Feedback on my first sales page

by mc9320
13 replies
I've just created my first sales page pitching a product to help composers and songwriters.

Ultimate Chord Progressions

Would really appreciate some advice on how to improve it!
#feedback #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author verial
    Originally Posted by mc9320 View Post

    I've just created my first sales page pitching a product to help composers and songwriters.

    Ultimate Chord Progressions

    Would really appreciate some advice on how to improve it!
    Direct, blunt criticism, but at least it's free. Ready?

    • Shit URL. You haven't branded yourself. It's clear you're selling a generic product.
    • Make music in "any style?" You gonna teach me how to make noize, bra? How about post-modern industrial reggae? Choose a niche if you want to attract an audience. Rare is the musician who doesn't care about what style music he makes. If your product truly can apply to any style, duplicate it and edit it for many styles, and make several websites, each selling the modified product.
    • I like how you've started your headline with two periods. I'm going to start using this new grammar.
    That's as far as I'm going for free. You've got more problems than just the copy. Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author Tiptopcat
    Hi there,

    I would say that this is a nice start. If you already had a list and you were marketing it to them, then it would be OK but for anything else:

    • You need to invest money in that ebook image. It doesn't look fresh or new enough for 2013
    • This is to do with music - there should be musice on that page - an audio file or a video
    • I like your header but the colours do not co-ordinate with the rest of the page.

    Hope this helps
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  • Profile picture of the author scrofford
    Your Headline is boring. Almost didn't read anything beyond that. Your benefits are terrible.
    • What's creating more interesting music in any style going to do for me? Why do I want to do that?

    • How is creating my own chord progressions going to help me? What will that do for me?

    • Why do I want to become a better pianist or guitarist? What is that going to do for me? (That can be an obvious one, but different people have different reasons to become better and you need to tell them. Also, who are you targeting?)

    • Why as a beginner would I want to use basic chord progressions? How does that help me?

    • If I'm an experienced songwriter or composer, how will your product help me learn more advanced harmony?

    The whole page is boring and hum-drum. What makes your product better than anyone else's? Why should I pay you $9.95 for this product?

    These are just a few observations. Hope it helps!
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  • Profile picture of the author mc9320
    Thanks for the feedback guys. Plenty of work to do on this.
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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    If you want to see how a millionaire marketer creates his music site... check out

    Piano Lessons Covering Piano Chords and Piano Progressions at

    I remember reading about Jermaine way back when I saw his interview on
    Corey Rudl's Secret to Success membership site.

    I get that it's a different niche... but you'll see what it takes to sell millions
    in the music market.

    And then there's John Carlton's stuff...
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  • Profile picture of the author RogozRazvan
    OK, here it goes:
    * Your headline lacks any real pulling power. Let's say that I'm in the market and I want to learn how to play the guitar better. What are my fears? What are my goals? What bothers me? What frustrates me? Why isn't any of this in the headline?

    * It's not a good idea to insult your prospect, in any form. Yes, you can make him fearful but he must realize this on his own terms. Struggling or not satisfied may not be what the prospect thinks of himself. Instead it's more like "I'm good but I need to get just a bit better".

    * There are too many keywords, I want you to talk to me like a friend. "If you may not be completely satisfied with how ... then let me show you how my XX of expertise can help you".

    * For someone with your track record, you surely keep your bio short. Most people do not have enough expertise to use themselves as spokesperson for the copy. You probably can. I would write a LOT why you are qualified if what you've written there is true.

    * I won't comment on the benefits since I'm not in the market but "risk free copy". Why it's risk free? Give reasons why when you make a claim.

    * You are assuming that a lot of things will be automatically understood by the prospect. Again, I'm not in the market but it wouldn't hurt to be a little more specific (how many audio examples, why do I need audio examples, how will these help me, etc).

    However, I must appreciate your effort and I'm sure you are going to make the most out of this copy. It's a good place to start. It's not perfect but if you work on it, it will eventually be exceptional.

    Good luck,
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    • Profile picture of the author kindsvater
      That is a bare-bones page. Let me ask you, if you came across that page would you buy the product?

      - Get some meat into your page about what your product has and why it is important.

      - Testimonials.

      - Maybe a teaser sample for the product so one has a feel for what they are getting.

      - Why buy your book instead of getting this for free on other sites?

      - The bio is as bare bones as anything else. That is your resume. Would you hire hire for anything based on that?

      - is a bad url, made all the worst by promoting it at the top of the page.
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  • Profile picture of the author sanhal
    Your sales copy needs to be a lot longer. You need to deal with the objections.
    You are trying to sell it before you have hooked the reader.

    You will find plenty of offers for sales page copy writing on this forum.

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  • Profile picture of the author DanMurray

    Here's some quick advice.

    *Page is too wide.
    *It's too short of a salespage.
    *I don't understand what you're selling.
    *It's not targeted to a specific audience
    *Don't tell them this guide is NOT (something beneficial), e.g. Contain audio examples... instead DO include examples and charge more for your product.
    *Try telling your story
    *Spend more on an ebbok cover - the current one makes it look worthless! (sorry!)

    I suggest creating a more comprehensive course that's more targeted to specific musicians, charging more for it... and hiring a copywriter. $500 for a decent copywriter on the WF is all you need to start generating cash. Then test, track and optimize your results.
    Also, invest in nicer graphics. Get optimizepress, it does lots of the formatting for you.

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