Help needed with Copywriting

Some hypothetical possibilities.. based on my own experience with universities and people with advertising degrees...


1. Your lecturer probably doesn't know crap about advertising.

2. He will project what he LIKES onto your score.

3. What is actually good copy he probably won't like.


Having said that... I'm not familiar with the economist ads.

But I'm guessing what you're after is basically a tagline to sell yourself as a copywriter to a business audience.

Your current ad is confusing.

Good advertising is simple... it can be grasped easily by pretty much anyone.

Simplify your message.

Something like:

Patrick Cameron
Boost the bottom line of your business with high-performance advertising

It's obviously fairly reserved... and needs fleshing out... but if I were you that's the direction I'd be taking it.

Clean.. simple... obvious.

-Dan

Hi Dan,

Thanks for the quick reply it really helps. I think i should clarify a few points. I agree i don't want to be obscure but i think obscurity is relative to the target market, my lecturer would understand the awesome and fantastic reference so would that still make it confusing?

Yes I am trying to create a tagline to sell myself as a copywriter, however, i'm selling it purely to my lecturer not to a business audience. Also, it will be placed against 8 other print ads competing for attention, so I am looking for something witty that engages my lecturer.

Once again thankyou for you input i really do appreciate it

Would love to hear other's insights

From my understanding, your ad to essentially sell yourself is not ONLY copy writing but everything else as well? (Graphic design, etc....) If you want to emulate the success of modern print ads I'd shoot for very minimalist copy and typography. Short punchy sentences, think Hemingway. I like the alliteration you use with copywriting and clutter. You don't have a lot of text to work with (you don't want your prof reading a paragraph) so you have to engage her with what you DO have without making her vomit from reading a plain and simple sales pitch. If you're still going with the following:

"Breaking through the copywriting clutter of awesome! and fantastic!, no if so or buts about it." I would change it around a little bit....perhaps cut out the "no if so or buts about it" (i'm not sure if that's a colloquial way to say that, but I always thought it was "No it's, ands, or buts")

Going along with the same energetic theme you started with, I might try something like this:

Breaking through the copywriting clutter of "Awesome!" and "Fantastic!" because You don't need hyperbole to get noticed.

(I don't know.....thats still a bit weak, but you see where I'm going). Treat it like poetry, It's NEVER done and it can always be better. Even the smallest detail can make a difference. Good luck with your assignment.

Hi Malarky,

Can't thank you enough for your post, it really helped.

I will be working on the art direction side of things such as typeface and colour schemes with my gf who lucky for me is a graphic designer.

The "no if so or buts about it" was a direct quote from my lecturer which i should have had in quotations. However, I really like your take on it, already it makes it a lot stronger.

I think I still have along way to go with it but your input is invaluable its' definitely put me on the right track.

I welcome any further thoughts and opinions.

I did a similar assignment a couple years ago. I don't have my flash drive on me right now but the project involved Logo/graphic design and short ad copy. If I find it I'll post a jpeg of it when I get home.

From what I remember, the AD (was for writing pads) was sized to fit in a magazine. The Bottom of the ad was a scan of a torn out sheet of paper with writing on it -- that was my copy. Handwriting was the typography element. maybe if you're going for the idea that your copywriting is more legitimate and less marketing BS, that could be a typographical thing you could consider.

Also, I had another thought about "No if so or buts" -- I would cut it entirely. Unless its a catchphrase your teacher uses all the time (and would grade you favorably for). I say that because it's a cliche and you never want to use a cliche in any of your writing.

glad to be a help! like I said, if I find my ad i'll post a pic.

Thanks Malarky, you're a life saver. I'm cutting the "No if so or buts" out in favour of your idea or similar. If you could find a copy of your ad that would be great. I'm definitely feeling more confident about what i'm doing now but I'm still open to further suggestions and constructive criticism

You instructor probably doesn't like unsupported superlatives:
ie. "wonderful" "fantastic" and "awesome".

