15 replies
#copy #product #sales #sales letter
  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Originally Posted by hpgoodboy View Post

    - can you understand what I try to sell?
    A PDF and video about "How to Create Stunning Graphical Sales Letters", but I don't know the detail. For example, does it go over typography fundamentals or is it just about how to add "hilarious" images to your copy?

    - does it flow?
    Not brilliantly, probably just about well enough for a WSO. Though I think the start of your sales argument misses the mark by targeting the wrong audience (and proving the wrong point).

    - are there any spelling errors (or grammar hick-ups)?
    I didn't read it closely enough to notice (but certainly the writing could be improved - read it out loud to catch the awkward bits)

    - is something missing?
    Primarily the entire desire part of the letter.

    - do I have to send you band aid because you fell asleep and hit your head on the table... LOL (I mean is it boring?)
    It didn't bore me - but it didn't make me care either. And I say that as someone with an ongoing project to improve my design skills.

    Andrew Gould

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  • Profile picture of the author ASCW
    Why is the headline so misaligned?

    Also the first glaring subhead of "Here's why you need this." basically threw me out of the copy.

    I barely know what you're angle is and all of a sudden you're explaining why I need something?

    Then you go on to pitch the idea of a WSO - but the way you tie the idea of me needing graphical elements is weak, and unconvincing.

    Saying the x, out of y sales letters had graphics. Why not provide some actual data about why the graphic element helps?

    What if the subhead changed from
    "Here's why you need this."
    "Add Graphics To Your WSO For a 4% Conversion Boost"
    Or some other relevant factoid.

    My point is instead of saying "Here's why you need this."

    Why not make the actual reason I need it the sub-head itself?

    As I was reading through it I became skeptical whether you had any hard reasons at all for why I need this.

    Site being revamped.

    If you want help with copy stuff, pm me.


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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    Originally Posted by hpgoodboy View Post

    - can you understand what I try to sell?
    - does it flow?
    - are there any spelling errors (or grammar hick-ups)?
    - is something missing?
    - do I have to send you band aid because you fell asleep and hit your head on the table... LOL
    (I mean is it boring?)

    I only have a few minutes, but here's my impression:

    1) I definitely "got it" right away, very nice job on that.
    2) Yes, it's easy to follow the logic and it builds a good case.
    3) I'd suggest having an eagle eye proofreader check it. Frankly, I think clarity is more important than grammar. Call someone and read it to them over the phone. If parts of it sound confusing or unclear, rework them.
    4) Missing? There are plenty of things you could add, but honestly I'd suggest putting it up and starting the testing process.

    Personally, I hate the WSO section and rarely go in there, but I think this offer has legs. I'd probably buy it if the price was right.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ross Bowring
    Don't get disheartened, but the visuals aren't good enough to persuade me or most Warriors that you are any type of graphics authority.

    That, mixed with an uninspired sales argument, will leave the vast majority of folks cold.

    You don't make a clear connection between how graphics increase sales...

    And you don't prove your own credentials thru the quality of your graphics on your own page... or your ability to teach others to create them.

    To give your reader an idea of the positive experience they will have under your tutelage, teach a know-nothing to create a great-looking graphic and use it as a case study. Something, anything.

    You have given yourself an almost impossible task here without upping your game significantly. Most Warriors will own one of those massive graphics packages that get sold all the time with the PSD files, etc.

    How is what you are selling superior to those fill-in-the-blank graphic solutions?

    If you don't have a true compelling answer to that question you might want to try to sell something else.

    Again, not trying to dishearten you... just save you lots of time.

    --- Ross
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  • Profile picture of the author Gallynukes
    There's almost too many visuals and images -- almost to the point where the pitch as a whole feels more rocky and disjointed than it naturally should. Maybe space some of them out a bit more if possible?

    I think structure-wise you've got something going there. You've got a solid "hook" (albeit one that could use a bit more tweaking) and you certainly convey enough information to the reader to illustrate (no pun intended) the overall worthiness of the product.

    Personally, the thing that stood out most to me were the sub-headlines. They could perhaps use a bit more "punch" or "oomph" as they're currently coming off as a little too vanilla.

    I think the fact that the actual illustrations aren't of the highest quality could actually play to your advantage. You're essentially pitching a resource to educate the buyer as to where they can acquire free images to utilize for their own marketing endeavors should they find they're not the most skilled of aritsts themselves. Although the Batman meme image... I'd do away with that. I like where you were going with it but I don't think this particular sales page is the right place for such a smarmy approach.

    Overall, though, I think you're on the right track. Indeed, I don't think any of us here have ever whipped up a final copy/sales page that wasn't in need of some tweaking, editing and revisions galore.

    As for your specific questions:

    - can you understand what I try to sell?
    Why yes, yes I can!

