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First try - critique please

by StarBuG
29 replies
Hello

I am reading this forum for days now and the tips here are awesome.

I found this forum because I was looking on how to improve my mini website with which I am selling my consulting service to webmasters.

I first thought I wanted to go with a full sales copy but whenever I see sales copies I run away screaming (just my personal feeling). I personally feel that whenever I see some classic sales copies someone is trying to sell me something that is somewhat fishy.

HOWEVER I know that good sales copies work like crazy.

That is why I tried to create a mix between a mini site and a sales copy.
(Please don't hit me )

I really would like some honest feedback and maybe some improvement suggestions on how I did so far:


AdSense Optimization Service - AdSense Consulting by AdSenseExperts.com

I plan to buy a sales copy in the future and run it on a separate domain to see if it brings in more customers then my forum and my mini site. However currently I don't have a few thousand dollars to spare for this experiment (would be my first bought sales copy).

So I have to go with what I got and I hope you folks can help me out here a little


Thanks

Michael

Checklist on implemented suggestions:

  • darker colors - check
  • better headline - (hopefully) check
  • introduction of myself - check
  • switching headlines - check
  • correct spelling and grammar - spelling check - grammer to do
  • simplify service descriptions -check (at least I think so)
  • remove no spam guarantee - check
  • rephrase "money back guarantee" - tried it.... better this way?
  • get better testimonials from old customers - contacted them, waiting for reply
#critique
  • Profile picture of the author DanielleLynnCopy
    Hi Michael,

    Happy to see you posting and glad you've found so much value on the forum.

    I'll start with something small here: Your headlines are green and a bit too light. The grey text is also too light

    I suggest red or black for the headlines as those colors have repeatedly been shown to convert better. Or if you must keep the green, at least make it a darker shade.

    For the grey text, make it a few shades darker.

    You could have the most persuasive copy in the world, but if it's not easy on the eyes, it won't perform very well.
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  • Profile picture of the author adamlantelme
    Welp, I'll be one of the first to weigh in here.

    I'm going to start with your headline. It just doesn't catch my attention. Between you and the how ever many other people offering these services your headline needs to do more work.

    For instance, "cutting edge optimization techniques," is blah. Everything in technology is cutting edge, it changes so rapidly and often that cutting edge loses its potency in this arena. Cutting edge cleaning systems, or cutting edge fabrics are a different story.

    I would recommend making your headline be a bit more unique. For instance start it off with a "Do you know these secrets..." or something that invites them into the copy. Lure them into the copy by promising that if they read on or sign up, they're going to receive something of value.

    Your lead should then change as well. Remember with sales copy you are trying to lure them into the copy, so, give them a reason to keep reading, ask questions, engage some of their anxieties, but don't just dump it out right up front. That is how people know it is writing for the point of sales.

    Introduce yourself, give some proof to why you are the answer they are looking for. Don't just drop a testimonial right up front and expect people to be awed.

    Also you say there are no secrets to adsense money. Why would you say that? If people are struggling to make money with it then there must be some things they don't know. Build the value of your services. Tell them that they need to pay you for the secrets that are helping you, or others make money.

    The body is to short, the close comes to soon, even if you don't like sales copy you need to understand the architecture of it before you decide to scrap it altogether, and that is what looks like happened here.

    I hope this helps

    Adam
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    MY WSO. htmlhttp://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...lent-copy.html

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    • Profile picture of the author StarBuG
      @Danielle + @snovakor

      Thank you for your suggestions. I made the green and the text darker.
      I want to keep the green because it is the Theme color of my Forum AdSenseExperts.com where most of my former and future clients will most likely come from.

      @Adam

      You are right with your Tips and I'll definitely work on that a lot more.
      You should have seen the first page I slapped together, that one was horrible but still I got some sales. I currently sell because of my reputation but I want to sell to people that don't know me too. That is why I am here

      I am not a copywriter and most likely never will be one but I'll try my best.

      You guys are awesome

      Keep suggestions coming, any help is much appreciated.
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  • Profile picture of the author snovakor
    Site is Interesting ... but , like they say in front of me, colors are ... so sleeping for me. I don't know. I love more action, more action in Colors...like she said before, red/black, or maybe blue/black/red....something like this.
    Green is more for Healthy life
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  • Profile picture of the author AdwordsMogul
    Micheal,

    First of all, it's nice to see that you're putting so much effort into your site.

    Now, for the real deal,

    If you really want to make money from this, go with Danielle's suggestion and just work with red or black headlines, possibly dark blue.

    The green is too hard to read on a computer screen.

