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Need Critique For The Following SITE

by jeffsolochek
8 replies
Hey,

Everybody is making money with IM so I figure I need to do this also. I put together this site and the product is great but when doing my first Adwords campaign received no sales.

Please let me know your opinions and suggestions

FaceBook A Thru Z - Your Source For Everything FaceBook
#critique #site
  • Profile picture of the author Quality Copywriter
    Hi there

    to be honest mate that letter needs a lot of work.

    I would leave the word "learn" out of your copy and there are spelling and gramatical problems there too.

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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Okay, it's terrible. Surprised? It looks like it was thrown up there in 5 minutes. I didn't read a single word and neither will your visitors because the site is so unattractive.

    There are a couple of sites in your sig that look pretty decent so you apparantly know what works. Shoot for getting your layout more like the last one without the swirling currency and sports car. Good luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author Rigmonkey
      Duff headline that doesn't grab attention followed by text that looks like it was formatted on an abacus. When you start reading it, things just get worse.

      You need a copywriter, and you need one badly. I could sit here and pick holes in just about every sentence. It's a grammatical car crash and there's absolutely nothing anybody would be able to do to salvage anything out of what you currently have.

      Sorry to be harsh but if you expect that page to convert to just a single sale, you're going to be sat there forever. Bite the bullet, pay somebody to write your copy and shell out a few more dollars for a page that's visually appealing. You might have the best product on the planet, but the current page won't sell it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dean Jackson
    I'd say scrap this one... it's a do over. Study some other letters, I'm sure you've seen enough of them to know how to write something 10x better than that.

    And if you're really using FB to get so many customers, why not get a pro onto this?

    So What Do You Get?

    Other than a wealth of valuable information you will get the following:
    So What Do You Get?


    Other than a wealth of valuable information you will get the following:
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  • Profile picture of the author Scott Murdaugh
    Sales copy aside...

    I will take you through getting started to creating your profile, then on to newsfeeds and how they work, to customizing your wall. You will learn how to find and add friends to your network, how to find and join interesting groups...
    I seriously doubt there's a market out there who doesn't know how to set up a Facebook profile but does know how to use a credit card online.

    If that's all you have, you have nothing.

    I'd re-think my strategy here.

    That's not info people pay for.

    -Scott
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    Over $30 Million In Marketing Data And A Decade Of Consistently Generating Breakthrough Results - Ask How My Unique Approach To Copy Typically Outsells Traditional Ads By Up To 29x Or More...

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  • Profile picture of the author DanielleLynnCopy
    I second the motion for scrapping the copy you have up there.... and rethinking your product.

    You'll also want to fix the formatting on the page. Right now, the words are clipping the edges of your blue border, and your current font makes the headline practically illegible.

    Don't lose heart though. It takes guts to bring your copy here to get it ripped to shreds. The good news is:

    a) It's possible you do have a good product in there, but don't know how to showcase it correctly through the written word.

    b) You didn't waste time/money sending traffic to the site before fixing up your page/product

    c) You now know what you have to do to fix the page (either read a book about copywriting, learn it, and write it yourself or hire a copywriter)
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce NewMedia
    Just an observation:
    I always find it interesting that often the sales letter needs mountains of work, but the authors have gotten some really cool graphics of their ebook and cd' covers, etc. ...that always seems to take priority...until there are no sales.
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    Bruce
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      I second Scott.

      Without the right thinking in place first [strategy], the best copy [words] won't make it sell.

      People can find general information on the internet about Facebook, for FREE.

      Much more chance of selling specialized information.

      An example would be teaching offline marketers how to set up Facebook fan pages for their
      clients. This would include how you or others have made x dollars doing it.

      You would supply graphics, proven lead generation methods, proven sales scripts, how to set up payments, common objections and how to nip them in the bud before they are made, and a fast start guide.

      Now you have value.

      That's an example of the thinking before you write a word of copy.

      Expecting magic words to sell a product that nobody wants is a trap many full into.

      You asked for suggestions...mine is to scrap it.

      Come up with a more saleable product.

      Best,
      Ewen
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