Things Internet Marketers Say

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I just finished a video about "Things TV Sales Reps Say To Media Buyers."


Now I am producing something similar for Internet marketers.

What are some of the classic things internet marketers say all the time? Here is what I have so far:

Content is king.
Know, like and trust.
The free line.
Add value.
Provide value.
This is a no brainer.
Rinse and repeat.
Just sayin'
Shiny object syndrome
Push button
Sucks up cash like a hoover on steroids
Sucks cash out of their wallets
I'm going to be honest with you
This may be the most important thing you read all day
Newbie friendly
Dog training as example in every report
Plug and play
Works like gangbusters
More money in your pocket
My two cents
Crack the code
Peel back the curtain
So easy my 4 year old can do it
I'll buy it back from you
Outsource
Having said that
Lock in your spot
I'll see you on the other side
Kick ass
Ninja
Who else wants to
Make bank
While you sleep
Make some serious cash
  • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
    The money's in the list
    Enjoy passive income
    Take action
    Leaving money on the table
    Bad News!
    Crushing it
    Golf as a niche example
    PS at end of every letter/email
    Total value of (insert large arbitrary number here)
    Free gift
    It's not your fault
    Cast iron guarantee
    "Webinar only" price
    Limited offer
    Claude told me to do it

    .
    Signature
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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
      I've just been scammed.
      Nothing works.
      How can I make money online?
      How can I make money in the next second?
      What's the easiest way to make money?
      I've just been scammed again. By the same person.




      ...No wait, they're not internet marketers. I get confused sometimes.
      Signature

      Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...

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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    I was once just like you...

    I figured out the secret code while homeless and living in a trash can...

    You can easily resell this PLR for $197 a pop! Buy now! Only $7!

    Buy my local marketing book on Amazon today and I'll throw in a free vacuum cleaner!
    Signature

    If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.

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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      • You can do this in your underwear, while juggling kittens.
      • Let's cut to the chase.
      • Why am l sharing this, because l want to give something back to the world.
      • I should make this $2000, but am making it $47 for a limited time.
      • See you on the inside.
      • This method pops!
      • If you don't boy this you will regret it.
      • Claude forced me to do it

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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        I've learned everything from Claude.
        Claude is a genius.
        I feel compelled to buy from Claude.
        Claude touched me inappropriately.
        Reading Claude's books is like touching the face of...The Pillsbury Dough Boy.
        If Claude can do it, imagine what an attractive person could do!
        Goatees are gay.

        My incredible idea is proven by the laws of Quantum Physics!
        I invested $4 in this plan, and in 3 days, made back $8. So I have proven that my plan doubles your money every 3 days. It's now proven! (after 3 days). How do I borrow a million dollars to get this thing ramped up?

        And from "He who shall never be named"...."Sure, sure you've lost money with me before...but this one is a sure winner. I've apologized. What more do you want?"

        Can I have a free review copy of your $399 course?
        Can I have a free download of your book?
        Can you review my entire sales presentation for free?
        I bought your $3 Kindle book. Can I talk to you for an hour on the phone? I need you to help me close sales.

        I have a $5,000 local online marketing package that I built based on your book. If you'll sell it for me, I'll pay you $1,000........really.
        Signature
        One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

        "Those who know that they are profound strive for clarity. Those who would like to seem profound to the crowd strive for obscurity" Friedrich Nietzsche
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        • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          And from "He who shall never be named"...."Sure, sure you've lost money with me before...but this one is a sure winner. I've apologized. What more do you want?"
          wow, that was cold. - love it
          Signature

          Selling Ain't for Sissies!
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          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
            Fed up with all the Bull
            Are you Sick and tired
            From the desk of
            Its not what your thinking
            Nothing more to pay
            One time payment
            You can make this work without the up-sell but..

            I am Groot with voice inflection.....

            I am Groot: We've got branches everywhere

            I am Groot: Are you covered if a tree falls on your house?
            Signature

            The only thing to fear is Lanfear itself.

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            • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
              From one marketer in particular, whom we shall call Shane, "Blah, blah, blah!"


              Terra
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              • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
                Only 3 left at this price.


                Grrr.
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                • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                  Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

                  Gurus suck
                  Gurus don't suck
                  Cash sucking
                  Did Your Last Solo Suck?
                  I suck at making money online
                  I suck on the phone
                  Free xxx That Will Suck In Thousands of Visitors to Your Website
                  Claude sucks
                  Vacuum cleaners suck
                  Anyone Else Had Problems Getting a Refund?

                  and finally....
                  My laptop is infested with ants
                  I suck on the phone, (let's not go there)!


                  Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                  From one marketer in particular, whom we shall call Shane, "Blah, blah, blah!"

                  Terra
                  Hmmm, that is Claudes line! But l will take the credit for it!


                  This Torrent Traffic, Oral Sucking System, is fantastic, even my cat gives his paw stamp of approval! My dear, close, bosum buddy, lifelong, reincarnated friend, (including the Irish) to put it bluntly, you need this system!

