looking for critique / input.

7 replies
Hello Warriors,

Once again I put myself before you asking for feedback regarding the business site I'm foisting around at the moment in an attempt to improve it for producing revenue.

We recently ran a split test, which tested one variable - the page content; the thinking being that a lot of call to action pages (and those that advocate them would insist-) are presented as 'squeeze pages' - i.e pages without content / devoid of options which have 1 purpose and thus cause high % interaction.

In the case of my page the purpose is twofold,
1- present the Tel. number: we have enough 'instant response' that the Tel. num. is a huge requirement.
2- present our data capture (email signup) // it was this 2nd element we were interested in improving.

We found after the split test that a page which supplied lots of content and options was converting better (a variance of 100% in difference between results)

As such we understand that having content on the page is important, but now we want to understand if the copyright of the content is important.

As such I ask the following: could you spare a few moment to glance at our page and then return with an answer as to where you think it falls short or where it might be that we can improve, any general comments welcome.

site: How To Close Company | How to Close Company
#critique #feedback or comments #input
  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    I presume you mean the "now we want to understand if the copywrite of the content is important." - even though that's bad English as well. You're in the copywriting forum. Do I really need to tell you the answer?

    The video is cheesy. It needs a much better script and a professional presenter. The headline and body copy could be a lot better too. The name "How to Close Company" leaves me cold.

    I found the information on your other pages much more interesting than your rather bland landing page.

    And once again...why try and do all this yourself? Hire a pro.
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  • There's not nearly enough information or benefits.

    At the moment it just leaves the readers confused.

    Because it's not clear what you actually do or how you do it.

    Be a lot better if you started by doing this -

    Highlight What The Problem Is (and the "torment" it's creating - show that you understand. Why do you care?)

    Give All The Dangers of Keeping The Problem Unresolved (i.e. running an insolvent company in the UK could make the directors liable for all the debts - plus all the other legislative horrors etc, etc)

    What Do You Do To Completely Solve The Problem (give specific answers and prove how you quickly and easily take all the "pain" away)

    Who Are You And Why Should People Listen To You (you need lots of credibility and reasons why you so much better than anyone else. What do you do that's different? What is your USP?)

    How Successful Are You? (How many companies have you helped, what were the results, can you put up a few case studies that "new" clients can relate to)

    With Stunning Testimonials From Clients You Have Helped (people may or may not believe you, but they tend to believe what others say about you. So give real, genuine testimonials, preferably with the full name, type of company and location - clients may want privacy so you don't have to "name" the company or give the full address)

    Handle The Objections (why wouldn't people give you a call?)

    How Much Is It Going To Cost? (it's the first thing people are thinking, so don't avoid it. You don't have to give a "price" but show how everything will be made possible and affordable)

    Again Tell People Why They Must Act Quickly (remind them of the dire consequences if they don't - and the huge emotional and financial relief when you handle everything for them)


    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author verial
    You start out your copy saying who you are. Yet you provide no credentials or proof that you (for example, and in your words) are "specialized," "professional," or "put your clients first."

    SHOW. Don't just say.

    Also, why am I wasting my time reading about your company? What can you DO for me?

    Start out with something attention-grabbing.

    I've worked with so many companies like yours and I'm 99% sure that your copy is going to continue to suck because you have an EXCUSE running through your mind that you need to project a professional image, which is probably why you start off introducing your company (long sentence, sorry). Copywriting is not a speech class. It's not an AA meeting.

    Your goal is to make readers become customers, and you don't do that by droning on about your company and your website.

    WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME???
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  • Profile picture of the author ThomasOMalley
    You are in love with yourself. No one cares about you and your company.

    You use the word "we" more times than I change my socks during the year.

    In short, your website is terrible. You need to scrap it and totally write it from your customer's point of view.

    Read Dan Furman's book, Do the Web Write, for an excellent overview on how to write copy for your site.
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  • Profile picture of the author Edk
    I did scan the page quickly but I got back to the video. My opinion of the page on the merest glance is that there's a lot on the page and I'd prefer if there wasn't so much to attract my attention, here, here, over there... etc.

    For me listening to that video is like standing listening to someone where the person's words, indeed his very thoughts are really held back from me. It's as though I need to reach and drag every... no need to go on. It's not ultra laid back; I've just had to invent a new term for it: Held Back - big time. Is he the ideal front man? Not the way he's presenting, sorry.
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  • Profile picture of the author Forbes Burton
    Thank you all for your input.

    Clearly there is a lot that needs to be done yet.
    While I consider what steps to take next please consider my request fulfilled, If you do wish to comment further please do so, I'm here to learn from people like yourselves, but otherwise know that I'm going to be trying to solve some of the small myriad off issues that have been raised here.
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