For example, SCUBA diving lessons. Or filing taxes...

      Regards,
      jim
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by JimDucharme View Post

        When you have different interests, try stuff neither of you have tried before. For example, SCUBA diving lessons. Or filing taxes...

        Regards,
        jim
        I like the "Filing Taxes" idea.

        Say "Let's do Marriage Practice. You tell me about your day, while I watch TV"

        Try caving. That's where I met Riffle, and his ring..he kept calling "his Precious".

        When Riffle was looking for a new home, he kept wondering why every real estate agent kept recommending a cave....away from school property.

        It's a sad story. One I keep adding to.
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        • Profile picture of the author Kay King
          Spend a weekend at a vineyard - go horseback riding - camp out and cook over a campfire - hit a museum or two - spend overnight in a lodge at a national or state park and explore or picnic or find a local wine tasting.

          Volunteer at a soup kitchen or a wildlife refuge. Go to the zoo or aquarium - ride a carousel - explore a cave - get food at a farmers market and cook for each other - go to an ethnic restaurant that serves food you've never tried - visit a comedy club or a local theater production. Take a boat out - play paintball - go to an arcade - go bowling and eat greasy cheeseburgers.

          I've done all those with significant (and insignificant) others - and they're all fun if you're with the right person.

          Write down a list of things you can do and places to do - cut up the list into separate pieces and put them in a container. When you are meeting up for the weekend - draw out a "to do" and do it. That reduces the chance that you'll discuss it, hem and haw and end up doing the same thing as usual.

          kay

          How about whale watching cruise?
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          • Profile picture of the author HeySal
            Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

            Spend a weekend at a vineyard - go horseback riding - camp out and cook over a campfire - hit a museum or two - spend overnight in a lodge at a national or state park and explore or picnic or find a local wine tasting.

            Volunteer at a soup kitchen or a wildlife refuge. Go to the zoo or aquarium - ride a carousel - explore a cave - get food at a farmers market and cook for each other - go to an ethnic restaurant that serves food you've never tried - visit a comedy club or a local theater production. Take a boat out - play paintball - go to an arcade - go bowling and eat greasy cheeseburgers.

            I've done all those with significant (and insignificant) others - and they're all fun if you're with the right person.

            Write down a list of things you can do and places to do - cut up the list into separate pieces and put them in a container. When you are meeting up for the weekend - draw out a "to do" and do it. That reduces the chance that you'll discuss it, hem and haw and end up doing the same thing as usual.

            kay

            How about whale watching cruise?
            And what do we see was the first thing that came to Kay's mind?

            Yelp? WTF is Yelp? Um get off the freaking computer......doooooooooooood (that does just look appropriate, thanks, Jim, I stole it). I'm sorry, it just is crossing my mind that You aren't getting a clue I don't think.

            First off - which one of it is you that is bored? I'm starting to think that it might be her that's bored with you. Tough love, but hey -- You need to get out more. Really. So, anyway, I'm thinking it's her that's bored. Just gettin' clues here and there, ya know. So - why not ask her what SHE'D like to do and cowboy-up and do it. Seems to be just a little too rough for you, so let her figure it out.

            Good night nurse, and people wonder why I'm single.
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            Sal
            When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
            Beyond the Path

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  • Profile picture of the author GGpaul
    Hahahaha you guys are so funny.

    How about website/sources wise? Anything you guys can recommend asides from Yelp? Thanks.
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  • Profile picture of the author blackbodhisattva
    Get on the shuttle to Catalina. You hang out at the arcade. Let her hang at the beach?
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  • Profile picture of the author JimDucharme
    There's always heroin and a bouncy castle - big hit when I was in HS.

    Start with an idea and then google it. Seriously! This is how I find some of the best things to do with my wife. Or try googling: Things to do in Long Beach, dooood.

    Set aside a couple of hours to follow that search wherever it may lead. Doing that led me to find the perfect place to propose to my wife, prison.

    Regards,
    jim
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    Things to do in Long Beach ought to bring up events or directory sites.
    Denver, CO has Westword, which has a ton of live music listings and so on.
    backpage.com might be a resource.

    You might look at taking low cost adult education fun or interesting courses.
    Colorado Free University is an example of a school you could find out there.

    I agree with Joe Stewart for anything serious and long term together.
    But, I have known folks who don't want to marry and live together
    and kind of do what you do.
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  • Profile picture of the author joseph7384
    Have you considered Joshua tree national park? the scenery is remarkable.

    https://www.google.com/search?q=josh...w=1011&bih=537
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    • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
      You could have a seat in the Devil's Armchair...


      Joe Mobley
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      • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
        Okay... A little closer to home.

        Veronica Hill explores the attractions of Long Beach in this episode of "California Travel Tips." Located 20 miles south of downtown Los Angeles, on the border of Orange County, Long Beach makes a great day trip or long weekend. It's LA's second largest city -- home to the historic Queen Mary, dozens of hip art galleries, and one of California's best aquariums, Aquarium of the Pacific.

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        • Profile picture of the author Kay King
          We would rather be left alone. And stop trying to roll me off the beach, back into the ocean. I'm not dead, I'm ignoring you.
          GGpaul -

          More detail - If you take the boat out ignore the beached whale as you walk by. Sperm whales are so testy...and the Claude one is especially blubbery when approached.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    There are a lot of great ideas mentioned here, so it's hard to think of things that haven't already been suggested. I did manage to come up with one idea though...

    Make a list of 10 things you'd like to do with her, and have her make a list of 10 things she'd like to do with you. If you have some matches, great! If not, you each check off three things you'd be willing to do from each other's list. Now you have six things to do.

    ...or try body painting.
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  • Profile picture of the author David Braybrooke
    You see each other once or twice a month and you need to ask us what you should do together? Is 'relationship' really the right word? Why not go ring shopping together, or ........
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  • Profile picture of the author seomaster5
    Well long relationship i must say you should get married and then life will be changed you will find many options after marriage like taking care of your kids ( i am too fast i guess )
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  • Profile picture of the author JimDucharme
    No problem Sal!

    When all else fails go for the easy one: Naked Twister!

    ...and fondu.

    Regards,
    jim
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      And what do we see was the first thing that came to Kay's mind?
      I thought it was practical - these folks are just toooooo restrained! A little grape juice might be in order to loosen them up. Do something that makes you giggle or gasp or laugh out loud.
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      Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world will change forever for that one dog.
      It takes nothing away from a human to be kind to an animal.
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  • Profile picture of the author GGpaul
    Hahha. Thanks for responding guys. Definitely made my day. I signed up to groupon and saw a lot of activities.
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