Quotes That Define 2017 For You.

djayturner85

9 years ago

A person who never made a mistake, never made anything new.

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by tagiscom

At the moment this one kind of stands out!

Stupidity is Infinite, - Albert Einstein

Stop bragging.

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Kay King

9 years ago

Consistency is only a virtue if you're not a screwup.

Nothing says you're a 'loser' like owning a motivational poster about being a 'winner'.

If a cute saying is all it takes to motivate you, you probably have an easy job...a job robots will be doing soon.

A favorite site for sayings: demotivator.com

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Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog

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One secret to happiness is to let every situation be

what it is instead of what you think it should be.

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Jonathan 2.0 Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

Nothing says you're a 'loser' like owning a motivational poster about being a 'winner'.

Oh leave those people alone. Many of them are young (like me) and are doing the best to believes in themselves and accomplish what's important to them. Nothing wrong with surrounding themselves with positive messages (etc.).

Jonathan
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Jonathan 2.0

Banned 9 years ago

P.S.
Kay. Please stop "Thanking" other people in my threads/posts out of spite. It's been happening for months (years?) now and it's getting on my nerves.

Jonathan

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0

P.S.
Kay. Please stop "Thanking" other people in my threads/posts out of spite. It's been happening for months (years?) now and it's getting on my nerves.

Jonathan

Jonathan; I don't know how you can thank a post out of spite.

Do you mean she is thanking others, and not you?

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Jonathan 2.0

Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Do you mean she is thanking others, and not you?

No. I mean she has (countless times) "Thanked" other people (in the thread who didn't agree with what I posted) just to support them instead of me. Why? Well I must have done something wrong to make her keep doing that.

I'm no fool, Claude. So please don't treat me like one.

Jonathan

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0

No. I mean she has (countless times) "Thanked" other people (in the thread who didn't agree with what I posted) just to support them instead of me. Why? Well I must have done something wrong to make her keep doing that.

I'm no fool, Claude. So please don't treat me like one.

Jonathan

Jonathan; I don't know you. So I have no reason to lie to you. Here is the cold hard truth.

I was asking you a real question, seeking a real answer. You gave it, and then accused me of treating you like a fool. Your posts don't indicate that you are a fool. But they indicate that you suffer from paranoia.

Nobody Thanks a post out of spite. If Kay (or anyone else) thanks a post that argues against you, it's because they agree with that post...or think it was well thought out.

No offense meant with this, but unless people on this forum actually meet.....we are simply not important enough to go to the effort to thank another post...which we don't agree with...because someone else might be paranoid enough to think it's meant as a affront to them.

You should talk to a counselor about this. I'm not joking. Your accusations are irrational.

By the way, did you notice how several people here insulted me directly? Does it bother me? Do I take it personally?

No. Why? Because these people are idiots. Spiteful idiots.

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whateverpedia 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Because these people are idiots. Spiteful idiots.

(Gets on high horse)
Who are you calling spiteful?
(Falls off high horse face first into a pile of high horse manure)
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Jonathan 2.0 Banned 9 years ago

Well I appreciate the post/advice Claude. In retrospect, you have always been kind to me and I appreciate that.

All The Best,
Jonathan
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"Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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lanfear63

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Jonathan; I don't know you. So I have no reason to lie to you. Here is the cold hard truth.

I was asking you a real question, seeking a real answer. You gave it, and then accused me of treating you like a fool. Your posts don't indicate that you are a fool. But they indicate that you suffer from paranoia.

Nobody Thanks a post out of spite. If Kay (or anyone else) thanks a post that argues against you, it's because they agree with that post...or think it was well thought out.

No offense meant with this, but unless people on this forum actually meet.....we are simply not important enough to go to the effort to thank another post...which we don't agree with...because someone else might be paranoid enough to think it's meant as a affront to them.

You should talk to a counselor about this. I'm not joking. Your accusations are irrational.

By the way, did you notice how several people here insulted me directly? Does it bother me? Do I take it personally?

No. Why? Because these people are idiots. Spiteful idiots.

"By the way, did you notice how several people here insulted me directly? Does it bother me? Do I take it personally?

No. Why? Because these people are insightful .Insightful satirists."

Fixed

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Feel The Power Of The Mark Side

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BigFrank Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0

I'm no fool, Claude.

If you truly believe that, it disproves your claim. We all see the things you post. :-)

Frank
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discrat

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0

No. I mean she has (countless times) "Thanked" other people (in the thread who didn't agree with what I posted) just to support them instead of me. Why? Well I must have done something wrong to make her keep doing that.

I'm no fool, Claude. So please don't treat me like one.

Jonathan

Many moons ago I used to think the same thing.

But after a few years I observed that Ms. Kay is about as unbiased forum member you will find anywhere.

And my gosh the poor woman up to this day still gives "Thanks" to BF here and another place and he has treated her like... well sorry there are women and children in here so I will refrain from saying

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Nothing to see here including a Sig so just move on :)

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Everyone falls down in life. But you're not a loser until you say you were pushed.

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Kurt 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Everyone falls down in life. But you're not a loser until you say you were pushed.

"I pushed Claude down."
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- whateverpedia 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  "I pushed Claude down."
  
  No, I pushed Claude.
  
  (apologies to Spartacus)
  
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  Dennis Gaskill 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  "I pushed Claude down."
  
  Originally Posted by whateverpedia
  
  No, I pushed Claude.
  
  Claude doesn't fall down, he just rolls. ...ba-da-boom!
  
  Edited to add: Well, that sucks. I read those two quotes and stopped to reply. Then I went back to read where I left off, only to discover Tim had made a similar comment. I couldn't bring myself to read any further.
  
  Oh, and Tim didn't think of that himself, he read my mind before I even had the thought. Watch him folks, he's a dangerous mentalist . . . or something.
  
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  Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.
  
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  Jonathan 2.0 Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill
  
  Claude doesn't fall down, he just rolls. ...ba-da-boom!.
  