    Your copy is too "prim and proper".

    It almost makes someone say "someone get this guy laid!"

    Now, I don't mean this to offensive. Well, the fact that I feel something like this could get to you shows how your copy sounds.
    Sometimes we get really stale staring at the same site without any objectivity from another party.
    Are you kidding me?

    If you want to appeal to regular webmasters you will need to get down to earth, Michael.

    I can't promise you a 100% increase in earnings because every website is different. However I guarantee you that don't have to pay me if you feel that my service was a waist of your time!
    Two things -
    1. That's not a guarantee that inspires confidence. If someone was going to buy, this would turn them away. You need something much stronger that makes people see you stand 200% percent by your products and services.

    2. Spelling mistake - I think you meant "waste" not "waist"

    Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."
    This shouldn't be in your copy. It doesn't sell, it takes your copy off-tangent. Plus, it makes it look like your service is too much work for the buyer.

    What's the big promise?

    How much money can I make? How much money have other people made from your services?

    What makes you different?

    Why should I like you? Why should I listen to you?

    And many, many more questions are left unanswered.

    Simply put - inject some fun (and life) into your copy.


    Finally, you need to spend some time learning how to actually write copy.

    You will get result much faster than just working from suggestions.
    Signature
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    Jean Paul a.k.a AdwordsMogul
    PHPDevelopers.net - Top of the range PHP developers

    ⇉ Easy Link Saver - Are you tired of the pain of constantly searching for your affiliate links? ( Chrome extension - FREE )
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    • Profile picture of the author StarBuG
      Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

      Micheal,

      First of all, it's nice to see that you're putting so much effort into your site.

      Now, for the real deal,

      If you really want to make money from this, go with Danielle's suggestion and just work with red or black headlines, possibly dark blue.

      The green is too hard to read on a computer screen.
      I will buy a full sales copy from one of you pros here on WF in the future which will run as a separate website. There I will work with the best converting colors.

      But on this website I want to stick to green because it is the theme of this whole project which is actually the "full proof" of me being able to deliver on my promise. I have written AdSense Optimizations and tons of Guides over the last 6 years which are all published on my forum. This is why I also chose the "mini-site" approach and not a full sales copy.

      I know it will never be perfect this way but this is the way I want to go because it feels the most comfortable for me.

      Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

      Your copy is too "prim and proper".

      It almost makes someone say "someone get this guy laid!"

      Now, I don't mean this to offensive. Well, the fact that I feel something like this could get to you shows how your copy sounds.

      Sometimes we get really stale staring at the same site without any objectivity from another party.
      Are you kidding me?

      If you want to appeal to regular webmasters you will need to get down to earth, Michael.
      That is an actual quote from one of my customers.
      I have to contact all my prior customers and ask them for testimonials.
      It is on my to do list.

      I have some more quotes from my forum but I can't put real names and websites under these quotes because I don't know them.

      quotes like:

      Thanks to this site, I'm more informed on how I need to be keeping track of my ads, how to do split testing, and the various placements to try out! It's been great and I'm very excited to see how my revenue will increase in the future with just using these new tools presented on this site.
      This modification double my earns! Thank you very much. I integrate it in a fluid layout.
      Very good work!
      Just wanted to sincerely thank you for this. This has jumped to my second biggest income ad in less than a week. I also just centered it on my fluid skin, and I think it looks OK. The tips I got on this site is really fantastic, and has made a huge difference in my adsense income. Thank you very much StarBug!
      I must admit, I've spotted this ad placement when I first went to your forum, it is extremely well blended, you know what it simply is the border around both blocks, left and right, and the fact that adsense is the left one. Of course the colors are what they should be.
      That makes an ideal ad placement, with no other adsense block above, so it gets the best paying ads.
      Congrats and thank you for the code implementation although I don't have forums and don't want any.
      All these quotes are from users on my forum about optimizations I published but for a sales copy quoting them without real names and a corresponding website does not feel right to me. Or do you think otherwise?

      I don't want to make up testimonials.

      I try to get better once from old customers by asking them some detailed questions that will hopefully return some good testimonial material and add it over time when it arrives.

      Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post


      I can't promise you a 100% increase in earnings because every website is different. However I guarantee you that don't have to pay me if you feel that my service was a waist of your time!
      Two things -
      1. That's not a guarantee that inspires confidence. If someone was going to buy, this would turn them away. You need something much stronger that makes people see you stand 200% percent by your products and services.

      2. Spelling mistake - I think you meant "waste" not "waist"
      The thing is, even though my optimizations work and have proven to work over and over again however some effects of my optimizations take time to enfold. There is no "do that to double your income" formula.

