Critique My Squeeze Page?

The raw link to the website redirects to /v2/.

I'm not a copywriter, but here's what I noticed...

I like that the eye path is straight, but perhaps rather than one big headline lasting 3 lines (honestly, I was reluctant to read it) you'd do better breaking it into headline + pre or sub-headline.

Do you need the subscriber's name? If not, you might be able to improve your results simply by removing that. How many folks are signing up with "billybobmcgee" or "dfjkla" as their name anyway? :p

Have you tried any other colours for the page?
ie: Changing the colour of the headline

Cheers,
-Adrian

Thanks
1 reply

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Asher

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Adrian Int

The raw link to the website redirects to /v2/.

I'm not a copywriter, but here's what I noticed...

I like that the eye path is straight, but perhaps rather than one big headline lasting 3 lines (honestly, I was reluctant to read it) you'd do better breaking it into headline + pre or sub-headline.

Do you need the subscriber's name? If not, you might be able to improve your results simply by removing that. How many folks are signing up with "billybobmcgee" or "dfjkla" as their name anyway? :p

Have you tried any other colours for the page?
ie: Changing the colour of the headline

Cheers,
-Adrian

Hi Adrian,

Good points. I'll consider chopping it up into pre and sub
heads. A previous one I did showed that one overwhelming
big fat headline outconverted ones with pre and sub heads.

That's why they are what they are now.

I have considered taking out the subscriber's name but
that isn't available with the theme I'm using (ProfitsTheme).

So I'm leaving it as it is - not an issue with bogus
names, I rarely use the firstname tags in my emails.

I haven't tested other colors - for the I.M. market, red
seems to be the way to go. Even with all the copy tips and
courses I've gone through. So I probably won't waste
valuable dollars proving them right =)

Asher

Thanks

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Asher Aw

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Asher 12 years ago

Originally Posted by KirkB

Both version 1 and version 2 are exactly the same...

They're not... you're probably seeing the same
since Google's Website Optimizer is sending
you back to the same place.

Here are some screen shots...

Version 1:

Version 2:

I'm only testing the headlines for now.

Asher
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Asher Aw
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Bobdarko

12 years ago

The four lines of big red test at the top is too much. I immediately skipped reading it and scrolled down. Limit the amount of red text to 2 lines. See if this changes conversions.

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1 reply

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Rob M

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Asher

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Bobdarko

The four lines of big red test at the top is too much. I immediately skipped reading it and scrolled down. Limit the amount of red text to 2 lines. See if this changes conversions.

The headline contains the biggest firepower of my
message - I could probably bring it down to 3 lines
max but I want my message coming across more.

So if I have people skipping it and scrolling down, no
worries - I got the lower half to grab their attention.

And if that doesn't work, well... I guess my offer and
messages weren't suitable in the first place.

Asher

Thanks

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Asher Aw

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ASCW

12 years ago

I'd suggest getting bullets and opt in above the fold.

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2 replies

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Site being revamped.

If you want help with copy stuff, pm me.

Cool.

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Shadowflux

12 years ago

Hi Asher,

Here are a couple of suggestions:

As a member of O.I.C., you'll get full/complete access to the "$1,000 Blueprint" (valued at $47).

Change O.I.C. to Online Income Cash. It's in the beginning and you haven't established what it means yet. It took me a second to figure it out and I'd like to think I'm a fairly smart guy.

I would personally get rid of the "Lesson 2" "Lesson 3" stuff and just use the title of the lesson. Like this:

Products Prospects Crave!
Discover how to identify profitable products your subscribers will buy over & over again.

I also felt that alternating between bolded and regular text was distracting and seemed to de-emphasize the regular text.

Lesson 7, 8 & 9: The 1 thing you must have to have ANY CHANCE of continued income and success

I'd change it to "The ONE thing you need for continued income and success." Basically, I don't like the "have to have".

Those are just a few of my suggestions, take 'em or leave 'em. I like the overall page. I particularly like that it's short.

Thanks
1 reply

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Asher

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Shadowflux

Hi Asher,

Here are a couple of suggestions:

Change O.I.C. to Online Income Cash. It's in the beginning and you haven't established what it means yet. It took me a second to figure it out and I'd like to think I'm a fairly smart guy.

I would personally get rid of the "Lesson 2" "Lesson 3" stuff and just use the title of the lesson. Like this:

Products Prospects Crave!
Discover how to identify profitable products your subscribers will buy over & over again.

I also felt that alternating between bolded and regular text was distracting and seemed to de-emphasize the regular text.

I'd change it to "The ONE thing you need for continued income and success." Basically, I don't like the "have to have".