  Yeah. He just rolls with the punches.
  (Hehe)
  
  Claude 1. World 0
  
  Jonathan
  
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  "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
  
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  BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0
  
  Yeah. He just rolls with the paunches.
  
  Fixed that for you.
  
  Frank
  
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  1 reply
  
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  Jonathan 2.0 Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by BigFrank
  
  Fixed that for you.
  
  Frank
  
  You're so mean, BigFrank.: (
  
  (Hehe)
  
  Jonathan
  
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  "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
  
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  BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0
  
  You're so mean, BigFrank.: (
  
  (Hehe)
  
  Jonathan
  
  True - but always 100% accurate. You gotta give me that. lol
  
  Frank
  
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  Jonathan 2.0 Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by BigFrank
  
  True - but always 100% accurate. You gotta give me that. lol
  
  Frank
  
  Only a Sith deals in absolutes. Viz.
  
  Only A Sith Deals In Absolutes - YouTube
  
  Jonathan
  
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  "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
  
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  BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0
  
  Only a Sith deals in absolutes. Viz. Jonathan
  
  That's fine.
  
  Cheers. - Big Sith
  
  Thanks
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by BigFrank
  
  That's fine.
  
  Cheers. - Big Sith
  
  I was a Sith once...or at least I had the disease named after them...
  
  Sithilis.
  
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  BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  I was a Sith once...or at least I had the disease named after them...
  
  Sithilis.
  
  Just one more to add to the list.
  
  Frank
  
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  Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  I was a Sith once...or at least I had the disease named after them...
  
  Sithilis.
  
  Now if I could just catch a case of claudeless...
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  Now if I could just catch a case of claudeless...
  
  Fee-fi-fo-fum
  
  Drop dead.
  
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  BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Fee-fi-fo-fum
  
  Drop dead.
  
  Eenie, meenie, mynie mo,
  
  Eat shit and die!
  
  Frank
  
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  Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Fee-fi-fo-fum
  
  Drop dead.
  
  Georgi porgie pudding and pie
  You're one creepy fat old white guy
  
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  whateverpedia 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  Georgi porgie pudding and pie
  You're one creepy fat old white guy
  
  Ring-a-ring of roses
  A pocketful of posies
  A-tishoo, a-tishoo
  Claude is an idiot.
  
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  Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
  So that blind people can hate them as well.
  
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  Jonathan 2.0 Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by BigFrank
  
  That's fine.
  
  Cheers. - Big Sith
  
  Lol. For those of you that love Star Wars I love this scene:
  
  Attack of the Clones - Yoda Vs Count Dooku (HD) -...
  
  Yoda=Amazing.
  
  Jonathan
  
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- TimPhelan 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  "I pushed Claude down."
  
  Honest question: if you push Claude, does he go down or does he start rolling?
  
  By the way, I thanked your post just to spite Claude.
  
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  Over 50 Dating
  
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  Dan Riffle 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by TimPhelan
  
  Honest question: if you push Claude, does he go down or does he start rolling?
  
  You don't even have to push Claude to get him to go down.
  
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  Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.
  
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  whateverpedia 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle
  
  You don't even have to push Claude to get him to go down.
  
  A chocolate coated donut usually does the trick.
  
  So I've heard <cough>.
  
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  Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
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  PaulSch 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by whateverpedia
  
  A chocolate coated donut usually does the trick.
  
  Wasn't that a film title?
  
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  tagiscom 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by PaulSch
  
  Wasn't that a film title?
  
  Charlie and the Chocolate Colored Dunut.
  
  Space Donuts.
  
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  Archimedes-The Truth Seekers Forum..
  
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  Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by TimPhelan
  
  Honest question: if you push Claude, does he go down or does he start rolling?
  
  By the way, I thanked your post just to spite Claude.
  
  Now if we can just get everyone to smite Claude.
  
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- BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  "I pushed Claude down."
  
  I put my boot on his neck.
  
  Frank
  
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Jonathan 2.0

Banned 9 years ago

Why do we fall down?

Alfred - Why do we fall ? - YouTube

Jonathan
: )

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jackkychen 9 years ago

We are not together ^^
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Kay King

9 years ago

it's getting on my nerves.

If I were Claude, I'd say "it's working"...but I'm not Claude.

If you think I'm against you for thanking someone else who made me smile - you have a complex.

I'm not devious enough to come up with such a plan....darn it.

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Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog

***

One secret to happiness is to let every situation be

what it is instead of what you think it should be.

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Jonathan 2.0 Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

If you think I'm against you for thanking someone else who made me smile - you have a complex.

Hmm. Just stop doing it please, Kay. From what I've read, I actually like you. : )

Peace.
Jonathan
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whateverpedia

9 years ago

Tremblez, tyrans ! et vous, perfides,
L'opprobre de tous les partis,
Tremblez ! vos projets parricides
Vont enfin recevoir leur prix !

From Le Marsellaise.

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Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?

So that blind people can hate them as well.

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PaulSch 9 years ago

Originally Posted by whateverpedia

Bonjour Matelot

From The Marseille docks

Fixed that for you
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- whateverpedia 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by PaulSch
  
  Fixed that for you
  
  I bow to your extensive knowledge, and even more extensive experience in these matters.
  
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  Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
  So that blind people can hate them as well.
  
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tagiscom

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0

Oh leave those people alone. Many of them are young (like me) and are doing the best to believes in themselves and accomplish what's important to them. Nothing wrong with surrounding themselves with positive messages (etc.).

Jonathan

True, stupidity, affects all ages, that was recently shown in AU, with a 47 year old dying from an illegal firework, and other things.

Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0

P.S.
Kay. Please stop "Thanking" other people in my threads/posts out of spite. It's been happening for months (years?) now and it's getting on my nerves.

Jonathan

She isn't this is my thread!

Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0

No. I mean she has (countless times) "Thanked" other people (in the thread who didn't agree with what I posted) just to support them instead of me. Why? Well I must have done something wrong to make her keep doing that.

