How To Pick Up Chicks And Write Excellent Content - Rooting Your Opener

38 replies
I literally just got done having a conversation with a friend of mine on skype and we were talking about the concept of what many pick up artists call "rooting your opener". I'm constantly amazed by how much the game of "pick up" and internet marketing have in common. I can't think of anything that better illustrates this than the concept of "rooting your opener". I thought I'd put my thoughts down here in a post while they were fresh in my head. Hope it's worth something to someone.

The theory is basically this...

When you approach a women in a bar with your best "value adding" line (which by the way should not appear to convey interest any more than sales copy should convey desperation), the first thing that starts taking place in the minds of most women is a thought process that goes something like this... Who is this guy, why is he telling me this, is he weird, etc.

As the guy in this situation your job is to disarm the women by making that part of her mind stop asking those questions as soon as possible. Once disarmed, she is much more likely to follow your line of interaction. This is achieved by "rooting the opener". In other words, connecting the fact that you are speaking to her with some logical "non-creepy" reason. This causes her to TURN OFF the repel instinct. If she is not repelling you then you have a much better chance of building a rapport.

For example, if you were sitting at a bar and you leaned in and said, Hi, what's your name?, chances are she would immediately think that you were some desperate guy who wanted to sleep with her. She would be right, and likely turned off.

On the other hand, if you were sitting with a friend having a fun conversation and you simply leaned over nonchalantly and asked the woman if she would settle a debate you and your friend were having, this would in effect "root" or "anchor" the reason that you are interacting and instill much more initial comfort than the former approach.

If you then continued adding value by being interesting, a good listener, having high self esteem, or demonstrating any number of things that convey that you are "good for her survival", the relationship would likely progress.

When I see the marketing that most internet marketers are putting out there, I think this is the single greatest thing that most people are missing. The same thing is happening when people land on our opt in pages, read our sales copy, or even a post like this one.

Even when the content is good, our brain still immediately asks, what is he/she trying to sell me, where is the catch, how much is this going to cost?, and we start to feel resentment, and then we click away.

Now, of course (at least to some degree) the truth is that I'm writing this because I want you to click on the link in my signature below, opt in, and maybe one day buy my stuff. But that doesn't mean that I'm not ALSO a good dude, with good products, who actually gives a damn about you and your success in life. BUT, if I just came out and told you that I had amazing products that would change your life, chances are your brain would smell a rat and bail out almost immediately. That's the importance of rooting the opener.

It's surprisingly difficult to turn off that cheesy salesman we all grew up watching on a thousand old commercials. We hate sales pitches when we experience them from the buyer stand point, but when we become the seller we suddenly turn into complete cheese balls. No one likes that guy. So why do so many marketers become that guy the second they start typing out their articles, blog posts and sales pages? It's amazing how much utter CRAP is out there.

My point is this... as marketers we need to learn to effectively "root our openers". Writing good copy is ABSOLUTELY an art form and there is more to it than just the point I am making here. But simply giving context to your copy makes what would otherwise come off as a sales pitch, suddenly become a story. Stories are fun. Sales copy is LAME.

Just like with women, your opener is everything. If you lose her in the first few seconds, chances are she's gone for good. If you are able to disarm and engage her, then at least you have a fighting chance. The same is true of capturing the interest of a sales prospect.

I don't know if that's worth anything to anyone but it was nice to put my fingers to the keyboard and get that little rant down in a post.

Now... go back up to the top of this post, read the first paragraph and see what I mean.

Cheers.
#chicks #content #copywriting #excellent #opener #pick #rooting #rooting the opener #women #write
  • Profile picture of the author tylerdrun
    You are completely right... THe game is all about social skills and manipulation of words to get the right response.

    And that's what we need to do on the internet. The right respone either in the form of a click, optin or reading the page until down, submitting a query and clicking the order button.

    Hook and bait is something that's there in both areas. And both of it involves increasing curiosity levels.
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  • Profile picture of the author Derwin
    You are completely right and I am completely agree with you. You have put the concept in excellent way that I can not stay to say thank you.How you told and discussed the internet marketing in excellent way that it is amazing. You have guided us well in excellent manner.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kevin_Hutto
    We used to call it - getting past the "reflex NO"... (too old and married to be a PUA :-) )

    Like when you walk into a clothing store, you are looking to buy something and the sales lady walks up and asks if she can help you and you reply - "No, thanks... I'm just looking..."

