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The Fine Art of Negotiation

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Posted 25th September 2009 at 11:01 AM by Killer Joe

A lot of books have been written on this subject, most of them won’t tell you these valuable secrets.

It’s a known fact the more you know about negotiating, the more stuff you’ll get for yourself and the less stuff the other guy will get for his self and that’s what we call a Win-Win situation. We call it that because we won twice as much stuff as the other guy.

So, whenever you get into a negotiation you want the atmosphere to be as tense as possible. That way the other guy knows you mean business and you're not just there for crumpets and tea. One technique I recommend is you turn on some really load music. I prefer AC/DC on 7 and a half. You may need 8 or 9 depending on how good your headphones work. Be sure your adversary isn’t listening to ‘The Carpenters’ or any of that other smooth sounding stuff on his headphones or else he may drift off and not notice how tense you are.

The big advantage to this technique is it allows you to scrunch your face up and yell WHAT? every time your opponent makes a point that makes too much sense. So after a period of time, say 10 minutes, of both of you scrunching your faces and yelling WHAT? at each other it’s time to remove the headphones. A word of caution here, the first one to remove their headphones loses. I don’t know why that is, but I think it has something to do with subliminally showing a weakness. It’s like when two lions are duking it out and one of them decides he’d rather take a nap. So the other lion pounces on him when he turns his back and then they both take a nap. (I saw this on cable once.)

Remember, once the ringing in your ears subsides, it’s time to get back down to business. Now, you know what you want, and he knows what he wants, but you want what he wants and he wants what you want. This makes for the perfect negotiating climate. The thing to remember is, it’s what you want that he has and what you have that he wants that brings you two together so you can get what he has and he can get what you have, but you’re not letting him get what he wants or you won’t get what you want. I don’t think it can be stated any clearer than that, at least not without taking some Dramamine.

Now it’s time to get down to making your demands. A word of caution here. You’re not going to get everything you want, so you have to ask for a lot more than you need, so in the end you will get a lot more than the other guy, even after he has said NO to most of your demands. Remember it’s the guy that says NO the most that gets the most. Practice saying NO in the mirror, just not while you’re shaving.

Look here, in the olden days it was a common practice to point your gun under the table at the other guys crotch. I know this ‘cuz I’m a big John Wayne fan. Today a lot of tables are made of glass and that somewhat diminishes the value of this technique. You’re not really pulling one over on the other guy if both of you can see each others guns under the table. So here’s what I suggest. Use a tablecloth. Make sure it hangs down farther on his side than it hangs down on your side so your gun doesn’t get tangled up and accidentally discharge, ruining a perfectly good table cloth. If his gun accidentally discharges, you can make him throw in a new tablecloth as part of his ‘concessions’.

Anyway, here's how it works...let’s say you have a great website building service that you’re selling for $200 a pop. You’re sitting across the table from your potential client and it’s time to negotiate. You’re asking $400 upfront, plus a monthly maintenance fee, and the client says he’ll buy a website for $200, pay all the monthly maintenance costs, and give you the $400 upfront.

Be careful here, you don’t want to leave any money on the table, so don’t leave the waitress her tip just yet. Look your client square in the eye and tell him NO. This tactic tends to really throw them off at this point, so you’ll have them right were you want them. The important thing to remember is if you say YES at this point, than the other guy got what he wanted first, and you just lost this negotiation. You tell him you’re not budging. You need to get $200 for the website, have him pay all the monthly maintenance costs, and you want $400 upfront.

Don't be surprised if he gives in at this point. And after he finishes rubbing his eyes, he'll give you that look like one of you isn’t playing with a full deck. When he says he already AGREED to that, that’s when you know YOU won the negotiation, because HE agreed first.

See how simple this is?

Next time we’ll go into detail about the buying side of negotiations and how to prevent the other guy from making you look like a perfect idiot when you know nobody’s perfect, that’s just a figure of speech.

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  1. New Comment
    Cherilyn Woodhouse's Avatar
    LMAO - Okay, after years and years in sales in literally half a dozen different industries, both B2B and B2C, in retail shark tanks and road warrior meetings, I can 100% honestly tell you - that's gotta be in a book somewhere already, 'cuz half the salesmen out there are following those rules!

    You're hilarious. I'm definitely going to keep reading this blog...
    Posted 21st October 2009 at 02:30 AM by Cherilyn Woodhouse Cherilyn Woodhouse is offline

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