Quotes That Define 2017 For You.

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At the moment this one kind of stands out!


Stupidity is Infinite, - Albert Einstein

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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

    At the moment this one kind of stands out!

    Stupidity is Infinite, - Albert Einstein


    Stop bragging.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    Consistency is only a virtue if you're not a screwup.

    Nothing says you're a 'loser' like owning a motivational poster about being a 'winner'.

    If a cute saying is all it takes to motivate you, you probably have an easy job...a job robots will be doing soon.

    A favorite site for sayings: demotivator.com
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    Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog
    ***
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    • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      Nothing says you're a 'loser' like owning a motivational poster about being a 'winner'.
      Oh leave those people alone. Many of them are young (like me) and are doing the best to believes in themselves and accomplish what's important to them. Nothing wrong with surrounding themselves with positive messages (etc.).

      Jonathan
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      "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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    • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
      Banned
      P.S.
      Kay. Please stop "Thanking" other people in my threads/posts out of spite. It's been happening for months (years?) now and it's getting on my nerves.

      Jonathan
      Signature
      "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

        P.S.
        Kay. Please stop "Thanking" other people in my threads/posts out of spite. It's been happening for months (years?) now and it's getting on my nerves.

        Jonathan
        Jonathan; I don't know how you can thank a post out of spite.

        Do you mean she is thanking others, and not you?
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        • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
          Banned
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          Do you mean she is thanking others, and not you?
          No. I mean she has (countless times) "Thanked" other people (in the thread who didn't agree with what I posted) just to support them instead of me. Why? Well I must have done something wrong to make her keep doing that.

          I'm no fool, Claude. So please don't treat me like one.

          Jonathan
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          "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

            No. I mean she has (countless times) "Thanked" other people (in the thread who didn't agree with what I posted) just to support them instead of me. Why? Well I must have done something wrong to make her keep doing that.

            I'm no fool, Claude. So please don't treat me like one.

            Jonathan
            Jonathan; I don't know you. So I have no reason to lie to you. Here is the cold hard truth.

            I was asking you a real question, seeking a real answer. You gave it, and then accused me of treating you like a fool. Your posts don't indicate that you are a fool. But they indicate that you suffer from paranoia.

            Nobody Thanks a post out of spite. If Kay (or anyone else) thanks a post that argues against you, it's because they agree with that post...or think it was well thought out.


            No offense meant with this, but unless people on this forum actually meet.....we are simply not important enough to go to the effort to thank another post...which we don't agree with...because someone else might be paranoid enough to think it's meant as a affront to them.

            You should talk to a counselor about this. I'm not joking. Your accusations are irrational.


            By the way, did you notice how several people here insulted me directly? Does it bother me? Do I take it personally?

            No. Why? Because these people are idiots. Spiteful idiots.
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            • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              Because these people are idiots. Spiteful idiots.
              (Gets on high horse)
              Who are you calling spiteful?
              (Falls off high horse face first into a pile of high horse manure)
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            • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
              Banned
              Well I appreciate the post/advice Claude. In retrospect, you have always been kind to me and I appreciate that.

              All The Best,
              Jonathan
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            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              Jonathan; I don't know you. So I have no reason to lie to you. Here is the cold hard truth.

              I was asking you a real question, seeking a real answer. You gave it, and then accused me of treating you like a fool. Your posts don't indicate that you are a fool. But they indicate that you suffer from paranoia.

              Nobody Thanks a post out of spite. If Kay (or anyone else) thanks a post that argues against you, it's because they agree with that post...or think it was well thought out.


              No offense meant with this, but unless people on this forum actually meet.....we are simply not important enough to go to the effort to thank another post...which we don't agree with...because someone else might be paranoid enough to think it's meant as a affront to them.

              You should talk to a counselor about this. I'm not joking. Your accusations are irrational.


              By the way, did you notice how several people here insulted me directly? Does it bother me? Do I take it personally?

              No. Why? Because these people are idiots. Spiteful idiots.
              "By the way, did you notice how several people here insulted me directly? Does it bother me? Do I take it personally?

              No. Why? Because these people are insightful .Insightful satirists."

              Fixed
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          • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
            Banned
            Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

            I'm no fool, Claude.
            If you truly believe that, it disproves your claim. We all see the things you post. :-)

            Frank
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          • Profile picture of the author discrat
            Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

            No. I mean she has (countless times) "Thanked" other people (in the thread who didn't agree with what I posted) just to support them instead of me. Why? Well I must have done something wrong to make her keep doing that.

            I'm no fool, Claude. So please don't treat me like one.

            Jonathan
            Many moons ago I used to think the same thing.

            But after a few years I observed that Ms. Kay is about as unbiased forum member you will find anywhere.

            And my gosh the poor woman up to this day still gives "Thanks" to BF here and another place and he has treated her like... well sorry there are women and children in here so I will refrain from saying
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            Nothing to see here including a Sig so just move on :)

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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    Everyone falls down in life. But you're not a loser until you say you were pushed.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kurt
      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      Everyone falls down in life. But you're not a loser until you say you were pushed.
      "I pushed Claude down."
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      • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
        Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

        "I pushed Claude down."
        No, I pushed Claude.














        (apologies to Spartacus)
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        • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
          Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

          "I pushed Claude down."
          Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

          No, I pushed Claude.
          Claude doesn't fall down, he just rolls. ...ba-da-boom!



          Edited to add: Well, that sucks. I read those two quotes and stopped to reply. Then I went back to read where I left off, only to discover Tim had made a similar comment. I couldn't bring myself to read any further.

          Oh, and Tim didn't think of that himself, he read my mind before I even had the thought. Watch him folks, he's a dangerous mentalist . . . or something.
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          • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
            Banned
            Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

            Claude doesn't fall down, he just rolls. ...ba-da-boom!.
            Yeah. He just rolls with the punches.
            (Hehe)

            Claude 1. World 0

            Jonathan
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            • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
              Banned
              Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

              Yeah. He just rolls with the paunches.
              Fixed that for you.

              Frank
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              • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
                Banned
                Originally Posted by BigFrank View Post

                Fixed that for you.