    Then you walk around the store a bit, get more comfortable and then ask for her help to get "x" in your size...

    In reality, you wanted to buy the whole time... But you weren't comfortable with the situation yet... Once you were comfortable, you were ready to get some help.

    In sales copy, you have to get them past the reflex no too - just like you said... thats one reason why getting them on a list if you can is so important... I t gives you more time to help them get comfortable that you're not weird :-)

    As for the points about the crazy sleazy salesman that comes out - I believe it boils down to laziness... It takes hard work to learn how to write well... And even when you can write well, it takes work to actually do it. And people dont like to work hard - even if it would mean more money. There are tons of great free resources for people who want to learn to write great copy, but the ultimate end is that you have to write a bunch and then write a bunch more... which is hard work :-) I believe it was DK that use to make students write/copy a sales letter 1000 times... By the end, you can stinking write good sales copy.
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    • Profile picture of the author Johnny O
      Originally Posted by Kevin_Hutto View Post

      We used to call it - getting past the "reflex NO"... (too old and married to be a PUA :-) )

      Like when you walk into a clothing store, you are looking to buy something and the sales lady walks up and asks if she can help you and you reply - "No, thanks... I'm just looking..."

      Then you walk around the store a bit, get more comfortable and then ask for her help to get "x" in your size...

      In reality, you wanted to buy the whole time... But you weren't comfortable with the situation yet... Once you were comfortable, you were ready to get some help.

      In sales copy, you have to get them past the reflex no too - just like you said... thats one reason why getting them on a list if you can is so important... I t gives you more time to help them get comfortable that you're not weird :-)

      As for the points about the crazy sleazy salesman that comes out - I believe it boils down to laziness... It takes hard work to learn how to write well... And even when you can write well, it takes work to actually do it. And people dont like to work hard - even if it would mean more money. There are tons of great free resources for people who want to learn to write great copy, but the ultimate end is that you have to write a bunch and then write a bunch more... which is hard work :-) I believe it was DK that use to make students write/copy a sales letter 1000 times... By the end, you can stinking write good sales copy.
      Hey Kevin. Lots of good stuff in your response. Couldn't agree more with the sales clerk analogy. I like the "reflex no" concept.

      I think you're right about the hard work part, but I really do think there is some weird instinct in mots of us to just copy the marketing we have seen. And typically the marketing that we are conscious of being marketing is the bad stuff. But who knows.

      Can't tell you how many times I have to tell myself, calm down, just write like you're writing to a friend. In fact, I have used emails I have actually sent to friends as the bones for copy before. I guess I'm just surprised (and somewhat disappointed with myself) over how hard it is sometimes to not be a cheese ball.

      Great input!
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  • Profile picture of the author tryinhere
    we need to learn to effectively "root our openers".
    Thanks Jason. It can have the same meaning here...
    i am not sure that you do see the same way as an aussie see's that or you would not have written that ? made my day.
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  • Profile picture of the author Danny Turner
    Getting back on topic
    I couldn't agree more
    so much is written these days on the pre- sell, selling benefits (not features) yada,yada - it's outa hand
    emails that scream at you,
    sales pages so full of hype that even after 3 readings I still don't know exactly what is on offer
    I recently wrote a sales page chuckle - slow nod towards sig...
    and thought WTF - I just can't do that hype ... so just wrote a list of features
    (it was late at night)
    next day I compared it to another sales page - " top spot in google
    -earns you money while your sleeping on a beach ....." mmmm and left it how it was.
    anyhow consider this - context,credibility,confidence - no matter what the message
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  • Profile picture of the author Christophe Young
    Yes, and it's funny how most of those PUA's are actually internet marketers. The two go hand in hand.
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    • Profile picture of the author Johnny O
      Originally Posted by Christophe Young View Post

      Yes, and it's funny how most of those PUA's are actually internet marketers. The two go hand in hand.
      It really is. I'm a happily married dude and have no interest in picking up women but I have improved my marketing game more by reading pick up artist material than anything else in quite a while.

