Have You Ever Heard Anyone Say This?

Of course I've heard that and read it. I thought it was common sense.


Facial expression, body language, tone and volume level of your voice determine if your comment to an employee is a gentle reprimand or a belligerent demand.


It is part of how you 'present yourself' to others and is important in personal relationships, family dynamics, sales and management.

Yes, I have heard it.

The saying is widely attributed to Mae West.

I couldn't find any links that weren't commercial, but there's this

It's Not What You Say, but How You Say It

Have you ever said to your wife or girlfriend:

"That shirt looks like sh*t on you"

She looks at you all mad...

and then you say: "What? I was just saying it doesn't look good on you"

And she says...

"I know, but it's just the way you said it"

Another great lesson in Marketer Myopia, where we just naturally assume others know our jargon, lingo, slang and the ever present acronyms.

I would assume (maybe wrongly) anyone reading a book on sales would have encountered that saying, however, a couple of real life examples...such as max5ty, in telling girlfriend the attire isn't flattering...might help get your point across.

That mumu makes you look huge vs your black pinstripes make you look really hot, sort of thing.

I wonder how much of our worlds are not the universal reality we may believe them to be?

GordonJ

Your delivery does make a big difference as it's apart of the package .

I actually use the term often... its right up there with "tread lightly and carry a big stick"

I would say it is universal in nature even outside of sales

Yes, I have....

But to double check I asked Wifey. She's not in sales, but she said she'd heard it before...

Personally I think it should be "It's not what you say but what you say afterwards".

+1

I've heard it and used it many times but not in the context of sales. In the context of family or friend relationships. The wrong is in the attitude, voice level, tone, words, etc. when discussing issues.

I believe that otherwise hurtful things can be said with the right tone, attitude, etc. Those who have a problem with this seem to be those who have no or little filter.

Mark

I heard the saying multiple times growing up, also a part about the tone of your voice. Either had a teacher or neighbor say that. Hard to remember who after 40-plus years. That might be a saying that has gone out of style over the decades.

A few days ago, I asked the same question on Facebook. Most of my connections there are not business people, and I got a couple dozen answers. Everyone had heard the phrase, including many who didn't think it had anything to do with selling.

I'll post later about how I was using this in a book/webinar.

Okey Dokey...

When I hear "It's not what you say, but how you say it" as it relates to selling..."What you say" is the offer. What are you selling, what it does for the customer.

"How you say it" is the way you sell it. The positioning, the verbiage, the tone, how you answer questions...how you build and keep trust and rapport going.

And both things are necessary. If you have the wrong offer, with the wrong benefits, or ask the wrong questions, or answer them badly...the sale is lost.

But in my experience, as a salesman and marketer, my conclusion is that added together, these two factors (What you say and how you say it) only account for about 20% of our success in selling.

Fully 80% of your results depend on "Who you say it to" and "How you got in front of them".

Who you say it to is probably the most important. Some people are just far more likely to buy than others. I'm not talking about people who are interested. I'm talking about people who are just less resistant to buying what you sell (The brand, the product, the method of shipping, the method of paying...) mostly having to do with their prior purchasing history.

For example, you want to sell a service to a list you bought. The service is useful to home owners.

You can buy a list of homeowners and you'll get a result. The lowest result.
You can mail to a list of enquirers that called for information on an offer similar to yours...a better result.
You can get a list of the buyers from a competitor. An even better result.
You can get a list of people who have bought your brand of (whatever it is), and you'll get a better result.
You can just send your offers to people who have bought from you before...the best result.

See? "Who".

In personal selling, some people are used to buying the way you sell. Some are used to buying the same category of offer as you sell. Some have bought a lot of offers in the same broad category that you are in (For example; You sell PPC advertising. They buy lots of ads on websites.) There are more factors, but you get the idea.

As far as "How you got in front of them"....

Was it a cold call?
Did they contact you, or did you contact them?
Was it a direct mail lead, Facebook lead, Youtube lead, Did they respond to an article you wrote? A book you wrote? An interview you gave?

Are they a referral from someone who didn't buy from you. A referral from someone who did buy from you?
Did they call the referral before you did, to pave the way for you, and get permission to have you call?

Did you call on the phone? Text? E-Mail? Have they heard your voice? Did someone else call to set up the appointment for you?

Are you sitting in front of them, selling? Is in a video call? Texting back and forth?

Any single method of contact listed above (or others), makes a huge difference in how they receive the call, how they treat you, how they will respond to questions, whether they will believe and trust you (and how quickly)...and any combination of these methods creates a different reality in the prospect's view of you and your offer.

In my own selling, (The last 20 years or so) I would see about 80% of the prospects I called, and about 90% of those would buy on the first call. Am I super talented? No. But I was calling the right people, with the right approach, And as long as I didn't insult their kids, or trip over a baby...they bought.

Anyway, that's why I asked if you had heard the phrase. I wanted to know if I could rely on people recognizing it when I was giving a talk.

By the way, in 2018, Hubspot did a survey of about 30,000 sales reps and business owners, in over 1,000 different business categories, In other words, every type of business, every area, every type of economy....

And they came up with lots of results. The result that grabbed my eye was that the top 10% in income of survey respondents said that the difference between the top 10% and the other 90%, was that the top 10% had two things in common.

They were almost universally seen (by their prospects ) as trusted advisors, and nearly all the sales came as a referral from a current client/customer.

That's how they got in the top 10% (by income).

Neat, Eh?

Added a bit later:

I also worked (in the field) with some top 1% salespeople...usually they owned the business.

They were essentially doing what the top 10% were doing with a couple small changes.

If what they sold could be bought in volume (like investments or life insurance) they just tended to sell bigger packages to their clients.

And they had been doing it longer (remember, you can't get to the top 1% without first going through the top 10%)

These top 1%ers........sold either to their established clients, or referrals they got from these clients.

These are personal sellers. Some also sold in bulk as speakers to other people's customers. (or some other reciprocal joint venture arrangement)


We are marketers, so I include the marketing examples. The thoughts are really for sales people, and I'll edit and expand it for them. I would never try to explain this to a non-salesperson...or even an inexperienced one.

really common proverb if can say so )

I've heard the opposite to
"It's not what you say but how you say it"

I think it may have come from Gary Halbert.

His point was there needs to be key points said.

He came from 1 to 1 sales before moving to
1 to many.

Best,
Ewen