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Critique and advice

by alanj
7 replies
Hi, I need to shift some excess stock of kitchen units fast so was thinking of running a clearance ad in the local press.
Would something along the line of the following work, and what should I change (the ad would also contain suitable images)


Designer Kitchen Clearance


To facilitate our move into new larger premises we are clearing the stock of our existing warehouse.


All Kitchens are the Latest German Designs and include Wood-grains, Hi-gloss and Handle-less options. All available at Less than current Trade prices.


But hurry as stock is limited and will be available on a first come first served basis

Tel 0800 ------- for free design and estimate


Company logo and address details etc
#advice #critique
  • Profile picture of the author Sean DeSilva
    Here's a quick rewrite that implies heavy urgency and embeds opportunistic phrases throughout.
    --------------

    Liquidation Sale
    For our entire stock of designer kitchen products

    50% off. Everything must go by Thursday!

    XYZ Kitchen Co. is relocating to a bigger warehouse, and that means all our current stock must be cleared out.

    [Stack furniture types and brands]
    Signature
    Ad Agency Copywriters Sell MORE. Need a shot of extra sales? I specialize in high converting sales pages, Clickbank offers, and product launch email sequences. (Click here to learn more).
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    • Profile picture of the author Lance K
      Why would you need to liquidate inventory if you're moving into a BIGGER warehouse?
      Signature
      "You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want."
      ~ Zig Ziglar
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  • Profile picture of the author splitTest
    How big is your ad?

    (Off the top of my head -- inspired by the impressive copy-spinning skills of johnrussell and thecopynazi, who make it look easy...):

    (image)
    Brand-name Designer Kitchens
    Now 50% Off!

    There'll never be a better time to create your dream designer kitchen. We’re moving to 123 x street -- and that means ALL our current inventory has to sell by Friday, June 5.

    Brand names, New German Designs, Wood-grains, Marble-tops, Hi-Gloss and Handle-less options.

    Aristokraft, Homecrest, Diamond, Kemper, Kitchencraft

    Get the kitchen you’ve always wanted -- for below wholesale. Don’t miss out -- Sale starts Monday, June 1, 7:00 am. /ends Friday June 5, 5 p.m.

    Phone ahead to reserve items!

    Phone Number/Name/Logo/Location map

    =====
    I usually focus on b-to-b, but it's my impression that naming top brands can help in cases like this...
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    "50% Off" and "Liquidation sale" have been misused to the point where people are highly suspicious. "What's the catch?" they'll be thinking. If it were me I'd be addressing that problem straight away. If it's high-end German units I'd be tempted to use a head like -

    "Ve haf vays and means of makink you buy"

    I'd then explain why they were heavily discounted...the fact it wasn't a marketing ploy - all that. As well as stressing the quality of German-built.
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnRussell
    Hogan!

    Showing my age here.
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  • Profile picture of the author alanj
    Thanks Guys , some great help there. Forgot to say I'll be running it at quarter page size which equates to around 135 x 165 cm or 5 3/8 x 6 1/2 inches
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  • Profile picture of the author alanj
    Any better ?


    Imagine Owning a Designer Kitchen at Trade Price


    There'll never be a better time to buy a Designer Kitchen . Were moving to a new larger manufacturing facility...... and that means all our current stock has to go by 12th June


    All the latest German designs are available including Hi- Gloss, Wood grains, and Handle-less versions as well as Duropal German worktops Blanco sinks etc. And for extra piece of mind we offer a fully project managed installation service.


    Get the kitchen you've always dreamed of at less than Trade Prices
    But HURRY they're only available between Monday 26th May and Friday 12 June.


    Call NOW to reserve your free design appointment, because once they're gone they're gone
    Freephone 0800 077**** or 01207 54****


    Meister
    Perfekt von Form und Funktion


    company logo details etc
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