Is this a good Sales Page?

by lennoxtran

Posted: 16 years ago 13 replies

COPY WRITING

Hi,

I'm getting ready to launch my ebook. This is the Sales Page that I've come up with along with testimonials.

I can't post a link yet. So please google "Saigon Secrets". It will be that domain name.

Any opinions or suggestions on making it better as far as the copywriting, page layout, and overall feel ?

It would be greatly appreciated. This will be my first sales page & product launch.

-Lennox

MOD EDIT: Saigon Secrets

#good #page #sales

Nicola Lane 16 years ago

Just to be helpful

Saigon Secrets
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MouseandMice 16 years ago

The text for the site is a bit too big.

What software are you using for testing?
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- cresad 16 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by MouseandMice
  
  The text for the site is a bit too big.
  
  Agree too big font size
  
  Used some audios or videos to have a more appealing look.
  
  Thanks
  
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ArturRubinstein 16 years ago

My first post here

- Information about you is missing

- this reads like a scam (not saying it is, but it reads like)

hope this isn´t harsh, but as somebody travelling a lot (and ppl who go to saigon aren´t your standard tourist), this sounds not like there´s great value. most of the stuff you can get on wikitravel etc... so give them some reason why they should pay for something.
i know that´s irrelevant, you´re interested if it sells.
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- RickDuris 16 years ago
  
  Hi Lennox,
  
  I appreciate your ambition and initiative.
  
  I have 2 primary challenges with the project:
  
  1. While the letter is clear and to the point, it reads like a business opportunity (make money) letter. I think you might be wise to do some research on winning promotions of this sort in the travel industry. And see how they come across. I'll bet it's not like this.
  
  2. I also believe your market is really tiny and dispersed. If you do the keyword research, you'll find last month only 220 people in Google typed in "visit saigon." 210 people last month searched for "Saigon tourist attractions"
  
  Now that said, 22,000 typed in "saigon travel", which is a lot better, but still, I think you are going to suffer a bit.
  
  Now, let me give you an idea which might be a bit better.
  
  If you're in love with Saigon, then what you may want to do is build out a travel site which gives away your book in exchange for the lead. Then you can sell that lead to various local businesses, or follow-up with them yourself and refer them and collect a commission.
  
  If you do the keyword research, the majority of queries are about Saigon hotels and accommodations. And that would niche even more.
  
  - Rick Duris
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  WiredCopy 16 years ago
  
  Hi Lennox,
  
  I'd be happy to tackle your sales copy free of charge as you see in my signature.
  
  The issues outlined by the two warriors are extremely pertinent but I still think you have the makings of some good sales copy here. Drop me a line if you want to discuss this further.
  
  David
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  WiredCopy 16 years ago
  
  PS. I'm planning a trip to Vietnam next year so would be fun to research all the wonderful things you have to offer...
  
  Thanks
  
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Bryan V 16 years ago

My first thought was "where are all the pictures of everything you're describing?"
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Perhaps an attic I shall seek.
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M_Jones 16 years ago

Its true, a picture is worth a thousand words.......
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lennoxtran 16 years ago

Thank you All,

I have accepted this project as a high possibility of failure. It was launched in order
for me to internalize the process of bringing a product live.

I just launched the site yesterday. I just hope that it will bring me a little joy of
success by producing one sale. That I will be happy with. But I have learned
much from the process while accepting the sad outcome.

Although feeling a little down, and overwhelmed by this new realm of internet
marketing that I'm entering, I'll be heading back to the lab now to come up with
something more solid.

Thank you so much. I appreciate all of your inputs.
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- 1 reply
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- Aj Wilson 16 years ago
  
  seriously think about getting rid of the optin box on page load.
  
  there's absolutely no reason why your customers
  will give their name & email address for nothing?
  
  Thanks
  
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The Copy Nazi

Banned 16 years ago

Yes...that opt-in needs to go. "Jaw-Dropping Secrets"??? I very much doubt that claim. Then I get to the third para and I cancel all thoughts of visiting Saigon after reading this -

But there's also a dark side to foreign travel, and those of us who travel frequently know that vacations and relocations can easily turn into disaster, financial ruin and utter disappointment if you don't know where you're going, what you're doing, when to go or how to deal with local laws and customs.

Then you compound the negativity further with this juicy quote -

A word of advice when mating with the females here: if you think you're making love with her on a consensual basis, you're 99.9% wrong and will most likely have to pay!

So...so far you're telling me the place is dangerous and most of the women I'm likely to meet will be whores. Terrific. Then you keep driving the nail into the coffin by telling me the taxi-drivers will rip me off -

"Make sure you use ONLY the two taxi companies mentioned in this guide. There are other good taxis out there, but after being ripped off several times, I wouldn't want to try."

And the hotel will rip me off on VAT and service charges. But wait! It gets better. You're throwing in food-poisoning as well!

Which Saigon restaurants and rice dishes are notorious for food poisoning and unsanitary conditions!

And I have no idea what this is but I'm sure I don't want any -

How not to get a swolled eye at the end of the night

You need a name change methinks. From "The Essential Saigon Guidebook" to "See Saigon & Die" - pitch it to adventure travellers ,extreme-sports fans or masochists.

Thanks

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MouseandMice 16 years ago

And--

I would suggest a different word than "mating."

I don't think many prospects are up to have a kid with a Saigon whore... though to be fair, I have not done any market research in this field-- so I don't want to say for sure.
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Forbes-Listed: "Ten Consultants Who Avoid the Bullsh*t"
American Business Awards: Named one of their "Marketers of the Year"
Plus: A Bunch of Other Awards and Media Placements
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