How Good is my Sales Page?

21 replies
I made an info product and I now have it on JVZoo. I've already got some really good and big affiliates that made big results, but they've told me that my sales page isn't good enough. I think I could produce higher conversions by improving my sales page. Currently I've made it only by myself. It's got a video at the top, and it's basically short and to the point. I'd appreciate anybody to take a look at my sales page and suggest how I could improve it:
Kindle Auto-Cash Formula! EASIEST $1,000 EVER!- Buy Now!
Just tell me what's wrong with it, what I should add, what I could improve, what I should change, etc. I'm new to IM, so I appreciate all help.

I am not asking you to buy my product, I'm just asking you to look at the sales page and give your opinion. I don't know if I could get in trouble by posting my link on here like this, but if that's possible please tell me where I should post this instead? Thank you

P.S. One of my affiliates suggest this to me:
...Except for one issue. Your sales copy sucks.

You wrote the sales copy for Internet Marketers instead of Kindle authors.
Kindle authors are only buying because affiliates told them to do so.

Internet marketers buy these kinds of products in very small numbers.
Kindle authors love to buy.
So, how could I gear my sales copy more towards kindle authors? Preferably newby Kindle authors? My ebook basically teaches someone how to get up and running publishing Kindle books, although it does provide some other useful tips.
#good #page #product #review #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Ontealdon
    I'd give it 4/10. If you will get designed by a professional graphics person, it will be way much better and your sales rate will be higher.
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  • Profile picture of the author James Fame
    The.... video........ is.................. too.............................. slow.

    I hope you get the point. Besides, whiteboard drawings work really well with stories, or to illustrate an abstract concept. I don't think you nailed it well with the video. The rhythm, the copy script itself and the inflections, etc are off.

    James Fame
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    Fire me a pm if you have a question. I build businesses and provide consulting. I do not do finance/money/internet marketing niches. Fitness, self-improvement and various others are welcome.

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  • Profile picture of the author LP Copywriter
    First off, the headline. It's very general and cliche, and reads funny. In fact, the whole thing kind of reads funny.

    Also, I know it's a fairly straightforward product, but you fail to explain how it works/what they'll learn. It'd be to your benefit to explain what exactly about the ebook makes it easy to make lots of money, and use this as an opportunity to hit on some emotional cues.
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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    Dude... what's with the video speed?

    I thought I was having a stroke for a moment, then I noticed James mentioned the slow speed above.

    But that's something that can be fixed with ease.

    The biggest problem is, you mention right away that there's something for them to buy.

    If you do that too soon, they won't read with an open mind... instead their defenses will be up.

    It's like walking onto a car lot and having a car salesperson run right up to you... you immediately put up walls and say "i'm just looking"

    But, on Sundays when there are no salespeople on the lot, you feel free and comfortable to look around and find what's best for you.

    Well, on your sales page, if you ask for money, or mention money too soon, you immediately flag yourself as a sales pitch.

    you want to appear as informational... like an editorial article almost.

    another huge issue... you don't have much copy on your page at all... there's very little persuasion going on.


    You're basically just putting out a product and saying "here, buy this please"

    So, you gotta add some persuasive copy, work on the layout and design, and a few others things.

    But if your top affiliates are telling you it sucks, that's a huge red flag.

    and you said they're getting great results? shit, imagine the results they'd get if you had great copy!
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  • I think your next product should be called the TemperThompson. It's either an all-purpose gardening tool, or an anger-management aid.
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    Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
    - Jack Trout
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    • Profile picture of the author Joe_Chuck
      I agree with some of the posters about video speed. But I would also Hire a professional voice over to go with that..

      Lets face it, we don't all have a presenters voice. I don't, I hire someone to do my voice over work. I have actually found great voice over people on fiver. Probably the only thing I would use them for still.

      You are talking slow, and there are several pauses while you are waiting for the next slide.. You need to make it flow. Maybe change it to where not every word you say is on the whiteboard. Think about bullet points.

      The sales page was fine, but I will be completely honest. (not trying to knock you) but I would have clicked off that video within the first 30 seconds.

      Take off the site where you built the whiteboard animation at the end of the video too.
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    If I would judge by the font size then I would say that this
    is the first sales letter I've seen with more headline than text.

    All this huge font is simply like shouting at the reader for
    the whole way through the "letter". The video is too slow
    (as mentioned by many before) and the font is too large.

    You really don't have a sales letter here.

    -Ray Edwards
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    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    Ray hit it.

    You DON'T have a sales letter.

    You're so far off here that I'm frankly amazed you attracted any affiliates.

    First of all...

    Your voiceover, aside from being slow, sounds like you're stoned - sitting on the couch just messing around.

    It's not a serious sales pitch - in the slightest.

    Secondly...

    If you want to appeal to authors who are looking for ways to get published, you need to connect with the emotions of FINALLY making a living as a writer.

