How Good is my Sales Page?

I'd give it 4/10. If you will get designed by a professional graphics person, it will be way much better and your sales rate will be higher.

The.... video........ is.................. too.............................. slow.

I hope you get the point. Besides, whiteboard drawings work really well with stories, or to illustrate an abstract concept. I don't think you nailed it well with the video. The rhythm, the copy script itself and the inflections, etc are off.

James Fame

First off, the headline. It's very general and cliche, and reads funny. In fact, the whole thing kind of reads funny.

Also, I know it's a fairly straightforward product, but you fail to explain how it works/what they'll learn. It'd be to your benefit to explain what exactly about the ebook makes it easy to make lots of money, and use this as an opportunity to hit on some emotional cues.

Dude... what's with the video speed?

I thought I was having a stroke for a moment, then I noticed James mentioned the slow speed above.

But that's something that can be fixed with ease.

The biggest problem is, you mention right away that there's something for them to buy.

If you do that too soon, they won't read with an open mind... instead their defenses will be up.

It's like walking onto a car lot and having a car salesperson run right up to you... you immediately put up walls and say "i'm just looking"

But, on Sundays when there are no salespeople on the lot, you feel free and comfortable to look around and find what's best for you.

Well, on your sales page, if you ask for money, or mention money too soon, you immediately flag yourself as a sales pitch.

you want to appear as informational... like an editorial article almost.

another huge issue... you don't have much copy on your page at all... there's very little persuasion going on.


You're basically just putting out a product and saying "here, buy this please"

So, you gotta add some persuasive copy, work on the layout and design, and a few others things.

But if your top affiliates are telling you it sucks, that's a huge red flag.

and you said they're getting great results? shit, imagine the results they'd get if you had great copy!

I think your next product should be called the TemperThompson. It's either an all-purpose gardening tool, or an anger-management aid.

If I would judge by the font size then I would say that this
is the first sales letter I've seen with more headline than text.

All this huge font is simply like shouting at the reader for
the whole way through the "letter". The video is too slow
(as mentioned by many before) and the font is too large.

You really don't have a sales letter here.

-Ray Edwards

Ray hit it.

You DON'T have a sales letter.

You're so far off here that I'm frankly amazed you attracted any affiliates.

First of all...

Your voiceover, aside from being slow, sounds like you're stoned - sitting on the couch just messing around.

It's not a serious sales pitch - in the slightest.

Secondly...

If you want to appeal to authors who are looking for ways to get published, you need to connect with the emotions of FINALLY making a living as a writer.

It's obvious you don't even have a clue who your target prospect is.

Put Kindle over as the answer that authors are looking for:

"The traditional ways of getting published are dead:

Discover How To Publish Your Books - With Ease - And Finally Make An Incredible Living As A Writer"

Boom.

You've connected with the underlying emotions that writers want to believe exists.

You could even talk about how:

"Everyone and their mother wants to make a living outside of their 9-5 job.

And with so many scams inundating the internet, it's hard to tell where to put your effort, energy and faith.

But what if the secret to making a living as a writer was right under your nose the whole time?"

Anyway...

Start over.

Get clear on WHO your target prospect is and WHAT they really want.

And build up some suspense, intrigue, curiousity... something.

Mark

Ok, I'm going to completely re-do this sales page. Please tell me if these ideas are good, and if they're all worth doing or if there is anything I've left out. Anyways, here's my current list of what I will do to the sales page:

First, I will replace the video at the top. I will make a new whiteboard video myself, but this time I will make it 60 seconds long. I will gear the video towards a new audience - authors and writers who want to get published. Also, I will hire a person on Fiverr to do the voice-over for me.

Second, I will re-do all of text and writing on the sales page. I will gear it towards authors and writers who want to publish their books. I will relate more to the buyer, and include emotion, just like Mark Pescetti said:

I will also give more of what they get. I will tell them about what they will receive, how it will help them, and what each section of the product ebook will cover.

Third, I will make all new images. I will either make my own images again, or I may hire someone of Fiverr to make the images for the page.

So, does this sound like a good plan? Anything I should add? Anything I should remove or don't need? Thank you, everyone, for your responses. I appreciate all the help!

Everybody above had some great points about the video and the headings everywhere, but one thing I really moticed was how you said it increases by every sale, while your buy button shows that there is STILL 13 COPIES AT THE SAME PRICE! It's always the small things like these that can tick a customer off.

I know that you are trying to sell a system related to the Kindle, but there is no story and no obvious benefit to what customers are receiving. If you can add a story and create a good sense of flow, you should get higher results.

Three things:

1) WAY too much big red font on the page.
2) This is a good offer..."If You Don't Make a Profit, I Will Give You Your Money Back! 100% Guaranteed!" Problem is, if it fails, I still can't get my time and effort back for applying it...so I want to know who you are and why I should listen to you. Your page says nothing about that. Just looks like someone hiding behind a sales letter. Could be the broke, minimum wage making clerk at my local 7 Eleven for all I know. That needs to be changed.
3) The video is horrendous. Too slow, bad voice over...it lost me in 3 seconds and I'm not even a buyer.

I suggest checking out the WF kindle book club. That's what you're up against. Can you offer me something I can't get there? If not, you're going to have a hell of a time making any money with this.

I've been working on the sales page. It's not even half way done yet, but I have got some decent progress. I'm trying to take in all the suggestions, but I'm not sure if it flows that well.

Every suggestion and opinion on this is helpful. I just want to know if it's going in a good direction so far. Here's the link to see the new sales page as it is:

Kindle Product Draft Page

You need to hire a copywriter.

This isn't getting any better.

Mark