                Frank
                You're so mean, BigFrank.: (

                (Hehe)

                Jonathan
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                • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
                  Banned
                  Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

                  You're so mean, BigFrank.: (

                  (Hehe)

                  Jonathan
                  True - but always 100% accurate. You gotta give me that. lol

                  Frank
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                  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
                    Banned
                    Originally Posted by BigFrank View Post

                    True - but always 100% accurate. You gotta give me that. lol

                    Frank
                    Only a Sith deals in absolutes. Viz.


                    Jonathan
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      • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
        Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

        "I pushed Claude down."
        Honest question: if you push Claude, does he go down or does he start rolling?

        By the way, I thanked your post just to spite Claude.
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        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
          Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

          Honest question: if you push Claude, does he go down or does he start rolling?
          You don't even have to push Claude to get him to go down.
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          Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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          • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
            Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

            You don't even have to push Claude to get him to go down.
            A chocolate coated donut usually does the trick.










            So I've heard <cough>.
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            • Profile picture of the author PaulSch
              Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

              A chocolate coated donut usually does the trick.
              Wasn't that a film title?
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        • Profile picture of the author Kurt
          Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

          Honest question: if you push Claude, does he go down or does he start rolling?

          By the way, I thanked your post just to spite Claude.
          Now if we can just get everyone to smite Claude.
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      • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

        "I pushed Claude down."
        I put my boot on his neck.

        Frank
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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Banned
    Why do we fall down?



    Jonathan
    : )
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    • Profile picture of the author jackkychen
      We are not together ^^
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    it's getting on my nerves.
    If I were Claude, I'd say "it's working"...but I'm not Claude.

    If you think I'm against you for thanking someone else who made me smile - you have a complex.

    I'm not devious enough to come up with such a plan....darn it.
    Signature
    Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog
    ***
    One secret to happiness is to let every situation be
    what it is instead of what you think it should be.
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    • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      If you think I'm against you for thanking someone else who made me smile - you have a complex.
      Hmm. Just stop doing it please, Kay. From what I've read, I actually like you. : )

      Peace.
      Jonathan
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    Tremblez, tyrans ! et vous, perfides,
    L'opprobre de tous les partis,
    Tremblez ! vos projets parricides
    Vont enfin recevoir leur prix !
    From Le Marsellaise.
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    • Profile picture of the author PaulSch
      Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

      Bonjour Matelot



      From The Marseille docks
      Fixed that for you
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      • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
        Originally Posted by PaulSch View Post

        Fixed that for you
        I bow to your extensive knowledge, and even more extensive experience in these matters.
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  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
    Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

    Oh leave those people alone. Many of them are young (like me) and are doing the best to believes in themselves and accomplish what's important to them. Nothing wrong with surrounding themselves with positive messages (etc.).

    Jonathan

    True, stupidity, affects all ages, that was recently shown in AU, with a 47 year old dying from an illegal firework, and other things.

    Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

    P.S.
    Kay. Please stop "Thanking" other people in my threads/posts out of spite. It's been happening for months (years?) now and it's getting on my nerves.

    Jonathan

    She isn't this is my thread!

    Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

    No. I mean she has (countless times) "Thanked" other people (in the thread who didn't agree with what I posted) just to support them instead of me. Why? Well I must have done something wrong to make her keep doing that.

    I'm no fool, Claude. So please don't treat me like one.

    Jonathan

    Amm, l would ask someone else whether you are a fool or not, (l am banking on not).


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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    I don't know who pushed Claude...but I was going to catch him.

    Then I looked up at the falling Claude and realized that wasn't a realistic option...so I stepped aside.

    Sorry Claude.
    Signature
    Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog
    ***
    One secret to happiness is to let every situation be
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  • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
    Do Stuff!
    -- Joe Mobley
    I had cancer surgery on July 2, 2016. This was followed by 30 radiation treatments in August/September...

    I had plenty of time to think.

    I was pretty aggravated that I hadn't done more. I like movies but I only went to two before July. I live 5.2 miles from the beach, I went zero times in 2016. In 2014 in probably went to the beach 60 times. I could go on.

    First thing on my journal page is,

    Do Stuff!
    Let me encourage you to get out and live a little. You will be glad you did.

    All the best to you and yours in 2017 and beyond.


    Joe Mobley
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    .

    Follow Me on Twitter: @daVinciJoe
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  • 2017 quit pacin' round his apartment, turned to his parakeet an' muttered,

    "Only 3 days old, an' the f*ckers are already demandin' the synopsis for my autobiography..."
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    Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff togethah.

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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    ERESTIPHILIOMARELENDIOSTRACHNITHSPHARABACIPANE
    Huh? Now you're just showing off.
    Signature
    Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog
    ***
    One secret to happiness is to let every situation be
    what it is instead of what you think it should be.
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    • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      Huh? Now you're just showing off.
      It's a Princess-ism. Unfortunately the thread that explains it has been deleted.
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      Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
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  • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
    off topic - my quote that defines 2017 and every other year

    life is what happens when you are busy making other plans - john lennon
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

    At the moment this one kind of stands out!
    Stupidity is infinite - Albert Einstein
    Actually the quote is:
    Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
    Which, I guess, proves your point.
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    Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Banned
    Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

    Re: Quotes That Define 2017 For You.
    "This time next year, Rodney, I'll be a Millionaire!"
    (Hehe)
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  • Profile picture of the author craigslist
    flunk me flunk you
    Rodney Dangerfield-back to school
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Two wrongs don't make a right, take Claude's parents as an example."
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  • Profile picture of the author Gary Handy
    Hi, a very pleasant day to you wonderful folks and I wish you all the best throughout this 2017 and beyond. At the moment this one kind of stands out for me:

    As you become more intentional, you will likely discover that some people and activities are no longer a fit for you; you can no longer expend energy on them. -Patti DeNucci
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  • Profile picture of the author 3ym3jtmmk
    Banned
    [DELETED]
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day:


    Claude!
    Huh!
    What is he good for?
    Absolutely nothing!
    Say it again!
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    Little Miss Muffet
    Sat on a tuffet
    Eating her curds and whey
    Along came a vacuum cleaner salesman
    Who sat down beside her
    And frightened Miss Muffet away.
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    Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the Day:


    "Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do to Claude."
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day...


    "One small step for man. One dozen giant doughnuts for Claude."
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  • Profile picture of the author rfharris
    Banned
    Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.
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    • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
      Banned
      Originally Posted by rfharris View Post

      Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.
      Nonsense!

