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I'm feeling a little depressed. Help me?

by Andrea Rillo
31 replies
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Hi Warriors,
I'm having some bad days during these days because of two roommates which act really roughly.
I know that this may sound strange but they are "burping" and "farting" like idiots (they are 22-23 years old) and they laugh of themselves.
They are such childish and stupid at the same time.
I tried for different days to let them understand that this was really bothering me but one of the 2 (the other is just a sheep which follow the friend in every thing he say) got even angry for that.
And it's not just that, there are many wrong things that they do which seems hard to let them understand such as watching football matches at an high volume and so on.
It's really hard to share an house with a situation of anger like this and that kind of episodes, sometime, let me become less productive.

What do you do when you feel bad/anxious or depressed?
I love this big community and sorry if this thread could not be in the proper section or shouldn't be in this forum at all.
I just wanted to at least write somewhere since I have no one in this city due to being moved far away to study engineering.
It's really hard to find someone to talk with in this big city when you are also studying and everyone runs like crazy.
Sorry again for bothering.
Hope to receive any advice.
Kind regards
Andrea
#depressed #feeling
  • Profile picture of the author laurencewins
    You need to confront them seriously about their behaviour. I can relate as I had trouble once with housemates.
    I learned that I need to live on my own and I eventually moved out of that house a sI couldn't stand it any longer.
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  • Profile picture of the author NRabosa
    Being in the position the same as your two roommates we find you to be a square, Andrea. Since you share the same habitat, coexistence is only possible if both parties agree to compromise on certain house rules. You have to pardon them for being childish, since they're still on their early 20's.

    You know what veered me away from idiotic stuff? When someone showed me how cool and awesome maturity is. Fart and burp with them sometime. Join them and watch football with them like an obnoxious old guy. This could either lead to two things: 1.) They'd be creeped out to try their inane antics ever again, seeing how you do what they do, or 2.) they'd say, hey you're not so bad at all, we're all ears to listen what's bothering you man.

    I hope everything goes well on your end.
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  • Profile picture of the author laurencewins
    It's not "square" to expect some courtesy from people sharing your home.
    You obviously have some tough choices to make though so sit down and weigh up your options. Feel free to pm me if you wish.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Sounds like a case of a roommate mismatch. Find a different place to live.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      I have no one in this city due to being moved far away to study engineering.
      You have roommates. You can't control the youthful behavior of your roommates - only your reaction to them. If you allow yourself to be angry - that will be your "go to" position with your roommates every day and you will be miserable.

      If you have no one in the city - find places to go to where you meet people with similar interests. You might end up with better roommates in the future if you make new friends now.

      Find a place to study in quiet - a library - a park - rather than trying to change the behavior of those people you live with.

      It sounds like a bad mix of roommates but unless you can move - you have to learn to deal with it. Think of it as part of your educational experience - learning to get along with those who don't behave as you want them to.
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      • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
        Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

        You have roommates. You can't control the youthful behavior of your roommates - only your reaction to them. If you allow yourself to be angry - that will be your "go to" position with your roommates every day and you will be miserable.

        If you have no one in the city - find places to go to where you meet people with similar interests. You might end up with better roommates in the future if you make new friends now.

        Find a place to study in quiet - a library - a park - rather than trying to change the behavior of those people you live with.

        It sounds like a bad mix of roommates but unless you can move - you have to learn to deal with it. Think of it as part of your educational experience - learning to get along with those who don't behave as you want them to.
        Good advice.

        Your experience is not unusual in these circumstances when you have to live in close quarters with others.

        I disagree with suggestions to fight them, somehow, because you cannot force people to be mature, grow up, etc. You have little to no control over their behavior. You tried being mature and rational with them, and you received their response.

        So it's up to you. Put it in perspective: it's a temporary situation and you'll be out of it soon enough. Ignore their behavior and go about your business.

        Find a quiet place to study, as Kay suggested. Avoid interaction with them. Treat them like adults and basically rise above the situation.

        Try to avoid letting it depress you or bring you down or make you anxious. Remember that you have more control over your feelings and behavior than perhaps you realize. Consciously choose to not let their behavior affect you in a negative way; a way that is harmful to yourself.

        Do all that and start looking for a different place to live, as Sal suggested.

        Ken
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        • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
          Originally Posted by KenThompson View Post

          Good advice.

          Your experience is not unusual in these circumstances when you have to live in close quarters with others.

          I disagree with suggestions to fight them, somehow, because you cannot force people to be mature, grow up, etc. You have little to no control over their behavior. You tried being mature and rational with them, and you received their response.

