Shoot Down My Sales Page Please!

Hi - it looks as if there is a typo in your main page url . . .

Kevin

Here's the link to your main sales letter... 9 Days

I'll come back in a bit and see if I can find some time to go over it.

-Scott

This is weak. Could be a lot better - "Discover Your Life Passion And Live With Purpose"

If You're Not Loving Life, If You Hate Your Job, If You Crave Success And Happiness, Read On...

Here's a quote for you from Henry David Thoreau, "Most men live a life of quiet desperation".Maybe the headline would be better with something like that? Spin it into

WHOA. Blown away. Thanks for that, where do I send the cheque?

Seriously though, that's a fantastic suggestion. I really, really appreciate it. Really. Thanks for taking the time, you're a quality person in a quality community.

First thing that struck me: why is the word tired underlined?

Comments taken on board Copy Warriors! Awesome, awesome feedback. I've made changes to my opt-in and sales pages to reflect the following points:

1. Yes, I used I A LOT. That's not good. It's all about the prospect and the problems they are facing and what they can do to solve them, which is buy my product. Thanks Mark.

2. Weak headline on both opt-in and sales page. Doesn't capture the attention of the prospect OR paint the picture of the benefits for the prospect. Changed both. You can see the revised headlines here. One will look VERY familiar. Thanks Metro.

[edit] <-- closed, Thanks All!

3. Removed the word tired altogether from the pre-headline. That's not exactly the first state of mind I want to plant in my prospect is it? Thanks Peter.

A couple more changes I made:

1. Made it very clear to the prospect what I wanted from them, which is to enter their details into the form. Made it very clear to the prospect what will happen next, which is them being taken to the sales page where they will find out how to turn their life around. Added a continuity from optin headline to sales pre-headline. This is to eliminate the potential misunderstanding that the solutions are found in the free reports.

2. Rewrote the headlines of my chapters to all be ' The # ___ to (insert benefit here)' and adjusted the benefit bullets on my sales page accordingly. This is one thing that I picked up in my article/blog post writing - this powerful headline format increases clicks by A LOT. Probably basic to anyone with any experience in article writing/marketing but I'll just state the obvious because it wasn't obvious to me at the start.

Again, thanks for all your help so far, you guys seriously ROCK.

Again, I'd like to invite you to SHOOT DOWN my sales page. Don't pull any punches people.

I'll be putting a post in the main forum to remind people like me who are starting out about the tremendous feedback that they can get by inviting others to critique their site.

Thanks MM! I'll get right on it.

My man ,Great improvement.I was blown away.I just wanted to buy it.

Awesome! What's stopping you?

I think your biggest problem is your whole approach.

I understand what you're selling... kind of... but I don't care.

You need to clarify your USP... and figure out what it is your market REALLY wants.

Energy, enjoyment, and excitement? Buzzwords that don't mean a terrible lot.

Figure out what your market really care about... and talk about that.

-Dan

Excellent comments. I'll be taking them on board and working in the improvements ASAP.

Looks great!