Pardon Me While I Crap On Your Parade.

49 replies
Hey, are you here to get into the internet marketing business?

It's not a business.

Look, here's how it works, okay?

You have a product or service that is valuable. This is your offer.

There are people who value it. That is your market.

Marketing is presenting your offer to a market.

Internet marketing is using the internet for marketing.

Markets aren't interesting, really. There are markets in everything. Do a Google search for "tyler cowen markets in everything" and see what I mean. Tyler Cowen is an economics professor at George Mason University. He knows what he's talking about.

If you didn't take ECON courses in college, go buy N. Gregory Mankiw's Principles of Microeconomics - if you read and understand it, that will be the best $80 you ever spent. Understanding economics is like having a minor superpower. Seriously, you will be at least as awesome as Aquaman.

What is interesting is offers. It's what you can do to make markets happy. And if you did that search I mentioned, you know what I mean: there is a market you can make happy even if you are completely freaking incompetent.

There does exist a market of "stupid people who will buy any damn thing." Many of them are browsing the WSO section right now. And if you target that market, you will never be broke. You can sell pet rocks and poop signs and farting iPhone apps all day long. (Poop signs are like a stop sign, but they say poop. My friend Chris Yates invented them. They are pretty much the best thing ever. That is not an affiliate link.)

Seriously, I own a poop sign. Check it out. It's awesome.



There are people out there who will buy any stupid thing you can put out on the market, whether it is a Millenium Falcon toy or an Elfen Lied poster or a Bourbon Street sign or an exact replica of the sword wielded by the animated avatar of porn star Julie Strain in Heavy Metal F.A.K.K. 2, But that is not interesting.

People are stupid. That is not news. We are machines made of meat, and if you press the right buttons in the right sequence with the right timing they will give you their money.

It's not f*ckin' magnets, people.

What matters is your offer.

Almost every major marketer I know... and I know a lot of them; some people would even say I know them all... bitches at me for not making enough money. There are a tiny few exceptions. Colin Theriot. Paul Myers. Jason Moffat. They get it; they understand. It is not the bottom line. It is not the market. It is the offer.

"If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door." - Genesis 4:7

Internet marketing is not a business. Your business is to deliver something of value to the people who value it. As a contractor or vendor, you create that thing; as an affiliate, you find it. Internet marketing is simply how you deliver value to people.

It's people. Not numbers. People. Never forget that. It's not a numbers game, ever. It's people. Conversions and time on site don't mean squat if you don't take care of the people.

I'm really drunk.
#crap #parade #pardon
  • Profile picture of the author icoachu
    I like how you are holding the sign. Hehehe. Anyway, interesting rant and I agree-marketing is all about DELIVERY of perceived value.
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  • Profile picture of the author SurrealPSD
    Drunken rant aside, thanks for getting me onto that book - I know it's gonna be very helpful
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  • Profile picture of the author WarrenPeterson
    Agree with the post, but I have to admit I got distracted by the sharp pointy thing on the wall. I'm a movie fan and collect swords from films, so sharp pointy things distract me.
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    • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
      Originally Posted by WarrenPeterson View Post

      Agree with the post, but I have to admit I got distracted by the sharp pointy thing on the wall. I'm a movie fan and collect swords from films, so sharp pointy things distract me.
      I have found the F.A.K.K. 2 sword to be very impractical in terms of actual combat usage. The Game of Thrones series is far more sensible.
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      "The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
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  • Profile picture of the author Kneesmith
    Thanks for this post. Really you just gave everyone the "secret". . .

    Wait err.. I mean this is complete crap someone take this post down because it'll make newbies into not-newbies.

    Eh who am I kidding this has been said and said and said and said.... you get the idea
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  • Profile picture of the author kindsvater
    Star Wars stuff - check, got it.

    Sword and armory - check, got it.

    Poop stop sign - got a real stop light in the game room.

    Don't agree stupid people will buy anything. More like, if its interesting, we like it, and no one else has it - here's some cash.

    What's interesting is none of those products were presented with an "offer" I cared diddly about. Price didn't matter. All that mattered was they had a product and I created the offer in my own mind about how great this was going to be.

    Now that I've spilled the beans about what makes people like me buy, don't you have some offers to make?

    .
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    • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
      Originally Posted by kindsvater View Post

      Don't agree stupid people will buy anything.
      My position is more accurately that there ARE stupid people who WILL buy anything - not that this includes any and all stupid people.

      What's interesting is none of those products were presented with an "offer" I cared diddly about. Price didn't matter.
      Interesting side point there - price is not the offer. Price and product in combination are the offer. Ferrari for $500k, few buyers. Ferrari for $500, many buyers. Ebook for $500, few buyers. It's the combination that matters. Perceived value is important.