    - does it flow?
    Outside of the vanilla sub-headlines and somewhat disjointed images/creatives, yes, the copy as a whole flows quite nicely.
    - are there any spelling errors (or grammar hick-ups)?
    Nothing too blatant to pull me away from the pitch itself, no.

    - is something missing?
    More emotional, impactful sub-headlines and images (albeit maybe having them more spaced out than they may be currently).

    - do I have to send you band aid because you fell asleep and hit your head on the table... LOL
    (I mean is it boring?)
    No, it's actually quite engaging. So definitely kudos on that and keep up the good work!
    >> Consummate Copywriting & Content Creation - Click Here! <<

    “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” -- Socrates

    "Does anyone actually trust quotes?" -- Hunter S. Thompson
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  • Profile picture of the author leliahawkins31
    well you're selling a graphical sales letter instead of a landing page or a page, etc..

    the problem here is for email list building.

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  • Profile picture of the author TheSalesBooster
    I agree with what Ross said, but the problems don't start with your copy. They start with your lousy offer.

    Think about who you're targeting here...

    Your customers are the people who buy huge graphic packs.

    They don't want to learn how to create 'stunning graphical' sales letters.

    They don't want to learn how to create their own icons and images.

    They want a cookie cutter solution that they can slap together that looks presentable.

    Your offer looks like a bunch of information and tutorials that nobody has time for. People don't want to work harder for the same outcome if there is an easier solution out there.
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  • hey there

    Lose the..."only so many copies left" at the end.
    "Peter Brennan is the real deal, In the first 12 hours we did $80k...and over $125k in the first week...if you want to be successful online, outsource your copywriting to Peter"
    Adam Linkenauger

    For 12 ways to sell more stuff to more people today...go to...www.peterbrennan.net
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    • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
      Originally Posted by Quality Copywriter View Post

      hey there

      Lose the..."only so many copies left" at the end.
      I agree with this. Claiming limited copies of a virtually delivered product makes no sense. Find another way to make it a limited time offer.
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    There are some minor issues as have been mentioned but this thing will appeal to the WSO crowd in a big way. They're not going to analyse it at all. It speaks to its target audience. The message is clear and the price is right. Period. It's a home run.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    If you're going with that head...do it like this -

    "How to create stunning graphical salesletters in 30 Minutes or less using FREE tools - even if you can barely draw a cat!

    See the dash before "even"? That's important.
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  • You don't need the apostrophe: "WSOs" rather than "WSO's."
    Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
    - Jack Trout
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  • Profile picture of the author DigitalCopyWriter
    I won't analyze all of this ... but only the lead. After all, if you can't get my attention in the first 30 seconds, the rest of the letter is not very valuable.

    First of all, the headline is not very appealing and the comparasion is at least a bit strange. If you want to make a comparasion, make it with something relevant.

    For example, why would I need to draw a cat for a sales letter? Or better yet, what does drawing have to do with sales letter design? I need to know how to use stuff like Adobe Photoshop, not be an artist.

    So I would rather hear ...

    "Even If Photoshop Seems Like In Chinesse For You" ...

    Plus ... what's the actual product, stunning graphical sales letters? I don't think I want that. I think I want to make my sales letter appealing. That's the actual benefit to it.

    So ...

    "How To Transform Your Sales Letter Into A Visual Delight In Less Than 30 Minutes Even If Photoshop Seems Like In Chinesse For You"

    It can be tweaked more in order to flow but it's a good start.

    The next three lines should be objections ...

    I don't know what are the top three objections in this marketplace but if they are ... it's too hard ... it's hard to follow ... I have to buy additional stuff then it's alright.

    I don't get the cat part. OK, ok it's related to the headline and it's an attention getter, just like John Carlton's penny but it's not really pushing the sale ahead.

    I suggest you start with this part. You seem to have a really cool product so it's worth to tweak the start of your copy.

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  • Profile picture of the author schttrj
    Originally Posted by hpgoodboy View Post

    Hey there,

    Here is a sales letter:


    It's the first draft - well actually more like #10 or #15 but not final yet.

    Please give me your input.

    - can you understand what I try to sell?
    - does it flow?
    - are there any spelling errors (or grammar hick-ups)?
    - is something missing?
    - do I have to send you band aid because you fell asleep and hit your head on the table... LOL
    (I mean is it boring?)

    Headline - 2/4

    Nice try at the headline but you can do much better. Make it MORE POWERFUL! Impact is the name of the game.

    Lead - 2/4

    Who are you targeting? What's the main purpose of the product? Don't fluff-talk. Start on your sell. Even if you start by a story or your introduction, all should be geared to bring 'em to the "click me" button.

    Don't get confused between sales letters and "WSO sales letters".

    In the bullet options, don't list features. Show us the benefit.

    Remember, your whole letter justifies the price you are asking for at the end.
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