About to Launch - Please Help Review My Sales Page

by jml777
17 replies
Please help!

I'm about to launch a new subscriber based website geared toward the gluten-free niche. These are people who want to take control of their health and are willing to pay about $5 per month to do so. Target markets are individuals, medical professionals and support group leaders. The website is Gluten Free Works: HEALTH RECOVERY CENTER

Here is the sales page: Subscribe Here! | Gluten Free Works: HEALTH RECOVERY CENTER

I also have separate sales pages for
1. Medical Professionals: Benefits for Medical Professionals | Gluten Free Works: HEALTH RECOVERY CENTER
2. Support Group Leaders: Benefits for Gluten Free Support Group Leaders | Gluten Free Works: HEALTH RECOVERY CENTER

I've looked at them too many times.

Would you be so kind as to tell me what you think I should add, revise, or delete?

What do you think of offering both an Annual Price and Monthly Subscription Option? I'm looking at $69.95 for annual and $20/first month + $5.00/month for the month to month option.

I'm also contemplating a credit system, where subscribers receive $5.00 credit toward items in our store for each month they subscribe. Basically, they get their money back. Are you or is anyone you know using this type of deal effectively?

Affiliate commissions would be 50% product sales (digital workshops, videos, tutorials, annual memberships) and 30% recurring on monthly subscriptions. Does that seem fair?

Thanks for your help!

John
#launch #page #review #sales
  • Profile picture of the author drewfioravanti
    The best place to get feedback on your copywriting is in the copywriting forum.

    But, they are going to rip this to shreds. If some of the better minds there offer feedback, it would be wise to listen and implement.
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    • Profile picture of the author jml777
      Thanks! I'll repost in the copyrighting forum.

      And thanks for the suggestion. Rip to shreds sounds good to me. I care about sales, not ego.

      -John
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    I don't know if you are selling directly from this site so that your prospect
    will be coming here directly from an a PPC ad for example BUT if so
    the page is waaay too busy.

    For example the whole top section above "
    “Helping You Reverse the Damage Caused by Gluten!”"

    needs to go. You are presenting far too much information and options
    to click (ton of links) and so you will confuse your visitors.


    This may be a great informational portal for "pre-sold" traffic, but
    not for cold traffic.


    An additional note, the copy reads like it was written for SEO and
    not for selling real people, so there is a lot of repetition of keywords
    which makes the copy boring.


    -Ray Edwards
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    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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    • Profile picture of the author jml777
      Thanks, Ray!

      I anticipate most of the traffic will be presold, (using my 125,000 FB and affiliates with a few hundred thousand e-mails) but I don't want to lose the cold traffic. I really appreciate your help!

      -John
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  • Profile picture of the author Randall Magwood
    You have to make your page simpler. If you want to become an authority in this niche, fine. That's fine. But you have to fix your copy, actually give people an easy way to subscribe to your site (cause i dont see how to do it), and lose the unnecessary images of the families. For some reason i want to say that you'd probably make more money with a squeeze page and selling through your email newsletter. You can build a huge site that gets alot of clicks, but in the end, if nobody is buying... you will have to close the site cause it's not producing.
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  • Profile picture of the author Terry Gunn
    This looks more like the website that the sales page would take you to, not a sales page. Too many choices and too busy in my humble opinion. Nice looking page, just doesn't look like a sales page.
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve B
    Originally Posted by jml777 View Post

    Target markets are individuals, medical professionals and support group leaders.
    John,

    This has me worried for your sake. A site about Gluten-free and you're targeting individuals and medical professionals? That covers just about everyone on the planet, doesn't it? Yet, how many are having difficulty with gluten? If you don't do a better job of targeting you're going to have super low conversions.

    Also, what are you going to offer that medical professionals who already know it all are going to buy? Why are they going to join your membership program?

    After paying commissions you're getting $3.50/month/subscriber recurring but you will obviously have some overhead. Can you really justify the work and time commitment for a membership site where you'll be making maybe $2.50 per subscriber?

    I would rethink the approach you outlined in this thread.