      I don't want to promise something that I can't deliver.
      My optimization suggestions all work but with different effects on different websites.

      Before this Guarantee I had this disclaimer which I also put in all my reports:

      All the suggestions made in this Document are my subjective views based on my experience as AdSense Publisher. Even though that all suggestions are made in good faith and your best interests at heart I don’t promise nor guarantee you any increase of your earnings. Every website is different and so are their visitors. This means that all suggestions made here might or might not work on your website. This is why you need to test everything to find out what works best for you and your site
      I try to communicate this to all my customers. I'd rather lose one or two customers that have to high expectations than to disappoint them after they payed me a lot of money.

      Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

      Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."
      This shouldn't be in your copy. It doesn't sell, it takes your copy off-tangent. Plus, it makes it look like your service is too much work for the buyer.
      Removed. Thanks.


      Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

      What's the big promise?

      How much money can I make? How much money have other people made from your services?

      What makes you different?

      Why should I like you? Why should I listen to you?

      And many, many more questions are left unanswered.
      If you want to be honest (and I am) these questions simply can't be answered.

      Earnings with AdSense depend a lot on traffic, niche, ad implementation, visitors, country, language. There are to many variables to even guess a specific outcome. I know that my optimization increase the revenue of my customers (some effects are instant some effects take a few month to develop) however there is no saying in how much of an increase can be expected without lying.


      Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

      Simply put - inject some fun (and life) into your copy.

      Finally, you need to spend some time learning how to actually write copy.

      You will get result much faster than just working from suggestions.
      You are right but I don't really want to become a copywriter. I will pay some pro from here in the (near) future for a perfect copy.

      For now I try to optimize my mini-site to not sound cheesy, take some of the convincing power of sales copies without making it look like one to much.

      Thank you for your detailed review.
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Decent. Your headline is down about two thirds into the page:

    Is AdSense paying you enough? Find out how to Unleash the Full Earning Potential of YOUR Website!

    This is far better than what you have up top. Though I'd substitute the word Discover for "find out." I suspect English isn't your first language. Still, it's better than many people who grew up with English as their first.

    There's some phrasing in there that needs to be adjusted a bit. For example, "I am creating online projects..." You probably want that to read, I've been creating projects online...

    I'd suggest you throw something out there to get your readers really interested. Some technique you used to get more money from Google. That will go a long way. After all, you're claiming to have the secrets so share one or two.

    If you can make it a little story of how you discovered a little flaw in Google's system, all the better. That might even be your hook, how you, the doctor, X-ray the system and find the opportunities.

    Your description of services box needs considerable work. I'd suggest editing to make your points sharper. In other words, they need to be shortened, more concise and compelling.

    I don't think you need a big box with your No Spam guarantee. A simple line in the optin form is enough. Overall, not a bad effort. Good luck!
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    • Profile picture of the author StarBuG
      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      Decent. Your headline is down about two thirds into the page:

      Is AdSense paying you enough? Find out how to Unleash the Full Earning Potential of YOUR Website!

      This is far better than what you have up top. Though I'd substitute the word Discover for "find out." I suspect English isn't your first language. Still, it's better than many people who grew up with English as their first.


      Switched it, thanks for that suggestion. You are right, I am German and English is not my first language.


      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      I'd suggest you throw something out there to get your readers really interested. Some technique you used to get more money from Google. That will go a long way. After all, you're claiming to have the secrets so share one or two.
      Actually I share all my secrets on my forum AdSenseExperts.com.
      Unfortunately (or should I say "lucky me") most Webmasters are to lazy to read through all my threads on my forum. They could find 90% of my suggestions for free. But that is to much work for most so they pay me to "sum it up for them"

      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      If you can make it a little story of how you discovered a little flaw in Google's system, all the better. That might even be your hook, how you, the doctor, X-ray the system and find the opportunities.


      That would be flat lying because there is no flaw but the reason most people don't maximize their earnings is the lack of understanding AdSense fully. Most Publishers only see their earnings and don't consider the much more important other site of the coin which is the advertiser and how you need to make him happy.

      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      Your description of services box needs considerable work. I'd suggest editing to make your points sharper. In other words, they need to be shortened, more concise and compelling.


      Will do that, thanks

      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      I don't think you need a big box with your No Spam guarantee. A simple line in the optin form is enough. Overall, not a bad effort. Good luck!
      Done

      Thank you too for your detailed feedback.