      Frank
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    "The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts the sails."

    - William Arthur Ward
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    Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      "The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts the sails."

      - William Arthur Ward


      When I was a young kid, my Dad used to play checkers with me....he always won. One day, I complained about one of the rules....because i was losing.

      He said, "Don't complain about the rules, get better at the game". To him, it was just fatherly advice. But it changed everything for me.

      "You don't need a lighter load to carry. You need a stronger arm". For some reason, that sticks with me.
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      • Profile picture of the author Kurt
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        When I was a young kid, my Dad used to play checkers with me....he always won. One day, I complained about one of the rules....because i was losing.

        He said, "Don't complain about the rules, get better at the game". To him, it was just fatherly advice. But it changed everything for me.

        "You don't need a lighter load to carry. You need a stronger arm". For some reason, that sticks with me.
        Just a guess...was the rule being forced to jump a checker whenever you have the opportunity?
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

          Just a guess...was the rule being forced to jump a checker whenever you have the opportunity?

          Good guess...but I don't think so.
          I was about 7 years old. If I remember correctly, it was that he could move his king back and forth...and I had no kings at that point.

          At that age, I was convinced that he just made up the rules as he went along. It was all so unfair! I was a whiny little kid.
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          • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            I was a whiny little kid.
            Was?

            Little?
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      • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        When I was a young kid, my Dad used to play checkers with me..
        No he didn't. That was someone he was paying to play with you.

        Frank
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    • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      "The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts the sails. The genius stays upwind of Claude."

      - Big Frank
      Fixed that for you.

      Frank
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day:


    "If space is a vacuum who changes the bags?" - Claude
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day:


    "Claude is the reason I'm hiding." - Waldo
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    • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Quote of the day:


      "Claude is the reason I'm hiding." - Waldo
      "Hey, Waldo - find your own hiding place." - Carmen Sandiego.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Quote of the day:


      "Claude is the reason I'm hiding." - Waldo
      I admit, that was brilliant.



      Who wrote it for you?
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        I just spent the last 5 minutes, reading the "Claude" jokes to my wife...and laughing my ass off.


        ....and planning your deaths.
        I am Galactus, Devourer of Worlds. And donuts.
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        • Profile picture of the author Kurt
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          I just spent the last 5 minutes, reading the "Claude" jokes to my wife...and laughing my ass off.


          ....and planning your deaths.
          I am Galactus, Devourer of Worlds. And donuts.
          A comedy writing class?
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        • Profile picture of the author Kurt
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          I just spent the last 5 minutes, reading the "Claude" jokes to my wife...and laughing my ass off.


          ....and planning your deaths.
          I am Galactus, Devourer of Worlds. And donuts.
          Evelyn Wood's speed reading class?
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          I just spent the last 5 minutes, reading the "Claude" jokes to my wife...and laughing my ass off.


          ....and planning your deaths.
          I am Galactus, Devourer of Worlds. And donuts.
          A DIY Store

          A Male Surrogate Pregnancy Clinic
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          Feel The Power Of The Mark Side

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      • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
        The section of the video library, related to ghosts and poltergeists.

        That is usually on the bottom shelf, inbetween the Mc Gyver tv series and the Brandy Bunch.

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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        A church.........
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        • Profile picture of the author Kurt
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          A church.........
          A Hair Club For Men appointment?
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          • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
            Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

            A Hair Club For Men appointment?
            Well, to be fair, they only let in men.
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            Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
            Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

            A Hair Club For Men appointment?
            Claude went for a Hair Club appointment. When they saw how big his head was they called in a realtor to sell him a Thatched Roof.
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        • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          A church.........
          With the caption, "Atheists are welcome, and will receive a full refund, if not satisfied"

          Claude demands a dunut on the tongue, instead of a wafer, so he gets a lot of refunds, and barred entry's.

          Although if he had to tell his sins, it would be "Forgive me Father, for l Have sinned, l was Born"!

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      • Profile picture of the author timokeefe
        "Go fix Warrior Forum"

        Yes boss
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      • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
        Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

        "Good luck getting the fork out of Claude's hands." Yogi Bear
        And putting the cork back on!

        Originally Posted by tytonmedia View Post

        work hard, play hard
        You are new here, so we will ignore that intelligent remark!


        Quote of the day,....

        "Life is Like a Box of Vacumn Cleaner Attachments, You Never Know, What Sucks and What Blows"!
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      • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
        Originally Posted by Richardhenry1320 View Post

        The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. Steve Jobs
        Good to know!

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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        I may be drunk, Claude, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly: Cheryl Whitacre

        My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me: Claude Whitacre

        I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter: Big Frank

        I always avoid prophesying beforehand, because it is a much better policy to prophesy after the event has already taken place: Shane Tagiscom
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        • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
          Ok, now it gets serious!

          "Claude is the Alpha and the Omega, but he doesn't believe a word of it".

          "Frank gets constant schycobunny invitations to chanting, Mother Earth lunches, at the rainbow, fairy, unicorn lodge, but never shows up".

          "Sucking is a Skill that takes a lifetime to master - Claude"

          "I have to keep telling myself that the green stuff l find on rocks on Mars is just paint - Shane".

          "Whatever is never wrong, and he should know".

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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Quote of the day:


      "Claude is the reason I'm hiding." - Waldo
      I kinda liked,...

      "Claude is the Destroyer of Worlds"!

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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
        Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

        I kinda liked,...

        "Claude is the Destroyer of Worlds"!

        Technically, it's, "Claude is the ruiner of everything."
        Signature

        Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

          Technically, it's, "Claude is the ruiner of everything."

          Say it, don't spray it.

          I actually call my cat "Mac, Destroyer Of Worlds"
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    Can't we all just get along?
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    • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
      Originally Posted by yukon View Post

      Can't we all just get along?
      Yukon says no.
      Signature
      Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
      So that blind people can hate them as well.
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

        Yukon says no.
        This is getting along. Insulting each other is our way of saying "I like you. You're one of us".

