Things Internet Marketers Say

by joe golfer

Posted: 10 years ago 27 replies

OFF TOPIC

I just finished a video about "Things TV Sales Reps Say To Media Buyers."

Things TV Sales Reps Say to Media Buyers

Now I am producing something similar for Internet marketers.

What are some of the classic things internet marketers say all the time? Here is what I have so far:

Content is king.
Know, like and trust.
The free line.
Add value.
Provide value.
This is a no brainer.
Rinse and repeat.
Just sayin'
Shiny object syndrome
Push button
Sucks up cash like a hoover on steroids
Sucks cash out of their wallets
I'm going to be honest with you
This may be the most important thing you read all day
Newbie friendly
Dog training as example in every report
Plug and play
Works like gangbusters
More money in your pocket
My two cents
Crack the code
Peel back the curtain
So easy my 4 year old can do it
I'll buy it back from you
Outsource
Having said that
Lock in your spot
I'll see you on the other side
Kick ass
Ninja
Who else wants to
Make bank
While you sleep
Make some serious cash

Frank Donovan 10 years ago

The money's in the list
Enjoy passive income
Take action
Leaving money on the table
Bad News!
Crushing it
Golf as a niche example
PS at end of every letter/email
Total value of (insert large arbitrary number here)
Free gift
It's not your fault
Cast iron guarantee
"Webinar only" price
Limited offer
Claude told me to do it

.
- [ 3 ] Thanks
- 1 reply
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Ever lie awake worrying that you might be the only person who doesn't know what FOMO means?
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- Richard Van 10 years ago
  
  I've just been scammed.
  Nothing works.
  How can I make money online?
  How can I make money in the next second?
  What's the easiest way to make money?
  I've just been scammed again. By the same person.
  
  ...No wait, they're not internet marketers. I get confused sometimes.
  
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  Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...
  
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Dan Riffle

10 years ago

I was once just like you...

I figured out the secret code while homeless and living in a trash can...

You can easily resell this PLR for $197 a pop! Buy now! Only $7!

Buy my local marketing book on Amazon today and I'll throw in a free vacuum cleaner!

[ 3 ] Thanks
1 reply

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Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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tagiscom

10 years ago

• You can do this in your underwear, while juggling kittens.
• Let's cut to the chase.
• Why am l sharing this, because l want to give something back to the world.
• I should make this $2000, but am making it $47 for a limited time.
• See you on the inside.
• This method pops!
• If you don't boy this you will regret it.
• Claude forced me to do it

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1 reply

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Claude Whitacre

10 years ago

I've learned everything from Claude.
Claude is a genius.
I feel compelled to buy from Claude.
Claude touched me inappropriately.
Reading Claude's books is like touching the face of...The Pillsbury Dough Boy.
If Claude can do it, imagine what an attractive person could do!
Goatees are gay.

My incredible idea is proven by the laws of Quantum Physics!
I invested $4 in this plan, and in 3 days, made back $8. So I have proven that my plan doubles your money every 3 days. It's now proven! (after 3 days). How do I borrow a million dollars to get this thing ramped up?

And from "He who shall never be named"...."Sure, sure you've lost money with me before...but this one is a sure winner. I've apologized. What more do you want?"

Can I have a free review copy of your $399 course?
Can I have a free download of your book?
Can you review my entire sales presentation for free?
I bought your $3 Kindle book. Can I talk to you for an hour on the phone? I need you to help me close sales.

I have a $5,000 local online marketing package that I built based on your book. If you'll sell it for me, I'll pay you $1,000........really.

[ 5 ] Thanks
1 reply

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One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

â€œDo not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise; seek what they sought.â€ - Matsuo Basho

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kenmichaels

10 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

And from "He who shall never be named"...."Sure, sure you've lost money with me before...but this one is a sure winner. I've apologized. What more do you want?"

wow, that was cold. - love it

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1 reply

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Selling Ain't for Sissies!