I'm no fool, Claude. So please don't treat me like one.

Jonathan

Amm, l would ask someone else whether you are a fool or not, (l am banking on not).

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Kay King

9 years ago

I don't know who pushed Claude...but I was going to catch him.

Then I looked up at the falling Claude and realized that wasn't a realistic option...so I stepped aside.

Sorry Claude.

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Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog

***

One secret to happiness is to let every situation be

what it is instead of what you think it should be.

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Joe Mobley

9 years ago

Do Stuff!
-- Joe Mobley

I had cancer surgery on July 2, 2016. This was followed by 30 radiation treatments in August/September...

I had plenty of time to think.

I was pretty aggravated that I hadn't done more. I like movies but I only went to two before July. I live 5.2 miles from the beach, I went zero times in 2016. In 2014 in probably went to the beach 60 times. I could go on.

First thing on my journal page is,

Do Stuff!

Let me encourage you to get out and live a little. You will be glad you did.

All the best to you and yours in 2017 and beyond.

Joe Mobley

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Princess Balestra

9 years ago

2017 quit pacin' round his apartment, turned to his parakeet an' muttered,

"Only 3 days old, an' the f*ckers are already demandin' the synopsis for my autobiography..."

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Kay King

9 years ago

ERESTIPHILIOMARELENDIOSTRACHNITHSPHARABACIPANE

Huh? Now you're just showing off.

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Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog

***

One secret to happiness is to let every situation be

what it is instead of what you think it should be.

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whateverpedia 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

Huh? Now you're just showing off.

It's a Princess-ism. Unfortunately the thread that explains it has been deleted.
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hardraysnight

9 years ago

off topic - my quote that defines 2017 and every other year

life is what happens when you are busy making other plans - john lennon

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whateverpedia

9 years ago

Originally Posted by tagiscom

At the moment this one kind of stands out!
Stupidity is infinite - Albert Einstein

Actually the quote is:

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Which, I guess, proves your point.

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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by whateverpedia

Actually the quote is:

Which, I guess, proves your point.

Well, you are the expert!
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- Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by tagiscom
  
  Well, you are the expert!
  
  Shane; I think you have Whatty on the ropes.
  
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Jonathan 2.0

Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by tagiscom

Re: Quotes That Define 2017 For You.

"This time next year, Rodney, I'll be a Millionaire!"
(Hehe)

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craigslist

9 years ago

flunk me flunk you
Rodney Dangerfield-back to school

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Two wrongs don't make a right, take Claude's parents as an example."

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Two wrongs don't make a right, take Claude's parents as an example."

My parents are both dead.
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  BTW Claude...Miserable birthday wishes.
  
  Q. Why does Claude wear a headband?
  
  A. To keep his forehead out of his eyes.
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  BTW Claude...Miserable birthday wishes.
  
  Q. Why does Claude wear a headband?
  
  A. To keep his forehead out of his eyes.
  
  OK, that made me laugh.
  
  Q. What does "Q stand for?
  A. Shut up.
  
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  Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  OK, that made me laugh.
  
  Q. What does "Q stand for?
  A. Shut up.
  
  I thought for your birthday we could all pitch in and get you a Whitacre survival kit: a plunger and a pallet of industrial strength Febreeze....
  
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whateverpedia 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

take Claude's parents as an example.

Take Claude.

Please.

(Apologies to Henny Youngman)
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Gary Handy

9 years ago

Hi, a very pleasant day to you wonderful folks and I wish you all the best throughout this 2017 and beyond. At the moment this one kind of stands out for me:

As you become more intentional, you will likely discover that some people and activities are no longer a fit for you; you can no longer expend energy on them. -Patti DeNucci

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Gary's FREE Gift - Sells for $17 - %100 FREE Access Today!

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3ym3jtmmk

Banned 9 years ago

[DELETED]

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PaulSch 9 years ago

Originally Posted by 3ym3jtmmk

Everybody tumbles down in life. In any case, you're not a failure until you say you were pushed.

This sounds familiar. Claude, have you adopted another persona?
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- Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by PaulSch
  
  This sounds familiar. Claude, have you adopted another persona?
  
  Yes. I am currently on my seventh persona.
  
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  Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Yes. I am currently on my seventh breakfast.
  
  Fixed if for you
  
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  BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  Yes. I am currently on my seventh bowel movement.
  
  Updated for accuracy!
  
  Frank
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  "Your entire life is a joke that you don't get" Dan Riffle.
  
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  tagiscom 9 years ago
  
  "In Space no one can hear you vacuum".
  
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  TimPhelan 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Yes. I am currently on my seventh sybian.
  
  Impressive!
  
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  Over 50 Dating
  
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  Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Yes. I am currently on my seventh speed date from WoosterCreepyOldWhiteGayGuysMatch.com.
  
  Fixed it for you again...
  
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  tagiscom 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by BigFrank
  
  Updated for accuracy!
  
  Frank
  
  Bowel of Corn Flakes, (updated for a cheap laugh).
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  Fixed it for you again...
  
  Yes. I am currently on my seventh speed date from WoosterCreepyOldWhiteGayGuysMatch.com.
  
  Claude only needs to stack up the Game of Thrones, DVD's to the ceiling, inbetween the greek god statue, and the the cheap budda, water fountain.
  
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  Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Yes. I am currently on my seventh dwarf.
  
  I really don't think that's what Snow White had in mind.
  
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  whateverpedia 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Yes. I am currently on my seventh dwarf.
  
  Put out an APB on the Riffle family.
  
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  Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
  So that blind people can hate them as well.
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Kurt!
  Huh!
  What is he good for?
  Stealing an insult!
  Say it again!
  
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  Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Kurt!
  Huh!
  What is he good for?
  Stealing an insult!
  Say it again!
  
  We just found the ghost writer of Monica Crowley's book...
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  We just found the ghost writer of Monica Crowley's book...
  
  Who the heck is Monica....Oh, she's on FOX.
  