        It's the same reason dogs sniff each other's butts. (At least a dog told me that when he was sniffing my butt)
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        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          It's the same reason dogs sniff each other's butts. (At least a dog told me that when he was sniffing my butt)
          Be honest: that's actually what you told the dog.
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          Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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        • Profile picture of the author Kurt
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post


          It's the same reason dogs sniff each other's butts. (At least a dog told me that when he was sniffing my butt)
          What do you tell people the reason is that you sniff their butts?
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

            What do you tell people the reason is that you sniff their butts?

            Criminal investigation. I'm always...sniffing out crime.
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            • Profile picture of the author DWolfe
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              Criminal investigation. I'm always...sniffing out behinds .
              Fixed it for you !
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    • Profile picture of the author discrat
      Originally Posted by yukon View Post

      Can't we all just get along?

      The irony here is astounding
      Signature

      Nothing to see here including a Sig so just move on :)

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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day:


    "I never met a man I didn't like...only because I never met Claude." Will Rogers
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Quote of the day:


      "I never met a man I didn't like...only because I never met Claude." Will Rogers
      Claudes bestselling book, (at least his friend thought so) How to Infuriate Friends and P*** off People, is a bestseller, and Claude should know, he has a house full of them!

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  • Profile picture of the author jennifer90
    If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out who i am.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day:


    "To boldly go where no man, or Claude, has gone before". - Captain Kirk
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

    Within 100 yards of a school or public library?
    A Weight Watchers meeting?
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day:


    "You can run but you can't hide. Except I wish Claude would run away and hide." - Joe Louis
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day:


    "When you come to a fork in the road, take it! Then poke Claude in the eye with it!" Yogi Berra
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    • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Quote of the day:


      "When you come to a fork in the road, take it! Then poke Claude in the eye with it!" Yogi Berra
      "Good luck getting the fork out of Claude's hands." Yogi Bear
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      Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day:


    "I Shall Return." Gen. Douglas MacArthur when evacuating the Philippines.


    "I Shall Return." - Claude when in line at the Golden Coral buffet.
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  • Profile picture of the author tytonmedia
    work hard, play hard
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day:


    "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Claude is from Uranus" - Dr. John Gray
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Quote of the day:


      "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Claude is from Uranus" - Dr. John 50 Shades of Gray
      There that is better!

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    • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Quote of the day:


      "Claude is from Uranus"
      Claude may well be from Uranus, he's certainly not from mine.
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      Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
      So that blind people can hate them as well.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day:


    "In our world, Claude is the fire hydrant". - 101 Dalmations
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    • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Quote of the day:


      "In our world, Claude is the fire hydrant". - 101 Dalmations
      No self respecting dog would bother using Claude as a fire hydrant.
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      Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
      So that blind people can hate them as well.
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      • Profile picture of the author Kurt
        Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

        No self respecting dog would bother using Claude as a fire hydrant.
        You're right, they use Claude to mark their territory.
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          Currently

          All the world's a cage: Sylvester Whitacre

          Break a leg: Mac Whitacre
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          Feel The Power Of The Mark Side

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        • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
          More songs of the day.


          "Walking on Rainclouds"

          "Don't Worry, be Miserable".

          "Claudes Cat in the Cradle".

          "50 Shades of Donut Icing", (yeah, l know a book).

          "The Blob", (no explanation needed), (l know a movie).

          "The Thing", (l won't explain that).

          "Show me the Way to Wooster".

          "Breakfast at Wooster", (more of a horror movie).

          "The long and Winding Road to Wooster".

          "I did What l did for A Donut", (another song).

          "Wooster Street".

          "Fooled around and fell for a Donut".

          "Air that l Suck".

          "Vacumn Away".

          "Vacuck down", - (Beverley hills Cop 2).

          "In Deep to the Pile", - (Beverley hills Cop 2).

          "Get Outta my Store, get into My Car".

          "Get Out of the House, l am Vacuuming".

          "No one, does eating Donuts Better".

          "Put down that Donut" - Midnight Oil.

          "Jump for my Donut".

          "View to a Donut".

          "You'll Never Get to Heaven if you Break my Vacuum".

          "Can't stand the Stale Donut".

          "Flawless Donut".

          "Donuts get in the Way".

          "Claudes Cat is Gonna Get You".

          "I Heard a Vacuum".

          " Robert De Niro, Waiting, for my Iced Donut".

          "Rhinestone Donut".

          "A touch of Pink icing".

          "Wuthering Pastry".

          "One Night in Wooster".

          "You Spin me around like a Vacuum"

          "Girls just want to Have Donuts".

          "Dont Stop, Til you Get Enough", (no explanation needed).

          "Slave to Donuts".

          "Eat and Tell".

          "Wings - let them Into the Store".

          "Under the Milky Way bar".

          "Lucy in the Sky with Donuts".

          "Cherry, Cherry Donut".


          Yeah, l know too much time on my hands!

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        • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
          Gee, this thread is being p*** away, so to speak.

          Can we please keep on topic, and continue to trash Claude.

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          • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
            Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

            Gee, this thread is being p*** away, so to speak.
            Hate to be the grammar police, but you need two more *s. Pissed.
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        • Profile picture of the author timokeefe
          This thread has already lasted one month... I wonder if it can make 11 more to bring it in to 2018
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        • Profile picture of the author Kurt
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          That's not true, I pee standing up. Sure, I may be standing in line at the time...any line...in public.....but at least I'm standing up when I go.
          Originally Posted by Frank Donovan View Post

          Claude's so vain, he probably thinks this thread is about him.
          Shouldn't it be "Claude's so vein"?
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          • Profile picture of the author discrat
            Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

            Shouldn't it be "Claude's so vein"?
            I hope not his main vein?
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            Nothing to see here including a Sig so just move on :)

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        • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
          Originally Posted by timokeefe View Post

          This thread has already lasted one month... I wonder if it can make 11 more to bring it in to 2018
          I will do my best!

          Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

          Hate to be the grammar police, but you need two more *s. Pissed.
          You sure!

          Claude is so vein, he, he, pretty good, and l thought that l had covered all the songs?


          MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
          All the sweet, green icing flowing down
          Someone left the cake out in the rain
          I don't think that I can take it
          'cause it took so long to bake it
          And I'll never have that recipe again, oh, no
          Love song, at least Claude thinks so...


          And Claude l have to tell you that the cake like things in the urinals are not editable.

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        • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
          Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

          "Better a witty fool than a foolish Whitaker." - William Shakespeare
          Kurt, you bumped an 10 day old thread, blasphemy,....oh, wait this is the one l started, that is ok, then.