      I never found a forum which so much helpful people and so much valuable content available in such a high density. You guys are great.
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      • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
        Originally Posted by StarBuG View Post

        That would be flat lying because there is no flaw but the reason most people don't maximize their earnings is the lack of understanding AdSense fully. Most Publishers only see their earnings and don't consider the much more important other site of the coin which is the advertiser and how you need to make him happy.
        I'm not suggesting you lie. What would do this page some good is to lighten it up a little. It's very, ahh, straight, plain. The X-Ray thing is a suggestion. Maybe it's as simple as you seeing things others don't.

        Your appeal is missing an angle, or hook. I'm not saying my suggestion is it, but you need something to spice it up a bit. You can be a little playful without coming across as silly. That stuff makes reading it more enjoyable for something that is otherwise not a lot of fun.

        One other thing, the large green text will hurt you. It will turn people away from the page. Everything that goes into a sales pitch is one of three things: 1. Helpful 2. Neutral 3. Harmful

        The big green is number 3 in a BIG way. But, it's your call. Good luck.
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        • Profile picture of the author StarBuG
          Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

          I'm not suggesting you lie. What would do this page some good is to lighten it up a little. It's very, ahh, straight, plain. The X-Ray thing is a suggestion. Maybe it's as simple as you seeing things others don't.

          Your appeal is missing an angle, or hook. I'm not saying my suggestion is it, but you need something to spice it up a bit. You can be a little playful without coming across as silly. That stuff makes reading it more enjoyable for something that is otherwise not a lot of fun.
          I'll try to make it more enjoyable even though I have no idea yet how.
          We'll see....

          EDIT: I added...

          Become one of the few that know all the little tricks and secrets to Whopping Earnings with AdSense.

          I guarantee you a massive grin on your face when you see the facial expression of your bank clerk the next time you deposit your AdSense check!
          How about that for being "enjoyable"?
          Makes me smile when I think about it and it plays with expectations

          Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

          One other thing, the large green text will hurt you. It will turn people away from the page. Everything that goes into a sales pitch is one of three things: 1. Helpful 2. Neutral 3. Harmful

          The big green is number 3 in a BIG way. But, it's your call. Good luck.
          Ok, you all convinced me. I removed the green and replaced it with dark red. Does it look better this way or should I use a different red?

          I also reworded my "Money back Guarantee"... is this better? What do you think?
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  • Profile picture of the author Russell Barnstein
    I like the structure of the site- combining a sales letter with the mini site works well from an aesthetic standpoint, but I wonder about its ability to convert as well as a straight sales page.

    Unfortunately, what caught my attention was the overabundance of grammar, spelling, syntax and word choice errors. As a doctor and an Adsense expert, you possess considerable clout that can be damaged by English that seems...less than professional. So while I understand that you have the skills to write good copy and don't want to pay for someone else to write it, I would definitely suggest having a professional English editor polish your work so that your writing appears as capable as your Adsense skills.

    Of course, this is your first try so it's likely you had an editing plan anyway. You may be able to trade your Adsense skills in exchange for that of a competent professional English editor right here on the Warrior Forum.

    Best of luck, I'd be curious to see how this works out for you.

    -Russ
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    • Profile picture of the author StarBuG
      Originally Posted by Russell Barnstein View Post

      I like the structure of the site- combining a sales letter with the mini site works well from an aesthetic standpoint, but I wonder about its ability to convert as well as a straight sales page.
      It will most likely convert much better then my old page which was horrible.

      And in the future when I bought a full sales copy which I will run on a separate domain I can post detailed conversion stats here if someone should be interested. However this will most likely take a few month.

      Originally Posted by Russell Barnstein View Post

      Unfortunately, what caught my attention was the overabundance of grammar, spelling, syntax and word choice errors. As a doctor and an Adsense expert, you possess considerable clout that can be damaged by English that seems...less than professional. So while I understand that you have the skills to write good copy and don't want to pay for someone else to write it, I would definitely suggest having a professional English editor polish your work so that your writing appears as capable as your Adsense skills.

      Of course, this is your first try so it's likely you had an editing plan anyway. You may be able to trade your Adsense skills in exchange for that of a competent professional English editor right here on the Warrior Forum.
      This is definitely on my list.
      I am German so I try my best

      Originally Posted by Russell Barnstein View Post

      Best of luck, I'd be curious to see how this works out for you.

      -Russ
      Thank you Russ for your review, I'll report back here if the numbers of Inquiries increase.
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    What I'm talking about is the tone of the page. It needs to be more engaging. You might do that by starting out like this.