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lanfear63

10 years ago

Fed up with all the Bull
Are you Sick and tired
From the desk of
Its not what your thinking
Nothing more to pay
One time payment
You can make this work without the up-sell but..

I am Groot with voice inflection.....

I am Groot: We've got branches everywhere

I am Groot: Are you covered if a tree falls on your house?

[ 2 ] Thanks
1 reply

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Feel The Power Of The Mark Side

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MissTerraK

10 years ago

From one marketer in particular, whom we shall call Shane, "Blah, blah, blah!"

Terra

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1 reply

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positivenegative

10 years ago

Only 3 left at this price.

Grrr.

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2 replies

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tagiscom

10 years ago

Originally Posted by sbucciarel

Gurus suck
Gurus don't suck
Cash sucking
Did Your Last Solo Suck?
I suck at making money online
I suck on the phone
Free xxx That Will Suck In Thousands of Visitors to Your Website
Claude sucks
Vacuum cleaners suck
Anyone Else Had Problems Getting a Refund?

and finally....
My laptop is infested with ants

I suck on the phone, (let's not go there)!

Originally Posted by MissTerraK

From one marketer in particular, whom we shall call Shane, "Blah, blah, blah!"

Terra

Hmmm, that is Claudes line!

But l will take the credit for it!

This Torrent Traffic, Oral Sucking System, is fantastic, even my cat gives his paw stamp of approval! My dear, close, bosum buddy, lifelong, reincarnated friend, (including the Irish) to put it bluntly, you need this system!

I was once like you, broke, ill, dead and single, but after purchasing this, and pressing a couple of buttons, the heavens opened up, and a bought a mansion, in a month, my friends were envious of course, and l was dripping with Playboy models, and more Gold than l could possibly eat!

Even my cat had his own house!

But then l thought, since l was so blessed, l should share this with the scum of.....ahem, humanity and make it $47!

So to end this, l will let my cat do the talking......pur, pur, pur!

Yes, l hate the dear friend, or bro, Dear dumb sucker, is more accurate!

[ 1 ] Thanks

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Claude Whitacre 10 years ago

Originally Posted by positivenegative

Only 3 left at this price.

Grrr.

Only three of these downloadable reports is left.
The first twelve people to run to the back of the room, get a free... (I've done it. And I hate it)
It isn't your fault that you haven't made money.....but now we have the Secret...
Everyone else is lying to you except me.....
You may have already won....
Make $5,000 your first month, or your money back, (if you can find me)....
This idea, that I have never actually tried myself, if guaranteed to work (OK, nobody really say that, but they should)

Wait...wait.....
I normally get a consulting fee of $5,000 an hour or $30,000 a day.....

Big dumb companies aren't as smart as we are...
Set it and forget it..........
Make money in your underwear
No need to do anything. This Miracle System does it all for you......

Make millions with no selling....
I'm 18 years old, let me coach you, from my Mom's basement on how to make serious money (again, nobody says that, but should)

Demand for this product has been sooo high........
- [ 2 ] Thanks
Signature
One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

â€œDo not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise; seek what they sought.â€ - Matsuo Basho
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MikeAmbrosio 10 years ago

Know your why
Know your metrics
Test, test, test
Conversion rate
Click through rate
Guru
Marketing Mindset
I need a mentor
$5k in just 7 days!
I just got a refund request - for my free report!
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Are you protecting your on line business? If you have a website, blog, ecommerce store you NEED to back it up regularly. Your webhost will only protect you so much. Check out Quirkel. Protect yourself.
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joe golfer 10 years ago

Holy moly I'm laughing here. Thanks for these. I love: "I've just been scammed again. By the same person."
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Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
- Jack Trout
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sbucciarel Banned 10 years ago

Gurus suck
Gurus don't suck
Cash sucking
Did Your Last Solo Suck?
I suck at making money online
I suck on the phone
Free xxx That Will Suck In Thousands of Visitors to Your Website
Claude sucks
Vacuum cleaners suck
Anyone Else Had Problems Getting a Refund?

and finally....
My laptop is infested with ants
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- 1 reply
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- Claude Whitacre 10 years ago
  
  Direct mail is dead
  Cold calling is dead
  Every way to make money, except the method I sell...is dead.
  I've been at this game for almost a month. And I can't make any money. IM sucks.
  I sent this E-Mail to a list of over 50 strangers, and nobody bought. E-mail marketing is dead.
  String theory.
  Quantum Mechanics
  I am Groot (borrowed from Iamfear63)
  
  Wait...wait....
  
