Need feedback on copy to sell mobile app

My first thought is that the headline is really weak. I only skimmed the rest, but it's going to need a lot of work.

Is this the whole thing? Where is the copy going to be seen?

Tim,

This is for a landing page to be used for an online advertising campaign.

Can you explain what is weak about the headline?

What do you think about these?
Create Your Event App Today
With (Name of Product), Your Job Just Got a Whole Lot Easier
Create an Amazing Event Experience By Helping Attendees Find Everything They Need In Seconds
Everything You Need to Organize and Run Your Next Event, All In One App!

The headline has been done to death and is now just cliche. It doesn't contain any actual benefit for the user.

Can you see how the last two headlines you've written are conveying the benefit of your app? Now you're starting to move in the right direction.

I'd also mention a lot earlier that they can try it out for free - but consider making it time sensitive or only available to the first X amount of people as part of a pre-launch promotion or something like that.

Back to basics ... before you worry about how to word your headline, reflect on what your app will do for organizers (that they can't do otherwise). In other words ... what do these event organizers want?

More attendees, right? To have so many reservations booked that they have to turn hoards of people away at the gate ... etc. So your headline -- and entire ad -- should be built around answering this desire.

Plus, a lot of the features of your app sound cool, but you need to make 'em more appealing by showing how they will solve the problems and frustrations of event organizers. Emphasize how your app will allow them to ditch old, difficult solutions; save time; save hassle, that kind of thing.

You want to get inside the head of your prospects. Right now your message is too much focused on your product, rather than how it will help your prospects.

So get on the horn with a few of your prospects. Talk about their hassles in planning an event ... the competition they face ... probe them on how your solutions might make their jobs easier.

Then when you sit down to rewrite your ad, think of it as a written answer to all the problems your prospect told you about. Speak directly to him/her.

Back to basics ... before you worry about how to word your headline, reflect on what your app will do for organizers (that they can't do otherwise). In other words ... what do these event organizers want?

More attendees, right? To have so many reservations booked that they have to turn hoards of people away at the gate ... etc. So your headline -- and entire ad -- should be built around answering this desire.

Plus, a lot of the features of your app sound cool, but you need to make 'em more appealing by showing how they will solve the problems and frustrations of event organizers. Emphasize how your app will allow them to ditch old, difficult solutions; save time; save hassle, that kind of thing.

You want to get inside the head of your prospects. Right now your message is too much focused on your product, rather than how it will help your prospects.

So get on the horn with a few of your prospects. Talk about their hassles in planning an event ... the competition they face ... probe them on how your solutions might make their jobs easier.

Then when you sit down to rewrite your ad, think of it as a written answer to all the problems your prospect told you about. Speak directly to him/her.

.............

"Help attendees find exhibitors ... without searching through mounds of paper" ... still not hitting your prospect's key pain points.

Check out this article: Trade Show Alert: Why Your Exhibitors Are Failing

The above article suggests that you might want to focus your ad on how your app will help event organizers get more exhibitors -- the companies shelling out thousands of bucks for booth space.

If this is the case -- that event organizers are most concerned about pleasing exhibitors who pay for booth space, rather than the attendee (and you did talk to your prospects to figure this out, right?) -- then you can focus your ad on this.

Example Headline: "Exhibitors will demand to reserve premium space for your next event when you show them how your cutting-edge "all-in-one" Event Management App will drive hungry prospects to their booths."

Then you can demonstrate how your app will help make this happen. In your list of bullets you can show all the ways your app will save them time, money, and hassle ... but first, put the biggest emotional punch in your headline ... the thing that will get your prospect reading the rest of the ad.