Those are just a few of my suggestions, take 'em or leave 'em. I like the overall page. I particularly like that it's short.

Hi Shadowflux,

Good point... I'll modify it to show OnlineIncomeCash (O.I.C.)
instead and the "have to have" thing =)

You're looking at the bottom part of the copy which has actually
almost double my conversions. I'll tweak it but will first focus
on the headline.

I had the text non-alternating between bold and regular but it
wasn't visually appealing (at least to me).

And as for the lessons... I tested it without the "Lessons 2"
etc... so far - not much of a difference. I like it right now
because it's specific. That's something I like to see when I
come across bullets in sales letters so I figure I can apply it
here.

Asher

Thanks

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Asher Aw

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Asher 12 years ago

Originally Posted by ASCW

I'd suggest getting bullets and opt in above the fold.

The optin is above the fold.

I might test optins on the side another
time since that will allow bullets also in
the fold.

This time - I'm testing zigging (only headline
then optin) instead of my usual zagging
(headline, bullets, optin on right side).

Asher
- Thanks
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Asher Aw
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Exel

12 years ago

Four-lines headline is a bit overkill, go with the shorter one.

Also, I'd suggest pushing opt-in form to the right and bullet points above the fold on the left.

Thanks
2 replies

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Asher 12 years ago

Originally Posted by davemiz

24% isn't bad... you have no idea where the traffic is really coming from...

hard to critique it without a link :-)

The traffic is coming from solo ads.

Links (version 1): Online Income Cash
Links (version 2): Claim Your $1,000 Blueprint | Online Income Cash

Asher
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Asher Aw
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Asher

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Exel

Four-lines headline is a bit overkill, go with the shorter one.

Also, I'd suggest pushing opt-in form to the right and bullet points above the fold on the left.

So far, the results are showing that the 2nd one is
better (3 lines). I'd probably use the optin form on
right and bullets on left on my next split test.

Asher

Thanks
1 reply

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Asher Aw

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ChloeCKimberley

12 years ago

Here are a few tips...

Reason why.

Why are you giving this free? Marketing test? Demand test? Because it was your birthday yesterday? In exchange for your subscription? Become a fan? (Even simple reasons work better than none.)

Urgency.

You don't point out any form of urgency/scarcity for people to opt-in. Opting in is almost a "seconds" thing. You want to give them a secondary reason to opt in NOW instead of later.

Bullets... can be improved a LOT.

If you can shorten them, shorten them to their best benefit. If you can write amazing bullets, then pull out the transition from features to dimensional to emotional.

Headline.

Too commonplace in this market. I'm wondering what kind of traffic you're sending over... But you need to inject a form of "reason" for people to continue over to your optin page.

Shock them out of their zombie states and send their brains chugging with curiosity. Make them think you're a real human behind.

PS's

No PS's? 1 or 3 is fine. Don't opt for two, if you're adding them.

No objections?

Uhh.. people are going to ask... "Is this system for everyone? Is it for ME? Am i experienced enough? I haven't done internet marketing before... could I do it? Could i do it if I am not technically savvy?"

Design

Frankly, I'm not too sure about the design. If you want, you can find Mr Subtle - he's supposedly the better copy designer in the WF. But i've seen squeeze pages with bullets at the side of the opt in form. Also, your font is too light - fonts with less contrast to the background have far lower readership than you'd think.

MM.. yeah. I've seen squeeze pages go up to 50-60%, but it usually depends on the traffic as well. If you're using solo ads, it might be the "email copy" that gets them to click on your link which is not preselling you enough.

Thanks
1 reply

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Signed, Chloe C Kimberley
copywriter,designer,marketer

"If you're making good money with SEO/PPC/product creation, I'll be willing to offer copywriting assistance to you so that I can learn from you."

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Asher

12 years ago

Originally Posted by ChloeCKimberley

Here are a few tips...

Reason why.

Why are you giving this free? Marketing test? Demand test? Because it was your birthday yesterday? In exchange for your subscription? Become a fan? (Even simple reasons work better than none.)

Urgency.

You don't point out any form of urgency/scarcity for people to opt-in. Opting in is almost a "seconds" thing. You want to give them a secondary reason to opt in NOW instead of later.

Bullets... can be improved a LOT.

If you can shorten them, shorten them to their best benefit. If you can write amazing bullets, then pull out the transition from features to dimensional to emotional.

Headline.

Too commonplace in this market. I'm wondering what kind of traffic you're sending over... But you need to inject a form of "reason" for people to continue over to your optin page.

Shock them out of their zombie states and send their brains chugging with curiosity. Make them think you're a real human behind.

PS's

No PS's? 1 or 3 is fine. Don't opt for two, if you're adding them.

No objections?