          We are 4 months in so this will probably limp over the 2018 deadline, then l will start a 2018 one.

          With Claude around there is a limitless supply of material available.

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        • Profile picture of the author Kurt
          "Claude comes from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." - Erma Bombeck
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

            "Claude comes from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." - Erma Bombeck
            Absolutely true. But I want to know who leaked it to the press?

            That's the crime here. What happened to loyalty? We need to investigate these leaks. Sad.
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            • Profile picture of the author Kurt
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              Absolutely true. But I want to know who leaked it to the press?

              That's the crime here. What happened to loyalty? We need to investigate these leaks. Sad.
              Let's think about this logically...who hates you and wishes you ill will? We've just narrowed it down to 320 million people in the US alone.
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              • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

                Let's think about this logically...who hates you and wishes you ill will? We've just narrowed it down to 320 million people in the US alone.
                HA! There are people who do not know me...living in the US. And I'm sure that most of these people don't hate me....

                Wait a minute, I forgot about "Seven degrees of Kevin Bacon".

                OK, you're probably right. Everyone hates me. But my self love is so vast...it all evens out.
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                • Profile picture of the author Kurt
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  HA! There are people who do not know me...living in the US. And I'm sure that most of these people don't hate me....

                  Wait a minute, I forgot about "Seven degrees of Kevin Bacon".

                  OK, you're probably right. Everyone hates me. But my self love is so vast...it all evens out.
                  LOL...Who are you trying to kid? Did you really expect us the believe you could possibly forget about anything involving bacon?


                  PS. I'm aware that your bacon comment was a set up. Check. Raise.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                    Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

                    PS. I'm aware that your bacon comment was a set up. Check. Raise.
                    I think you're wrong, Kurt. Unless we're talking about ordering dessert at the same time as his entree, Claude is mentally incapable of thinking more than one step at time. While everybody else is playing chess, Claude is playing with himself.
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        • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
          Yes, "A sucker is born every minute" rings true at the moment. Especially when a new member gives their rags to riches story and messes up the dates, enough said.

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  • Profile picture of the author mrland456
    Stop here
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day:


    "Necessity is the mother of invention...which is why Claude is the mother of plungers, deodorant, air freshener and vaccinations."
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day:


    "If Claude farts in a forest, does a tree make a sound when it passes out?"
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Quote of the day:


      "If Claude farts in a forest, does a tree make a sound when it passes out?"
      If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody hears it fall on Kurt.....would anyone ever notice that he was missing?
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    If a tree falls on Claude, how much noise would be made by the celebration party?
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    Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
    So that blind people can hate them as well.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quotes of the day:


    "I'm your huckleberry." - Doc Holiday


    "I'm your dingleberry." - Claude
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day:

    "Claude is 90% belly and the other half is forehead." - Yogi Berra
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Quote of the day:

      "Claude is 90% belly and the other half is forehead." - Yogi Berra
      You're an idiot. Yogi Berra was never real. Neither was Boo Boo.
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      • Profile picture of the author Kurt
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        You're an idiot. Yogi Berra was never real. Neither was Boo Boo.
        I realize your total lack of testosterone limits your ability to appreciate anything remotely manly like sports and athletics to the point of denying Yogi Berra existed, but there's no need for insults as I'm just the messenger.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

          I realize your total lack of testosterone limits your ability to appreciate anything remotely manly like sports and athletics to the point of denying Yogi Berra existed, but there's no need for insults as I'm just the messenger.
          I'm taking medication for my complete lack of testosterone.

          I'm barely a man.

          And your insult has broken me......you evil genius you.
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        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
          Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

          I realize your total lack of testosterone limits your ability to appreciate anything remotely manly like sports and athletics to the point of denying Yogi Berra existed, but there's no need for insults as I'm just the messenger.
          It's much worse than that, Kurt. Claude pees sitting down, including at urinals or when standing in line in public.
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          Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Song of the day:


    "Plug In My Bissell Missile" by Claude Fraud and The Shams
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    • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Song of the day:
      Claude's so vain, he probably thinks this thread is about him.
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Originally Posted by Frank Donovan View Post

        Claude's so vain, he probably thinks this thread is about him.
        Music quiz

        Ok Frank, without googling it (and I will know because I snuck some cookies onto your computer) Who dueted with the singer in the chorus of the original song, title of which you altered?
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        • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
          Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

          Music quiz

          Ok Frank, without googling it (and I will know because I snuck some cookies onto your computer) Who dueted with the singer in the chorus of the original song, title of which you altered?
          No need to trouble Google - the question's come up on more than one music quiz I've attended. A certain Mr Jagger contributes backing vocals on the original recording. Paul McCartney also attended the sessions, but only as a spectator.

          What do I win?
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        • Profile picture of the author perryny
          Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

          Music quiz

          Ok Frank, without googling it (and I will know because I snuck some cookies onto your computer) Who dueted with the singer in the chorus of the original song, title of which you altered?
          Damnit Claude... will you get the hell out of Frank's computer!
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          • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
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            • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
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              • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

                It had nothing to do with discussing North Korea and everything to do with posting snuff videos in the thread.
                Why anyone would want to watch a video of someone putting tobacco up their nose, and sniffing it like an English Dandy...is beyond me. Loser! Fake News.SAD!
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                • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  Why anyone would want to watch a video of someone putting tobacco up their nose, and sniffing it like an English Dandy...is beyond me.
                  I'm not so sure about that. It could be another lucrative niche to add to your bubblewrap and squat cobbler range of movies.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                    Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

                    I'm not so sure about that. It could be another lucrative niche to add to your bubblewrap and squat cobbler range of movies.
                    I was going through a phase.....and I needed the money.
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          • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
            Originally Posted by whateverpedia

            It had nothing to do with discussing North Korea and everything to do with posting snuff videos in the thread.
            Ok, l only watched the first video, and my other comment got canned, (after the Korean thread vanished) here, so it probably also has something to do with, the board that owns this forum.

            I won't say anymore, but it wasn't a political discussion, although vulgar videos will also can the thread, sigh.
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          • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
            "Claude's resemblance to a person who is intelligent or not, is purely confidential"

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          • Profile picture of the author Kay King
            From "Astrophysics for People in a Hurry"....