  If you plagiarize something that isn't true, are you still lying?
  
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  Dan Riffle 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Who the heck is Monica....Oh, she's on FOX.
  
  If you plagiarize something that isn't true, are you still lying?
  
  That's a question for Brian Williams, Jayson Blair, and C.J. Werleman.
  
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  Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.
  
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  BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Who the heck is Monica....Oh, she's on FOX.
  
  If you plagiarize something that isn't true, are you still lying?
  
  No - she was on Fox. She's now a deplorable member of the Drumpf administration, where all weasels go to lie.
  
  Frank
  
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  BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Claude is on his 7th penicillin shot.
  
  Frank
  
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  Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by BigFrank
  
  Claude is on his 7th penicillin shot.
  
  Frank
  
  Due to clawed urea itch, when injected into Claude penicillin needs a shot of penicillin.
  
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  lanfear63 9 years ago
  
  Jack Sprat Could Eat No Fat
  
  Luckily Claude Was There
  
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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day:

Claude!
Huh!
What is he good for?
Absolutely nothing!
Say it again!

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whateverpedia

9 years ago

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a vacuum cleaner salesman
Who sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away.

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Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?

So that blind people can hate them as well.

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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the Day:

"Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do to Claude."

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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day...

"One small step for man. One dozen giant doughnuts for Claude."

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rfharris

Banned 9 years ago

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.

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BigFrank Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by rfharris

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.

Nonsense!

Frank
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Dan Riffle

9 years ago

"The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts the sails."

- William Arthur Ward

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

"The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts the sails."

- William Arthur Ward

When I was a young kid, my Dad used to play checkers with me....he always won. One day, I complained about one of the rules....because i was losing.

He said, "Don't complain about the rules, get better at the game". To him, it was just fatherly advice. But it changed everything for me.

"You don't need a lighter load to carry. You need a stronger arm". For some reason, that sticks with me.

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Kurt

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

When I was a young kid, my Dad used to play checkers with me....he always won. One day, I complained about one of the rules....because i was losing.

He said, "Don't complain about the rules, get better at the game". To him, it was just fatherly advice. But it changed everything for me.

"You don't need a lighter load to carry. You need a stronger arm". For some reason, that sticks with me.

Just a guess...was the rule being forced to jump a checker whenever you have the opportunity?

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Just a guess...was the rule being forced to jump a checker whenever you have the opportunity?

Good guess...but I don't think so.
I was about 7 years old. If I remember correctly, it was that he could move his king back and forth...and I had no kings at that point.

At that age, I was convinced that he just made up the rules as he went along. It was all so unfair! I was a whiny little kid.
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- Dan Riffle 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  I was a whiny little kid.
  
  Was?
  
  Little?
  
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  tagiscom 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle
  
  Was?
  
  Little?
  
  Claude didn't spit a dummy when he was a baby!
  
  His parents had shares in Chrispy Creame.
  
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BigFrank Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

When I was a young kid, my Dad used to play checkers with me..

No he didn't. That was someone he was paying to play with you.

Frank
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BigFrank Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

"The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts the sails. The genius stays upwind of Claude."

- Big Frank

Fixed that for you.

Frank
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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day:

"If space is a vacuum who changes the bags?" - Claude

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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day:

"Claude is the reason I'm hiding." - Waldo

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BigFrank Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Quote of the day:

"Claude is the reason I'm hiding." - Waldo

"Hey, Waldo - find your own hiding place." - Carmen Sandiego.
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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Quote of the day:

"Claude is the reason I'm hiding." - Waldo

I admit, that was brilliant.

Who wrote it for you?

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

I just spent the last 5 minutes, reading the "Claude" jokes to my wife...and laughing my ass off.

....and planning your deaths.
I am Galactus, Devourer of Worlds. And donuts.

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Kurt

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

I just spent the last 5 minutes, reading the "Claude" jokes to my wife...and laughing my ass off.

....and planning your deaths.
I am Galactus, Devourer of Worlds. And donuts.

A comedy writing class?

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Kurt

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

I just spent the last 5 minutes, reading the "Claude" jokes to my wife...and laughing my ass off.

....and planning your deaths.
I am Galactus, Devourer of Worlds. And donuts.

Evelyn Wood's speed reading class?

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lanfear63

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

I just spent the last 5 minutes, reading the "Claude" jokes to my wife...and laughing my ass off.

....and planning your deaths.
I am Galactus, Devourer of Worlds. And donuts.

A DIY Store

A Male Surrogate Pregnancy Clinic

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Feel The Power Of The Mark Side

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tagiscom 9 years ago

The section of the video library, related to ghosts and poltergeists.

That is usually on the bottom shelf, inbetween the Mc Gyver tv series and the Brandy Bunch.
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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

A church.........
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  A church.........
  
  A Hair Club For Men appointment?
  
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  Dan Riffle 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  A Hair Club For Men appointment?
  
  Well, to be fair, they only let in men.
  
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  lanfear63 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  A Hair Club For Men appointment?
  
  Claude went for a Hair Club appointment. When they saw how big his head was they called in a realtor to sell him a Thatched Roof.
  
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- tagiscom 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  A church.........
  
  With the caption, "Atheists are welcome, and will receive a full refund, if not satisfied"
  
  Claude demands a dunut on the tongue, instead of a wafer, so he gets a lot of refunds, and barred entry's.
  
  Although if he had to tell his sins, it would be "Forgive me Father, for l Have sinned, l was Born"!
  
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timokeefe 9 years ago

"Go fix Warrior Forum"

Yes boss
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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

"Good luck getting the fork out of Claude's hands." Yogi Bear

And putting the cork back on!

Originally Posted by tytonmedia

work hard, play hard

You are new here, so we will ignore that intelligent remark!

Quote of the day,....