                  I was once like you, broke, ill, dead and single, but after purchasing this, and pressing a couple of buttons, the heavens opened up, and a bought a mansion, in a month, my friends were envious of course, and l was dripping with Playboy models, and more Gold than l could possibly eat!

                  Even my cat had his own house!

                  But then l thought, since l was so blessed, l should share this with the scum of.....ahem, humanity and make it $47!

                  So to end this, l will let my cat do the talking......pur, pur, pur!
                  Yes, l hate the dear friend, or bro, Dear dumb sucker, is more accurate!

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                • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                  Originally Posted by positivenegative View Post

                  Only 3 left at this price.


                  Grrr.
                  Only three of these downloadable reports is left.
                  The first twelve people to run to the back of the room, get a free... (I've done it. And I hate it)
                  It isn't your fault that you haven't made money.....but now we have the Secret...
                  Everyone else is lying to you except me.....
                  You may have already won....
                  Make $5,000 your first month, or your money back, (if you can find me)....
                  This idea, that I have never actually tried myself, if guaranteed to work (OK, nobody really say that, but they should)

                  Wait...wait.....
                  I normally get a consulting fee of $5,000 an hour or $30,000 a day.....

                  Big dumb companies aren't as smart as we are...
                  Set it and forget it..........
                  Make money in your underwear
                  No need to do anything. This Miracle System does it all for you......

                  Make millions with no selling....
                  I'm 18 years old, let me coach you, from my Mom's basement on how to make serious money (again, nobody says that, but should)


                  Demand for this product has been sooo high........
                  Signature
                  One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

                  "Those who know that they are profound strive for clarity. Those who would like to seem profound to the crowd strive for obscurity" Friedrich Nietzsche
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  • Profile picture of the author MikeAmbrosio
    Know your why
    Know your metrics
    Test, test, test
    Conversion rate
    Click through rate
    Guru
    Marketing Mindset
    I need a mentor
    $5k in just 7 days!
    I just got a refund request - for my free report!
    Signature

    Are you protecting your on line business? If you have a website, blog, ecommerce store you NEED to back it up regularly. Your webhost will only protect you so much. Check out Quirkel. Protect yourself.

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  • Profile picture of the author joe golfer
    Holy moly I'm laughing here. Thanks for these. I love: "I've just been scammed again. By the same person."
    Signature
    Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
    - Jack Trout
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  • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
    Banned
    Gurus suck
    Gurus don't suck
    Cash sucking
    Did Your Last Solo Suck?
    I suck at making money online
    I suck on the phone
    Free xxx That Will Suck In Thousands of Visitors to Your Website
    Claude sucks
    Vacuum cleaners suck
    Anyone Else Had Problems Getting a Refund?

    and finally....
    My laptop is infested with ants
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Direct mail is dead
      Cold calling is dead
      Every way to make money, except the method I sell...is dead.
      I've been at this game for almost a month. And I can't make any money. IM sucks.
      I sent this E-Mail to a list of over 50 strangers, and nobody bought. E-mail marketing is dead.
      String theory.
      Quantum Mechanics
      I am Groot (borrowed from Iamfear63)


      Wait...wait....

      That $6,000 package you sell? If you perform the service for me...for free...I'll give you an honest review....for free.
      (I love getting that one)
      Signature
      One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

      "Those who know that they are profound strive for clarity. Those who would like to seem profound to the crowd strive for obscurity" Friedrich Nietzsche
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    This will blow your mind. My mind was blown. It's mind blowing. Shocking. Unbelievable. Ingenious. Secret. Unlocks the secret.

    It's an absolute cyber insane asylum.
    Signature

    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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  • Profile picture of the author barbling
    "I just made $38,291 but I won't tell you it's because I have a list of 100s of thousands PLUS an affiliate network who always promotes what I make (and here's how you can to!)"

    Boggles.The.Mind.
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by barbling View Post

      "I just made $38,291 but I won't tell you it's because I have a list of 100s of thousands PLUS an affiliate network who always promotes what I make (and here's how you can to!)"

      Boggles.The.Mind.
      Or the look at my Clickbank sales results!!!!

      Some might shoot live video, etc, but it can still be faked.


      Look at these results, $10,000 bucks in a few days!!!! It doesn't matter if l maxed out half a dozen credit cards, and after handing a few grand over to each of my family members, so they could buy my product, and get a cut of the inevitable sales, is beside the point!

      Same as producing a crap song, go buy 3.5 million copies, and it will go to the number one spot!

      Newbies, need to stop buying this stuff, and go take a break!

      Or work like a dog for a good 5 years, whichever comes first?

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    • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
      Originally Posted by barbling View Post

      "I just made $38,291 but I won't tell you it's because I have a list of 100s of thousands PLUS an affiliate network who always promotes what I make (and here's how you can to!)"

      Boggles.The.Mind.
      And I had the money to pay the site builder, copy writer, SEO guy/gal, etc....
      And 50% of my revenues in PPC
      And, not to mention they actually made little or no profit and had nothing left to pay taxes
      And did it overnight - after six to eight months or more of preparation and marketing...
      Signature

      "If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        I work for Google......