They are indicators of imprecise writing. You don't have to
say your product is "awesome" if you tell what it does and the
reader draws the conclusion that it is indeed awesome.

That's why superlatives are often wasted space in ads,
they don't communicate substantively. Specifics, on the
other hand, are very effective at selling.

Hi Loren,

Thanks for that, it gives a much better understanding of where my lecturer is coming from. Would you add or change anything to my tagline as it is?

"Breaking through the copywriting clutter of "Awesome!" and "Fantastic!" because You don't need hyperbole to get noticed."

Well "Breaking through" is sort of an infinitive or something -
it's a vague process. A "break through" is more concrete,
even through promising to break through is still somewhat
metaphorical unless you run jackhammers.

Realistically your teacher doesn't need something that would
pass the test of the real marketplace. If you can get
Stephen King's book "On Writing" locally, read the second
half, where he tells how to write effective prose. The book
is short and excellent.

Also, if you can find any of his stuff at the library, read some
copywriting stuff by Herschell Gordon Lewis - he writes
about how to use language better than most authors
I've read.

Staplines, taglines can be challenging to invent. It's all about
memes. Most folks advertising their services are cheesy
and cliche with straplines... because they are hard.

The problem is the way you're thinking you're going to fall
into boasting in your headline... tagline, whatever. The
purpose of the headline is not, however, to sell the product -
it is either to entice the reader to learn more or to advertise,
either with fact or hyperbole, some striking characteristic
of your product.

Unless you are a physically unusual specimen odds are you
have no feature that is really amazing and headline-worthy.

Yao-Ming is 7'4" or something so in his case a headline
might advertise his height and somehow say that most
big guys aren't so nimble or whatever.

Any physical characteristic can be used to telegraph a benefit -
perhaps if you have a really big head you could advertise
that since your head is big you must be very smart about
advertising.

I'm being silly here but I'm trying to make a point. The point
is to find some way to entice curiosity with your headline,
because today's marketplace is full of boasts, but genuine
interest, even if it begins with some curiosity, is what you're
really after. Boasting is a flawed way to get it unless you or
your product is in some way famous. With no fame for traction
a-la Halbert's famous Tova Borgnine ads, a boast tends to
be deflected by the consumer - thus the heavy reliance on
celebrity endorsers in the TV direct response game and
direct mail.

I'd look at the ads like Dos Equis "The World's Most Interesting
Man" and Ogilvy's ads with the guy wearing the eyepatch.

Daniel for the most, that is my tagline, Malarky was kind enough to suggest "because You don't need hyperbole to get noticed." and help with punctuation which i think is great. I probably should have written "Would you add or change anything to the tagline as it is?". If Malarky has a problem with me using this or something similar I will happily remove it, but i think given his help thus far this is not the case.

The tagline is by no means my final draft but simply a work in progress, I came to these forums because there are a lot of intelligent people with great insight on here. All i'm trying to do is get some feedback on what i should be trying to achieve through my tagline. Given this is my first advertising module I don't have a wealth of knowledge in this area. I came on here with my own ideas and even if my idea isn't great i did make an effort. I'm not looking for my work to be done for me, more some direction in which to go and some writing tips to improve upon what I already have.

I can see where you are coming from though. I am sure you have seen people looking for a free handout plenty of times on these forums and others, but please do not mistake me for one of those and please do not suggest that i don't think for myself.

Loren, Thankyou very much for that. I can see what you mean about enticing the consumer to read on and how my tagline at the moment doesn't do that. Though I am still unsure how i could write something that does this. The reading you mentioned sounds great, I'm going to have a look at that and see if that can help me in my pursuit of a great tagline and hopefully post something up.

In the mean time i welcome any further comments/suggestions, positive or negative

Got to agree with Loren on the stephen King endoresement for "On Writing" even though I used the tips primarily for my fiction writing....I can see how it can apply to copywriting to help "pay the bills".