My First Sales Letter

13 replies
Hi Warriors, currently I am trying to take ACTION when it comes to making some more money online.

I've just put together what really is my first sales letter so I was wondering what you guys think. Thanks.

“97% of What You Have Been Told about Gaining Muscle is WRONG!”

Imagine if you had the ability to gain muscle twice as fast as anyone else without increasing your training, purchasing expensive supplements or using steroids.

Currently, when many people try and gain muscle the one thing they do is try and emulate what a professional body builder does. The only problem with that is, it is their job! They spend more time and more effort which is just too hard for an average person to try and copy. So whatever you do,

DO NOT TRY AND COPY BODY BUILDERS!!

Bodybuilders often spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars a month on expensive supplements which may appear to have some positive effect in the short term, but in the long term could be deadly. While we want to gain muscle fast, we want to gain muscle properly.

What you need is a training plan which anyone can do.

Something that will show you the correct way of not only exercising but recovering. That’s why we’ve talked to real people who recieved great results doing nearly the opposite of what you see some people advocating.

So stop spending unecessary time in the gym!

Ok, so we do want to be spending time in the gym but too long can have devastating effects when you try and build muscle. What you need to do is to be able to do a really efficient workout which will help maximise your muscle building capacity in 45minutes or less, this is probably the key to gain muscle fast.

Take Action and Gain Muscle Fast!

One of the largest myths is that you can’t see results quickly when it comes to bodybuilding or just gaining mass but that simply isn’t true. By following the correct routine you can be seeing great results in a matter of weeks!

Thanks for reading warriors, any suggestions?
#letter #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Ross James
    Originally Posted by JacksonRiddle View Post

    Thanks again.
    Jackson

    I read this, your welcome.


    No really, did you want us to comment on it?


    It needs it. It needs a lot of "it".
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  • Profile picture of the author Vincenzo Oliva
    Not too bad. Your transitions should lead to more curiosity. The goal is to bait the reader into continuing into the next paragraph. "Then I learned the shocking truth about copying bodybuilders..." "Then I found the one thing I needed and it was so simple..."
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    • Profile picture of the author Ross James
      Originally Posted by Vincenzo Oliva View Post

      Not too bad. Your transitions should lead to more curiosity. The goal is to bait the reader into continuing into the next paragraph. "Then I learned the shocking truth about copying bodybuilders..." "Then I found the one thing I needed and it was so simple..."
      I felt like I just read an article of EZA which if that was what you were trying to do that's great, it's a good read.

      Since I workout, when I read this, you've basically paced everything I already know and didn't really lead hard into anything.

      Not only that, you have to also future pace, meaning paint what i'll actually feel and look like after buying your product.

      Just a few things I've learned but I'm not sure if you're actually selling anything.
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  • Profile picture of the author Stuart S
    It's meant to presell a clickbank product.

    Thanks for the advice from both of you.

    Yes it does need a lot of work and I new it was far from perfect but like I said, I just wanted to see what people thought of it (as it is the first sales copy type thing i've written).

    Originally Posted by Ross James View Post


    Just a few things I've learned but I'm not sure if you're actually selling anything.
    Yeah, I purposely left out the final little bit directing them to the salespage of the clickbank product.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ross James
      Originally Posted by JacksonRiddle View Post

      It's meant to presell a clickbank product.

      Thanks for the advice from both of you.

      Yes it does need a lot of work and I new it was far from perfect but like I said, I just wanted to see what people thought of it (as it is the first sales copy type thing i've written).



      Yeah, I purposely left out the final little bit directing them to the salespage of the clickbank product.
      Well look at that, you did exactly what you wanted to do, presell me. I had no idea you were even pitching me anything. Congratulations, you shouldn't title it sales page, maybe presales page.

      However, I still think you have to try to reframe a little harder, read through some of Frank Kerns stuff, he is great at reframing. I basically felt the same after reading your article but that's just me.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ross James
    Useful, but not enough.

    I've been lifting weights for about 6-7 years off and on, I really thought it needed more WOW, I'm sure it will do the trick. It's definitely not horrible, one HUGE improvement would be to add more curiosity and specificity.

    E.g. How one gallon of whole milk saved me hundreds of dollars in unnecessary supplements and turned me into a hack squat machine, etc etc.

    What about the gallon of whole milk and what the hell is a hack squat.

    You see what i'm getting at. It draws curiosity.

    So give yer self a pat on the back. It's not horrible but could be improved.