  That $6,000 package you sell? If you perform the service for me...for free...I'll give you an honest review....for free.
  (I love getting that one)
  
  [ 2 ] Thanks
  
  Signature
  One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr
  
  â€œDo not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise; seek what they sought.â€ - Matsuo Basho
  
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HeySal 10 years ago

This will blow your mind. My mind was blown. It's mind blowing. Shocking. Unbelievable. Ingenious. Secret. Unlocks the secret.

It's an absolute cyber insane asylum.
- [ 1 ] Thanks
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Sal
When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
Beyond the Path
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barbling

10 years ago

"I just made $38,291 but I won't tell you it's because I have a list of 100s of thousands PLUS an affiliate network who always promotes what I make (and here's how you can to!)"

Boggles.The.Mind.

[ 1 ] Thanks
2 replies

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==> My Latest! <<
==> Zero Cost MMO eClass! <<

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tagiscom

10 years ago

Originally Posted by barbling

"I just made $38,291 but I won't tell you it's because I have a list of 100s of thousands PLUS an affiliate network who always promotes what I make (and here's how you can to!)"

Boggles.The.Mind.

Or the look at my Clickbank sales results!!!!

Some might shoot live video, etc, but it can still be faked.

Look at these results, $10,000 bucks in a few days!!!! It doesn't matter if l maxed out half a dozen credit cards, and after handing a few grand over to each of my family members, so they could buy my product, and get a cut of the inevitable sales, is beside the point!

Same as producing a crap song, go buy 3.5 million copies, and it will go to the number one spot!

Newbies, need to stop buying this stuff, and go take a break!

Or work like a dog for a good 5 years, whichever comes first?

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1 reply

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Steven Wagenheim 10 years ago

I am not a crook
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My Soundcloud Music Channel
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bizgrower

10 years ago

Originally Posted by barbling

"I just made $38,291 but I won't tell you it's because I have a list of 100s of thousands PLUS an affiliate network who always promotes what I make (and here's how you can to!)"

Boggles.The.Mind.

And I had the money to pay the site builder, copy writer, SEO guy/gal, etc....
And 50% of my revenues in PPC
And, not to mention they actually made little or no profit and had nothing left to pay taxes
And did it overnight - after six to eight months or more of preparation and marketing...

[ 1 ] Thanks
1 reply

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"If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

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Claude Whitacre

10 years ago

I work for Google......

I'm not calling to sell you anything... (Really, then how can we do business?)

I just want to verify your listing........

I want to give you a free website.......

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

â€œDo not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise; seek what they sought.â€ - Matsuo Basho

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tagiscom

10 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

I work for Google......

I'm not calling to sell you anything... (Really, then how can we do business?)

I just want to verify your listing........

I want to give you a free website.......

• Yes, sign up here with your credit card details, to verify your acceptance, (ignore the $35 per month, recurring fee)!

• Why haven't you answered? I have this life changing.....blah, blah! Some Clickbank, BS in other words!

• Your order is waiting, (eventhough l didn't order anything)?

• This oral sucking system will be gone for good,...blah, blah! The sooner the better!

