Critique my ebook copy

11 years ago

You need to get a native-english speaker to write your copy. Or at least edit it.

I'll say this about the copy...

Men with low testosterone feel lost. They start to doubt their very existence.

"Surely there's more to life than this?"

Every day is the same dreary routine. It's as though they're living their life in grayscale. No color, no excitement.

They'll put it down to their age.

"Huh, I guess it's because I'm getting on..."

And having low T won't be on their radar at all.

This is the cycle my dad went through when he was in his late 40s. And to some extent, it's the same cycle I've been through despite being young. (I have naturally low T, which I combat with heavy lifting, meat, zinc, etc...)

You really need to tap into this feeling of 'lowness' if that makes sense. Relate to how they feel down about life. And slowly bring them to the realisation that low T is the problem.

Right now, you're on the right track, but it doesn't suck me in. It doesn't engage my emotions or compel me to do anything.

And also, why would I buy a guide on TRT when I could just get on it?

Chris

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Testos

11 years ago

Chris,

Thank you for the feedback - this is fantastic and loaded with useful advice. You've already gotten the wheels in my head turning. A few points:

1. English is my native language. I'm guessing what you're trying to say is that I need to clean up the grammar, which makes sense because I wrote this copy off the top of my head.

2. This is the first time I've ever written a sales copy. Never done this before at all. So it's encouraging to know that I'm on the "right track".

3. Tapping to the feelings of lowness makes perfect sense, as I've gone through it myself. I just need to find the right words to express it, and you've provided some excellent examples - thank you for that.

4. You ask "Why would I buy a guide on TRT when I could just get on it?"

Very good question, and I have answers for that.

A) Many doctors won't even prescribe TRT if your testosterone level is "within range", even if you're in the bottom 25th percentile. So many men continue to suffer.

B) Many doctors have NO idea what they are doing with TRT. If a man just gets on TRT, he is likely to do it wrong and feel even worse than when he started. It's important to understand how to do TRT properly and how find a doctor who actually knows what he's doing. My book outlines exactly how to do that.

Maybe I should make that clearer in my copy?

Thanks
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gjabiz

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Testos

1. English is my native language. I'm guessing what you're trying to say is that I need to clean up the grammar, which makes sense because I wrote this copy off the top of my head.

offering critiques has become ...doing the work for them. No thanks.

gjabiz

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chrisnos

11 years ago

The VERY first thing your customer sees they'll use to judge their interest in your product. You need a quick, clear, headline that grabs their attention.

Not that you don't, but the first place their eyes go to is a formula, with no context for what that picture is, or how it will help them, which is the FIRST thing they should know within 3 seconds of landing on your page.

The body copy is solid. I'd say just change the first thing their eyes land on, and when you introduce the picture of the compound, give some understanding of the benefits first.

Thanks
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Testos

11 years ago

Originally Posted by gjabiz

offering critiques has become ...doing the work for them. No thanks.

gjabiz - Obviously I am very new to the copywriting world, and I did not realize that requesting critiques is akin to asking veteran copywriters to do the work for free. My apologies, and thank you for setting me straight.

I'm reading up on the stickies on copywriting and will apply what I learned to creating better copy.

The body copy is solid. I'd say just change the first thing their eyes land on, and when you introduce the picture of the compound, give some understanding of the benefits first.

Thanks, chrisnos. I originally thought of putting a picture of a well built man with a half naked happy lustful woman as the headline pic, but I was worried it would come off as tacky. Maybe not?

[ 1 ] Thanks
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angiecolee

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Testos

Thanks, chrisnos. I originally thought of putting a picture of a well built man with a half naked happy lustful woman as the headline pic, but I was worried it would come off as tacky. Maybe not?

Why not? I know when I smell the testosterone on a man, I get half-naked and lustful.

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Testos 11 years ago

Haha thanks angiecolee! I found a picture like that.

I picked one where the woman is looking at you (the blog reader) instead of the man with her. I think it packs a lot more power that way.

I'll work on the wording of the book copy this weekend. Thank you all for nudging me in the right direction!
- Thanks
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sethczerepak 11 years ago

Originally Posted by angiecolee

Why not? I know when I smell the testosterone on a man, I get half-naked and lustful.

That ^ makes me want to buy something. Not kidding. Be a good component for the letter.

But Chris is right. You need to hire someone who speaks English...and who understand the market...and who understands copywriting. You're too far from "getting it" (on all three of those) to write this yourself.
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- Testos 11 years ago
  
  My intention is to get into the copywriting field in the long term, and this is good practice. That's why I don't plan to hire someone for this. I may not have any experience with copywriting, but I'm willing to learn. I foresee making many adjustments to my copy over time (that I will update today). I might even revise the whole thing if I see changes in the market.
  
  I also understand the specific market for TRT because I have 5 years worth of research (mostly for myself trying to get on TRT), and I was THE guy that I am trying to market to. While I have firsthand experience on the market, the real trick is reaching out to them.
  
  BTW, English is my native language, too.
  
  Thanks
  
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gjabiz

11 years ago

Here are some basic thoughts for you to consider...

WHO is your target market? M-25? 35-40? Over 40?