    P.S. The gallon of milk is part of riptoes diet and workout, and is actually an awesome gainer for strength.
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    • Profile picture of the author Stuart S
      Originally Posted by Ross James View Post

      Well look at that, you did exactly what you wanted to do, presell me. I had no idea you were even pitching me anything. Congratulations, you shouldn't title it sales page, maybe presales page.

      However, I still think you have to try to reframe a little harder, read through some of Frank Kerns stuff, he is great at reframing. I basically felt the same after reading your article but that's just me.
      Haha, that's good to know. Currently I am reading a few books not by Frank though so looks like I'll have to check his stuff out.

      Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

      It's really pretty damn good for your first page. With some practice I think you could do well at copywriting.
      Thanks very much for that encouragement.

      Originally Posted by Ross James View Post

      Useful, but not enough.

      I've been lifting weights for about 6-7 years off and on, I really thought it needed more WOW, I'm sure it will do the trick. It's definitely not horrible, one HUGE improvement would be to add more curiosity and specificity.

      E.g. How one gallon of whole milk saved me hundreds of dollars in unnecessary supplements and turned me into a hack squat machine, etc etc.

      What about the gallon of whole milk and what the hell is a hack squat.

      You see what i'm getting at. It draws curiosity.

      So give yer self a pat on the back. It's not horrible but could be improved.

      P.S. The gallon of milk is part of riptoes diet and workout, and is actually an awesome gainer for strength.
      Thanks yeah, as I said its more preselling then actual selling. Its definetly something to consider but I'm not sure while I may hook them in (which is good i guess, better some hooks than no hooked people) they won't find anything else on it in the actual product, so I might have to go into a bit of detail for that.

      Thanks though.
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      • Profile picture of the author Ross James
        Originally Posted by JacksonRiddle View Post

        Thanks yeah, as I said its more preselling then actual selling. Its definetly something to consider but I'm not sure while I may hook them in (which is good i guess, better some hooks than no hooked people) they won't find anything else on it in the actual product, so I might have to go into a bit of detail for that.
        Do you know the product? That has to be the BIGGEST thing I hate about affiliate marketing. If I can't get to see the product, how am I going to effectively communicate its value?

        What if it doesn't even have value?

        That's why I'll be creating and marketing my own products soon.

        Good luck with it,

        Ross
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  • Profile picture of the author Eduardo2
    If it is meant to presell then i would suggest to make this copy more "personal" to the reader. (that's what i would "personally" do)


    my feel is that It is halfway between "selling" & "preselling".
    if your preselling you got to talk eye-level with the reader as if you're his friend and you want to recommend something to him.
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  • Profile picture of the author Eduardo2
    If it is meant to presell then i would suggest to make this copy more "personal" to the reader. (that's what i would "personally" do)


    my feel is that It is halfway between "selling" & "preselling".
    if your preselling you got to talk eye-level with the reader as if you're his friend and you want to recommend something to him.
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  • Profile picture of the author lennoxtran
    very nice for your first sales letter. seems like you're a natural.

    congrats on taking action and not dwelling in thoughts.

    i am slowly learning to take action...wrote my first sales letter too. not the best, but i feel pretty satisfied that i actually wrote one.
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  • Profile picture of the author MonsterZero
    You've got a nice base. You just need to polish it up a bit.

    Maybe change your subhead so it flows better with the headline. Something like...

    Why One-Size-Fits-All Muscle Mag Programs Don't Work For Guys Like Us

    Hint: Less is more...

    We're conditioned to believe that hard work is the key to success. It's the kind of thing that we like to say because it sounds good, but it's not always true.

    It's especially not true when it comes to putting on muscle.

    Think back to the last time you tried to follow some bodybuilder's 3hr a day training program. Did it work?

    All that hard work and where were the results?

    It sure worked for the guy who suggested it. Just look at him. He's on the cover of a muscle mag. He must be doing something right.

    Well, he is. For him.

    Here's a question: Would you use the same training techniques with a Little League team that you would with the NY Yankees?

    Of course not.

    Here's the difference between you and the world class muscle mag superstar--he's got access to the most advanced, pricey supplements in the world. Oh, and he's also got personal trainers.

    And steroids.

    Yeah, they don't like to talk about those.

    You know what the biggest advantage of steroids is? Quicker recovery time.

    And do you know when your muscles actually do their growing? You guessed it--when you're resting. Not while you're working out.

    Are you starting to see why Mr Muscle Beach's workout program may not be such a good idea for regular guys like us?

    etc...
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