        I'm not calling to sell you anything... (Really, then how can we do business?)

        I just want to verify your listing........

        I want to give you a free website.......
        Signature
        One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

        "Those who know that they are profound strive for clarity. Those who would like to seem profound to the crowd strive for obscurity" Friedrich Nietzsche
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        • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          I work for Google......

          I'm not calling to sell you anything... (Really, then how can we do business?)

          I just want to verify your listing........

          I want to give you a free website.......

          • Yes, sign up here with your credit card details, to verify your acceptance, (ignore the $35 per month, recurring fee)!

          • Why haven't you answered? I have this life changing.....blah, blah! Some Clickbank, BS in other words!

          • Your order is waiting, (eventhough l didn't order anything)?

          • This oral sucking system will be gone for good,...blah, blah! The sooner the better!

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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    The servers crashed
    But wait, there's more
    See you on the other side
    See you at the top
    Quick, before this website is banned
    Buy before midnight because this will never be offered again (until I need more money from poor suckers)
    This is my brand new Ferrari Diablo I paid cash for three months after buying this software
    Claude did it for me and included a free Riccar
    Signature

    "If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

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  • Profile picture of the author George Wright
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
      DAY ONE....This is a once in a life time webinar that is like nothing you've ever seen before and I've had to get big time guru Mr Fartpants in a head lock to get him to agree to do this for you! It's sooo sensitive there will be no, recording, I repeat, NO recording. I'll say that again. No recording. Drop everything and be there for this once in a lifetime opportunity to learn how to make more money than Bernie Eccleston, every day. You won't get this chance ever again!


      DAY TWO. As you know we had some technical difficulties. You won't believe what I did though. I got a recording of Mr Fartpants spilling the beans on the method that makes him millions every second! I've also extended the pitch we failed to mention yesterday, which was the only reason we said we weren't recording it, until noon. Buy now before this vanishes forever. Or unless we don't sell as much like yesterday and have to offer it again. You won't get this chance ever again!


      DAY THREE...This is your last chance to see the recording and get this once in a blah blah blah. You won't get this chance ever again!


      DAY FOUR....Seriously this is it, after midday this is gone forever. You won't get this chance ever again!


      DAY FIVE
      ...Please buy this, I promised my wife a meal out. You won't get this chance ever again!




      The irony being this is exactly what I experienced recently except it wasn't Mr Fartpants and the email about having dinner was made up.

      I think it was just to go for a drink.
      Signature

      Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...

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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Is there an OTO?
    Why do so many of you scammers stick so many stinkin' OTOs in my face?
    Can I just take an image and use it if I give the owner credit?
    Do I need the OTO to make the main program work?
    What's the best spinner out there?
    Is fiverr a good place to buy traffic?
    Is JVZoo down? Why don't they answer my ticket?
    No one ever told my I needed the OTO to make the main product work!
    What niche should I pick?
    Is there an OTO?
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Signature

    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post

      DAY ONE....This is a once in a life time webinar that is like nothing you've ever seen before and I've had to get big time guru Mr Fartpants in a head lock to get him to agree to do this for you! It's sooo sensitive there will be no, recording, I repeat, NO recording. I'll say that again. No recording. Drop everything and be there for this once in a lifetime opportunity to learn how to make more money than Bernie Eccleston, every day. You won't get this chance ever again!


      DAY TWO. As you know we had some technical difficulties. You won't believe what I did though. I got a recording of Mr Fartpants spilling the beans on the method that makes him millions every second! I've also extended the pitch we failed to mention yesterday, which was the only reason we said we weren't recording it, until noon. Buy now before this vanishes forever. Or unless we don't sell as much like yesterday and have to offer it again. You won't get this chance ever again!


      DAY THREE...This is your last chance to see the recording and get this once in a blah blah blah. You won't get this chance ever again!


      DAY FOUR....Seriously this is it, after midday this is gone forever. You won't get this chance ever again!


      DAY FIVE
      ...Please buy this, I promised my wife a meal out. You won't get this chance ever again!
      You forgot to mention....

      DAY SIX...well this offer is now closed, but in order to keep my cat Twinkles happy, l will be extending this offer for another week!

      Besides a 5 Star meal at Maccers, just isn't right!


      THAT'S RIGHT,
      another week of harassmen...ahem, informing you, about this once in a lifetime offer!

      And don't worry, this offer eventhough is pushing a crappy traffic method, it will be 5 star crap, (l give my $10,000 a month customers, the real PPC, methods).

      This method involves, a long lost secret of making Birthday cards, that look like postcards that in turn look like receipts, that in turn look like porn, coke nights with female strippers.

      You can do a few a day and use my Mystical, Ninja, Oral Traffic Sucking System for the rest!

      Or as other Gurus have said, "the power is in the Porn"!


      Hmmm, better end it there, this is getting a bit weird, sorry Terra!

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