      Now that I've spilled the beans about what makes people like me buy, don't you have some offers to make?
      Nope. All my stuff is off the market except one ebook that someone seems to have in his autoresponder... every 7 weeks I get a bunch of sales for no reason I can discern. But it's only up so I don't screw up that guy's funnel. I mean, I do like the extra cash, but if it stops happening I intend to pull down the product.

      Everything I've done to date is not good enough. It's good, don't get me wrong... just not good enough. My standards are higher today.
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      "The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
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    • Profile picture of the author tpw
      Originally Posted by kindsvater View Post

      Don't agree stupid people will buy anything. More like, if its interesting, we like it, and no one else has it - here's some cash.

      .

      You are forgetting that Caliban is just far more cynical than you or I... :p
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      • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
        Originally Posted by tpw View Post

        You are forgetting that Caliban is just far more cynical than you or I... :p
        I find it interesting that people consider me cynical, since I regard myself as rather an idealist. :p
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        "The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
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  • Profile picture of the author PPC-Coach
    The ones who don't treat it like a business are the reason there's so many failures in this "non-business".

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  • Profile picture of the author Randall Magwood
    I think that the "internet marketing business" is what newbies start off in because of the number of resell rights products/bonuses that they receive due to buying some sort of marketing program.
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  • Profile picture of the author Devin X
    Banned
    hahahahahahaha this is great. ::bookmarking thread::

    I like the last three words the best..."I'm really drunk".
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  • Profile picture of the author mmntv
    Totally agree with your point.

    The internet is just a marketing channel. My goal is to over-deliver value to people so they naturally help do the marketing for me.
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
      There are stupid people who will buy anything. Depending on what you want to sell, you may have to find a different batch of stupid people.

      When I was working my way through college, the guy I worked for made a bet with one of the sales reps. He said he could sell dog poop with the right offer. The rep foolishly took the bet.

      Fast forward two weeks. We were down to one "practical joke kit", consisting of a paper grocery sack with several pieces of dog manure, a cheap lighter, and some hand-written directions:

      1. Place bag in front of door.
      2. Use lighter to set bag on fire.
      3. Ring doorbell.
      4. Run, hide and watch the fun.

      We ended up selling 24 of those kits for $5 each...
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      • Profile picture of the author Rbtmarshall
        Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe View Post

        There are stupid people who will buy anything. Depending on what you want to sell, you may have to find a different batch of stupid people.

        When I was working my way through college, the guy I worked for made a bet with one of the sales reps. He said he could sell dog poop with the right offer. The rep foolishly took the bet.

        Fast forward two weeks. We were down to one "practical joke kit", consisting of a paper grocery sack with several pieces of dog manure, a cheap lighter, and some hand-written directions:

        1. Place bag in front of door.
        2. Use lighter to set bag on fire.
        3. Ring doorbell.
        4. Run, hide and watch the fun.

        We ended up selling 24 of those kits for $5 each...
        Hopefully You operated as a business to protect yourself from personal liability.

        Instructing people to set fire to a bag on someones porch seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen
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      • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
        Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe View Post

        There are stupid people who will buy anything.
        Maybe we need a sticky. What to do if you are...

        Nah, it would never fly.
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  • *peers head in*

    Nice post... awesome sign.

    Gotta love marketing with a sense of humor.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jason Moffatt
    Clearly Caliban is drunk. He said that I get it. Little does he know, I'm as lost as Richard Simmons in the Playboy Mansion!
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    • Profile picture of the author AprilCT
      Caliban, if you were really drunk, you would have slurred your words. I didn't see any slurring
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  • Profile picture of the author Will Edwards
    Originally Posted by CDarklock View Post

    I'm really drunk.
    Seems you write some of your best stuff when you are drunk

    By the way, is that an exact replica of the sword wielded by the animated avatar of porn star Julie Strain hanging on the wall in that photo?

    Will
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  • Profile picture of the author Nightengale
    Love your post! And THANK YOU for making such an important distinction.

    "Internet marketing is not a business!" You ARE SO RIGHT!

    The Internet is a MEDIUM, a way to get your message out. You still need to sell a product or a service.

    When the fax machine came out, you didn't hear people running around saying "I'm going to start a fax business." So WHY do people say they're going to start an IM business (or go into the IM business)????!!!!

    Arrrghhh! Every time I see that, it makes me want to gouge my eyes out!

    It's on a par with the (ahem) "brilliant" person who, when asked "What kind of business should I start?" answers "Article marketing."

    Aaaaarrgghh!

    Article marketing is a MARKETING METHOD! Is is NOT a business!

    No wonder the newbies are confused...

    Michelle
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    • Profile picture of the author shane_k
      Originally Posted by Nightengale View Post


      It's on a par with the (ahem) "brilliant" person who, when asked "What kind of business should I start?" answers "Article marketing."

      Aaaaarrgghh!

      Article marketing is a MARKETING METHOD! Is is NOT a business!

