The real meaning behind the clients' phrases

8 replies
Guys,

Here are some of my favorite ones. I feel so bad because there are so many of them and I can think of these few right now. But hey, this is an invitation to contribute. I would like to see the ones you were able to decipher. So, let's begin.

CLIENT SAYS: I'm on a tight budget.
IT REALLY MEANS: I expect from you to work for free. Unfortunately, that's not possible, so I expect the lowest price possible.

CLIENT SAYS: Few revisions may be required.
IT REALLY MEANS: I will ask the unlimited number of revisions until I get what I want, but even then, I will ask one more just to make sure.

CLIENT SAYS: Experience for these types of projects required.
IT REALLY MEANS: I want to see that you have a PhD in this field, including a record of at least one thousand similar projects. Furthermore, I expect that you have worked only on these projects all of your life.

CLIENT SAYS: Payment upon delivery.
IT REALLY MEANS: You can only dream about advance payment. Only when I get what I want I will decide when and how much I will pay you. This is a matter of my good will and nothing more.

CLIENT SAYS: Test work may be required.
IT REALLY MEANS: This is a great way to get some free work, that's why I "forgot" to mention that this test work will be paid.

CLIENT SAYS: This is a simple task.
IT REALLY MEANS: This is an extremely complex task, but I hope you will buy it.

CLIENT SAYS: This is a quick task.
IT REALLY MEANS: It will take you years to finish this one, but I don't care. It's all about the relativity of time, at least for me as a client.

CLIENT SAYS: You know how to work independently.
IT REALLY MEANS: You will work exactly as I command you. I don't expect from you to do anything else, but I said because it sounds so cool.

CLIENT SAYS: You're dedicated.
IT REALLY MEANS: You'll work only on my project from now till forever.

CLIENT SAYS: A large portion of this task has already been done by me.
IT REALLY MEANS: I haven't lifted a finger for this project and I expect from you to do all the job.

CLIENT SAYS: This is a small project.
IT REALLY MEANS: This is a neverending story, but not for me.

I only regret that I haven't started collecting these phrases earlier. I could've written a book till now. Better ever than never, we can do it together.
#clients #meaning #phrases #real
  • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
    CLIENT SAYS: You left your regular job to become a freelancer because you wanted to be your own boss, but in reality you just traded one job for another except now you work for me.
    IT REALLY MEANS: Actually, the client pretty much nailed it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Tim3
    Lol - Verbal copywriting?

    Reminds me of estateagent-speak...

    Roomy = You cannot swing a cat in it
    Spacious = ...when you don't have any furniture in it
    Cosy = You cannot swing a cat in it
    Compact = Really small
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    CLIENT SAYS: Payment upon delivery.
    IT REALLY MEANS: You can only dream about advance payment.
    Sorry, but that doesn't make sense - two different payment methods.

    Upon delivery means "when the work is done and delivered to me" so there would not be any advance from THAT client.

    You seem to have a negative attitude toward those who hire you as a freelancer. I don't understand that approach. The problem with making fun of those who pay you - or "making them treat you like a diva" or telling them to "write it yourself"...is this:

    They don't have to hire you.

    There are a lot of freelancers available in all price points. In order to build a list of loyal REPEAT customers, you need to establish a good, respectful, friendly working relationship with your clients.

    Maybe you don't treat people that way - but you do talk about clients in a derogatory way in several threads. There is nothing to gain doing that - and business to lose. May be worth thinking about.
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    I don't want to adult any more. Don't even want to human.
    I want to goat. Jump around randomly. Eat what I want.
    And head butt anyone who annoys me.
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  • Profile picture of the author Gallag97
    CLIENT SAYS: Test work may be required.
    IT REALLY MEANS: This is a great way to get some free work, that's why I "forgot" to mention that this test work will be paid.
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  • Profile picture of the author Winning34
    CLIENT SAYS: This would be a great project for your portfolio.
    IT REALLY MEANS: I have no intention of paying for this.
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
    Originally Posted by Tim3 View Post

    Lol - Verbal copywriting?

    Reminds me of estateagent-speak...

    Roomy = You cannot swing a cat in it
    Spacious = ...when you don't have any furniture in it
    Cosy = You cannot swing a cat in it
    Compact = Really small
    You left out a few.

    Quaint = Old and dilapidated
    Needs a little TLC = complete teardown
    Water view = go to the corner of the lot and you can see the drainage pond
    Intermittent canal = if it rains hard enough, the drainage ditch looks like a pond
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    • Profile picture of the author Tim3
      Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe View Post

      You left out a few.

      Quaint = Old and dilapidated
      Needs a little TLC = complete teardown
      Water view = go to the corner of the lot and you can see the drainage pond
      Intermittent canal = if it rains hard enough, the drainage ditch looks like a pond
      Oh yes, Lol

      Here's some more...

      Charming = Has dry rot, flaking paint, and woodworm
      Four bedrooms = Three bedrooms and a closet
      Needs Modernising = Needs demolition and complete rebuild.
      Internal Viewing Recommended = Looks awful outside.
      Popular area = Full of drug dealers
      Sea Views: ...when standing on top of a wardrobe or climbing on the roof.
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      • Profile picture of the author neshaword
        This world is full of "ciphered messages," LOL

        Thx for sharing.

        Originally Posted by Tim3 View Post

        Oh yes, Lol

        Here's some more...

        Charming = Has dry rot, flaking paint, and woodworm
        Four bedrooms = Three bedrooms and a closet
        Needs Modernising = Needs demolition and complete rebuild.
        Internal Viewing Recommended = Looks awful outside.
        Popular area = Full of drug dealers
        Sea Views: ...when standing on top of a wardrobe or climbing on the roof.
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