          So it's up to you. Put it in perspective: it's a temporary situation and you'll be out of it soon enough. Ignore their behavior and go about your business.

          Find a quiet place to study, as Kay suggested. Avoid interaction with them. Treat them like adults and basically rise above the situation.

          Try to avoid letting it depress you or bring you down or make you anxious. Remember that you have more control over your feelings and behavior than perhaps you realize. Consciously choose to not let their behavior affect you in a negative way; a way that is harmful to yourself.

          Do all that and start looking for a different place to live, as Sal suggested.

          Ken
          i lived next to neighbours, that played a tacky tune on the piano every day, well my wall was there wall!

          I got around it, by maxing out my radio, did the trick!

          Try playing classical music whenever they are in their obnoxious phaze, and it should make them run for the door!

          Or fight fire with something soothing!

          You can try the "Secret" way to living with them, or the don't get angry, but this approach has its limits.

          So, yeah, max out the classical music and or move out!


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          • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
            Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

            i lived next to neighbours, that played a tacky tune on the piano every day, well my wall was there wall!

            I got around it, by maxing out my radio, did the trick!
            So their only infraction was playing music you didn't like, and you responded with loud music. OK.


            You can try the "Secret" way to living with them, or the don't get angry, but this approach has its limits.
            There are always exceptions and all approaches have limits.

            Ken
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Move. .......
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              • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                Move. .......
                I must admit if I lived somewhere and the 2 people there pissed me off so much I became depressed I'd definitely want to move out. In fact I would move out and rather sharpish. Also if you really hate these people you can sleep easy knowing they'll have to pay extra rent while they get someone else to move in.

                On another note, I'm glad it's not me living with you when I was their age. Sadly in my misspent use, loud music and the odd fart would have been the very least of your worries.

                Did I ever tell anyone I can say entire sentences using just one burp?

                Talent is my middle name.
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        • Profile picture of the author peterj
          Originally Posted by KenThompson View Post

          Good advice.

          ....
          I disagree with suggestions to fight them, somehow, because you cannot force people to be mature, grow up, etc. You have little to no control over their behavior. You tried being mature and rational with them, and you received their response.


          Ken
          Well if there are no immediate alternatives, you either lie down, play dead, submit and become the doormat for the duration or you fight.

          Fight does not necessarily mean confrontation. It is using the right strategy for any given situation.
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          • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
            Originally Posted by peterj View Post

            Well if there are no immediate alternatives, you either lie down, play dead, submit and become the doormat for the duration or you fight.

            Fight does not necessarily mean confrontation. It is using the right strategy for any given situation.
            Sure but don't you think just finding somewhere else to live that doesn't depress you and doesn't involve a protracted period of confrontation seem more sensible?

            They are already depressing the man in question and they don't actually have a reason to dislike him yet. They may well become the doormat if he fights back or they may well gang together and make his life hell. Or worse. They already don't seem to give a dam about him.
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            • Profile picture of the author Kay King
              Well if there are no immediate alternatives, you either lie down, play dead, submit and become the doormat for the duration or you fight.
              What are you fighting? The personalities of the roommates? He's not saying "they won't let me...". He saying "I don't want them to act like this".

              If you are living with people you don't know well - it's because you can't afford to live alone. It is something you can change and not a permanent situation to deal with. Fuss and complain and fight and be difficult and you might find they kick YOU out....
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          • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
            Originally Posted by peterj View Post

            Well if there are no immediate alternatives, you either lie down, play dead, submit and become the doormat for the duration or you fight.

            Fight does not necessarily mean confrontation. It is using the right strategy for any given situation.
            There are immediate alternatives using one's mind. Also, I think maybe your statement is an example of a false dichotomy. And maybe Paul Myers can confirm or correct me on this.

            The right strategy seems to be subjective for several reasons not the least of which is what's right for one person may not be right for another.

            Ken
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by KenThompson View Post

              There are immediate alternatives using one's mind. Also, I think maybe your statement is an example of a false dichotomy. And maybe Paul Myers can confirm or correct me on this.

              The right strategy seems to be subjective for several reasons not the least of which is what's right for one person may not be right for another.

              Ken
              Ken; I am personally offended that you would suggest that Paul Myers be the one correcting you. I strongly believe that it is my mission in life to correct even the smallest flaws in logic, or use of language.

              I would offer my opinion about the "False Dichotomy", but I'm still just too upset to continue.

              I'm also offended that you didn't mention me in your post.

              Me....me, me, me, me, me, me, me!

              Seriously, farting? belching? Being a slob? That's pretty much every young single guy I know. I shared an apartment with a guy that thought it was hilarious to party in the apartment until 6 AM...just as I was getting up for work. He was a great friend, but we were both immature jerks.