"Life is Like a Box of Vacumn Cleaner Attachments, You Never Know, What Sucks and What Blows"!
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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Richardhenry1320

The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. Steve Jobs

Good to know!
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lanfear63 9 years ago

I may be drunk, Claude, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly: Cheryl Whitacre

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me: Claude Whitacre

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter: Big Frank

I always avoid prophesying beforehand, because it is a much better policy to prophesy after the event has already taken place: Shane Tagiscom
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- tagiscom 9 years ago
  
  Ok, now it gets serious!
  
  "Claude is the Alpha and the Omega, but he doesn't believe a word of it".
  
  "Frank gets constant schycobunny invitations to chanting, Mother Earth lunches, at the rainbow, fairy, unicorn lodge, but never shows up".
  
  "Sucking is a Skill that takes a lifetime to master - Claude"
  
  "I have to keep telling myself that the green stuff l find on rocks on Mars is just paint - Shane".
  
  "Whatever is never wrong, and he should know".
  
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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Quote of the day:

"Claude is the reason I'm hiding." - Waldo

I kinda liked,...

"Claude is the Destroyer of Worlds"!
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- Dan Riffle 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by tagiscom
  
  I kinda liked,...
  
  "Claude is the Destroyer of Worlds"!
  
  Technically, it's, "Claude is the ruiner of everything."
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle
  
  Technically, it's, "Claude is the ruiner of everything."
  
  Say it, don't spray it.
  
  I actually call my cat "Mac, Destroyer Of Worlds"
  
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yukon

Banned 9 years ago

Can't we all just get along?

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whateverpedia 9 years ago

Originally Posted by yukon

Can't we all just get along?

Yukon says no.
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Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
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- Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by whateverpedia
  
  Yukon says no.
  
  This is getting along. Insulting each other is our way of saying "I like you. You're one of us".
  
  It's the same reason dogs sniff each other's butts. (At least a dog told me that when he was sniffing my butt)
  
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  Dan Riffle 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  It's the same reason dogs sniff each other's butts. (At least a dog told me that when he was sniffing my butt)
  
  Be honest: that's actually what you told the dog.
  
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  Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  It's the same reason dogs sniff each other's butts. (At least a dog told me that when he was sniffing my butt)
  
  What do you tell people the reason is that you sniff their butts?
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  What do you tell people the reason is that you sniff their butts?
  
  Criminal investigation. I'm always...sniffing out crime.
  
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  DWolfe 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Criminal investigation. I'm always...sniffing out behinds .
  
  Fixed it for you !
  
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discrat 9 years ago

Originally Posted by yukon

Can't we all just get along?

The irony here is astounding
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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day:

"I never met a man I didn't like...only because I never met Claude." Will Rogers

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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Quote of the day:

"I never met a man I didn't like...only because I never met Claude." Will Rogers

Claudes bestselling book, (at least his friend thought so) How to Infuriate Friends and P*** off People, is a bestseller, and Claude should know, he has a house full of them!
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jennifer90

9 years ago

If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out who i am.

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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by jennifer90

If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out who i am.

Oooooookkkk!
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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day:

"To boldly go where no man, or Claude, has gone before". - Captain Kirk

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whateverpedia 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Quote of the day:

"To boldly go where no Claude has gone before"

A shower?..................
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by whateverpedia
  
  A shower?..................
  
  Salad bar?
  
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  Originally Posted by whateverpedia
  
  A shower?..................
  
  The shampoo aisle of the grocery store?
  
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  tagiscom 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  The shampoo aisle of the grocery store?
  
  A New Age bookstore!
  
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  Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by tagiscom
  
  A New Age bookstore!
  
  Any social event requiring an invitation?
  
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  Dan Riffle 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  Any social event requiring an invitation?
  
  Public pools that require showering before entry?
  
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  Dan Riffle 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle
  
  Public pools that require showering before entry?
  
  Within 100 yards of a school or public library?
  
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  lanfear63 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle
  
  Within 100 yards of a school or public library?
  
  It's not his fault, there are restraining orders on those.
  
  Especially Schools
  
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Kurt

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

Within 100 yards of a school or public library?

A Weight Watchers meeting?

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Kurt 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

A Weight Watchers meeting?

A gym?????
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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day:

"You can run but you can't hide. Except I wish Claude would run away and hide." - Joe Louis

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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day:

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it! Then poke Claude in the eye with it!" Yogi Berra

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Dan Riffle 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Quote of the day:

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it! Then poke Claude in the eye with it!" Yogi Berra

"Good luck getting the fork out of Claude's hands." Yogi Bear
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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day:

"I Shall Return." Gen. Douglas MacArthur when evacuating the Philippines.

"I Shall Return." - Claude when in line at the Golden Coral buffet.

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tytonmedia

9 years ago

work hard, play hard

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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day:

"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Claude is from Uranus" - Dr. John Gray

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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Quote of the day:

"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Claude is from Uranus" - Dr. John 50 Shades of Gray

There that is better!
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whateverpedia 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Quote of the day:

"Claude is from Uranus"

Claude may well be from Uranus, he's certainly not from mine.
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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day:

"In our world, Claude is the fire hydrant". - 101 Dalmations

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whateverpedia

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Quote of the day:

"In our world, Claude is the fire hydrant". - 101 Dalmations

No self respecting dog would bother using Claude as a fire hydrant.

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Kurt

9 years ago

Originally Posted by whateverpedia

No self respecting dog would bother using Claude as a fire hydrant.

You're right, they use Claude to mark their territory.

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lanfear63 9 years ago

Currently

All the world's a cage: Sylvester Whitacre

Break a leg: Mac Whitacre
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tagiscom 9 years ago

More songs of the day.

"Walking on Rainclouds"

"Don't Worry, be Miserable".

"Claudes Cat in the Cradle".

"50 Shades of Donut Icing", (yeah, l know a book).

"The Blob", (no explanation needed), (l know a movie).

"The Thing", (l won't explain that).

"Show me the Way to Wooster".

"Breakfast at Wooster", (more of a horror movie).

"The long and Winding Road to Wooster".

"I did What l did for A Donut", (another song).

"Wooster Street".

