A Lame Post About Nuthin'

Oh yeah, those Cossack Bimbos gotta be a real hit.

I am no fan of the limbo cos of what it does to your knees an' ankles, an' I figure a regular dancefloor gotta be preferable to a pit fulla mud.

LOL, I'm wondering if anyone is reading and reading and rereading my sig file looking for a secret message. It's not a real WSO but it could be.

Believe it or not the anxiety and stress I've been faced with for months was finally starting to let up yesterday. Feeling a tad better this morning as well.

While most I'm sure have had their new year business plans (for next year) figured out for months now I am just getting to it this week. The pile of crap I need to address has reached an all time high and I'm scrambling for shovels to clean it all up.

I have reached the shore in my boat, burned the boat, and ready to start the battle. There is no running away and no going back to things that were not working.

I needlessly convinced myself some things were true or had to be what they were. Sometimes you really need to remove yourself from a situation to get full clarity.

(warning - going into a slightly sad story here for a moment)

So my dad was very sick last year and we knew he was going to pass away. I did get to visit him before he went. My mother who has always been a difficult woman was having some signs of dementia but my father and mother were still living together and he did his best to take care of her - even though he needed much more help.

At one point my father had to go into the hospital for a few days. My mother on the other hand decided it was more important for her to go to someones luncheon party. Older gals she knew but was never really very close friends with. My mother didn't really have any real close friends. She never wanted to believe any thing was wrong with him.

This devastated my father of course, but he also was shown something completely different during that particular hospital stay.

He realized how normal everyone was. He realized there was no constant fighting or bickering going on (which was a norm in my house growing up). He could actually have conversations with people and relax a bit.

He had been so close all the time to my mother that he didn't realize how bad off she really was. I believe he did his best to try to keep her somewhere in reality but he wasn't really qualified for the job that needed to be done.

In his last few weeks we actually had to remove her from the house so he could be properly attended to by the nurses. He was in a hospital bed at the house, and she was put in a home. We'd go over and visit her and she'd be angry that my dad hadn't come to pick her up yet. She was constantly making plans to escape, and would tell us how she was at the police station and fights were breaking out with guns and knives. The "police station" was the front desk at the home she was put in.

The day he was about to pass (the nurses could tell he was in his last hours) , mom got the call from the hospice nurses. My mother told them not to tell any of us kids that our father was dying. Of course, she had no intention of calling any of us to let us know. Thankfully the nurse realized that request just didn't sound right and alerted my sister who was the closest to getting to the house maybe in time. My sister got to talk to him last on the phone but didn't quite make it down in time.

(end sad part here as I'm getting weepy)

Anyway, the point I meant to leave on was that like my father I'd been too close to the situation around me to realize how bad things were. I moved away from where I was back in October - thinking at that time I was going to go back but realize it's not healthy for me to do that. Things that I needed to deal with had been pushed on a back burner for way too long. The tears I've had lately are likely from the smoke from what has been coming out of the severely burned skillet in the back.

That fully happy go lucky gal in that pic was slowly getting smothered for the past few years, and just now has gotten a breath of fresh air.

It takes some time to catch ones breath again. I am looking forward to taking the opportunity to doing just that this new year.