Define your would be customer.

What exactly does your product have to do with his life? HOW will it be better after he has your product?

OK, now how will these ideas meet him? Where is the Intersection between your promotion and your target market? Is it only online? At a website? How does he get there? From where?

Once he lands on your promotion what are you doing to get his ATTENTION? How do you keep it? How and what will pique his INTEREST and keep him reading?

WHAT does he want? HOW do you help him get it?

What does he have to do? What is his next move? What ACTION does he need to take after reading?

What will be the URGENCY of this action? What happens if he delays and does nothing?

Answering these questions will give you a solid blueprint to build on.

Once you clearly identify the customer you want, and figure out how to get him to your promotion, the SELLING (copy) BEGINS.

Get his attention, gain his interest, lead him to the conclusion he wants to get to, have him take immediate action to resolve/relieve his concern, even if before he read this, he may not of known he had.

Think: Target BEFORE my product...Target AFTER my product.

And you have a good START on copywriting.

gjabiz

Originally Posted by Testos

gjabiz - Obviously I am very new to the copywriting world, and I did not realize that requesting critiques is akin to asking veteran copywriters to do the work for free. My apologies, and thank you for setting me straight.

I'm reading up on the stickies on copywriting and will apply what I learned to creating better copy.

Thanks, chrisnos. I originally thought of putting a picture of a well built man with a half naked happy lustful woman as the headline pic, but I was worried it would come off as tacky. Maybe not?

Thanks
1 reply

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Alex Cohen 11 years ago

Isn't anybody here going to ask the obvious?

Are you really going to wait and hope somebody else asks it???

(Like I'm doing)

LOL

Alex
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- ewenmack 11 years ago
  
  You and others are coming at it with the wrong approach.
  
  There's a lot of awareness of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
  
  Right now there's too much focus on educating on the benefits
  of it.
  
  You are another lone voice trying to be heard over others.
  
  You tell the benefits of Testosterone Replacement Therapy
  when people aren't aware of it.
  
  That's good because everyone else is doing the same thing.
  
  The answer is to be at least one step ahead of the crowd
  by telling your buyer's why Testosterone Replacement Therapy
  doesn't work.
  
  From what you've said, there's lot's of traps and bad experiences
  from buyers.
  
  Why it doesn't work caters to 2 sectors, new to buying it
  and those that have bought.
  
  This approach worked like gangbusters in the health supplement sector.
  
  At the time everyone was talking about the benefits of
  2 ingredients for eye health.
  
  The clued up ad writer knew that many people got bad results
  from those 2 ingredients.
  
  Yet her client had a product with those 2 main ingredients.
  
  The headline and theme was all about why those 2 ingredients don't work.
  It went into the dose required to work and the associated data to back it up.
  
  Of course their product had the right dosage to work.
  
  And so you should use a headline and theme why
  Testosterone Replacement Therapy doesn't work.
  
  Take yourself out of the moshpit and into
  a place where you be the one who's the only choice
  to a buyer of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
  
  Best,
  Doctor E. Vile
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Testos 11 years ago
  
  gjabiz: Thanks for that list of questions. I already know who I'm marketing this to (men over 30, most likely married, have 9-5 jobs, and generally bored, depressed, and disillusioned about life).
  
  However, it really helps to write it all down on paper - there's something about that that helps coalesce the right phrases together.
  
  One thing I'm stumped about it is how to get the men who aren't aware they have low testosterone to my site - that could take a little SEO and keyword selection, along with an ad campaign. You've given me lots to think about.
  
  ewenmack: I don't know how it is where you are located, but the market that I'm seeing has an utter lack of awareness of what TRT is all about (even among doctors) and how to do it right.
  
  I do get what you're saying... it's hard to come up with an unique selling point in this topic. I think I have one, and just need to find a way to get it through to the buyer.
  
  Thanks
  
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pewpewpewmonkeys

11 years ago

I know when I smell the testosterone on a man, I get half-naked and lustful.

I thought you got that way when you saw a beard?

Or potato, potato.

OP, listen to talk radio. There's a testosterone ad every 15 minutes or so. It will give you some insight into how tacky you can get away with.

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angiecolee

11 years ago

Originally Posted by pewpewpewmonkeys

I thought you got that way when you saw a beard?

Or potato, potato.

OP, listen to talk radio. There's a testosterone ad every 15 minutes or so. It will give you some insight into how tacky you can get away with.

Beards, the smell of testosterone.

I just can't help it.

My dumb lady brain goes all weak and the hormones tell me I must get naked.

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pewpewpewmonkeys

11 years ago

The No-Nonsense Guide on Testosterone Replacement Therapy

Boooring.

"Men: Feel like you're 27 again and have a libido so thick and hard it takes a chainsaw to slice through"

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Tim R

11 years ago

To echo what Gordon said, you don't seem to know who you're targeting here. You may think you do, but it's not reflected in your copy.

It's all over the place and you contradict your sales message in different parts.

You haven't addressed any objections your prospect might have and haven't provided a single clear reason they should buy the book, as far as I can see.

Seems like you've learned to write copy by modelling poor examples in the IM niche, with all of your bolded words and exclamation marks. Is that how you would talk to someone about this issue if you were face to face with them? Probably not.