            "The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you"
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            Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog
            ***
            One secret to happiness is to let every situation be
            what it is instead of what you think it should be.
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            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
              "My God, It's Full Of Dounuts" ..2001 A Claude Oddity
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            • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
              Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

              From "Astrophysics for People in a Hurry"....

              "The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you"
              From The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy:

              There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
              In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
              Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
              Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
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              Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
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            • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
              A day without laughter, is a day wasted - Charlie Chaplin
              Everything is funny, as long as it is happening to Claude - Will Rogers
              Yes comedy has value, and the world would be an ugly place without it.

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            • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
              Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

              Well, other than this quote that I just preserved for posterity...

              Foiled again, Whitacre.

              Foiled.

              Again.
              I may have to take a screen shot, and then go to Fiverr and get some snotty nosed, 12 year old kid, who lives in Wooster, to paste this on his front door, (and bop him in the knee, of course, but that will probably cost extra).

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            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
              And the Three Wide Men saith unto Mary" "We Come Bearing Width's"..Whitacre's Woosterian New English Bible.
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              • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
                Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                And the Three Wide Men saith unto Mary" "We Come Bearing Width's"..Whitacre's Woosterian New English Bible.
                The three wide men were actually bearing gifts of donuts, frankfurters and Mars bars.
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                Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
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                • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  Floyd the Barber died in 1969......of Tyfloyd Fever.

                  And that's MISTER Moron to you.
                  Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

                  Don't be a clod MISTER Moron to you.
                  Hey, c,mon boys, enough of this, it is pretty obvious who the moron is!

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                  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
                    Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

                    it is pretty obvious who the moron is!
                    Yep.........................
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                • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                  Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                  Claude wanted to make copies of his will so he used triple ply loo roll, thinking it was three part stationary.
                  Yes, the extra wide, deluxe toilet roll, does make it confusing.

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                • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                  Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

                  Perhaps you should've spent that time learning how to write grammatically correct sentences.
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  Perhaps...

                  Shut up.
                  Geesh, l wouldn't take that Whatti, l suggest hopping on the next available flight to Wooster, and bop Claude in the nose, or knee, whichever is closest?

                  And taking away his KFC, lunch pack, (that will hurt).

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                  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
                    Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

                    Geesh, l wouldn't take that Whatti, l suggest hopping on the next available flight to Wooster, and bop Claude in the nose, or knee, whichever is closest?

                    And taking away his KFC, lunch pack, (that will hurt).

                    If I showed up back in Australia with Wooster stamped on my passport, I might not be let back into the country.
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                    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                      Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

                      If I showed up back in Australia with Wooster stamped on my passport, I might not be let back into the country.
                      Everyone else who has encountered Claude has that stamped on their behind.
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                      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                        Everyone else who has encountered Claude has that stamped on their behind.
                        My "Stamp of approval" is highly valued.

                        Sigh.......I got nothing.
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                        • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
                          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                          Sigh.......I got nothing.
                          As the patrons of the Wooster Business Men's Sauna and Bath House are well aware.
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                          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                            Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

                            As the patrons of the Wooster Business Men's Sauna and Bath House are well aware.
                            They all speak with an Australian accent.
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                • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                  Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

                  If I showed up back in Australia with Wooster stamped on my passport, I might not be let back into the country.
                  True, and Wooster is still restricted, so getting past the police checks is also a hindrance.

                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  My "Stamp of approval" is highly valued.

                  Sigh.......I got nothing.
                  Just as long as you don't use your last Will and Testament Toilet roll, otherwise you might get blackballed.

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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by Frank Donovan View Post

        Claude's so vain, he probably thinks this thread is about him.

        The failed and dishonored Frank Donovan spreads fake news about my proven greatness and obvious superiority. Sad.
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  • Are casyool observers an' informed analysts alike now united in their delineated experiencea 2017 thus far when chorusa their chants chimes up a melodious...

    GTG always gotta win out over WTF
    or we gonna be GoToF*ck with alla the WhatTheGood.


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    Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff togethah.

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  • Profile picture of the author innn
    We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
    Joseph Campbell
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Quote of the day:


    "Some cause happiness wherever they go; Claude whenever he goes." - Oscar Wilde
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  • Profile picture of the author Paulk59
    These are excellent !
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Better a witty fool than a foolish Whitaker." - William Shakespeare
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Does Claude make anyone else wish they had more middle fingers?" - Kurt


    "Claude is the reason the gene pool needs lifeguards." - Kurt
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Claude is so fat that whenever he lays on the beach people gather around and try to push him back into the water." - Kurt
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "The girl next door called Claude up, said "Come on over, there's nobody home." Claude went over, there was nobody home." - Rodney Dangerfield
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Don't fire until you see the white creepy old fat bald guy named Claude." - Orders given at the Battle of Bunker Hill
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Q. What makes Claude happier than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on his face with a Sharpie?
    A. Finding out it was traced.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Claude burned 3000 calories today...he left the cookies in the oven too long."
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Claude's family tree must be a cactus because he's such a prick."
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "Claude's family tree must be a cactus because he's such a prick."
      Just like standing on Claude's stomach, you're on a Roll Kurt
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      • Profile picture of the author Kurt
        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

        Just like standing on Claude's stomach, you're on a Roll Kurt
        Standing on Claude's stomach puts me in the noise bleed section.

        BTW, I was reading Claude's description for one of his books on Amazon and he said something like he's been "selling belly to belly" for a long time. All I could think was that his long distance bill must have been outrageous.
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        • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
          Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

          Standing on Claude's stomach puts me in the noise bleed section.

          BTW, I was reading Claude's description for one of his books on Amazon and he said something like he's been "selling belly to belly" for a long time. All I could think was that his long distance bill must have been outrageous.
          Yes, l have used the "I will Get my 5 Year Old, to Ask a Stupid Question, and Bop, You in the Knee, for $5" gig quite a lot for Claude, only trouble is he enjoys it!

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  • Profile picture of the author Gary Chapple
    Paranoia is a bad personality trait for a comedian; what are you laughing at?
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."
      it also meant that they could make a movie of the same name, with a stupid old lady that throws million dollar jewellery into the ocean, or others that turn a Model T, into a portable brothel.

      The captain did gone down with the ship, so it did have a happy ending!