    Remember the good old days of the Internet? You know, before Google became the 800-pound gorilla. Now they not only make all the rules, but they enforce them as well. And one of the things they've seen fit to do is to pay less than ever on Adsense. Gee whiz! Does that bug you as much as it bugs me?

    Well I've done something about it. Simply by paying close attention....

    Then you go into the pitch. What that does is gets the reader on your side. Now he or she knows you understand what it's like. Now you've got a little bit of trust and credibility because you've been where they are and you're offering something to fight back, a strategy that can maybe help people keep more of what they earn. It's us little guys against the monster.

    That's what I mean.
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  • Profile picture of the author AdwordsMogul
    Micheal, to be honest there is something else that you need to work on beyond your copy.

    And that's...

    An offer they can't refuse!

    What can you offer them that they would be crazy not to buy?

    This means you have to translate your 100 Euro into value.

    I know you don't like it, but there has to be a direct correlation between price and value.

    You have to demonstrate how much they can make or save using your method.

    I know it varies, nevertheless it's necessary for you to make a comparison.

    The money back guarantee is better, but still not there. I'm tired now so if somebody doesn't help with that I will come back tomorrow.

    The thing is, your copy is too logical.

    You have to promise some kind of magic pill. Even if you tell them it's not, they will only buy if they feel your offer is as close to magic as it gets.

    Don't deceive yourself - that's the reality of copy.

    Don't lie - but don't be squeamish about appealing to the irrational side of human beings.

    Think like this: why do people choose Adwords? Personally, I think it's because they want a lot of money for doing nothing.

    What kind of lifestyle do they get to live if they follow your instructions?

    You don't have to go completely biz op but you get the idea.
    Signature
    "Those who can - DO IT. Those who can't, say it's impossible."
    Jean Paul a.k.a AdwordsMogul
    PHPDevelopers.net - Top of the range PHP developers

    ⇉ Easy Link Saver - Are you tired of the pain of constantly searching for your affiliate links? ( Chrome extension - FREE )
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    • Profile picture of the author StarBuG
      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      What I'm talking about is the tone of the page. It needs to be more engaging. You might do that by starting out like this.

      Remember the good old days of the Internet? You know, before Google became the 800-pound gorilla. Now they not only make all the rules, but they enforce them as well. And one of the things they've seen fit to do is to pay less than ever on Adsense. Gee whiz! Does that bug you as much as it bugs me?

      Well I've done something about it. Simply by paying close attention....

      Then you go into the pitch. What that does is gets the reader on your side. Now he or she knows you understand what it's like. Now you've got a little bit of trust and credibility because you've been where they are and you're offering something to fight back, a strategy that can maybe help people keep more of what they earn. It's us little guys against the monster.

      That's what I mean.
      That is great. I'll think I will borrow this for now and re word it myself when I am not so tired anymore
      Thank you very much.

      Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

      Micheal, to be honest there is something else that you need to work on beyond your copy.

      And that's...

      An offer they can't refuse!

      What can you offer them that they would be crazy not to buy?

      This means you have to translate your 100 Euro into value.

      I know you don't like it, but there has to be a direct correlation between price and value.

      You have to demonstrate how much they can make or save using your method.

      I know it varies, nevertheless it's necessary for you to make a comparison.
      I could display a statistic of my AdSense earnings for one of my forums:


      However a) this is again "logical" and b) stats can be faked so people tend to not believe them to much.

      Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

      The money back guarantee is better, but still not there. I'm tired now so if somebody doesn't help with that I will come back tomorrow.
      Much appreciated...
      For everyone who wants to try, my customers pay me after they received the final review so I get payed after my work. This is why I can't say "money back guarantee".

      Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

      The thing is, your copy is too logical.

      You have to promise some kind of magic pill. Even if you tell them it's not, they will only buy if they feel your offer is as close to magic as it gets.

      Don't deceive yourself - that's the reality of copy.

      Don't lie - but don't be squeamish about appealing to the irrational side of human beings.

      Think like this: why do people choose Adwords? Personally, I think it's because they want a lot of money for doing nothing.

      What kind of lifestyle do they get to live if they follow your instructions?

      You don't have to go completely biz op but you get the idea.
      These promises are the reason for why I run screeming when I see sales copy pages. I know that these promises are so uber hyped that you most likely end up disappointed when buying the product. I don't want my customers to feel that way.

      However I also know that we as human beings are driven by emotion.

      It is hard for me to find the golden rout that feels ok for me to put my name below it but that still sells my service. DAMN you conscience!
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      • Profile picture of the author AdwordsMogul
        Originally Posted by StarBuG View Post

        These promises are the reason for why I run screeming when I see sales copy pages. I know that these promises are so uber hyped that you most likely end up disappointed when buying the product. I don't want my customers to feel that way.