"Fooled around and fell for a Donut".

"Air that l Suck".

"Vacumn Away".

"Vacuck down", - (Beverley hills Cop 2).

"In Deep to the Pile", - (Beverley hills Cop 2).

"Get Outta my Store, get into My Car".

"Get Out of the House, l am Vacuuming".

"No one, does eating Donuts Better".

"Put down that Donut" - Midnight Oil.

"Jump for my Donut".

"View to a Donut".

"You'll Never Get to Heaven if you Break my Vacuum".

"Can't stand the Stale Donut".

"Flawless Donut".

"Donuts get in the Way".

"Claudes Cat is Gonna Get You".

"I Heard a Vacuum".

" Robert De Niro, Waiting, for my Iced Donut".

"Rhinestone Donut".

"A touch of Pink icing".

"Wuthering Pastry".

"One Night in Wooster".

"You Spin me around like a Vacuum"

"Girls just want to Have Donuts".

"Dont Stop, Til you Get Enough", (no explanation needed).

"Slave to Donuts".

"Eat and Tell".

"Wings - let them Into the Store".

"Under the Milky Way bar".

"Lucy in the Sky with Donuts".

"Cherry, Cherry Donut".

Yeah, l know too much time on my hands!
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tagiscom 9 years ago

Gee, this thread is being p*** away, so to speak.

Can we please keep on topic, and continue to trash Claude.
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- TimPhelan 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by tagiscom
  
  Gee, this thread is being p*** away, so to speak.
  
  Hate to be the grammar police, but you need two more *s. Pissed.
  
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timokeefe 9 years ago

This thread has already lasted one month... I wonder if it can make 11 more to bring it in to 2018
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Kurt 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

That's not true, I pee standing up. Sure, I may be standing in line at the time...any line...in public.....but at least I'm standing up when I go.

Originally Posted by Frank Donovan

Claude's so vain, he probably thinks this thread is about him.

Shouldn't it be "Claude's so vein"?
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- discrat 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  Shouldn't it be "Claude's so vein"?
  
  I hope not his main vein?
  
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tagiscom

9 years ago

Originally Posted by timokeefe

This thread has already lasted one month... I wonder if it can make 11 more to bring it in to 2018

I will do my best!

Originally Posted by TimPhelan

Hate to be the grammar police, but you need two more *s. Pissed.

You sure!

Claude is so vein, he, he, pretty good, and l thought that l had covered all the songs?

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again, oh, no

Love song, at least Claude thinks so...

And Claude l have to tell you that the cake like things in the urinals are not editable.

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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Better a witty fool than a foolish Whitaker." - William Shakespeare

Kurt, you bumped an 10 day old thread, blasphemy,....oh, wait this is the one l started, that is ok, then.

We are 4 months in so this will probably limp over the 2018 deadline, then l will start a 2018 one.

With Claude around there is a limitless supply of material available.
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Kurt

9 years ago

"Claude comes from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." - Erma Bombeck

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Claude comes from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." - Erma Bombeck

Absolutely true. But I want to know who leaked it to the press?

That's the crime here. What happened to loyalty? We need to investigate these leaks. Sad.

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Kurt

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Absolutely true. But I want to know who leaked it to the press?

That's the crime here. What happened to loyalty? We need to investigate these leaks. Sad.

Let's think about this logically...who hates you and wishes you ill will? We've just narrowed it down to 320 million people in the US alone.

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Let's think about this logically...who hates you and wishes you ill will? We've just narrowed it down to 320 million people in the US alone.

HA! There are people who do not know me...living in the US. And I'm sure that most of these people don't hate me....

Wait a minute, I forgot about "Seven degrees of Kevin Bacon".

OK, you're probably right. Everyone hates me. But my self love is so vast...it all evens out.

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Kurt

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

HA! There are people who do not know me...living in the US. And I'm sure that most of these people don't hate me....

Wait a minute, I forgot about "Seven degrees of Kevin Bacon".

OK, you're probably right. Everyone hates me. But my self love is so vast...it all evens out.

LOL...Who are you trying to kid? Did you really expect us the believe you could possibly forget about anything involving bacon?

PS. I'm aware that your bacon comment was a set up. Check. Raise.

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Dan Riffle 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

PS. I'm aware that your bacon comment was a set up. Check. Raise.

I think you're wrong, Kurt. Unless we're talking about ordering dessert at the same time as his entree, Claude is mentally incapable of thinking more than one step at time. While everybody else is playing chess, Claude is playing with himself.
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tagiscom 9 years ago

Yes, "A sucker is born every minute" rings true at the moment. Especially when a new member gives their rags to riches story and messes up the dates, enough said.
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mrland456

9 years ago

Stop here

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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day:

"Necessity is the mother of invention...which is why Claude is the mother of plungers, deodorant, air freshener and vaccinations."

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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day:

"If Claude farts in a forest, does a tree make a sound when it passes out?"

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Quote of the day:

"If Claude farts in a forest, does a tree make a sound when it passes out?"

If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody hears it fall on Kurt.....would anyone ever notice that he was missing?
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whateverpedia

9 years ago

If a tree falls on Claude, how much noise would be made by the celebration party?

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Kurt

9 years ago

Quotes of the day:

"I'm your huckleberry." - Doc Holiday

"I'm your dingleberry." - Claude

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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day:

"Claude is 90% belly and the other half is forehead." - Yogi Berra

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Quote of the day:

"Claude is 90% belly and the other half is forehead." - Yogi Berra

You're an idiot. Yogi Berra was never real. Neither was Boo Boo.

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Kurt

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

You're an idiot. Yogi Berra was never real. Neither was Boo Boo.

I realize your total lack of testosterone limits your ability to appreciate anything remotely manly like sports and athletics to the point of denying Yogi Berra existed, but there's no need for insults as I'm just the messenger.

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

I realize your total lack of testosterone limits your ability to appreciate anything remotely manly like sports and athletics to the point of denying Yogi Berra existed, but there's no need for insults as I'm just the messenger.

