Website critique needed

Hey there,

I'm afraid you'll struggle to sell with that sales letter. You need to go back to square 1 and rethink the whole thing.

Start with your prospect. Is he a Forex veteran who knows every PIP, or is he a newbie dabbling in Forex for the first time.

Decide who you're writing to, then write the copy as if you're writing to him.

I could go into bullets, and headlines, etc. But without knowing your prospect and targetting the letter to him, there's little point.

Colin

First you need a headline. Something that will grab the reader's attention. Then you need to engage your reader before going into the product description. There's a simple formula that works well to get started. It goes like this:

Feel
Felt
Found

For example:

Do you dream of the day when you can wake up, open a few positions, close them within hours and then take the rest of the day off to do whatever you want? I know how you feel. I once felt exactly the same way. Let me show you what I've found.

Obviously, you’ll want to develop your opening a bit more but those are the basics. Then you can briefly go into your own story... how you once struggled with Forex, how you searched for the right system, etc. Then you introduce your product as the solution you discovered. If the story doesn't fit your situation use a friend or acquaintance where it does work and write about their experience.

When you do this you relate to the reader and get him on your side. The format is designed to let the underdog win. People like it when the little guy makes good because most will relate to being the underdog. From there you can transition to the nuts and bolts of the program.

It's a simple format that almost anyone can adapt to their own product. Good luck.

As someone new to the area, you had me pretty strongly up to about the heading "Profitable trading based on advanced application of sound market principals". It just sounded to complicated and what I loved up to this point was that it sounded simple. Using phrases like "a fast moving currency pair" was off putting, too, although reading further made clearer what you meant. Similarly the phrase "advanced application of well known London session open principle" kind of made me feel stupid because I've never heard of this principal (hey, I've never traded FX). Now if you're not looking at absolute beginners I'd ignore all of these points, but if you are, here it is, straight from the horses mouth.

I would add:

• Drop the 3d shading on your header's "Forex Morning Trade". It's 90's cheesy. A, light flat, off-white color would look much more professional and trustworthy.
• What are the "good" results in your header. Numbers please.
• Spell check is your friend Stabile? optiomalizations?
• Grammar check / a proof reader is also your friend: one and a half year? dont? "you have 60 days no risk trial"?

Overall though it looks interesting to this FX noob! I'd be interested for you to post here when it launches.

I've had a fair bit of success in this market... and I'll be straight with you...

...this page won't cut it.

In addition to what everyone else has said... where's the proof? All your competitors have at the very least test results. You have absolutely nothing proving this does what you say it does.

Where's the human interest? The story? The explanation of why it works?

Sorry... but this page is missing a lot of vital pieces.

My advice would be to use your software yourself... create some results... and use them.

Heck... if it works well you should be able to hire a killer copywriter with your forex profits... right?

-Dan

My first WTF moment was with the "well known London session open principle."

That set the tone for the whole page for me, I knew it was weak after reading that. If I were you I would try to explain that a bit. I don't know why but that line just stopped me.

you will need a video explain more about the product, possibly a free sample from product to give away.

basically you will need to educate your visitor so they can make an educated decesion if this product worth the price or not

Hello,

Is this your first trial at copywriting? If yes, then congratulations.

Here are my suggestions:
1. Engage the AIDA principle. Attention, Interest, Desire, Action. You are going into full sell mode way too fast.

2. Why should I buy from you and not the competition? Where is your USP or ESA (Essential Selling Advantage)?

3. You've made a lot of claims but backed up none. Try to show some direct or indirect proof that your system works and it can really deliver what you say.

4. Please add a headline, bullets and some conversion story.

I think you should start from scratch. But you get extra points for the effort, most people are so afraid of screwing things up that they don't even try.

Take care,
Howard Jackson

What you need here is a STATEMENT to keep the reader on his toes. You need something to really catch his eye.

A statement which will solve his problem immediately. Catch his eye, he must not afford missing on your product.

If you want more insight on this feel free to PM me (I just want to help, no charging or anything, report me if so) and I will be more than happy to help you.

jaxrefinance, I cannot send you PM because I don't have enough posts, can you give me another contact, or PM me?

Advertise your blog on PTC sites.

Sonarmark,

Yes, the proof (results) should be on the sales page. If a reader stops reading the sales page, he/she will never even get to the results page.