        However I also know that we as human beings are driven by emotion.

        It is hard for me to find the golden rout that feels ok for me to put my name below it but that still sells my service.
        Think about it this way:

        If you don't sell the product your customers won't get the help they need. They will go to some other guy and get hurt because you didn't sell your product. Result? They get hurt.


        Now, to be honest, you have to get over your "sales copy phobia". Yes, a lot of people run screaming, and a lot of people buy.

        The way you feel about sales copy will hold you back.

        I think you're playing Mr. Nice Guy - it won't help you or the client.

        Bottom line: You have a good product. Sell it!

        By the way, unless you're doing this for research purposes I would advice against payment after the gig. You'll get burnt badly.

        Originally Posted by StarBuG View Post

        DAMN you conscience!
        It's not your conscience. It's getting out of your comfort zone and overcoming fear.

        Good night! (at least here in the UK)
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        • Profile picture of the author StarBuG
          Originally Posted by brianadrian View Post

          I think you are putting it together nicely now. If I was you I would still work on your opening headline. Needs to be more compelling. Try to stay away from asking a question right off the bat as a huge percentage of people will answer "no" in their mind right away. Remember, your visitors have a natural resistance to sales and asking what some call "douche" questions will lose you eyeballs right from the start.
          The idea of the first question was that the reader should think "no! I don't get payed enough" but I think this is what you mean with "douche questions", am I right?

          I will think a lot more about the headline (and maybe do some split testing).
          By the way... when it comes to headlines I really like this website: copyblogger.com/magnetic-headlines/
          Just in case some of you don't know it yet. It's great.

          Originally Posted by brianadrian View Post

          Hope this helps. I've noticed you have come a long way since you first posted this site to be reviewed. Go-getter for sure.
          Thanks for the compliment. Your help at work

          Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

          Think about it this way:

          If you don't sell the product your customers won't get the help they need. They will go to some other guy and get hurt because you didn't sell your product. Result? They get hurt.

          Now, to be honest, you have to get over your "sales copy phobia". Yes, a lot of people run screaming, and a lot of people buy.

          The way you feel about sales copy will hold you back.

          I think you're playing Mr. Nice Guy - it won't help you or the client.

          Bottom line: You have a good product. Sell it!
          Now that is something to think about for me.

          Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

          By the way, unless you're doing this for research purposes I would advice against payment after the gig. You'll get burnt badly.
          Isn't that the idea of the money back guarantee? Taking all the risk of the buyer and putting it on to me?

          Even though it requires a little more effort to ask for your money back but when push comes to shove not getting payed or being asked for the money back, isn't that the same thing? You are not getting payed. Just wondering?
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  • Profile picture of the author brianadrian
    I think you are putting it together nicely now. If I was you I would still work on your opening headline. Needs to be more compelling. Try to stay away from asking a question right off the bat as a huge percentage of people will answer "no" in their mind right away. Remember, your visitors have a natural resistance to sales and asking what some call "douche" questions will lose you eyeballs right from the start.

    Hope this helps. I've noticed you have come a long way since you first posted this site to be reviewed. Go-getter for sure.
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  • Profile picture of the author StarBuG
    UPDATE:

    I reworked the headline from question to statement and modified the intro to the sales copy suggested by travlinguy a little.

    What do you guys think?

    I also contacted my former clients and asked them for a testimonial with the following three questions

    1) What were your perceptions before you bought my service and were you reluctant in any way?
    2) How did you feel after you received and read my final review?
    3) What specific results did you get as a result of using my optimization suggestions?
    Which questions do you use to get longer and usable testimonials?

    Regarding the "money back guarantee" I still don't really know how to rephrase it to work better. Any help on this is much appreciated.

    Thanks

    Michael
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    • Profile picture of the author AdwordsMogul
      Hello,

      WOW! Your copy really has come a long way.

      Let's keep going!

      First the testimonials.

      What I usually ask is:

      "What was troubling you before you got in touch with me/bought the product?"

      "What specific thing did you get that got you great results?"

      "How is your situation better now?"

      "Anything else you'd like to add?"

      I rephrase them depending on the service, but I go along those lines. I will then use what the client said and re-write it so that it sells better.

      Finally, I get their approval for the version I wrote using their answers.

      Money back:

      Let's do it like this.

      Tell me what your process is, then I can be more helpful.