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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."
      The fact that you assume that lobsters would only be working in the kitchen is a racist stereotype.
      Shame on you.
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    Lobster lives matter!
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Claude just won the award for laziness. He sent Cheryl to pick it up for him."
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser in an action movie."
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Common sense is like deodorant. People like Claude who need it the most never use it."
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Claude wants to have his cake and eat yours too."
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "Claude wants to have his cake and eat yours too."
      Unless it was left out in the rain!

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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "Claude wants to have his cake and eat yours too."
      Of any given cake, Claude always want's the lions share. He's pissed off many a lion in his time, I can tell you.
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      • Profile picture of the author Kurt
        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

        Of any given cake, Claude always want's the lions share. He's pissed off many a lion in his time, I can tell you.
        Should we tell Claude that urinal cakes aren't really pastry or let him keep enjoying his ignorance? They do seem to improve his breath a little bit.
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        • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
          Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

          Should we tell Claude that urinal cakes aren't really pastry or let him keep enjoying his ignorance? They do seem to improve his breath a little bit.
          Wasting your time, Kurt, l have tried to tell him that mens toilets, don't have all you can eat, dessert buffets, but he won't listen.

          But when he does walk into a toilet block, the on the wall, room deodorizer, goes off constantly.

          But it is fighting a losing battle!

          Although he cannot figure out why the women's toilet isn't as generous.

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        • Profile picture of the author discrat
          Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

          Should we tell Claude that urinal cakes aren't really pastry or let him keep enjoying his ignorance? They do seem to improve his breath a little bit.
          Okay, makes sense now. Tim was telling me your breath smelled a little rancid. I thought it was just the typical Nuggets fan and the thin air there. But I guess you have been frequenting Wooster here lately for those close encounters of the Third kind
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          Nothing to see here including a Sig so just move on :)

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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Let them eat cake." - Marie-Antoinette

    "Yippee!" - Claude
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Off with their heads!" - Queen of Hearts


    "But I'm not Jewish." - Claude
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "I'm not fat, I'm flooded." - Claude when he found out the human body is 60% water.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "I'm not fat, I'm flooded." - Claude when he found out the human body is 60% water.
      When I found out the body is 60% water...I decided to send you a sponge. Death will be swift...and soggy.
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "I'm not fat, I'm flooded." - Claude when he found out the human body is 60% water.
      I hope Claude's not being buried when he goes. After a while their is going to be major flooding in the Wooster area.
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      • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

        I hope Claude's not being buried when he goes. After a while their is going to be major flooding in the Wooster area.
        No, he will be snap frozen, and each piece destroyed in a lab individually.

        We need to be 100% sure that every fat, mutant gene has been eliminated!

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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "I may be drunk, but in the morning I will be sober and Claude will still be ugly." - Winston Churchill
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Roses are red, violets are blue, Claude is a schizophrenic, and so is Claude too." - Oscar Levant
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "Roses are red, violets are blue, Claude is a schizophrenic, and so is Claude too." - Oscar Levant

      "Roses are red, violets are blue, Claude is a schizophrenic, and Claudette is too." - Oscar Levant

      Fixed
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

        "Roses are red, violets are blue, Claude is a schizophrenic, and Claudette is too." - Oscar Levant

        Fixed
        None of the voices in my head are named Claudette! So there!
        And none of the voices in my head are schizophrenic. One of them is a psychiatrist and has certified that the others are all sane.
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        • Profile picture of the author Kurt
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          None of the voices in my head are named Claudette! So there!
          And none of the voices in my head are schizophrenic. One of them is a psychiatrist and has certified that the others are all sane.
          Even the voices in your head are garbled by the sound of chewing food.
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

            Even the voices in your head are garbled by the sound of chewing food.
            And that's why I keep gaining weight. I'm eating for 8 people.
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            • Profile picture of the author Kurt
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              And that's why I keep gaining weight. I'm eating for 8 people.
              And they're all chubby too.
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              • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

                And they're all chubby too.
                One day you and I will meet. After I pretend to enjoy meeting you....for the witnesses...all eight of my personalities will take turns beating you to a pulp.

                I'm not worried about prosecution because it will be just your word against all eight of mine.

                And all my personalities will take my side of the story....if they know what's good for them.
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                • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  One day you and I will meet. After I pretend to enjoy meeting you....for the witnesses...all eight of my personalities will take turns beating you to a pulp.

                  I'm not worried about prosecution because it will be just your word against all eight of mine.

                  And all my personalities will take my side of the story....if they know what's good for them.
                  Well, other than this quote that I just preserved for posterity...

                  Foiled again, Whitacre.

                  Foiled.

                  Again.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                    Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                    Well, other than this quote that I just preserved for posterity...

                    Foiled again, Whitacre.

                    Foiled.

                    Again.
                    My dear little furry gnomelike friend.....

                    I have been foiled before. While I prefer to be Bubble Wrapped.....being foiled isn't all that bad.
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                • Profile picture of the author Kurt
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  One day you and I will meet. After I pretend to enjoy meeting you....for the witnesses...all eight of my personalities will take turns beating you to a pulp.

                  I'm not worried about prosecution because it will be just your word against all eight of mine.

                  And all my personalities will take my side of the story....if they know what's good for them.
                  One thing they'll never have to worry about is you going on a hunger strike.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Whatever you do always give 100%. Unless you are donating blood."
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    "I stink, therefore I am" - Claude Whitacre.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

      "I stink, therefore I am" - Claude Whitacre.
      "Sink or swim or get off the pot" So there.
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        "Sink or swim or get off the pot" So there.
        You're too buoyant to sink. Unfortunately.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

          You're too buoyant to sink. Unfortunately.
          Only after you found out that I was inflatable.
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          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            Only after you found out that I was inflatable.
            Ego's always are
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          • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            Only after you found out that I was inflatable.
            I get the insinuation, but you know that's not how that works, right?
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

              I get the insemination, but you know that's not how that works, right?

              Thought I'd fix it for you.

              And one of the voices in my head told me that's how it words. And she's a woman..and a doctor.....so I think she knows what she's talking about.

              I win this round, Riffle...

              I


              Win.
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              • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                Thought I'd fix it for you.