Let me tell you a little story...

When I was in my fourth year of college, I had a roommate who had never cooked anthing. He had lived with his parents, and for the first 21 years of his life his mom did ALL the cooking. His name is Bailey.

There were three of us renting the house, and I was going to make a meatloaf for dinner. Bailey asked if would show him how. So, since the best way to learn anything is by doing it, I figured I should let him make the meatloaf while I told him what to do.

I had Bailey get a bowl, and told him to break open a raw egg into the bowl. He picked up the raw egg, and with full force, slammed it against the stove top. OMG - egg went everywhere - on him, on me, on the walls, on the sink, on the floor - even on the ceiling!

The look of shock on his face was priceless. He had never broken a raw egg before, and his only "egg" experience was with hard boiled eggs.

And while gradually he did learn to cook, he certainly wasn't ready to create a gourmet meal for quite some time.

Let me ask you 5 questions - which you only need to answer to yourself:

How many copywriting courses have you been through?
How many times have you watched/listened to them?
How many books about the art and science of copywriting have you read?
How many times have you reread them?
How many sales letters have you written while practicing copywriting?

From time to time there are debates on the warrirorforum about the "proper" length of a salesletter. Long ones generally do better if...

...they are written in such a manner as to pull the reader into the letter, and keep the reader there.

If you picked up a novel to read, and found it boring, would you continue to fight your way through it, or would you go on to another novel?

The really good part about what you wrote, it you took action and actually wrote it. Many people won't take any action.

If you were cooking a gourmet meal instead of writing copy, you are now at the point Bailey was after he cooked his first meatloaf.

:-Don

Sorry to say but your copy needs a complete overhaul, just as everyone mentioned....

Couple of major things were missing,

First none of aspects of the AIDA principle were followed, what you have written grabs no attention, creates no interest or desire and there really isn't a big reason for the reader to act now.

Remember the Forex market, especially the EA niche, is full of noise and practically everyone is a skeptic. Your USP isn't developed in your copy. You have to educate the reader of how your product is so different from everyone else's. Work on the part where you say, 'based on advanced application of sound market principles'. I cannot understand what that means. Explain how you're doing it. Is it a method based on scalping, candlestick patterns, fractal equations, waves etc.

I'd also like to know the story behind you, or more importantly your product. How was it conceived? Who designed it? Who tested it? How reliable is it? And so on... That should take care of the proof element in your copy.

Your call to action also needs improvement. Naturally with all EAs there is a limit to the number of users who can use it profitably, so use that to employ real (non-gimmicky) scarcity, don't be afraid to close down your offer after 500 or 1000 sales... You will have much better clientele and conversion if you limit the number...

The best you can do is go and find a product that sells very well online for approx. your price, and compare their copy to what you have.

Good luck

-Mac

Need a bigger headline.. as in font and something that inspires emotion!
a Better Product image.. and use it again near the actual offer..

Def some Testimonials!

Great sales copy. Throw in a few testimonials, maybe show the price with a strike out to make it look like it was discounted.

Hi mate,

1. I think it's important to let readers know who you are targeting.
2. Use a benefit driven headline or a headline which shows how you will remove the pain your client's feel at the moment.
3. Add some bullet points of the advantages they can expect.
4. The sub-heads you have used need to be benefit driven and tease the reader so he or she reads on.
5. Add some bonuses.... even if it means you have to remove a little something from the product or include a post sales service.
6. Testimonials with good photos wouldn't hurt either.
7. A picture of yourself.
8. Include a story of why and how you (or someone else) came up with this product.

The site generally looks good and professional, however, you are not making good use of all the prime space you have. I noticed you only used the center portion of the page, and worked down. You must maximize the use of your sales page especially the one that first appears when your site is clicked, that means making use of both of the blank empty sides of the page.

As has been suggested by others earlier you have to tailor your text to your target audience. If you want to cater to both the novice and experienced trader, you have to offer something to them that would catch their attention. Maybe, some results of using the product through testimonials as has been suggested may do it for experienced traders, while for the novice trader, you can have links that lead to videos or articles explaining trading (it would be a plus if you can get someone to write an article on trading, that subtly endorses your product referring to it throughout his article).

I hope this helps.

Best,
Bob