Will this postcard convert? Could use some constructive feedback..

14 replies
I don't know about the layout for some reason the picture of the inspector doesn't seem to fit that well. So I'm going to mess around with it a bit more to try and make things more cohesive.

As far as how it reads though am I missing anything? I wanted to get some testimonials on it was thinking I could potentially use the entire back for social proof.

You guys think I might get some leads with this one? We're going print out 10,000 and hit upper-middle class neighborhoods nearby.

#constructive #convert #feedback #postcard
  • Profile picture of the author Mobile Tactics
    Too wordy, and the graphics don't do anything for me. Having to answer a detailed questionnaire doesn't sound enticing either. What are your qualifier questions that you will ask them on the phone, and could you have some of them as check boxes? If you answer yes to 4 or more of the following questions you may qualify for a free energy audit and 100% financing or government grants. You should make it look more like an official government notice.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mike Black

    I already know about this industry from an affiliate product i promoted, so i know some of the things you'd be doing, but if i didnt already know i would read this and be clueless to what exactly you'd be doing. you need to make it 100% CLEAR. I also agree you are way too wordy.

    Hope that helps,



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  • Profile picture of the author Katie C
    It looks really busy, I would cut it down to a couple key main points no longer than 5-10 words each so its simple and eye catching.

    You should probably put a link to a website that has all the details
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  • Profile picture of the author Eddie Spangler

    Most all that stuff on the left except the stop stuff
    is WAYYYY too much, nobody cares about all that and they
    darn sure dont care about that technical mumbo jumbo at the bottom. Radiant barrier,cfls, attic tent, holy crap how much will I have to pay for all this stuff?

    -make some dollar bills fly out of the house(is your house leaking money?)
    -I dont want to complete a detailed questionaire, sounds like a lot of work
    -trite copy for the most part-unmatched level of quality service and satisfaction
    la di freaking da. this is just corporate speak and doesnt mean a thing-blahblah blah

    -benefits 2 and 3 make no sense to me
    compounded interest rate, do you mean that Savings grow bigger every year
    government aid and grants -WTF are you talking about

    I give this graphic a D for going into the Dumpster.
    Please try again.

    ps. Just saw this What is 100 guaranteed?
    Are you guaranteeing me that the energy audit is free?
    Promise Big.
    Deliver Bigger.
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  • Profile picture of the author FormerWageSlave
    This is a postcard? That is *a lot* of copy. I would simplify the message and connect the call to action to the offer. Your offer is way at the top, but the number is 3/4 of the way down the page.

    Pare this thing down, just give them enough info to make them want to call for the free energy audit. Everything else will be the salesman's job to educate... or your automated sales funnel's job.

    I feel like you're swinging for the fences with this. You just need to get a man on base.


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  • Profile picture of the author RedShifted
    Government aids are what the government gives you to incentivize people to buy the ****. How much clearer could I really make it for you? (talking to mr spangles) Idk maybe I need to spell it like g-o-v-e-r-n-m-e-n-t a-i-d for you wtf.

    Compounded interest again means COMPOUNDED INTEREST I asked for constructive feedback not comments from the illiterate side of the forum.

    Ok so I get it, instead of a professional picture of a HUMAN BEING with a clipboard, I should just put a picture of money flying out of windows.... like thats really gonna make that big a difference, if anything I think that will f&*k me over worse.

    Things I do agree about, its too wordy. I should have a link to the website was afraid that would stop people from calling however. I'm trying to get people to call not hangout on the internet and find other business's. Still it won't hurt to split test.

    I also agree the graphics are blah, I just don't think the recommendation with money flying everywhere would be any better. I think what would be better are before and after shots of homes and bills. Will take out a lot of the wording, and add some qualifiers which I think is another good idea.

    Now eddie spangler, about the "I don't want a detailed questionairre" I guess you've never read Dan Kennedies book about salesletters, he recommends using things like that so thats why I used it. The 100% Guaranteed means its guaranteed to be free. As I've seen business's say FREE energy audit then try to charge people when they come out to the home. Maybe it needs to be worded a little clearer.

    I'll be honest though I don't actually care if this converts anymore because I'm not relying on postcards to generate leads. Initially I thought it might be a good idea but I've seen too many energy audit companies send postcards and rarely get any response.

    Its not going to be worth the effort imo. What will be worth the effort is a new little technique I learned, which was able to generate a company I know 3027 leads in 2011 alone. Involves doing CFL exchanges at community events. Thats what I'm doing, screw relying on postcards. I'm going out into the community and recruiting business that way.
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  • Profile picture of the author IAmPaulJames
    Like others said, there is way to much going on. I would also reiterate in the call to action exactly what they are getting.
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  • Profile picture of the author Eddie Spangler
    You asked brother, I gave you my honest opinion as If I got this in the mail, thats all.
    How you gonna handle the stress under fire, when you cant even handle a critique from an internet forum without getting so emotional?

    Heck you have already given up on the idea , dont know why, seems like a good way to get some leads

    Keep a stiff upper lip and you will figure this thing out sooner or later
    Take it easy!!
    Promise Big.
    Deliver Bigger.
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  • Profile picture of the author iAmNameLess
    Well I don't know if you designed this or not, so I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

    My opinion is that if I received it, I wouldn't even read it, or even think twice before throwing it in the trash.

    Go with a different color scheme for sure.

    If it were me... I wouldn't really care so much about the graphics, that isn't your main problem. Your main problem is the color scheme and text.

    Keep your Call section on there.. cut out most of the text. Stress out the word FREE.. and highlight your most important points. Maybe put something simple in like SAVE MONEY NOW... cliche but it works. I'd also take out the 15% and say Lower You Power Bills by up to 35%

    I think with some tweaks you can get it to convert well. The problem is kind of what Eddie said... and you tried explaining what those things are. The thing is, most people aren't going to know what that stuff means either, only you since you're already knowledgeable on the subject.

    You SHOULD care if it converts, it can be a GREAT thing. You just need some tweaking. It doesn't need to be perfect, just some small adjustments that could really help.

    If you were converting 2%.. and the adjustments were getting you up to about 6%, it would be worth it, right? Even if you have a great for of lead generation aside from direct mail... marketing isn't just doing one thing, it is a combination of different techniques that get the cycles going!
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  • Profile picture of the author jonnnyd23
    It might look nicer with out the picture of the inspector. It does seem too wordy, I agree with that. Maybe a red background instead of black. The green text doesn't really pop.
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  • Profile picture of the author lint631
    My eyes went right to the 5 benefits. Like someone else said maybe lose some of the left hand wording and keep more of the right. Making those 5 benefits and the How do I get started larger might help. Maybe center that part and make your call to action big across the bottom.
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  • Profile picture of the author vndnbrgj
    I don't think there is anything wrong with the amount of wording on it.

    Go listen to Joe Polish... He tells you the best ads are the ones that seperate you from all the others and are more like an editorial than an ad.
    An editorial says read me, an ad says buy me.

    However, in the end, it doesn't matter what anyone says.
    Try one this one, and one with a few bullet points and split test them.

    That is the only true way to know.
    Life Begins At The End Of Your Comfort Zone
    - Neale Donald Wilson -
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  • Profile picture of the author flightrisk
    I think just using the headlines as bullet points will get their attention and a call. Then the pitch could be the info under your headlines to set the appointment.

    Also that guy doesn't do anything for your companies rep. tie is a mess, hardhat with that shirt and not shaved. Just get a different image.
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  • Profile picture of the author sweetcrabhoney18
    I like your postcard but it might be a bit too much for some people. Still it's a nice design and it might convert well even if it is wordy.

    keep moving forward

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