              As long as neither one of us stole each other's food, or broke any furniture, we got along fine. I remember it as a great time in my life.
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              • Profile picture of the author Andrea Rillo
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                Ken; I am personally offended that you would suggest that Paul Myers be the one correcting you. I strongly believe that it is my mission in life to correct even the smallest flaws in logic, or use of language.

                I would offer my opinion about the "False Dichotomy", but I'm still just too upset to continue.

                I'm also offended that you didn't mention me in your post.

                Me....me, me, me, me, me, me, me!

                Seriously, farting? belching? Being a slob? That's pretty much every young single guy I know. I shared an apartment with a guy that thought it was hilarious to party in the apartment until 6 AM...just as I was getting up for work. He was a great friend, but we were both immature jerks.

                As long as neither one of us stole each other's food, or broke any furniture, we got along fine. I remember it as a great time in my life.
                I think that there is a limit for everything. I'm not that kind of "Hitler" that goes on rage or gets angry if someone burp or fart sometimes but it's the exageration that gets me angry because I can't invite anyone here without listening to this kind of noise.
                I also invite some customers sometime or even my girlfriend here and letting her hearing these kind of sounds it's kinda disgusting.
                Again, it's not just only this, there are many other things that let me think that maybe moving away would be the best choice.
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                • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                  Originally Posted by Andrea Rillo View Post

                  I think that there is a limit for everything. I'm not that kind of "Hitler" that goes on rage or gets angry if someone burp or fart sometimes but it's the exageration that gets me angry because I can't invite anyone here without listening to this kind of noise.
                  I also invite some customers sometime or even my girlfriend here and letting her hearing these kind of sounds it's kinda disgusting.
                  Again, it's not just only this, there are many other things that let me think that maybe moving away would be the best choice.
                  You have a girlfriend? That changes everything. Move out. The last thing you want is a girlfriend that hates one of your roommates, or bringing a customer over to see these guys.

                  Seriously, you need to move out.
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                • Profile picture of the author HeySal
                  Originally Posted by Andrea Rillo View Post

                  I think that there is a limit for everything. I'm not that kind of "Hitler" that goes on rage or gets angry if someone burp or fart sometimes but it's the exageration that gets me angry because I can't invite anyone here without listening to this kind of noise.
                  I also invite some customers sometime or even my girlfriend here and letting her hearing these kind of sounds it's kinda disgusting.
                  Again, it's not just only this, there are many other things that let me think that maybe moving away would be the best choice.
                  I feel for you. I like to move to different areas fairly regularly and one of the ways I can do so is to share a house. Sometimes it's gotten very freaky - not just irritating, but freaky. I always try to keep at least enough cash back to move quickly if I need to. Not always possible but so far I've been able to escape bad situations fairly quickly.

                  Just making a point that if you need to share housing, it's a good thing to try to keep in mind that you might get into the wrong place for you so try to keep a little reserve so you can escape if you need to. Also - I never sign a lease that puts me responsible for anything but month to month occupancy. I'll agree to other things, but not to how long I'll stay.
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              • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                I would offer my opinion about the "False Dichotomy"
                What, no Quantum Physics?
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            • Profile picture of the author peterj
              Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post

              Sure but don't you think just finding somewhere else to live that doesn't depress you and doesn't involve a protracted period of confrontation seem more sensible?

              They are already depressing the man in question and they don't actually have a reason to dislike him yet. They may well become the doormat if he fights back or they may well gang together and make his life hell. Or worse. They already don't seem to give a dam about him.
              Like I said 'If there are no immediate alternatives'. Maybe there are reasons for not being able to move out in the forseeable future, the location is perfect, finances etc.

              So if you have no choice ......

              Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

              What are you fighting? The personalities of the roommates? He's not saying "they won't let me...". He saying "I don't want them to act like this".

              If you are living with people you don't know well - it's because you can't afford to live alone. It is something you can change and not a permanent situation to deal with. Fuss and complain and fight and be difficult and you might find they kick YOU out....
              If they kick him out, problem solved.

              It is already a fight. They know he doesn't like their behaviour and they play on it.

              It has ceased to be two jocks relaxing and being boys and has turned into intentional bullying. They are making his life a misery, how is that acceptable or excusable?

              If you can't move out develop a strategy to modify their behaviour. Do what it takes.


              Originally Posted by KenThompson View Post

              There are immediate alternatives using one's mind. Also, I think maybe your statement is an example of a false dichotomy. And maybe Paul Myers can confirm or correct me on this.

              The right strategy seems to be subjective for several reasons not the least of which is what's right for one person may not be right for another.

