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Sales page appraisal request

by Camron
8 replies
I am about to modify my sales page.

I do have a long sales copy from a good copywriter. But I ended up with a shorter sales text on the landing page and thought to include the rest of the sales copy after prospects clicked on the "learn more" button.

Some said to reduce the steps until someone pays which would mean to take out the "learn more" button, make the buy now button bigger, and have the whole sales copy on the main page?

The longer version has 5 call to actions, catchy headlines, makes you nod your head while reading it.

Please head me in the right direction because I'm sure there is potential for improvement.

Thanks for reading through...

P.S. Please no comments on typos, "YourSite" tab or that it reveals my blog's domain. That's why I'm changing it
#appraisal #page #request #sales
  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    So many things wrong with that page its hard to know where to start. "Get Fast memory" - horrible name. Clunky. "The best memory product in the industry" - who cares? What will it do for me? I don't even read the bullets below that head. They shouldn't be there. "Get it now before its completely gone". WTF. Reverse type - white on black. No No No. And WAY too many bullets. The video is a disaster.

    A "good" copywriter huh? From where? Fiverr?
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  • Profile picture of the author Camron
    You're not the first^^

    How can I save the situation?
    What are the exact steps?

    How do I know if someone is really good when they drop names?
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Camron View Post

      You're not the first^^

      How can I save the situation?
      What are the exact steps?

      How do I know if someone is really good when they drop names? It makes me angry to be honest...
      You just showed me the writer's original copy. At $97 it was a bargain. Just needs to be cleaned up. I hope it's not swiped. Maybe run it through Copyscape
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    • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
      Originally Posted by Camron View Post

      How do I know if someone is really good when they drop names? It makes me angry to be honest...
      The only name that matters is the name of the person you're hiring. Who cares who they've worked for? Are they right for your project?

      A good copywriter will demonstrate expertise in the way they approach your project. They'll ask questions about your brand, your offer, your competition and, most important, your target market. They won't be afraid to get on a phone call and find out whether the project is even a good fit.

      Most likely, they'll also charge a lot more than $97, but you never know. Maybe there's a handful of random geniuses out there who haven't discovered their own worth yet.

      As for your copy, just a look at your bullets makes me wonder whether you even know your market. Are you targeting sales people, college students or performers?

      Those are the three hungriest markets for this type of product. You'll get a better response by creating the perception of a customized solution, or at least three variations of the offer, for the separate segments. All you'd need to change in the products itself is a few words and the packaging, but it would make a world of difference in creating the message, attracting targeted traffic and getting conversions.
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    You're getting great feedback. Not necessarily actionable, but there's too much wrong to fix piecemeal.

    ----

    Even the product has severe flaws in it. The mindmap makes me shield my eyes. Facepalm.

    Look at it this way. Do a Google search on "How to memorize"...



    Do you see what Google suggested? THAT'S what people are interested in memorizing, first and foremost.

    As for memorizing binary numbers? 8 SERPS for an exact match of "How to memorize binary numbers". Just 8.

    https://www.google.com/search?num=20...39.YgNCfwWdveM

    Now, memorizing playing cards? That's a whole different animal. 89,000 for an exact match.

    https://www.google.com/search?num=20...55.OhXn1RUeikI

    ----

    In addition, in the video, you're closing your eyes for long periods of time. Making it look unexciting/boring. You're falling asleep! Taking your viewer with you.

    Not good.

    Truth of matter is the good copywriters here can critique any part of this offer. But don't make the mistake of modifying this offer piecemeal. It won't work. Waste of time.

    ----

    If you really want to fix this, here's what you should do:

    1. Find a marketer/copywriter who has launched a product like this before.

    2. Negotiate a upfront fee + generous share of the revenue long term. What's generous? 50%. If there are affiliates or an adspend, factor that into the conversation.

    3. Find out what people really want to memorize. Find your best market. Students? Business people? Politicians? Blackjack players? Rework the product. Make it practical.

    4. Launch a text version of the sales page. Do video later once you've figured things out.

    5. Is there a multi-product sales funnel? Advanced or targeted memory applications? Application bundles?

    Are you building lead/prospect list?

    If not, build them out.

    6. Course correct based upon sales and feedback.

    Good luck!

    - Rick Duris

    PS: I know you're serious about launching this. I know you worked hard at this. It's obvious. Please take none of my comments personally.

    To me, this is all about making money with your idea.

    Right now, you have talent, skill, ambition and a marketable idea. You should be acknowledged for that.


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  • Profile picture of the author Camron
    That's a lot of valuable advice, I really appreciate it! I don't take it personal
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  • Profile picture of the author Top Notch Copy
    Hey Camron! I'd love to give you some feedback, but it seems the site link has been removed!

    I can't help you if you don't add the link amigo!
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  • Profile picture of the author Camron
    edit: i'm going to delete my sales page from the server. it's not worth it. - thread closed -
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