Tell Me What You Think About This Sales Letter

by WilsonA 7 replies
Thanks for your opinions, I have got what I needed to know
#main internet marketing discussion forum #letter #sales
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Dillon
    The whole idea of any sales copy is to entice and excite without giving anything away and I think you may have revealed a little to much about what is actually in the book or rather the books actual contents,now ok some people would say this a good thing but it can also be a bad thing as I have found to my own cost in the past.

    Also a lot of inexperienced marketers ten dot go down the route of reeling off info about themselves when this for me is a big mistake because visitors aren't interested in you, they want to know exactly what it is you can do for them.

    Having said that the sales copy isn't all that bad it just needs a little fine tuning that's all.
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    • Profile picture of the author ildarius
      I liked the beginning, you got a mistake on it though

      get the answers ((their)) seeking by catching their spouse cheating.
      Some parts are a bit hard to understand though,

      Regardless of if you find out that your partner is cheating, it's devastating to learn that you're not the one and only of your one and only. And besides life and death situations, there are few if any more painful experiences than what you may go through.
      I mean if you re-read it a couple of times it's starts to make sense, but it break the smooth reading flow...
      Or may be I'm just tired...

      My honest 2 cents

      GL
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      • Profile picture of the author John Ritz
        For starters, I'd create 2 versions of your salesletter--one targeted towards men, and one towards woman. It's difficult to try to sell both of them in the same breath.
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        • Profile picture of the author Eric Johnson
          Dont have time to look at all of it but I see problems with your headline right away.
          “You Are About To Discover How To Catch Your Spouse Cheating Without Having To Hire A Detective & Put Your Mind At Ease Once And For All”



          Wow, quite a mouthfull...

          First, the phrase "you are about to" is completely unnecessary and actually will hurt you. Don't tell them what is going to happen, tell them waht to do.

          So start out with...

          Is your spouse cheating?

          I like this because it enters into the conversation in the head of the prospect. You are asking the exact same thing they are.

          If this is what you’re looking for, then………

          Once again, completely unnecessary. Get rid of the entire line.

          “Here’s how to put an end to your suspicions & finally know what’s really going on”
          Dont like the "Here's how to". You have to really tighten up your copy. If there are this many unnecessary words in the headline I am sure the rest of the copy is full of em.

          So...

          It's easy to find out... And definitely don't go deal with some shady private eye.

          Tell them there is an easy answer and put a little doubt about getting help outside of what you are offering.

          Finally add a line like this...

          I will teach you how to finally learn what's really going on. You deserve to know the truth.

          You just told them it's easy right? Well, how it is easy? It's easy because you are going to teach it to them. And I really like adding "You deserve to know the truth". People eat that up. We all feel like we deserve everything right? Right?

          Like I said, this is far from perfect. I am sleepy so my brain is kind of shut off but you should get the idea.

          Something like this though...


          Is your spouse cheating?

          It's easy to find out... And definitely don't go deal with some shady private eye.

          I will teach you how to finally learn what's really going on. You deserve to know the truth.
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        • Profile picture of the author Floyd Fisher
          Some ideas.

          1. Don't give away the free tips on the site. Use these as a followup series and replace that with an opt in form. A list is a powerful thing to build. Those tips alone could be a six part series...with a sales pitch for the actual product thrown in each one.

          2. Don't start with facts. Spin a 'typical story' and use the facts to back it up as 'social proof' instead. The story doesn't have to be true, as long as you tell them at some point it's false. If you want, I got a swipe file I can loan you on a similar product that was written by Mark Joyner for ideas. Just PM me with an email address, and it's yours.

          3. For the love of god, get some testimonials. Just give away the product to a few people in exchange for them. You may not believe this, but it does increase sales.

          That's all I got for now. Good luck.
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          • Profile picture of the author WilsonA
            Thank you all for your recommendations, I have made a few adjustments and I would see how it goes
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            • Profile picture of the author Floyd Fisher
              Originally Posted by Wilson Agbeyegbe View Post

              Thank you all for your recommendations, I have made a few adjustments and I would see how it goes

              Let me know when you get your opt in up and your followup series created.
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