      What I mean is something like :
      customer finds copy through forum link => reads cop y=>fills sign up form => if they qualify I send them my quote/offer => they pay me => I schedule consultation => Give them consultation => Upsell another service

      You don't have to use the same format but you get the idea.

      Oh, after the bit where you say "Whooping Adsense earnings" you want a testimonial from someone who actually made lots of money using your stuff ( or your own earnings).
      Signature
      "Those who can - DO IT. Those who can't, say it's impossible."
      Jean Paul a.k.a AdwordsMogul
      PHPDevelopers.net - Top of the range PHP developers

      ⇉ Easy Link Saver - Are you tired of the pain of constantly searching for your affiliate links? ( Chrome extension - FREE )
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      • Profile picture of the author StarBuG
        Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

        Hello,

        WOW! Your copy really has come a long way.

        Let's keep going!
        Thanks, it is all based on the help of you guys.

        Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

        First the testimonials.

        What I usually ask is:

        "What was troubling you before you got in touch with me/bought the product?"

        "What specific thing did you get that got you great results?"

        "How is your situation better now?"

        "Anything else you'd like to add?"

        I rephrase them depending on the service, but I go along those lines. I will then use what the client said and re-write it so that it sells better.

        Finally, I get their approval for the version I wrote using their answers.
        I'll note down your questions and combine them with mine for future inqueries. Thanks


        Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

        Money back:

        Let's do it like this.

        Tell me what your process is, then I can be more helpful.

        What I mean is something like :
        customer finds copy through forum link => reads cop y=>fills sign up form => if they qualify I send them my quote/offer => they pay me => I schedule consultation => Give them consultation => Upsell another service

        You don't have to use the same format but you get the idea.
        Normaly people contact me because they know me from my AdSense Optimizations I published over the years on several forums. They know my work and that I can help them.

        They give me their website link and I have a quick look to see if I find things I can optimize for them. If I see enough optimization potential I give them an estimate about how long I most likely need for a full review.
        E.g.: 10-15 hours with 100 Euro per hour as fee (paypal fees have to be payed by the customer).

        Before the sales copy I also told them my disclaimer which is:


        All the suggestions made by me are my subjective views based on my experience as AdSense Publisher. Even though that all suggestions are made in good faith and your best interests at heart I don’t promise nor guarantee you any increase of your earnings. Every website is different and so are their visitors. This means that all suggestions made here might or might not work on your website. This is why you need to test everything to find out what works best for you and your site.
        I'll send them this disclaimer because AdSense is a business which is a big black box in the end so promising guaranteed success is simply not possible. Even though if the changes I suggest are fully implemented the revenue increases almost always.

        Just for the objections against this disclaimer. Not one client that requested my service turned it down after the disclaimer yet.
        I also have the disclaimer on the first page of my report.

        After they agreed to my terms I do the review of their website, compile a finale report and send them the report together with my invoice.

        So far I always received my payment but I am aware of the risk.

        Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

        Oh, after the bit where you say "Whooping Adsense earnings" you want a testimonial from someone who actually made lots of money using your stuff ( or your own earnings).
        like I said I have a graph showing my earnings:


        Do you mean something like this?
        I personally feel that this wont do much good because stats can be made up so I don't really know if it is convincing. What do you think?
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  • Profile picture of the author Russell Barnstein
    MUCH better; awesome job! I can see you're still tweaking the page as there are some formatting issues and I'll assume you're aware of those.

    I'd strongly recommend that you put an actionable call-to-action above the fold- there should always be a chance to convert within sight of the reader. Even great IMs sometimes forget that their audience may be ready to convert long before they read every line of copy....

    Did you do the editing yourself? ;-P Looks a lot better.
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  • Profile picture of the author StarBuG
    @AdwordsMogul

    I just added the Statistic graph as a testimonial from me.
    Is it ok this way or is it cheesy?

    I also added a signature and a P.S.
    What do you guys think?
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    • Profile picture of the author AdwordsMogul
      I just added the Statistic graph as a testimonial from me.
      Is it ok this way or is it cheesy?
      I don't know... I think something showing actual figures might be better.

      If the people who are coming to your site know you, it obviously makes things easier.

      If you have something that's worth paying 1000 to 1500 Euro for a review you obviously have proof that can substantiate the fees.

      So we need to get more of that in the copy.

      Thousands of people would be happy to make your hourly fee in a month using Adsense.
      Signature
      "Those who can - DO IT. Those who can't, say it's impossible."
      Jean Paul a.k.a AdwordsMogul
      PHPDevelopers.net - Top of the range PHP developers

      ⇉ Easy Link Saver - Are you tired of the pain of constantly searching for your affiliate links? ( Chrome extension - FREE )
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  • Profile picture of the author StarBuG
    I don't have solid proof that can be published.
    Statistics from my clients are confidential and I don't brag about my earnings.
    I contacted my former clients for a feedback, we'll see if something useful will return.