                And one of the voices in my head told me that's how it words. And she's a woman..and a doctor.....so I think she knows what she's talking about.

                I win this round, Riffle...

                I


                Win.
                It might be how it "words", but it's still not how it works.

                God, it's like you're crippled in the brain.
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                • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                  It might be how it works, but it's still not how it works.

                  God, it's like you're crippled in the brain.
                  Don't refer to me as God again.

                  And I had to change your post from "words" to "works" It's like you're crimpled in the brain.

                  What an idiat.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "I'm taking this crap to a whole new level." - Claude after he pooped his pants in an elevator.
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  • Profile picture of the author flopitdown
    I live in my own little world - but that´s okay, they like me here.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "I'm not as dumb as Claude looks." - Every Warrior member plus every resident, visitor and passerby of Wooster.
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    • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "I'm not as dumb as Claude looks." - Every human being that ever lived.
      Fixed that for you.
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
        Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

        "I'm not as dumb as Claude looks." - Every human being that ever lived, well, except one...
        Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

        Fixed that for you.
        Fixed that for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Vacuums make great murder weapons because you have an 'air tight' alibi." - Claude's USP when selling door to door.
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    FUN FACT: If all the village idiots left their villages and joined together to form their own village, Claude would be that village's village idiot.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

      FUN FACTS: If all the village idiots left their villages and joined together to form their own village, Claude would be that village's village idiot.
      No comeback. I just want to say that I enjoyed that very much.

      You misspelled idiate.
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  • Profile picture of the author Janice Sperry
    There are about a hundred hilarious jokes in this thread and I want to click a "Thanks" to each one of you but I can't.

    If I click the "Thanks" button people will know I visit "Off Topic" from time to time

    ...and they will also know I crack up at your stupid jokes.

    So,... no thanks today.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kurt
      Originally Posted by Janice Sperry View Post

      There are about a hundred hilarious jokes in this thread and I want to click a "Thanks" to each one of you but I can't.

      If I click the "Thanks" button people will know I visit "Off Topic" from time to time

      ...and they will also know I crack up at your stupid jokes.

      So,... no thanks today.
      Stupid Claude jokes is redundant...just saying.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Claude's New Year resolution this year was to lose 10 pounds. Now just a few months later he only has 23 to go."
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "Claude's New Year resolution this year was to lose 10 pounds. Now just a few months later he only has 23 to go."
      Claude has tried many different diet foods, all at the same time.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Claude isn't bald. He just has a really really wide part." - Floyd the Barber
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Claude's IQ test came back negative." - Mr. Mensa
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "Claude's IQ test came back negative." - Mr. Mensa
      That's because at the test, Claude turned his question paper over early to look at the first page. Then the examiner told the participants to turn their pages over to begin, Claude got a blank last page, so he threw up his hands, shrugged and resumed his game of Candy Crush on his Cellphone.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "Claude's IQ test came back negative." - Mr. Mensa
      I thought it was a pie eating contest.

      Mistakes were made, pies flew in people's faces....Mr. Mensa didn't have a sense of humor.
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        I thought it was a pie eating contest.

        Mistakes were made, pies flew in people's faces....Mr. Mensa didn't have a sense of humor.
        How could you pass, you don't even know the value of Pie
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

          How could you pass, you don't even know the value of Pie
          What tickles me is when I say a joke...a decent one...and miss the obvious joke...the great one. And then you point it out. And it was in front of me the whole time.

          My hat is off to you. Well done.
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          • Profile picture of the author Kurt
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            What tickles me is when I say a joke...a decent one...and miss the obvious joke...the great one. And then you point it out. And it was in front of me the whole time.

            My hat is off to you. Well done.
            Whew! For a second there I thought you were going to talk about your joy of "French ticklers" yet again...
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Claude is so dumb that when asked to fill in his education level on a job application, he entered 'Huked on Fonics.'" - Wooster Board of Education
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "Claude is so dumb that when asked to fill in his education level on a job application, he entered 'Huked on Fonics.'" - Wooster Board of Education
      "When Claude wrote out his Will it took almost a full roll of toilet Paper".

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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

        "When Claude wrote out his Will it took almost a full roll of toilet Paper".

        Claude wanted to make copies of his will so he used triple ply loo roll, thinking it was three part stationary.
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  • Profile picture of the author socialentry
    Banned
    He is one of those orators of whom it was well said. Before they get up, the do not know what they are going to say;when they are speaking, they do not know what they are saying;and when they have sat down, they do not know what they have said

    -Winston Churchill
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "More cowbell !!!" - Claude at Woodstock
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "More cowbell !!!" - Claude at Woodstock
      "More Bluebell": Claude to his wife in the supermarket
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "More cowbell !!!" - Claude at Woodstock
      Don't laugh. I studied cowbell for 8 year at Julliard.

      I flunked. The Dean told me that I set a precedent. No cowbell student had ever flunked out before me.

      So I punched him in the nose. I really rang his bell.
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      • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Don't laugh. I studied cowbell for 8 year at Julliard.
        Perhaps you should've spent that time learning how to write grammatically correct sentences.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

          Perhaps you should've spent that time learning how to write grammatically correct sentences.
          Perhaps...

          Shut up.
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    • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "More cowbell !!!" - Claude at Woodstock
      There's a reason for this: Back in Wooster, dinner is preceded by its announcement via a ringing cowbell. It's how the hefty lads knew supper was on the table.

      It's a Pavlovian response, is all.
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  • Profile picture of the author Katlog
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "How can you tell when Claude is wearing pantyhose? When he farts, his cankles swell." - Big Frank
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  • Profile picture of the author socialentry
    Banned
    "Hurrrrrr durrr derp hurrrrr" - Claude Whitacre
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    "Claude has no nose."

    "How does he smell?"

    "Terrible."
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Claude's a steaming pile of covfefe." - DJ
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Claude's love life is just like how he plays blackjack...he always hits on 16." - Steve Wynn
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "My goal is to make a million dollars. I'm only $1,005,973 short". - Warrior Forum Noob
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    • Profile picture of the author DWolfe
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      "My goal is to make a million dollars. I'm only $1,005,973 short" While drunk and high. - Warrior Forum Noob
      Fixed it for you
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      You can earn 10% average annual returns on your investments - https://app.groundfloor.us/r/m2aa7b
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