      As many of you probably know, the Game by Neil Strauss is one of the best overviews of a developing niche that was capitalized on in a major way. And the PUA material itself is the exact same process as IM. Create value, social proof, scarcity, and then close.
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      • Profile picture of the author inter123
        Just curous to know how many Pickup Artists are here? I understand David DeAngeleo under the guise of Eban Pagen (probabaly got the name wrong) swings by occassionly.

        And the majority of men cannot be pickup artists becuase they do not have the strength, balls, or whatever to chat to a stranger even if they have a 'excuse' such as 'me and my friend were having a debate'.

        Imagine doing that in the middle of the packed grocery store, bus stop or somewhere busy during the daytime. I would have thought it was harder but apprently some guys have fun doing it!

        Apologies for going off topic.
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      • Profile picture of the author Bradshaw
        Originally Posted by Johnny O View Post

        It really is. I'm a happily married dude and have no interest in picking up women but I have improved my marketing game more by reading pick up artist material than anything else in quite a while.

        As many of you probably know, the Game by Neil Strauss is one of the best overviews of a developing niche that was capitalized on in a major way. And the PUA material itself is the exact same process as IM. Create value, social proof, scarcity, and then close.
        And the game is also a pretty good book. I especially loved mystery's storyline. It's great entertainment.
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  • Profile picture of the author BSco
    Such a great way of putting it! It couldn't of been said any better, thanks! =D
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  • Profile picture of the author TChiu
    Catchy title..... actually i only read the first 5 words before clicked.lol!
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  • Profile picture of the author matrix1989
    dead on my friend, Social Science is exploding every day. "mystery" is somewhat the godfather of the "PUA" game, but i think Social science will eventually outgrow the PUA community and be more of a Machiavellian science that everyone will need to know. whether it's finance, business, or just life.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ishan Soni
    Awesome post. Thanks brother
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  • Profile picture of the author cowboy123
    I disagree. This is called indirect approach in Pickup, right ? The thing is, most women are DYING to meet a cool guy, especially in a social situation. Open one of those trashy romance novels (that chicks secretly love). It's always the hero comes out of nowhere and sweeps her off her feet. If you can have the balls to be direct, your chances will be much better.

    In marketing terms, good copy starts off pretty damn direct too, specially with a warm prospect

    "Once disarmed, she is much more likely to follow your line of interaction. This is achieved by "rooting the opener". In other words, connecting the fact that you are speaking to her with some logical "non-creepy" reason."
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    • Profile picture of the author Johnny O
      Originally Posted by cowboy123 View Post

      I disagree. This is called indirect approach in Pickup, right ? The thing is, most women are DYING to meet a cool guy, especially in a social situation. Open one of those trashy romance novels (that chicks secretly love). It's always the hero comes out of nowhere and sweeps her off her feet. If you can have the balls to be direct, your chances will be much better.

      In marketing terms, good copy starts off pretty damn direct too, specially with a warm prospect

      "Once disarmed, she is much more likely to follow your line of interaction. This is achieved by "rooting the opener". In other words, connecting the fact that you are speaking to her with some logical "non-creepy" reason."
      Respectfully, "rooting your opener" and an "indirect approach are not the same thing. The former is about turning off the "no" reflex specifically, the later is about not seeming needy.

      You're right that women want to be seduced, but that doesn't mean they don't have some pretty powerful selective instincts. The same is basically true of buyers. People want to pay someone to teach them how to be rich but that doesn't mean that they don't have some pretty powerful cautionary instincts. Both are of course in place for the benefit of our own survival.

      A women becomes attracted to a man when she sees his value for HERSELF. Pick up is about presenting yourself in a way that there is the highest likelihood that she will see that value.

      The same is basically true of customers, they decide to buy when they see the value for THEMSELVES. This can be created with a number of different triggers, but ultimately this is always the case.

      There are many buying triggers but the main ones that come to mind are:

      Value
      Social proof
      Scarcity

      You can touch on these triggers in many different ways. If you hit hard with a direct sales pitch, that can of course work - and that IS a valid approach. But you WILL have to work to overcome that no reflex.