    It's obvious you don't even have a clue who your target prospect is.

    Put Kindle over as the answer that authors are looking for:

    "The traditional ways of getting published are dead:

    Discover How To Publish Your Books - With Ease - And Finally Make An Incredible Living As A Writer"

    Boom.

    You've connected with the underlying emotions that writers want to believe exists.

    You could even talk about how:

    "Everyone and their mother wants to make a living outside of their 9-5 job.

    And with so many scams inundating the internet, it's hard to tell where to put your effort, energy and faith.

    But what if the secret to making a living as a writer was right under your nose the whole time?"

    Anyway...

    Start over.

    Get clear on WHO your target prospect is and WHAT they really want.

    And build up some suspense, intrigue, curiousity... something.

    Mark
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  • Profile picture of the author TemperThompson
    Ok, I'm going to completely re-do this sales page. Please tell me if these ideas are good, and if they're all worth doing or if there is anything I've left out. Anyways, here's my current list of what I will do to the sales page:

    First, I will replace the video at the top. I will make a new whiteboard video myself, but this time I will make it 60 seconds long. I will gear the video towards a new audience - authors and writers who want to get published. Also, I will hire a person on Fiverr to do the voice-over for me.

    Second, I will re-do all of text and writing on the sales page. I will gear it towards authors and writers who want to publish their books. I will relate more to the buyer, and include emotion, just like Mark Pescetti said:

    If you want to appeal to authors who are looking for ways to get published, you need to connect with the emotions of FINALLY making a living as a writer.

    It's obvious you don't even have a clue who your target prospect is.

    Put Kindle over as the answer that authors are looking for:

    "The traditional ways of getting published are dead:

    Discover How To Publish Your Books - With Ease - And Finally Make An Incredible Living As A Writer"

    Boom.

    You've connected with the underlying emotions that writers want to believe exists.

    You could even talk about how:

    "Everyone and their mother wants to make a living outside of their 9-5 job.

    And with so many scams inundating the internet, it's hard to tell where to put your effort, energy and faith.

    But what if the secret to making a living as a writer was right under your nose the whole time?"
    I will also give more of what they get. I will tell them about what they will receive, how it will help them, and what each section of the product ebook will cover.

    Third, I will make all new images. I will either make my own images again, or I may hire someone of Fiverr to make the images for the page.

    So, does this sound like a good plan? Anything I should add? Anything I should remove or don't need? Thank you, everyone, for your responses. I appreciate all the help!
    Signature

    [ATTENTION AFFILIATES:] Want to earn 100% commission on a powerful Kindle offer converting at over 20%? Go check out my JV page here:
    http://temperthompson.com/affiliates...ndle-promo-jv/

    Any questions at all? Feel free to send me a message.

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    • Profile picture of the author Joe_Chuck
      Originally Posted by TemperThompson View Post

      So, does this sound like a good plan? Anything I should add? Anything I should remove or don't need? Thank you, everyone, for your responses. I appreciate all the help!
      If you are going to buy a voice over, which i strongly recommend. I would write the script, have them do a voice over. Then make whiteboard to fit the voice over.

      I can send you a couple referrals of people I have used off fiverr if you want. PM me and I will get you there links. $5 you can't go wrong.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
      Originally Posted by TemperThompson View Post

      First, I will replace the video at the top. I will make a new whiteboard video myself, but this time I will make it 60 seconds long. I will gear the video towards a new audience - authors and writers who want to get published. Also, I will hire a person on Fiverr to do the voice-over for me.

      Second, I will re-do all of text and writing on the sales page. I will gear it towards authors and writers who want to publish their books. I will relate more to the buyer, and include emotion, just like Mark Pescetti said:
      Why are you focusing on time??

      Who cares long the video or sales letter is - as long as it's effective. There isn't a set length that sales. Anyone who tells you different is selling something ;-)

      Your first step is getting crystal clear on who you ideal customer is.

      What are my current circumstances?

      Why do I want to get published?

      What rejections and dejections have I gone through?

      Do I REALLY believe publishing my book and making money is a REAL possibility? If not, what are my objections... and WHY?

      Don't just start re-writing.

      Take your time to know who you're talking with... dammit!

      Mark
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      • Profile picture of the author Mark 99
        Agree with Mark P. You should focus on the goal of the copy rather than how long it is. And make sure you have a crystal clear path that leads the prospect to buying before you start writing the copy.

        I do find the product intriguing, and with some good copy it could go well.

        Also the video put me to sleep... It was painful... normal speaking speed tends to work just fine...

        And finally, maybe you could tell a story of how you came across the process, or how you were before you stumbled across it... something that they can relate too. this is more wham bam thank you mam... Anyways just my opinion. good luck
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  • Everybody above had some great points about the video and the headings everywhere, but one thing I really moticed was how you said it increases by every sale, while your buy button shows that there is STILL 13 COPIES AT THE SAME PRICE! It's always the small things like these that can tick a customer off.