    The very best to you,

    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author RichBeck
      Originally Posted by Steve B View Post

      This has me worried for your sake. A site about Gluten-free and you're targeting individuals and medical professionals? That covers just about everyone on the planet, doesn't it? Yet, how many are having difficulty with gluten? If you don't do a better job of targeting you're going to have super low conversions.
      Steve is spot on... Targeting everyone is really targeting no one....

      Check out this video by Eban Pagan...


      All The Best,

      Rich Beck BCIP, MCSD, MCIS
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  • Profile picture of the author concerro
    If you write in a more conversational tone. The customer should not feel like you are only writing to get their money, even if it is true. This comes across as a sales pitch to me.
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  • Profile picture of the author Complex
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    • Profile picture of the author jml777
      Thank YOU everybody! You have given me a ton of valuable information.

      Randall:

      I see what you mean. Add people to the list through a squeeze page and then sell the list through warming emails. And make it simple/easy. Thanks.

      Terry:

      Are you saying create a standalone sales page - no other links or other page attributes? (categories, etc.) Makes sense. Thanks.

      Steve B:

      Great advice. I should have been more specific in my original post. We based the website on a medical reference we self published (authored by my mother, an RN, BSN and current president of the Hospital of University of Pennsylvania Nurse Alumni Association) We sold thousands of copies at $34.95 each, mainly to individuals, and the work was endorsed by Harvard, Columbia, U. Chicago, UPENN, Joy Bauer, NBC Today Show, etc. I have dozens of reader and professional testimonials. Both of us have spoken to medical organizations and support groups across the US. Seems idiotic that I didn't add any of that come to think of it.

      The main target is women who are medically or self diagnosed with celiac disease or gluten sensitivity, or who have family members who are diagnosed, who want to fix their health problems, but are not receiving adequate care from doctors. I've done well connecting with them on Facebook, as our page has 125,000 followers. (Had 4 million weekly reach before testing an ad, which must have triggered something in FB's algorithm that killed the reach by 95% starting the day after the ad run ended. Sigh.) I have 54,000 on Twitter and about 13,000 emails. I have associates in organizations who have probably half a million emails altogether.

      The medical professionals would be dietitians and naturopaths, but I would only focus limited promotions to organizations and individuals with large followings.

      I included physicians because a large physician association was interested in our medical reference. (100,000+ member physicians) I thought to license the site to them. Doctors don't buy what they consider a single state disease. And while they know little about celiac disease/gluten sensitivity, and desperately need the information, you are correct - they think they understand it, and everything else, and very few buy anything.

      As for the price, I thought to start the price low and raise it as we build the subscriber base. You have me rethinking things. Thanks.

      RichBeck:

      The video is fantastic. I'm developing our business person now to determine the common qualities and will only talk to those qualities. Thanks.

      Concerro:

      Good call. Too salesy and seems like I'm talking at them. Thanks.

      Complex:

      You nailed it. This is the most comprehensive information portal in the world on the subject of symptoms related to gluten and how to fix them. An authority site and the only one in the world, in fact. Visitors can navigate to any page, but only excerpts appear to non-subscribers.

      I watched the Marketing Experiments video. I'm on the website now. It's just what I needed.

      I printed your comment and am taping it to the wall. I've seen people recover from terminal illnesses. They've pushed their way to the front of the line at events to tell us our work saved them. (You should see how many people buy your book when that happens.) I have also heard the horror stories from people who could have been helped so easily, but suffered because neither they, nor their doctors, had this information. I'll tap into that emotion. I want people to keep the tab open, get well and stay healthy. Thanks.

      RickDuris:

      It's strange. I've given presentations to groups of several hundred, written letters, chatted and composed successful social media posts that reached millions of people, but you're right. I'm having a helluva time doing what I normally do naturally when it comes to selling this site. I definitely need direction.

      You know doctors, that's for sure. I've seen them ask question after question at our events, but they'll drop dead before they buy anything. And those are the ones who are diagnosed with celiac disease. You should see their faces when you refuse to give them a free copy.

      I have friends in the pharma industry. I'll start contacting them. Thanks.

      Chris:

      I appreciate the referral. I'm on Mark's page now. His name seems familiar. I'll mention you if I contact him. Thanks.
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    You don't know your market and don't know how to communicate with them. It's really obvious.