I'm taking medication for my complete lack of testosterone.

I'm barely a man.

And your insult has broken me......you evil genius you.

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Dan Riffle

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

I realize your total lack of testosterone limits your ability to appreciate anything remotely manly like sports and athletics to the point of denying Yogi Berra existed, but there's no need for insults as I'm just the messenger.

It's much worse than that, Kurt. Claude pees sitting down, including at urinals or when standing in line in public.

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

It's much worse than that, Kurt. Claude pees sitting down, including at urinals or when standing in line in public.

That's not true, I pee standing up. Sure, I may be standing in line at the time...any line...in public.....but at least I'm standing up when I go.
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- Jonathan 2.0 Banned 9 years ago
  
  Claude is bullet proof.
  (Hehe)
  
  https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...FSYNL4mVCIEEXK
  
  Jonathan
  : )
  
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  That's not true, I pee standing up. Sure, I may be standing in line at the time...any line...in public.....but at least I'm standing up when I go.
  
  With your talent, have you thought about getting a job as a Russian hooker?
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  With your talent, have you thought about getting a job as a Russian hooker?
  
  I got that.
  
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  Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  I got that.
  
  I'm guessing it dawned on you while you were giving a shower to a golden retriever?
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  I'm guessing it dawned on you while you were giving a shower to a golden retriever?
  
  No, an orange orangutan.
  
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  That's not true, I pee standing up. .
  
  Hence your nickname "The Geezer with the Tweezers".
  
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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

It's much worse than that, Kurt. Claude pees sitting down, including at urinals or when standing in line in public.

You pee standing at the urinal. Or, at least someone is holding you, so you are tall enough to use the urinal.

To you, it's the same thing, Big Boy.

Great. Now I want a Big Boy hamburger.

I mean many Big Boy hamburgers.
(beat you to it)
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TimPhelan 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

Claude pees sitting down, including at urinals...

What's wrong with that? I read the morning news at the urinal.
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Kurt

9 years ago

Song of the day:

"Plug In My Bissell Missile" by Claude Fraud and The Shams

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Frank Donovan

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Song of the day:

Claude's so vain, he probably thinks this thread is about him.

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lanfear63

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Frank Donovan

Claude's so vain, he probably thinks this thread is about him.

Music quiz

Ok Frank, without googling it (and I will know because I snuck some cookies onto your computer) Who dueted with the singer in the chorus of the original song, title of which you altered?

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Frank Donovan

9 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

Music quiz

Ok Frank, without googling it (and I will know because I snuck some cookies onto your computer) Who dueted with the singer in the chorus of the original song, title of which you altered?

No need to trouble Google - the question's come up on more than one music quiz I've attended. A certain Mr Jagger contributes backing vocals on the original recording. Paul McCartney also attended the sessions, but only as a spectator.

What do I win?

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perryny

9 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

Music quiz

Ok Frank, without googling it (and I will know because I snuck some cookies onto your computer) Who dueted with the singer in the chorus of the original song, title of which you altered?

Damnit Claude... will you get the hell out of Frank's computer!

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tagiscom 9 years ago

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- whateverpedia 9 years ago
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by whateverpedia
  
  It had nothing to do with discussing North Korea and everything to do with posting snuff videos in the thread.
  
  Why anyone would want to watch a video of someone putting tobacco up their nose, and sniffing it like an English Dandy...is beyond me. Loser! Fake News.SAD!
  
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  whateverpedia 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Why anyone would want to watch a video of someone putting tobacco up their nose, and sniffing it like an English Dandy...is beyond me.
  
  I'm not so sure about that. It could be another lucrative niche to add to your bubblewrap and squat cobbler range of movies.
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by whateverpedia
  
  I'm not so sure about that. It could be another lucrative niche to add to your bubblewrap and squat cobbler range of movies.
  
  I was going through a phase.....and I needed the money.
  
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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by whateverpedia

It had nothing to do with discussing North Korea and everything to do with posting snuff videos in the thread.

Ok, l only watched the first video, and my other comment got canned, (after the Korean thread vanished) here, so it probably also has something to do with, the board that owns this forum.

I won't say anymore, but it wasn't a political discussion, although vulgar videos will also can the thread, sigh.
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tagiscom 9 years ago

"Claude's resemblance to a person who is intelligent or not, is purely confidential"
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Kay King

9 years ago

From "Astrophysics for People in a Hurry"....

"The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you"

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lanfear63 9 years ago

"My God, It's Full Of Dounuts" ..2001 A Claude Oddity
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- tagiscom 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by lanfear63
  
  "My God, It's Full Of Dounuts" ..2001 A Claude Oddity
  
  I had to give you an evil thankyou for that sorry.
  
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- Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by lanfear63
  
  "My God, It's Full Of Dounuts" ..2001 A Claude Oddity
  
  That made my day. Thanks.
  
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whateverpedia

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

From "Astrophysics for People in a Hurry"....

"The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you"

From The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy:

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

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tagiscom 9 years ago

A day without laughter, is a day wasted - Charlie Chaplin

Everything is funny, as long as it is happening to Claude - Will Rogers

Yes comedy has value, and the world would be an ugly place without it.
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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

Well, other than this quote that I just preserved for posterity...

Foiled again, Whitacre.

Foiled.

Again.

I may have to take a screen shot, and then go to Fiverr and get some snotty nosed, 12 year old kid, who lives in Wooster, to paste this on his front door, (and bop him in the knee, of course, but that will probably cost extra).
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lanfear63

9 years ago

And the Three Wide Men saith unto Mary" "We Come Bearing Width's"..Whitacre's Woosterian New English Bible.

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whateverpedia

9 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

And the Three Wide Men saith unto Mary" "We Come Bearing Width's"..Whitacre's Woosterian New English Bible.

The three wide men were actually bearing gifts of donuts, frankfurters and Mars bars.

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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Floyd the Barber died in 1969......of Tyfloyd Fever.