    I also published a lot of my optimized placements over the years and in these threads you can find testimonials. Quotes like:

    Thanks to this site, I'm more informed on how I need to be keeping track of my ads, how to do split testing, and the various placements to try out! It's been great and I'm very excited to see how my revenue will increase in the future with just using these new tools presented on this site.
    This modification double my earns! Thank you very much. I integrate it in a fluid layout.
    Very good work!
    Just wanted to sincerely thank you for this. This has jumped to my second biggest income ad in less than a week. I also just centered it on my fluid skin, and I think it looks OK. The tips I got on this site is really fantastic, and has made a huge difference in my adsense income. Thank you very much StarBug!
    I must admit, I've spotted this ad placement when I first went to your forum, it is extremely well blended, you know what it simply is the border around both blocks, left and right, and the fact that adsense is the left one. Of course the colors are what they should be. That makes an ideal ad placement, with no other adsense block above, so it gets the best paying ads. Congrats and thank you for the code implementation although I don't have forums and don't want any.
    But that is not real proof either. Anything specific in mind maybe?
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    • Profile picture of the author AdwordsMogul
      Originally Posted by StarBuG View Post

      ... I don't brag about my earnings....
      Again, you are holding yourself back.

      You're selling a product. You need to show people that it works for you.

      The other testimonials are sort of OK - but you need to show some numbers!

      I'm sure there is a client or two who will not mind disclosing how much they earned in a particular month or quarter.

      I don't know what else to say - your fee is quite high.

      The only justification is the potential of earning more than they pay you right?

      How do you want to make them believe this if you don't show them numbers?
      Signature
      "Those who can - DO IT. Those who can't, say it's impossible."
      Jean Paul a.k.a AdwordsMogul
      PHPDevelopers.net - Top of the range PHP developers

      ⇉ Easy Link Saver - Are you tired of the pain of constantly searching for your affiliate links? ( Chrome extension - FREE )
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  • Profile picture of the author AdwordsMogul
    You could also change your business model.

    You have a forum, which means you have a list.

    Most probably you can write a simple basic guide as an incentive for more people to sign up.

    Create an entry level guide like an ebook or videos or something.

    Create coaching groups, webinars, etc.

    Sell that, and then make your consulting a back end product.

    Take a look at TheKeywordAcademy.com. Possibly something like that but a bit more "high-end".

    Anyway, most of use here use a variation of this to sell consulting.

    So this may make things easier - you'll still need to show some numbers though1!
    Signature
    "Those who can - DO IT. Those who can't, say it's impossible."
    Jean Paul a.k.a AdwordsMogul
    PHPDevelopers.net - Top of the range PHP developers

    ⇉ Easy Link Saver - Are you tired of the pain of constantly searching for your affiliate links? ( Chrome extension - FREE )
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    • Profile picture of the author StarBuG
      Originally Posted by AdwordsMogul View Post

      You could also change your business model.

      You have a forum, which means you have a list.

      Most probably you can write a simple basic guide as an incentive for more people to sign up.

      Create an entry level guide like an ebook or videos or something.

      Create coaching groups, webinars, etc.

      Sell that, and then make your consulting a back end product.

      Take a look at TheKeywordAcademy.com. Possibly something like that but a bit more "high-end".

      Anyway, most of use here use a variation of this to sell consulting.

      So this may make things easier - you'll still need to show some numbers though1!
      I am a full time pediatrician and I would never quit my job for anything
      The business model behind these consultings is to have 3-4/month for a little extra cash that can be earned on Sundays (I could handle a lot more but I don't want to). The main online income I generate passively via my Forums which is much more convenient

      I already have a short ebook ready which I wrote 6 month ago however it is just another compilation of my forum threads compressed into an ebook. I don't want to publish it yet because it is not finished.

      I see how your suggestion would lead to a lot more money, but I value my free time more then I value money.

      Anyway...
      does anyone has an idea on how to improve the "money back guarantee" ?
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  • Profile picture of the author StarBuG
    I just realized that my "sales" page is more of a lead generation page so I started a split test with a second shorter contact form much higher in the letter.

    The Split Test is run via Google Page Optimizer.

    Here are the different versions:

    Original: Click
    2nd Short Contact: Click
    different wording for the 2nd contact form: Click

    What do you think?
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