    Hire a copywriter to critique and give you direction. The advice already given is good but you need specific strategic direction, not just a bunch of ideas. Work with someone who has written for health markets specifically.

    Good luck!

    - Rick Duris

    PS: ABANDON marketing to medical professionals. If you aren't one, your info will not be taken seriously. And in fact, you'll be seen as someone who is doling out bad information. No sense trying to sell to them, because they aren't going to buy.
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    • Profile picture of the author Chriswrighto
      Originally Posted by RickDuris View Post

      You don't know your market and don't know how to communicate with them. It's really obvious.

      Hire a copywriter to critique and give you direction. The advice already given is good but you need specific strategic direction, not just a bunch of ideas. Work with someone who has written for health markets specifically.

      Good luck!

      - Rick Duris

      PS: ABANDON marketing to medical professionals. If you aren't one, your info will not be taken seriously. And in fact, you'll be seen as someone who is doling out bad information. No sense trying to sell to them, because they aren't going to buy.
      I agree with Rick.

      To point you in a direction... Mark Pescetti writes a lot of health copy. Although last time I spoke to him (a few weeks back now) he was pretty busy. Anyway... if you can meet his fees you'll find him here: Freelance Website Copywriter Mark Pescetti | Millionaire Mindset Copywriting & Coaching for Visionary Entrepreneurs

      Chris
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      Wealthcopywriter.com :)

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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    I should have been more specific in my original post. We based the website on a medical reference we self published (authored by my mother, an RN, BSN and current president of the Hospital of University of Pennsylvania Nurse Alumni Association) We sold thousands of copies at $34.95 each, mainly to individuals, and the work was endorsed by Harvard, Columbia, U. Chicago, UPENN, Joy Bauer, NBC Today Show, etc. I have dozens of reader and professional testimonials. Both of us have spoken to medical organizations and support groups across the US. Seems idiotic that I didn't add any of that come to think of it.

    The main target is women who are medically or self diagnosed with celiac disease or gluten sensitivity, or who have family members who are diagnosed, who want to fix their health problems, but are not receiving adequate care from doctors. I've done well connecting with them on Facebook, as our page has 125,000 followers. (Had 4 million weekly reach before testing an ad, which must have triggered something in FB's algorithm that killed the reach by 95% starting the day after the ad run ended. Sigh.) I have 54,000 on Twitter and about 13,000 emails. I have associates in organizations who have probably half a million emails altogether.
    All of that is gold. So why on earth have you made this spammy-looking site with the cheesy stock photos and the "give me your money" mindset? What you've done is truly dreadful but I bet if you went "back to your roots" you'd have something really good. Think along the lines of INSPIRING people rather than just flogging them a product. When I first saw this post I shuddered when I read
    geared toward the gluten-free niche
    . I immediately thought "here's another one trying to make a buck out of people's health problems". But after reading your latest post it appears you have a lot to offer.

    Here's your HOOK:
    The main target is women who are medically or self diagnosed with celiac disease or gluten sensitivity, or who have family members who are diagnosed, who want to fix their health problems, but are not receiving adequate care from doctors.
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    If you're going to talk to copywriters, you should talk to Mal as well.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    Here's the problem...

    Your positioning is dead in the water.

    Are you seriously trying to sell this to doctors and medical students?

    Haven't seen your product, I don't know what you believe is the cause of gluten intolerance. But nothing in your copy gives me hope that you have the answer. I don't get the sense you're going to go in-depth about dysbiosis, hyperpermeability (aka leaky gut) or why the immune attacks otherwise healthy tissue (aka autoimmune response.)

    And even if you did...

    Most doctors won't listen. They don't care. They don't believe any of what I just said is necessarily the cause of autoimmune diseases, like Celiac.

    Regular everyday people are far more open. In fact, if they're experiencing the consequences of too much bad bacteria, especially candida, they're downright desperate for a solution (that makes sense.)

    You need to come to bat demonstrating more expertise, build up intrigue, agitate the problem and describe the cause - so people can feel like you actually know what you're talking about.

