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How This Post For Copywriting ?

by MikelDonel
11 replies
Hello WF

I made my own copywriting post , I do not think it really a copywriting post .

But you can tell me what you think ? This post can convert ?

The Post : muscles-workout.com/my-story-jonny-and-vince

Thanks
#copywriting #post
  • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
    Banned
    "So I start Explore the internet about this subject and found the Ways that will teach me how to build muscle fast and quickly, I started follow them And I thought that these Ways Will make me some Real muscles like the famous peoples, i have been doing all things that they have told me and after a While Nothing Change, you know why because – Thos Ways was the list up there."


    Congratulations.It's a masterpiece.

    One of the best pieces of sales copy I've ever clapped eyes on in my life.

    Just incredible. You've definitely got the knack for this.

    I think you must be a natural. A born winner even.

    Everything is just perfect.

    I wouldn't change a thing.

    Best,


    Mark Andrews
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    • Profile picture of the author Sumdor
      Simply amazing! But who cares about framing proper sentences and so forth. Sorry Mr Ennglish Grammar.

      The videos were, however, cooool
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      2. Is this why women are look better these days?

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    • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
      Originally Posted by Pete Walker View Post



      Congratulations.It's a masterpiece.

      One of the best pieces of sales copy I've ever clapped eyes on in my life.

      Just incredible. You've definitely got the knack for this.

      I think you must be a natural. A born winner even.

      Everything is just perfect.

      I wouldn't change a thing.

      Best,


      Pete Walker
      ...Um... really?
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      • Profile picture of the author arfasaira
        Your first part actually started off quite well, but you lose the flow part way through and your spelling and grammar leave a lot to be desired.

        You also need to make your headline a lot bigger so people know its a headline. And I would have used a benefit/solution based headline like

        'Finally, Discover The Quick and EASY Way to Build Your Muscles, Even If You've Been Pumping Iron For Months and Struggle To Put Weight On' or something like that.

        You definitely need someone to re-write this though, not just to correct your mistakes but to make it easier to read and to have more impact.
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        • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
          Banned
          [DELETED]
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          • Profile picture of the author Cam Connor
            Originally Posted by Pete Walker View Post

            The first part I highly doubt is his Arfa. The discrepancy between the two styles of writing is quite distinct.
            I noticed the same... Honestly Mikel, you really need to have a native English-speaker proof-read your copy before you submit it here, it's not even remotely close what someone would call good grammar... If you already had a native English speaker proof-read this for you, I think it's time to start looking into getting a new proof-reader.

            Edit: Also, that pic at the bottom implies that you're a lot less jacked than you think you are.
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        • Profile picture of the author MI Used Cars Guy
          The poor grammar and spelling hinder the piece; I could barely pay attention to the message you were conveying because of this.

          Proof-read the heck out of that thing and post back. Hire an editor or have an English-speaking individual give it a gander.
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      • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Reflection Marketing View Post

        ...Um... really?
        I take it my very dry sense of humor was lost on you?
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        • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
          Originally Posted by Pete Walker View Post

          I take it my very dry sense of humor was lost on you?
          Wait... Ummm... isn't it the other way around? How did this beer get into my hands?
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          • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
            Banned
            Originally Posted by Reflection Marketing View Post

            Wait... Ummm... isn't it the other way around? How did this beer get into my hands?
            It's not the beer it's just all of that fresh mountain air in your lungs.

            Mt Shasta ya lucky bugger. I loved it there. A beautiful part of the world. Drove through there a few times in my BMW from Portland to San Francisco and vice versa on weekends away back in 2004 whilst working as a private consultant for Wells Fargo Bank.

            In fact I recall staying there overnight one night at the Best Western hotel. There was a very hot blonde chick coming onto me lol at one of the bars there - happy memories.

            The local beer though was bloody awful, freezing cold and tasteless.

            A good beer should always be served warm.

            Yes, yes, yes, disagree all you like. I'm British.
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  • Profile picture of the author John_S
    One of the best pieces of sales copy I've ever clapped eyes on in my life.
    You will recall my criticism of "my story" copy in this thread.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
      Banned
      Originally Posted by John_S View Post

      You will recall my criticism of "my story" copy in this thread.
      A good tactic John... lets all click out immediately.

      I owe you a pint.
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