Deciphering school report cards
Now that teachers are no longer allowed to say anything negative about students on their report cards, they have resorted to using pseudo-language to describe student's performance.
As another whateverpedia community service to parents, here are some typical comments, and what they actually mean in brackets.
As another whateverpedia community service to parents, here are some typical comments, and what they actually mean in brackets.
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1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates. (He was caught cheating on a test). 2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability. (The hyperactive monster can’t stay seated for five minutes). 3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction. (He’s definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met). 4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don’t intimidate her. (The lazy thing hasn’t done one assignment all term). 5. Her athletic ability is marvellous. Superior hand-eye coordination. (Hit me with a rubber band from 15 metres away). 6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers. (Your son needs to stop socializing and start working). 7. Your daughter’s greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions. (Every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument). 8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers. (He’s a bully). 9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory. (Your son was caught skipping school at the fishing pond). 10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality. (She’s so immature that we’ve run out of diapers). 11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open. (He must have written the Whiner’s Guide). 12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year’s repetition of her learning environment. (Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade). 13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome! (Constantly talking in class). 14 Is able to imaginatively express his thoughts in various media. (Caught writing on bathroom walls.) 15. Displays leadership ability. (Bully.) 16. Has potential to stand out from his peers. (Will be seen on Wanted posters.) 17. Technologically proficient. (Hacked into school computer system) 18. Handwriting is excellent. (Forges parents’ signatures.) 19. Creatively expresses himself. (Swears a lot.) 20. Has materials available at all times. (Desk overflowing with crap.) 21. Talented artist. (Draws pictures on bathroom walls.) 22. Meticulous worker. (Never completes assignments.) 23. Independent thinker. (Does not follow directions.) 24. Others look to her for guidance. (Bad influence.) 25. Excellent multi-tasking abilities. (Does not pay attention.) 26. Finishes all assignments quickly. ( Sloppy, careless work.) 27. Has a relaxed attitude. (Sleeps in class.) |
Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...
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