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critique my headline

by Coolstro
6 replies
Headline:
Discover the Secrets to Creating an "Online Cash Empire" so YOU can Live it Up Already!

Purpose: Squeeze Page e-mail opt in, where inside i teach a system to create online income that allows the "internet lifestyle"
Critique + add your own improved version.
Thanks Warriors
#critique #headline
  • Profile picture of the author RobHiness
    First! Make sure you practice and are successful with what you preach!

    As for the headline, it sounds like what EVERYONE else is using. Maybe venture out with the title "Online Cash Empire" --- as there are probably about 100 different internet marketing, affiliate marketing systems with the same name.

    Not an expert. Just my opinion,

    Good luck to you!
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    • Profile picture of the author CurtisSWN
      You have an understanding of the power words already apparently. Maybe add an "At Last!" on the front, or a "Finally!" \

      One other thing, putting "Online Cash Empire" in quotes maybe spoils your intended effect of creating that image in their mind.

      Split testing will always help.
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      Simple Two Step Formula
      Earns Me Over $146.72 in 12 Hours. This is Weird, But it Works!
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  • Profile picture of the author ThomasOMalley
    I like your headline...but I would add a powerful subheadline as well.

    I assume you are writing some powerful bullets for your squeeze page too.
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    • Profile picture of the author IMNomad
      I liked the last part of your headline too. It struck a cord with me, after all isn't that what most of us are after. Maybe you could try leading off with that.

      1)
      Start living it up already, Discover the Secrets to Creating an "Online Cash Empire"

      2)
      Why wait to start living it up, Discover the Secrets to Creating an "Online Cash Empire"

      3)
      Start living what others dream about, Discover the Secrets to Creating an "Online Cash Empire"
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      • Profile picture of the author Coolstro
        yes, i will split test these
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  • Profile picture of the author stemdrea
    You need a hook - you don't have one here.
    A hook could be something incongruent, quick, easy, fast. Every good thing in writing has a hook - the song "Hooked on a Feeling" was inspired by the song writer being told to write a song with a hook. If you study News Headlines the best ones have a hook.

    Discover the Secrets to Creating an "Online Cash Empire" so YOU can Live it Up Already!

    Discover the Secrets to Creating Online Cash Quickly and Easily in Only 7 Steps

    Try this resource for testing your headlines:
    aminstitute dot com/headline

    Hope this helps...ml
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