Thanks

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bizgrower 10 years ago

The servers crashed
But wait, there's more
See you on the other side
See you at the top
Quick, before this website is banned
Buy before midnight because this will never be offered again (until I need more money from poor suckers)
This is my brand new Ferrari Diablo I paid cash for three months after buying this software
Claude did it for me and included a free Riccar
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"If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."
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George Wright 10 years ago

[DELETED]

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- Richard Van 10 years ago
  
  DAY ONE....This is a once in a life time webinar that is like nothing you've ever seen before and I've had to get big time guru Mr Fartpants in a head lock to get him to agree to do this for you! It's sooo sensitive there will be no, recording, I repeat, NO recording. I'll say that again. No recording. Drop everything and be there for this once in a lifetime opportunity to learn how to make more money than Bernie Eccleston, every day. You won't get this chance ever again!
  
  DAY TWO. As you know we had some technical difficulties. You won't believe what I did though. I got a recording of Mr Fartpants spilling the beans on the method that makes him millions every second! I've also extended the pitch we failed to mention yesterday, which was the only reason we said we weren't recording it, until noon. Buy now before this vanishes forever. Or unless we don't sell as much like yesterday and have to offer it again. You won't get this chance ever again!
  
  DAY THREE...This is your last chance to see the recording and get this once in a blah blah blah. You won't get this chance ever again!
  
  DAY FOUR....Seriously this is it, after midday this is gone forever. You won't get this chance ever again!
  
  DAY FIVE...Please buy this, I promised my wife a meal out. You won't get this chance ever again!
  
  The irony being this is exactly what I experienced recently except it wasn't Mr Fartpants and the email about having dinner was made up.
  
  I think it was just to go for a drink.
  
  [ 2 ] Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...
  
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travlinguy 10 years ago

Is there an OTO?
Why do so many of you scammers stick so many stinkin' OTOs in my face?
Can I just take an image and use it if I give the owner credit?
Do I need the OTO to make the main program work?
What's the best spinner out there?
Is fiverr a good place to buy traffic?
Is JVZoo down? Why don't they answer my ticket?
No one ever told my I needed the OTO to make the main product work!
What niche should I pick?
Is there an OTO?
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HeySal

10 years ago

Thanks
1 reply

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Sal
When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
Beyond the Path

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tagiscom

10 years ago

Originally Posted by Richard Van

DAY ONE....This is a once in a life time webinar that is like nothing you've ever seen before and I've had to get big time guru Mr Fartpants in a head lock to get him to agree to do this for you! It's sooo sensitive there will be no, recording, I repeat, NO recording. I'll say that again. No recording. Drop everything and be there for this once in a lifetime opportunity to learn how to make more money than Bernie Eccleston, every day. You won't get this chance ever again!

DAY TWO. As you know we had some technical difficulties. You won't believe what I did though. I got a recording of Mr Fartpants spilling the beans on the method that makes him millions every second! I've also extended the pitch we failed to mention yesterday, which was the only reason we said we weren't recording it, until noon. Buy now before this vanishes forever. Or unless we don't sell as much like yesterday and have to offer it again. You won't get this chance ever again!

DAY THREE...This is your last chance to see the recording and get this once in a blah blah blah. You won't get this chance ever again!

DAY FOUR....Seriously this is it, after midday this is gone forever. You won't get this chance ever again!

DAY FIVE...Please buy this, I promised my wife a meal out. You won't get this chance ever again!

You forgot to mention....

DAY SIX...well this offer is now closed, but in order to keep my cat Twinkles happy, l will be extending this offer for another week!

Besides a 5 Star meal at Maccers, just isn't right!

THAT'S RIGHT, another week of harassmen...ahem, informing you, about this once in a lifetime offer!

And don't worry, this offer eventhough is pushing a crappy traffic method, it will be 5 star crap, (l give my $10,000 a month customers, the real PPC, methods).

This method involves, a long lost secret of making Birthday cards, that look like postcards that in turn look like receipts, that in turn look like porn, coke nights with female strippers.

You can do a few a day and use my Mystical, Ninja, Oral Traffic Sucking System for the rest!

Or as other Gurus have said, "the power is in the Porn"!

Hmmm, better end it there, this is getting a bit weird, sorry Terra!

Thanks

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