      No wonder the newbies are confused...

      Michelle
      haha, I so know what you mean by this, it gets me every time to.

      And it does create confusion for newbies, and I bet alot of intermediate internet marketers.

      Things would be so much easier if they stop slapping the label "marketing" onto the end of things.

      Then they can see, ok I have a business, I am going to be using the internet for that business, and I am going to be using these various strategies to generate traffic/leads/customers for my business.

      It's crazy because you would never hear an offline company say, Ok I don't know if I should be doing yellowpage marketing, or word of mouth marketing, or highway sign marketing? all the while assuming that those are all separate business models themselves.

      I think it would clear up so many questions and alot more people would be making money, but
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  • Profile picture of the author JabMonkey
    Hey! I love parades...and booze too!

    The offer is definitely what it is really about, and I've read some stuff from world class copywriters who agree with everything you just wrote.

    You can have a crap website and boring ad copy littered with typos, but if your offer kicks ass and people see value in it, then it's SOLD!!

    But those same world class copywriters will also say that if you THEN add proven ad copy techniques to that great offer, you'll sell more, mainly to those type of buyers who have a hard time convincing themselves to buy anything, but who want to be convinced.
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  • Profile picture of the author shane_k
    Originally Posted by CDarklock View Post


    Look, here's how it works, okay?

    You have a product or service that is valuable. This is your offer.

    There are people who value it. That is your market.

    Marketing is presenting your offer to a market.

    Internet marketing is using the internet for marketing.

    The amazing thing about this part right here, is if people really take the time to really understand this, then they will realize that that once you know how to market, how to present offers, once you have those skills, then the world is open to you, because then you can use any kind of method or medium to present your offer.

    It's like developing the skills to drive a car. Once you know how to drive a car, then the world opens up to you and you can then choose to drive a variety of cars. You are not just stuck with one kind.
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    • Profile picture of the author ExRat
      Hi CD,

      You forgot the obligatory burp.

      We are machines made of meat
      I play tennis against someone who appears to be meat made of/by machines.

      Nice to see Mr. Unconventional making a rare appearance here too (waves).
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  • Profile picture of the author cypherslock
    Heavy Metal (the mag, game, movie and genre) rocks! *horns up*. Loved the post too, makes more sense than some sober posts I've seen...
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
      Originally Posted by Rbtmarshall View Post

      Hopefully You operated as a business to protect yourself from personal liability.

      Instructing people to set fire to a bag on someones porch seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen
      It wasn't my concern, as I was an employee at the time. It was also clearly identified as a gag gift on the display. I'm guessing that most of the people who bought them never found out that there was actual dog droppings inside the bag.

      If someone was fool enough to actually follow the directions...
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      • Profile picture of the author Jon Sullivan
        Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe View Post

        It wasn't my concern, as I was an employee at the time. It was also clearly identified as a gag gift on the display. I'm guessing that most of the people who bought them never found out that there was actual dog droppings inside the bag.

        If someone was fool enough to actually follow the directions...
        The inside of the bag had the fine print, underneath the actual droppings...

        or the fine print should of been there, because that would of been hilarious.

        "I'm suing you for telling me to light things on fire..."

        "Did you read the find print under the droppings?"

        -person digs through additional bag through droppings to find fine print-
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        • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
          Originally Posted by Sully4071 View Post

          The inside of the bag had the fine print, underneath the actual droppings...

          or the fine print should of been there, because that would of been hilarious.

          "I'm suing you for telling me to light things on fire..."

          "Did you read the find print under the droppings?"

          -person digs through additional bag through droppings to find fine print-
          Even better is the person's lawyer digging through the droppings...
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  • Profile picture of the author Teravel
    Absolutely ******* Brilliant!

    Seriously, it's all about the people. Pay attention to them. Talk with them. Ask them what they want, and find a way to give it to them. The more you make people happy, the more they will take care of you.

    Nice Poop Sign.
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  • Profile picture of the author John Romaine
    You idiot.
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  • Profile picture of the author twinkenterprises
    This is an interesting point of view. So many marketing or sales courses teach that it's a numbers game. It's more of a relationship game. If you build a trusting relationship with people, they will buy from you. There are people who buy anything though lol.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rus Sells
    Polarize much? LOL Love the poop sign!
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  • Profile picture of the author IMAdam
    Originally Posted by CDarklock View Post

    If you didn't take ECON courses in college, go buy N. Gregory Mankiw's Principles of Microeconomics - if you read and understand it, that will be the best $80 you ever spent. Understanding economics is like having a minor superpower. Seriously, you will be at least as awesome as Aquaman.

    CDarklock,

    Great points.

    Some of the wealthiest people in the world have studied economics in great length. I guess those people have the equivalent power of The green lantern and superman?

