Frank Kern's Mass Confusion...(mine, not his)

Like everybody else in the free world I signed up for Frank's new Mass Control do-hickey.

Didn't want to do it, thought I owed it to him. Had some space on the 'ol bookshelf and figgered WTF.

At first, nothing much happened, so you can imagine my disappointment. As the hours ticked by with nothing to show for my efforts, I began to wonder if I had made a mistake.

I was pretty sure my strategy of putting Frank's stuff right next to John Reese's Traffic Secrets 2.0 would pan out in my favor. But as luck would have it, NOTHING!

Now, I'm not one to complain, Frank went to an awful lot of trouble to create this material, so I'm guessing the chances of it not working are pretty slim. Or so I thought.

As the day progressed I musta looked over at Frank's material more than a dozen times. It was hard work trying not to fall into the trap of continually sneaking in a glance or two while I was waiting for the next YouTube video to load, but I managed to keep things in check.

I know when I got Reese's stuff I wasted more of my day staring at his stuff than I care to admit. The key to true success is to learn to not repeat the mistakes of the past. And I for one, don't intend on getting caught in a loop of repetitive folly. At least not if I can help it.

Well, the next two days came and went and still no results. And not for lack of trying on my part, I might add. I tried all sorts of combinations to get Frank's stuff to work. I put it on the left side of Reeses' material. Then I put it on the right side. I tried stacking them on top of each other. First with MC on top, and then with TS 2.0 on top. Nothing. Disappointment was starting to set in to be sure.

I even tried taking Frank's stuff and putting it in Reese's box, and vice-versa. Still nothing. I tried moving my computer closer to my book shelves, nothing. I even rebooted it for cryin out loud. Still nothing.

By now I'm thinking Frank's stuff is going to take a lot longer to work than I first counted on. I know Reese's stuff has barely made a dent in my quest for riches, and I've had that stuff since before China had gold medals. How long does this crap take!?

But then it occurred to me.

I'll bet the real reason this stuff isn't living up to all the hype is because it isn't on my hard drive. Yea, that's it. I'm beginning to think I've been hoodwinked. Yup, those boys sure pulled a good one over on me. No wonder everybody considers them to be so doggone clever.

I'll bet I'll have to sign up for some fancy boot camp where they'll teach me how to transfer all those disky things on to my freakin hard drive. Those rascals! Man, I shoulda seen this coming. I promised myself I would never buy a product that I couldn't download straight off the internet, and look at me now. I've might have committed one honker of a mistake.

I can see it now. I'm gonna be stuck with a whole bunch of plastic and paper and more plastic and God knows what else they had to put in those products just so they could gouge me and charge me for shipping. What a waste. I feel like crap now.

And what about my hard drive. It's so friggin full of Clickbank products I'm not sure it can stand the strain. If those aliens I keep hearing about ever land at my house, and I'm sure the chances of that are fairly good, btw, and they get a hold of my computer, their won't be a list anywhere on this planet that will be safe from those creatures.

Once they get their hands on all the IM tricks I've accumulated even Superman won't be immune from having his credit cards maxed out from buying every IM course known to man. Those aliens' affiliate checks will be something to behold, you can bank on that.

Look, I'm starting to ramble here, so I better wind it down a few notches. My blood pressure's beginning to make my zits pop.

So here's the deal...and I'm sure we've all been waiting for this to come along...How about a product, one of them software thingies, that takes all, and mean every last darn IM digital product, and combines them into one super-nasty, drop-dead no-can-fail package that is so overpowering that it completely eliminates the need for humans to get involved having to learn all this stuff.

We can start with my hard drive, after that dang bootcamp, of course, and find a few more folks willing to donate their stash o'goodies, combine all those digital assets onto one monster laptop and get ready to kick some serious ass.

Then here's what we'll do next...

We'll load that puppy up and drive it down to La Jolla and challenge Frank Kern to an all out internet marketing brawl where the winner takes all, and the loser does the dishes. Or something. Man against machine. It wil be epic. We won't tell him all his shit has been loaded onto that sucker, either. We need to keep this fair.

We'll lock Frank and "the worlds most massive marketing Mac" in a room and not let them come out until every last cotton pickin internet marketing wanna-be has either become so filthy rich there's no money left over to buy oil, or every one of those dudes has their inbox so full of unread pitches that the internet grinds to a halt. It's one or the other. No middle ground, no prisoners taken, and for God's sake no movin that fu@kin free line. This one's for all the money.

Now I know what a lot of you are thinking...You're thinking "What is Frank Kern gonna do with all that money he'll have once this contest is over." Personally, I have no idea. But I can tell you this...As soon as I get that email where Frank is sending me to his blog to watch the video of him explaining how all my next "subject lines" are gonna hafta include something about being locked up in a room with a computer in order to increase my 'open rate', I'm gonna explode.

Know what I mean?

KJ

P.S.

Frank, if the one in a million chance happens and you're reading this I thought the six DVD's were entertaining and had some good content (understatement).

FWIW, if the DVD on reciprocity was the first months content, then it would be nice to have some sound on the next months DVD. I'm not complaining, that would be lame to complain about free stuff. I just think a good sound track would do wonders.