      By mentioning the concept of "rooting your opener, I don't mean to say that anyone else is "wrong" by doing it differently. Only to point out one aspect of copy-writing that I think is often overlooked. Which is to create desire without first needing to overcome skepticism.

      The best copy is the copy we don't even realize is copy. You copy?

      Anyways that I might have missed to fit copy into that last sentence?
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      • Profile picture of the author NicheMayhem
        Way to go Johnny O. An impressive OP, very well put.

        Tons of the copy out there is very impersonal and instantly gives off an impression that triggers caution. Most of the teachings you find put a tremendous amount of emphasis on conveying the benefits of your offer but if you think about it that is mostly because that caution trigger came about with your headline or just the mere fact that the prospective customer knows you are selling something. It is a built in reflex and online it is even stronger because there are so many people peddling junk.

        Never saw it related to picking up women but your post totally creates an interesting mesh which I appreciate. A friendly gesture is worlds away from selling anything, if you can get a nice balance of friendliness and personality wrapped with benefit and scarcity you got yourself a winner.

        Damn women, always in it for themselves first lol, oh wait thats right its because they already know all we care about is ourselves.

        By the way, you Aussies have got some strange ways of putting things. If that's the gutter I don't even want to hear any of you Aussies being gross, would probably make no sense at all. Opener? lol Rooting? [shakes head]
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        • Profile picture of the author Johnny O
          Originally Posted by NicheMayhem View Post

          Way to go Johnny O. An impressive OP, very well put.

          Tons of the copy out there is very impersonal and instantly gives off an impression that triggers caution. Most of the teachings you find put a tremendous amount of emphasis on conveying the benefits of your offer but if you think about it that is mostly because that caution trigger came about with your headline or just the mere fact that the prospective customer knows you are selling something. It is a built in reflex and online it is even stronger because there are so many people peddling junk.

          Never saw it related to picking up women but your post totally creates an interesting mesh which I appreciate. A friendly gesture is worlds away from selling anything, if you can get a nice balance of friendliness and personality wrapped with benefit and scarcity you got yourself a winner.

          Damn women, always in it for themselves first lol, oh wait thats right its because they already know all we care about is ourselves.

          By the way, you Aussies have got some strange ways of putting things. If that's the gutter I don't even want to hear any of you Aussies being gross, would probably make no sense at all. Opener? lol Rooting? [shakes head]
          Thanks NicheMayhem,

          Really appreciate you taken the time to post feedback. Your point about combining a friendly gesture with a sales pitch is all I'm really trying to say.

          I'm sure we've all sent an email to a friend where we were GENUINELY recommending a particular product because we thought it would be perfect for them, with no thought of making money for ourselves. That is the perfect example of great copy. You can feel it when your writing it. And it's the fact that what you are saying is "rooted" that makes the recomendation so powerful. In the sense that your existing relationship is the context and is what turns off that "no" reflex.

          Sometimes we recommend products as part of a course simply because we use them ourselves. That's another example of the principle. You can feel it when you are being genuine and so can your prospect.
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Copywriting is the lowest-pressure form of selling there is. There are
    a lot of valid and different approaches to doing it well, but fundamentally
    you have to manage to get readers curious enough about what they
    can get to explore your offer.

    In principle it is simple. In practice it is a mastery skill. We'll all develop
    our own short-cuts of course.

    Getting past that reflexive "NO!" is much easier if your offer is
    targeted to the correct sweet spot in your market. Get the market
    right, convey the message appropriately for the market, and make
    an offer folks will desire, and you've got a winner.

    Easier said than done of course... but knowing your market first
    is essential for boosting your batting average.
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  • Profile picture of the author sdentrepreneur
    Great post, this must explain why I am good at Internet Marketing !!!
    Guys...do you know what the Mystery Method is? Info below...it works :-)

    Mystery Method Corp. is the former name for Lovesystems
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    Learn Digital, Internet and Social Media Marketing For Your Business
    Click here to learn more - Digital and Social Media Marketing Training Course

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  • Profile picture of the author matrix1989
    on a side note, the community now largely consists of rehashed material with new graphics and better funnels. It sells though....
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  • Profile picture of the author Fenshon
    I have always been interested with anything that helps one to be a better communicator online. Thanks for this. I clicked too.
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