Uhh.. people are going to ask... "Is this system for everyone? Is it for ME? Am i experienced enough? I haven't done internet marketing before... could I do it? Could i do it if I am not technically savvy?"

Design

Frankly, I'm not too sure about the design. If you want, you can find Mr Subtle - he's supposedly the better copy designer in the WF. But i've seen squeeze pages with bullets at the side of the opt in form. Also, your font is too light - fonts with less contrast to the background have far lower readership than you'd think.

MM.. yeah. I've seen squeeze pages go up to 50-60%, but it usually depends on the traffic as well. If you're using solo ads, it might be the "email copy" that gets them to click on your link which is not preselling you enough.

Hi ChloeCKimberley,

Thanks for the pointers. Well noted.

I've edited the copy and added reason why's, some
kind of urgency and updated the bullets a little bit.

No PS and objection handling just yet. Will get to those
soon.

Thanks for pointing it out - you've given me quite a bit
of stuff to work on. =)

Asher

Thanks

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Asher Aw

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Asher

12 years ago

Alright... here's a quick update - I've now modified the
copy to the better converting one (version 2) on both of
them.

And as ASCW (Andy Wilson), Exel (Zak Exel) and
ChloeCKimberley stated, I've placed the bullets on the side
of the optin instead.

That is now version 1.

Version 2 is now the control to beat.

Let's see how this plays out!

Asher

Thanks

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Asher Aw

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Manoj V

12 years ago

You can improve on it by comparing it to the squeeze page at the link below:

http://emailmarketingmaverick.com/wp...age-design.png

The first one is well suited for your purpose since the visitor does not have to scroll down. There could be more contrast on the page. A one-line headline as in the example is more readable. Lastly a few changes in the text to give the visitor more reason to go ahead with the opt-in.

Thanks
1 reply

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Asher

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Max P

You can improve on it by comparing it to the squeeze page at the link below:

http://emailmarketingmaverick.com/wp...age-design.png

The first one is well suited for your purpose since the visitor does not have to scroll down. There could be more contrast on the page. A one-line headline as in the example is more readable. Lastly a few changes in the text to give the visitor more reason to go ahead with the opt-in.

Thanks for showing me that - it looks nice.

Quite a few things on it that corresponded to
what Chloe mentioned earlier.

Asher

Thanks

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Asher Aw

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boostmg

12 years ago

cool, hae you thought of using a video squeeze page?

Thanks

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Acquinity

12 years ago

I'm looking at both versions of the squeeze page and one thing comes to mind when i look at the top header..You mentioned this is the most powerful firepower you have regarding your sales pitch...

The "$1,000 Blue Print" headline...does this mean this program usually costs $1,000 and your audiance is recieving a discount? Will i earn a $1,000? If so, over what time period?

I relize this is the name of the E-Book you're promoting but consumers may not...

I think you need to convey what consumers will get out of this in the top header, clearly....

One of the screen shots you posted, the copy lists the daily revenue one can generate from this...i think that should be used. You should also split test the daily revenue vs. annual revenue - around $44k based on the daily revenue you list on the page...

$122 may not get people to move down on the page, $44k may though...

Best of luck to you.

Thanks
1 reply

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valuecreator 12 years ago

I've been testing a lot of squeeze pages lately, and i have to say: I see that people are starting to get tired of Optimize Press looking template and the same hypey pitch. They just don't have the time for that.

also, the less you say, the more you convert for opt-in...

example: I can't post links yet, so google "paypal redemption codes by discountduo.com" (including quotes)
(this SP converts at around 45%)

Before that i had something similar to yours and it was more 15-20%

so here's what I suggest if you want to push 50% (try it, because it works for me!)

- i would put your headline in black or blue..

- don't ask for names and you'll get and extra 5-10%

- For headline, I would try something like:

DO NOT start a Business !

or

KILL your blog !

(you're supposed to get people's attention, not lose them!)

sub-headline:

Here's how YOU GET $1000 in Passive Income (it's automatic).

Your picth should be:

What is this? : BAM! One line
What it's gonna do for ya: BAM! one line
What I want you to do Now: BOOM! one line.

Keep it short and direct, no hype, so they get it in less than 10 sec.

First impression is the most important. My first impression with your page is "OMG another f@@@@ scam!)

Add a picture of you (or somebody looking like your Bob). Also, put your product picture in a "youtube looking frame" with a play button on it (nothing plays, but you'll get another 10% righth there. Of course, you need at least a little video on the other side!!!)

stay solid!

Seb

p.s. I have another trick that I found last week, and it's an extra 10-20%. PM me for that, I don't want it all over the net in a month's time...
- Thanks
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Critique My Squeeze Page?

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