Please Critique my Brochure

This needs a fair bit of work, in my opinion.

First of all, check your grammar. There's a few missing possessive apostrophes (like in Craigs Real Estate) and at least one missed capital letter ('the banks have become very picky...') This kind of thing makes your message look unprofessional - you're asking your prospects to part with a lot of money, so your presentation has to be top-notch.

In the copy itself you need to tap into the real desires of your prospects early on - why do they want a house? Maybe security, maybe somewhere special to start a family, that kind of thing.

Something like this might draw your prospects in better (starting at the beginning of the inside of the brochure; this is something written quickly so it'll likely need further work):

Does this describe you?

• You have a steady income
• You can put up at least a partial downpayment
• ...but you still can't get a loan for your dream house

You've worked hard. You've stopped buying those little luxuries you used to enjoy. But every time you get close to buying a house, the banks move the goal posts a little bit further.

But there is a way to beat them...

A way you can have the security of owning your own home
A way you can free yourself from money-grubbing landlords

Here's how it works:

[turn the bit about how it works intoa set of bullets or a numbered list, and end it with 'you own your dream home', or something like it]

All you need is a steady income and a partial downpayment. That's it. You're already approved.


Then lead into the numbers and what the estate agents do.

I'd drop the 'Upside Down World' section - I don't see what it adds.

The 'Last Chance' and 'Stop Renting' sections are good, but put them in normal text rather than capitals. I'd also be tempted to turn the 'Stop Renting' section into a list of bullets rather than paragraphs - you've got some good benefits there and that will make them more noticeable.

Hope that helps.

Your brochure doesn't have to look and sound like others.

Here's what I mean.

Have it appear like an advertorial.

If you don't know what one is, it's like a featured article in the same format as the rest of the newspaper or magazine is.

It reads as if a reporter/editor has written it.

Doing so creates credibility and authority which it wouldn't of achieved without it...
meaning you get believability and sales which is hard to come by these days.

For visual effect, you can have it appear as if it was torn out of a newspaper or magazine.

If you are having trouble getting the benefits and hooks that captivate your reader, then you can find a reporter in training and have her/him ask you questions which bring out the news worthy story.

Then another way to go is, if you already have people who have taken up this offer, ask them what was the reason why they went with it and why it was important to them.

Ideally go with the woman in a couple situation because they are the ones which mostly control the money.

In both cases, it's about getting your answers from others, either experts at drawing out the right answers via questioning...or from the buyers.

Best,
Ewen