    If you're about to launch. Stop the countdown. You need to reboot your positioning... and maybe your product... before spending ad cash on traffic.

    Sorry if I sound down on you. And maybe I'm off in my feedback. But regardless, you've got a lot of work to do. And you definitely need a copywriter help to get you there. Not just because of the writing part, but for major marketing strategy help too. I'm not the guy. Rick and Mal, whether they agree with a word I just said or not, are your best bet.

    Mark

    P.S. You mentioned in your response to Rick that you have friends in the pharma industry. Good luck with that. Big Pharma isn't interested in solutions. They want money. Their pills aren't designed to cure, heal or rebalance anything. Don't try to educate people who aren't interested in being educated.
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    • Profile picture of the author jml777
      Mark:

      Thanks for the great feedback. Don't worry about me feeling down. If I had felt comfortable with what I'd created, I would never have posted the thread. If I don't communicate how effectively the site will help people correct their ills, then people won't subscribe. Nobody wins.

      "You need to come to bat demonstrating more expertise, build up intrigue, agitate the problem and describe the cause - so people can feel like you actually know what you're talking about."
      I can do this. I have years of experience in the industry, edited and published the most comprehensive medical reference on the subject, spoken in front of thousands of people with CD or GS, have dozens of testimonials and reader letters from medical experts, TV personalities, hairdressers and mechanics. I'm also living proof. I lost 25 pounds in two months, cured my acid reflux and irritable bowel, dispelled anxiety issues I didn't know I had, and improved my bench press from 185 to 255 when I went gluten-free ten years ago.

      I've met doctors who don't know what an immunoglobulin is. If they didn't learn it in med school, or if a cute pharma rep hasn't explained the wonders of the pill over filet mignon dinner, they don't have an interest. Malabsorption, nutrition and systemic inflammatory responses due to environmental triggers are beyond their scope. Patients would bring our book to their doctors, and a national nonprofit supplied copies to them, but you are absolutely correct. Don't try to educate people who don't want to be educated, no matter how much they need it or could help others by having it.

      A pharma company paid me over $10,000 per month to recruit participants for a promising therapy after firing one of the top recruiting companies on the East Coast of the United States. The mechanism was legit and the results promising, so I took the project and surpassed their expectations. The CEO is my contact.

      You, and everyone here, have given me valuable advice.

      Thank you!

      John
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      • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
        Originally Posted by jml777 View Post

        Mark:

        Thanks for the great feedback. Don't worry about me feeling down. If I had felt comfortable with what I'd created, I would never have posted the thread. If I don't communicate how effectively the site will help people correct their ills, then people won't subscribe. Nobody wins.



        I can do this. I have years of experience in the industry, edited and published the most comprehensive medical reference on the subject, spoken in front of thousands of people with CD or GS, have dozens of testimonials and reader letters from medical experts, TV personalities, hairdressers and mechanics. I'm also living proof. I lost 25 pounds in two months, cured my acid reflux and irritable bowel, dispelled anxiety issues I didn't know I had, and improved my bench press from 185 to 255 when I went gluten-free ten years ago.

        I've met doctors who don't know what an immunoglobulin is. If they didn't learn it in med school, or if a cute pharma rep hasn't explained the wonders of the pill over filet mignon dinner, they don't have an interest. Malabsorption, nutrition and systemic inflammatory responses due to environmental triggers are beyond their scope. Patients would bring our book to their doctors, and a national nonprofit supplied copies to them, but you are absolutely correct. Don't try to educate people who don't want to be educated, no matter how much they need it or could help others by having it.

        A pharma company paid me over $10,000 per month to recruit participants for a promising therapy after firing one of the top recruiting companies on the East Coast of the United States. The mechanism was legit and the results promising, so I took the project and surpassed their expectations. The CEO is my contact.

        You, and everyone here, have given me valuable advice.

        Thank you!

        John
        Awesome John!

        What you just said in THIS post was better copy... than your actual copy.

        All the pieces of the puzzle are there. You just need to position them right.

        And working with the right copywriter will definitely get you there faster.

        In the meantime...

        Reread what you said. There's 24k gold in there.

        Mark
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