              Ken
              Well sure, that is what strategy is all about.

              Each situation is different. Based on the info in the original post, I offered a basic strategy.

              Were I in his situation, living and feeling it, my strategy may be totally different and certainly a lot more subtle, unless of course they got physical.
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              • Profile picture of the author Kay King
                They know he doesn't like their behaviour and they play on it.
                Of course they are. I think it's clear they don't like him much more than he likes them and the friction is not new. They know what buttons to push and they are pushing them and he can't help but react.

                It doesn't matter if it is "acceptable or excusable" to us or not. The situation is what it is and it's what he has to deal with. Best solution is to find a new place to live - perhaps with more adult acting roommates. There is little as uncomfortable as living in close quarters with people you don't like.
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  • Profile picture of the author socialentry
    Eat tons of beans and fight fire with fire.
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  • Profile picture of the author peterj
    Yeah,do unto others as they do unto you.

    If they wont see reason, start playing music or the TV loud when they are trying to study or rest. Find out what annoys them and use it.

    Generally people soon get the message.
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  • Profile picture of the author KingServers01
    I think such kind of situations will come in life and you need to get over it. Adjustments is want we need to take of. I know everybody have different behavior but you need to get adjusted to such kind of atmosphere and try to look around for positive things.
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  • Profile picture of the author Joe Stewart
    I've had roommates on two separate occasions and the fact of the matter is that it's not easy living with others. I understand your points, but at the same time, these guys have the right to burp and fart, laugh, watch TV, etc. They live there, too.

    The two guys I lived with last time were complete slobs! Talk about depressing. The dishes would stack up to nearly a foot high and extend the length of the counter. I was ashamed to bring girls home or have friends over, though I did anyway. I'd always clean after I cooked, but not them. I was so happy when I was finally able to move into a place of my own.

    The best thing you can do is try to manage things as best you can and start saving money so you can move as soon as possible.

    Good luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author Camron
      You seem like a smart person and I'm sure you can find the best solution for your situation.
      I once lived in a shared apartment and it ended that I moved out... I confronted them, but fighting back in the end robs your energy. And you need that energy for your studies.
      Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
    Andrea,

    If you are a party to a lease, try to get out of it. If you are the ONLY party, tell the others to MOVE OUT! Otherwise, if I were you, **I** would move out. They are simply not going to care.

    One of the problems with low prices is that people like this are more likely to be there.

    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrea Rillo
    Thank you for all these great advices.
    I will not follow the advices which says that I just should act like nothing because it's not just one burp or fart at a day. They do this like every ******* hour (sorry for the "*******") and they also laugh for it.
    They are so immature I wonder how can someone can really not understand that if we are sharing an apartment we should come to a "point of meeting" like we say in italian. A sort of way to live together.
    I think that the best thing to do is just move away from here so I'll save the money and try to get more customer in the meanwhile to pay myself a better house rent.

    Thank you all for the help and advices, I really appreciated them, every single one.
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  • Profile picture of the author JagSEO
    Yah move away or join them. That'a the only solution I can think of. Being angry will not help you, they will just win.

    How about try to being a badass sometimes ha and see where it leads you.
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    It could be worse...




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  • Profile picture of the author gregdavidson727
    Originally Posted by Andrea Rillo View Post

    Hi Warriors,
    I'm having some bad days during these days because of two roommates which act really roughly.
    I know that this may sound strange but they are "burping" and "farting" like idiots (they are 22-23 years old) and they laugh of themselves.
    They are such childish and stupid at the same time.
    I tried for different days to let them understand that this was really bothering me but one of the 2 (the other is just a sheep which follow the friend in every thing he say) got even angry for that.
    And it's not just that, there are many wrong things that they do which seems hard to let them understand such as watching football matches at an high volume and so on.
    It's really hard to share an house with a situation of anger like this and that kind of episodes, sometime, let me become less productive.

    What do you do when you feel bad/anxious or depressed?
    I love this big community and sorry if this thread could not be in the proper section or shouldn't be in this forum at all.
    I just wanted to at least write somewhere since I have no one in this city due to being moved far away to study engineering.
    It's really hard to find someone to talk with in this big city when you are also studying and everyone runs like crazy.
    Sorry again for bothering.
    Hope to receive any advice.
    Kind regards
    Andrea
    When I'm feeling a little depressed, it's usually due to lack of exercise. Go for a really, really, really long walk. Or if you have a bicycle, go biking for about 30 miles. That should do the trick. You'll feel like a new person by the time you get back. Don't forget to continue on with your exercise routine because your depression could return a week or two later.
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