    Adam
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  • Profile picture of the author rfuture2009
    I could use a couple of those poop signs for my yard......or better yet, my neighbors yard.
    Poop here, official pooping spot for this neighborhood, yeah that's the ticket
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Kent
    I agree with you completely. There is market for everything.
    You just have to know where those markets are and deliver your product.
    There are different types of music.. even if you are crappy singer, you can still
    sell your song, really. And it goes same for everything.
    There are so many people who have some stuffs on their hand and saying to themselves
    oh, no one's gonna buy this. Screw such people, you can show them how to sell
    it and earn, LOL. Great marketers can even sell shit
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  • Profile picture of the author Manie Amari
    Great post! love the humour. We need to have you drunk a lot more on here.


    Originally Posted by CDarklock View Post

    Seriously, I own a poop sign. .
    Btw How much for the poop sign?


    Manie
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    This will NOT be up for long. Get it now whilst You still can. Btw it's FREE...
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    • Profile picture of the author joolkano
      Sorry but I do not completely agree with you that Marketing in not a business. Yes, internet is a medium that you can use to deliver your message, but Marketing can be offered as a service, which in turn can be your business.

      Jay Abraham, Dan Kennedy, John Jantsch all have made a lot of money helping businesses market their products and services. They helped many put together offers that match the market that they are servicing.

      In order to craft an effective offer, you have understand the market that you're looking to serve. When you say -- It's not the market. Its the offer. -- I say its both. For example, if I come here to the WF looking to sell "Stock Trading Strategies" nobody would really be interested no matter how great my offer is because I'm in the wrong market for the product.

      The smart marketer must consider both --the target market and the offer.
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      • Profile picture of the author Rod Cortez
        Originally Posted by joolkano View Post

        Sorry but I do not completely agree with you that Marketing in not a business. Yes, internet is a medium that you can use to deliver your message, but Marketing can be offered as a service, which in turn can be your business.

        Jay Abraham, Dan Kennedy, John Jantsch all have made a lot of money helping businesses market their products and services. They helped many put together offers that match the market that they are servicing.

        In order to craft an effective offer, you have understand the market that you're looking to serve. When you say -- It's not the market. Its the offer. -- I say its both. For example, if I come here to the WF looking to sell "Stock Trading Strategies" nobody would really be interested no matter how great my offer is because I'm in the wrong market for the product.

        The smart marketer must consider both --the target market and the offer.
        Actually, if you go to any business school at any university in the world, marketing is always taught as a subset of the business umbrella, just like finance, accounting, legal, etc.

        Internet marketing, by it's very definition, is not a business unto itself, it's only a part of it. Even the guys you mentioned in your post would agree with that.

        RoD
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        • Profile picture of the author joolkano
          Yes, of course its a business. People who are in accounting business are usually known as accountants; in Legal, lawyers; in Finance, maybe Bankers.

          When people ask me what I do, I say I am a marketing consultant. The medium I specialize in is marketing through the internet. Not TV, radio or direct mail.

          Many just use the words "Internet Marketing" as convenient term to describe what they do. But we're getting off point, what I want to say is in my experience, I must consider both the market that I'm looking to serve and of course my offer to that market.
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          • Profile picture of the author Michael Shook
            It sounds so much better though, when you are telling yourself "I am in business" as opposed to I am spending my day loopholing with the latest "Secret to catapault myself to the top of Google" ebook that I bought today.
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      • Profile picture of the author shane_k
        Originally Posted by joolkano View Post


        Sorry but I do not completely agree with you that Marketing in not a business. Yes, internet is a medium that you can use to deliver your message, but Marketing can be offered as a service, which in turn can be your business.

        Jay Abraham, Dan Kennedy, John Jantsch all have made a lot of money helping businesses market their products and services. They helped many put together offers that match the market that they are servicing.
        Look at it this way and maybe you can understand more of what the OP is trying to get across.

        Them "helping businesses market their products and services" and "put together offers that match the market that they are servicing" is the product that they are selling.

        They are in the business of consulting other businesses, so they are consultants. That is their business.

        They could be "helping businesses create sales systems, and improve sales skills in sales staff" and that would still be the product that they are selling.

        And they would still be in the business of consulting.

        The only difference is the "product" that they are selling has changed, not the business.

        Your skill, your expertise, your knowledge of a specific area of business is the product, not the business itself.
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        • Profile picture of the author cashp0wer
          Great post and I tend to agree with you. Even though many people do think of this as a business and in a way it is.
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      • Profile picture of the author CDarklock
        Originally Posted by joolkano View Post

        The smart marketer must consider both --the target market and the offer.
        And therefore, if you don't have both of those things, you have no business.

        Marketing is just connecting dots. Without dots to connect, it is worthless.
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        "The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
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  • Profile picture of the author sadneck
    I'm really drunk.
    lol. Where would the internet be without people who drink and go online.... =)

    Andrew
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