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Copywriting Critique Requested (Thanks In Advance)

by surflongdude
5 replies
I have a squash fitness website with a salespage for my, so far, one product. Please offer any constructive criticism:

Squash Fitness Workout :: Squash Core Foundation

All input welcome. Thanks.
#advance #copywriting #critique #requested
  • Profile picture of the author pewpewpewmonkeys
    David Palmer’s nickname on tour was The Marine – his squash fitness workout was unparalleled.
    Oh, then I'd rather look at his instead.

    What happens if your reader has never seen the Matrix?

    Your video is poorly lit and there's an echo, which is really annoying.
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  • Profile picture of the author HelpingYouBeAnExpert
    It's pretty good. One idea you can split test do one more copy with no navigation on top just the sales letter with a banner on top, see how it effects conversion. Headline is probably good for that audience but keep testing. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    I have no idea about this since I'm a Rugby player BUT.... I do know squash is a fast paced game. I would of put an energetic video right up front for say 60 seconds that leads into the copy. Bust a move so to speak, then show us how we too can bust a move. Just an idea.

    James
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    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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    • Profile picture of the author surflongdude
      Thanks for the observations pewpewpew, much appreciated. It'll take some time to put a better video up.
      And thanks for the input James. I was going for something more direct like Elliot Hulse has here: Strength Camp Online "Tribe of Strength" --- maybe I missed the mark though.

      @HelpingYouBeAnExpert I was thinking something similar - take away as many distractions as possible, right? I'm using Wordpress - any idea how to remove a navbar and/or header for individual pages?

      One question I have is about the best place for the testimonial. At the moment I have it about halfway down the page just after I first show the bundled graphic for the product. Could it be better at the top/bottom of the page, somewhere else?
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesDLayton
    You may be right on the mark for all I know. I am totally guessing for that niche. I just know that if I am looking to get motivated (I read the 4 Hour Body - Tim Ferris and dropped 70lbs): then generally I want to see the other guy sweating. But that's just me. I wish you fortune (no luck involved) with your project brother. Boooom!!

    James
    Signature
    "We are what we think about
    all day long." - Earl Nightingale
    One of the easiest transformations I ever undertook as a copywriter was reading that quote every day.
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