    I know that you are trying to sell a system related to the Kindle, but there is no story and no obvious benefit to what customers are receiving. If you can add a story and create a good sense of flow, you should get higher results.
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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    Three things:

    1) WAY too much big red font on the page.
    2) This is a good offer..."If You Don't Make a Profit, I Will Give You Your Money Back! 100% Guaranteed!" Problem is, if it fails, I still can't get my time and effort back for applying it...so I want to know who you are and why I should listen to you. Your page says nothing about that. Just looks like someone hiding behind a sales letter. Could be the broke, minimum wage making clerk at my local 7 Eleven for all I know. That needs to be changed.
    3) The video is horrendous. Too slow, bad voice over...it lost me in 3 seconds and I'm not even a buyer.

    I suggest checking out the WF kindle book club. That's what you're up against. Can you offer me something I can't get there? If not, you're going to have a hell of a time making any money with this.
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  • Profile picture of the author TemperThompson
    I've been working on the sales page. It's not even half way done yet, but I have got some decent progress. I'm trying to take in all the suggestions, but I'm not sure if it flows that well.

    Every suggestion and opinion on this is helpful. I just want to know if it's going in a good direction so far. Here's the link to see the new sales page as it is:

    Kindle Product Draft Page
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    [ATTENTION AFFILIATES:] Want to earn 100% commission on a powerful Kindle offer converting at over 20%? Go check out my JV page here:
    http://temperthompson.com/affiliates...ndle-promo-jv/

    Any questions at all? Feel free to send me a message.

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    • Profile picture of the author Cool Hand Luke
      Originally Posted by TemperThompson View Post

      I've been working on the sales page. It's not even half way done yet, but I have got some decent progress. I'm trying to take in all the suggestions, but I'm not sure if it flows that well.

      Every suggestion and opinion on this is helpful. I just want to know if it's going in a good direction so far. Here's the link to see the new sales page as it is:

      Kindle Product Draft Page
      You're still ignoring some of the most important suggestions.

      Either speed up the video, or take it out. Until you do that, there's no point in offering other suggestions.
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      • Profile picture of the author TemperThompson
        I will make a new video and hire a voice over for it. For now, the video is just there to see how the page looks with a video on top, it will be replaced.
        Signature

        [ATTENTION AFFILIATES:] Want to earn 100% commission on a powerful Kindle offer converting at over 20%? Go check out my JV page here:
        http://temperthompson.com/affiliates...ndle-promo-jv/

        Any questions at all? Feel free to send me a message.

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        • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
          Originally Posted by TemperThompson View Post

          I will make a new video and hire a voice over for it. For now, the video is just there to see how the page looks with a video on top, it will be replaced.
          Why hire a voiceover BEFORE hiring a writer? My God dude, you're claiming to train people to make a living as a writer and you're not making the writing quality a priority on the sales page!

          Even the best voice over talent can't make bad writing sound good. That's like trying to put perfume on a pig and pass it off for a supermodel. Ditch the video for now and hire a halfway decent writer. You can always add the video later but right now you're trying to create a 7 course delicacy from a box full of Ramen noodles.
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          • Profile picture of the author TemperThompson
            Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

            Why hire a voiceover BEFORE hiring a writer? My God dude, you're claiming to train people to make a living as a writer and you're not making the writing quality a priority on the sales page!

            Even the best voice over talent can't make bad writing sound good. That's like trying to put perfume on a pig and pass it off for a supermodel. Ditch the video for now and hire a halfway decent writer. You can always add the video later but right now you're trying to create a 7 course delicacy from a box full of Ramen noodles.
            Ok. Where do you recommend I find a writer? I know I can search Fiverr, freelance websites, and Warrior Forum. I've never hired someone before for anything like this, so I'm asking what you think the best place is to find a sales page writer?
            Signature

            [ATTENTION AFFILIATES:] Want to earn 100% commission on a powerful Kindle offer converting at over 20%? Go check out my JV page here:
            http://temperthompson.com/affiliates...ndle-promo-jv/

            Any questions at all? Feel free to send me a message.

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            • Profile picture of the author TheSalesBooster
              Originally Posted by TemperThompson View Post

              Ok. Where do you recommend I find a writer? I know I can search Fiverr, freelance websites, and Warrior Forum. I've never hired someone before for anything like this, so I'm asking what you think the best place is to find a sales page writer?
              Stay away from fiverr. Just go look in the warriors for hire section.

              On a side note, the fact that you mentioned fiverr makes me wonder what your budget is like. Copywriters are not the same thing as article writers. You get what you pay for basically. There are copywriters on here who would probably charge you anywhere from $500-$3,000+ just to rewrite your page.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    You need to hire a copywriter.

    This isn't getting any better.

    Mark
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