Thanks
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Testos

11 years ago

I updated my book copy.

This is my first serious attempt at creating copy. I don't expect it to be a masterpiece, and I fully expect to make further revisions. But for now, I think it's a good placeholder for future improvements.

It took almost the whole weekend to do it, though I'm sure you experts could have done it in under a few hours

First, I mapped the features of my book to the benefits that my target demographic want (that took a LOT of thinking - who am I really marketing this to?).

That was more of a brainstorming session where I came up with many ideas, and then later I narrowed down to a few benefits to focus on.

Second, I wrote a list of headlines to use. I got about 25-30 of them, so I picked one for the main headline, one for the tagline, and used a couple for the subheadings. If the headline sucks, I have plenty of other headlines from my list to choose from.

Third, I structured my copy similar to that of an AIDA format. I start by telling my personal story (all true btw). Then I put in a couple of shocking sub-headlines to keep the reader reading through the desire and action parts. Any percentage statistic I quote, I have the research to back it up.

I attempt to convey my USP in the section between the "get your testosterone tested" and the "many men and doctors do it all wrong". That was a pretty difficult part, showing how my book is unique without giving away too much information.

Then I sandwich the Call to Action between two objections. The first objection addresses readers who want to raise their testosterone "naturally", and the second objection is price (less than a doctor's copay).

The last steps I take are to explain why I'm offering this, and to add a P.S. statement. I really think the P.S. statement needs some work, and that will probably be revised soon.

I did my best to not overuse bold and exclamation points, and added a couple of images for effect.

I also worry this copy is too long, but I researched this and I've seen plenty of articles saying that long copy sells just as well, if not better, than short copy.

Feedback is welcome. Let it rip! (I hope it's at least better than the first one!)

Thank you.

Thanks
1 reply

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wealthy20

11 years ago

Originally Posted by Testos

I updated my book copy.

This is my first serious attempt at creating copy. I don't expect it to be a masterpiece, and I fully expect to make further revisions. But for now, I think it's a good placeholder for future improvements.

It took almost the whole weekend to do it, though I'm sure you experts could have done it in under a few hours

First, I mapped the features of my book to the benefits that my target demographic want (that took a LOT of thinking - who am I really marketing this to?).

That was more of a brainstorming session where I came up with many ideas, and then later I narrowed down to a few benefits to focus on.

Second, I wrote a list of headlines to use. I got about 25-30 of them, so I picked one for the main headline, one for the tagline, and used a couple for the subheadings. If the headline sucks, I have plenty of other headlines from my list to choose from.

Third, I structured my copy similar to that of an AIDA format. I start by telling my personal story (all true btw). Then I put in a couple of shocking sub-headlines to keep the reader reading through the desire and action parts. Any percentage statistic I quote, I have the research to back it up.

I attempt to convey my USP in the section between the "get your testosterone tested" and the "many men and doctors do it all wrong". That was a pretty difficult part, showing how my book is unique without giving away too much information.

Then I sandwich the Call to Action between two objections. The first objection addresses readers who want to raise their testosterone "naturally", and the second objection is price (less than a doctor's copay).

The last steps I take are to explain why I'm offering this, and to add a P.S. statement. I really think the P.S. statement needs some work, and that will probably be revised soon.

I did my best to not overuse bold and exclamation points, and added a couple of images for effect.

I also worry this copy is too long, but I researched this and I've seen plenty of articles saying that long copy sells just as well, if not better, than short copy.

Feedback is welcome. Let it rip! (I hope it's at least better than the first one!)

Thank you.

You have a great mindset, but don't overthink things too much. Speed is a skill in these things. If you can get your hands on PLR and Master Resell Rights Licenses you can give free copies on almost any topics.

Thanks

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yragcom1

11 years ago

"You see her from across the room, though no else has noticed her. She blends into the room, but to you, she's the only thing there.

You stare at her for a long second, and you don't care if she notices. You're feeling a primal urge deep inside, a feeling that's making your heart beat a little faster. She's a looker, but not in the obvious way, and no one's noticed this but you.

You catch yourself and break off your gaze. You feel different today, more awake, more alert, more...vibrant.

You smile and realize that it's must be the Stay-Stiff pills you took this morning. You didn't even notice your wife when you walked out the door this morning. Now, you're a panther on the prowl, waking up to new...possibilities.

You stand, but your newly found pup tent won't let you stand up straight, You even wore boxers today. You know people are staring, but you don't care. You hope they look. Especially the women.

"Yep," you say to yourself. "Must be the Stay-Stiff..."

(Sorry, just couldn't resist.)

Thanks

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Testos

11 years ago

Hi again, everyone...

I overhauled my ebook copy, made it much longer, and gave it more structure to help it flow better. I spent about two weeks on this, most of it through research, studying sales copy that converts well, learning my target market demographics, and of course, writing.

www.trtguide.com

Hope this is better than before... let me know what you think. Thanks!

PS. The landing page used to be blog posts. Now I made the copy itself the landing page, so that when people visit, the first thing they see is the actual copy.

Thanks

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Critique my ebook copy

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