Can I get a Review?

"See any glaring mistakes"??? Where to start. It's a terrible page. Starting with the twee line "Leading the leading edge in technology". Followed by a crap headline. Followed by an opt-in form shoved in my face. On a bright yellow background. Followed by a long boring list of business categories. Topped off with some half-baked offer. Result - total fail.

Pure promo, pure hype. Empty promises onliners have seen a million times "Hot leads to your business". I'm an average viewer and I'm thinking:

Who are you?
What do you have?
Why should I believe you? Why should I trust you?
How is this different then the ones I already got burned on?
Is this another mlm scam?

What do I get if I optin? More information? Anything useful or another offer?

Too many unanswered questions and not enough proof of a unique benefit.

In my brutally honest opinion, it comes across as cheesy and a little spammy.

As for conversions, it depends what you're measuring.

You can measure your visitor to subscription conversion rate, your visitor to sales conversion rate... or both.

For the visitor to subscription conversion rate, divide subscriptions by visitors, i.e.

50 subscriptions / 10000 visitors = 0.005

Then multiply by 100 to get a %, i.e. 0.005 x 100 = 0.5%.

What are these 10k hits?

Your colours are too loud. They detract from whatever it is you are offering.

One question you must answer for your opt ins is "What's in it for me?"

The page is too long and I really do not know what you are offering.

Be more specific. Look for squeeze pages in your niche or similar and learn from them.

You need to make a solid proposal for your visitors to WANT to join your list. I don't see that proposal. All you seem to be saying is Sign In Here because I say so.

I hope this helps

Will

[QUOTE=SDenham;2637646]K guys, I'm not going to say, "I'm ready for the thrashing." because that got my ass kicked last time I asked for a critique.

This time, I'm just going to say I got a page up, it doesn't have much copy on it, and I don't know what things to change, but would you take a glance at it and tell me if you see any glaring mistakes?

Yes glaring mistake #1: It doesn't show you have read the post at
the start of this forum about "Use This Checklist Before Asking For Critique".

#2 It doesn't show you have learnt anything from your last review.

So to sum up, your lack of dilligent effort makes for a strong case to
pay a copywriter to write it for you...

---or pay a copywriter to review it for you.

The second option will be tuff for a copywriter because he/she has
very little to work with.

All the best,
Ewen

I'll second Ewen,

and hit Mals WSO and get (ask) him to write your copy for you mate.
your page is a disaster (and I say that in a nice way)

with 10K hits a day (providing your traffic is targetted),
you'll make your investment back over time.

DAY-UM!

I thought I was looking at one of them direct marketing sites from way back in 1999.

just sayin'

I'm new to the board so I won't be as blunt...but...

UMMM...WOW.

To tell you the truth, I'd just get someone to start all the way over with the site and get a good writer to write your sales copy for you. It's a little "over the top" hypey...

Ok, not just a little...

Hi

I don't know too much about all these traffic hits but I will say this. Hits will not make you money at all!

You really need targeted traffic.

What is the source of your traffic?

I have tried a lot of so called guaranteed traffic and they were dismal.

If it is what I am thinking then out of 10k you'd be surprised if even 20 signed up!

Anyway I think you should get rid of that yellow colour around your squeeze page if that what it is.

That list is a turn off!

I'll be honest and say your site has no real credibility. This could hurt you. Your traffic source may find it hard to believe you have been going for 15 years and can't even get up a half decent website.

It appears to me you have not done much with the advice given on this forum.

Why not look for a nice free template online. This will give you a fairly decent page to receive this 10k hits you talk of.

I hope this helps

Will

Hi,

I'd advise checking out this WSO:

http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...fic-bonus.html

You're getting a high quality, professionally designed squeeze page for a fraction of the price of getting it custom done.

Obviously you still need copy, but just to grab someone's email address it doesn't to be anything fancy.

You simply need to tell the reader why they should give you their email - what's in it for them.

And then, if you can, prove whatever you're saying, show your traffic stats suddenly jumping... and the corresponding jump in sales.

Hope this helps.

Oh...I just went back to your "Thrashing" thread and read one of your replies -
Do you see a pattern here?

A critique won't help you... because this page is SO far away from being right that it's almost painful.

The reason you're getting destroyed here is because you haven't put any effort into learning how to write copy.

Go to the sticky on good copywriting books... dissect a ton of salespages... write your ass off.

Hone your chops.

THEN try writing a page.

There's a reason we get paid the big bucks...

...this is NOT an easy gig.

-Dan

@ Susan Denham. Here's what's wrong with your page.

1. Originally you had a sunflower yellow background which distracted from the reading of the copy. Now you have Funeral Black, which is even worse. 10% Cyan added to White is what you want. Like this page The html color code is #e6e7e8 (the original page was by Jack Duncan. Steve Fullman and I were mucking around with making a Wordpress Theme out of it. We still might.)

2. Using a slogan just paints you as an amateur. It's Forties or Fifties-style advertising - "We gotta have a slogan". But if you insist on having it, at least make it memorable. "Leading the leading edge in web traffic technology" not only sounds naff but it doesn't make sense.

3. Your heading is a dead duck. You're asking a question. The problem with that is the answer could be "yes" or "no" or "I don't give a sh*t". Most probably the latter.

"How much more profitable will your site be when you start getting 1,000; 5,000; 10,000 more visitors every day?"

The semicolons make the figures hard to read. No matter. The headline doesn't work anyway. It would be much stronger with a definite benefit - "Here's how to get 10,000 visitors to your site every day and sell them a sh*tload of stuff" - or whatever it is.

4. Adding "No BS" just gives the impression that you are indeed bsing.

5. Then you shove a bloody awful-looking opt-in under our faces with the command "Sign Up!". Why should I? What's in it for me?

6. Blue lettering. Again - why?

7. Your scintillating copy reads "For the past 15 years our team ...blah blah blah". Who cares? Who is this fabulous "team" anyway? Where are your credentials? Why should we trust you? And who are these "some of the biggest corporations in the world"? I call BS on that one right away. Have you done work for Microsoft, Unilever, BP, CNN? Who exactly are we talking about here? Or have you just pulled this out of your butt?

Then you go for the double-whammy with Now, they’ve decided to share some of that money-sucking mind-warping, response-getting talent with the general public.

Get ready for warp speed.

Does one of these categories fit your business?


8. The "general public". Nope. Never say that. Terrible choice of words. Talk one on one. Use "you". "Get ready for warp speed"?? Sounds cool. But WTF you talking about?


9. Why the long list of categories? Do you seriously think people are going to trawl through that and crack a stiffy when they see their own category listed? I think not.

10. You end with another lame call-to-action - "Find out more by entering your info". Again - why should I? What's in it for me?

11. Finally. Your attitude sucks. If you truly wanted to learn and take advice you would be asking questions rather than trying to slag people off - in your words - "like an asshole". Especially since you've only been here 5 minutes.

p.s. you might want to take your own advice here - http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Let...ger&id=3373972