And that's MISTER Moron to you.

Originally Posted by Kurt

Don't be a clod MISTER Moron to you.

Hey, c,mon boys, enough of this, it is pretty obvious who the moron is!
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- whateverpedia 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by tagiscom
  
  it is pretty obvious who the moron is!
  
  Yep.........................
  
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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

Claude wanted to make copies of his will so he used triple ply loo roll, thinking it was three part stationary.

Yes, the extra wide, deluxe toilet roll, does make it confusing.
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tagiscom

9 years ago

Originally Posted by whateverpedia

Perhaps you should've spent that time learning how to write grammatically correct sentences.

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Perhaps...

Shut up.

Geesh, l wouldn't take that Whatti, l suggest hopping on the next available flight to Wooster, and bop Claude in the nose, or knee, whichever is closest?

And taking away his KFC, lunch pack, (that will hurt).

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whateverpedia

9 years ago

Originally Posted by tagiscom

Geesh, l wouldn't take that Whatti, l suggest hopping on the next available flight to Wooster, and bop Claude in the nose, or knee, whichever is closest?

And taking away his KFC, lunch pack, (that will hurt).

If I showed up back in Australia with Wooster stamped on my passport, I might not be let back into the country.

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lanfear63 9 years ago

Originally Posted by whateverpedia

If I showed up back in Australia with Wooster stamped on my passport, I might not be let back into the country.

Everyone else who has encountered Claude has that stamped on their behind.
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- Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by lanfear63
  
  Everyone else who has encountered Claude has that stamped on their behind.
  
  My "Stamp of approval" is highly valued.
  
  Sigh.......I got nothing.
  
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  whateverpedia 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Sigh.......I got nothing.
  
  As the patrons of the Wooster Business Men's Sauna and Bath House are well aware.
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by whateverpedia
  
  As the patrons of the Wooster Business Men's Sauna and Bath House are well aware.
  
  They all speak with an Australian accent.
  
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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by whateverpedia

If I showed up back in Australia with Wooster stamped on my passport, I might not be let back into the country.

True, and Wooster is still restricted, so getting past the police checks is also a hindrance.

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

My "Stamp of approval" is highly valued.

Sigh.......I got nothing.

Just as long as you don't use your last Will and Testament Toilet roll, otherwise you might get blackballed.
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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Frank Donovan

Claude's so vain, he probably thinks this thread is about him.

The failed and dishonored Frank Donovan spreads fake news about my proven greatness and obvious superiority. Sad.
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Princess Balestra

9 years ago

Are casyool observers an' informed analysts alike now united in their delineated experiencea 2017 thus far when chorusa their chants chimes up a melodious...

GTG always gotta win out over WTF
or we gonna be GoToF*ck with alla the WhatTheGood.

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innn

9 years ago

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
Joseph Campbell

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Kurt

9 years ago

Quote of the day:

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; Claude whenever he goes." - Oscar Wilde

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Paulk59

9 years ago

These are excellent !

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Better a witty fool than a foolish Whitaker." - William Shakespeare

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Does Claude make anyone else wish they had more middle fingers?" - Kurt

"Claude is the reason the gene pool needs lifeguards." - Kurt

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Claude is so fat that whenever he lays on the beach people gather around and try to push him back into the water." - Kurt

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Claude is so fat that whenever he lays on the beach people gather around and try to push him back into the water." - Kurt

Fair enough.

But all 19 of my cats love me.
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Fair enough.
  
  But all 19 of my cats love me.
  
  This is known as "Stockholm Syndrome".
  
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Kurt

9 years ago

"The girl next door called Claude up, said "Come on over, there's nobody home." Claude went over, there was nobody home." - Rodney Dangerfield

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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"The girl next door called Claude up, said "Come on over, there's nobody home." Claude went over, there was nobody home." - Rodney Dangerfield

You are going to keep this thread going til next year, aren't you Kurt!
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by tagiscom
  
  You are going to keep this thread going til next year, aren't you Kurt!
  
  "As long as the wind blows and the grass grows my disdain for Claude will live." - Kurt
  
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  tagiscom 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  "As long as the wind blows and the grass grows my disdain for Claude will live." - Kurt
  
  Hmmm, can't argue with that.
  
  Claude is after all the Destroyer of Worlds.
  
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Kurt

9 years ago

"Don't fire until you see the white creepy old fat bald guy named Claude." - Orders given at the Battle of Bunker Hill

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Kurt

9 years ago

Q. What makes Claude happier than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on his face with a Sharpie?
A. Finding out it was traced.

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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Q. What makes Claude happier than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on his face with a Sharpie?
A. Finding out it was traced.

True, someone painting "KILLROY WAS HERE" on his forehead, doesn't go down well.
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by tagiscom
  
  True, someone painting "KILLROY WAS HERE" on his forehead, doesn't go down well.
  
  Do you have a Sharpie? Claude wants to know.
  
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  tagiscom 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  Do you have a Sharpie? Claude wants to know.
  
  If sharpie is American slang for big, sharp, nasty knife, sure!
  
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  Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by tagiscom
  
  If sharpie is American slang for big, sharp, nasty knife, sure!
  
  Full Face Using ONLY Sharpie Markers! | I Doodles...
  
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  tagiscom 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  Hideous video....
  
  Pens that paint eyes, must be painful!
  
  I know that Claude would enjoy being held down, and painted over, but nothing new there!
  
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Kurt

9 years ago

"Claude burned 3000 calories today...he left the cookies in the oven too long."

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Claude's family tree must be a cactus because he's such a prick."

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lanfear63

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Claude's family tree must be a cactus because he's such a prick."

Just like standing on Claude's stomach, you're on a Roll Kurt

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Kurt

9 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

Just like standing on Claude's stomach, you're on a Roll Kurt

Standing on Claude's stomach puts me in the noise bleed section.

BTW, I was reading Claude's description for one of his books on Amazon and he said something like he's been "selling belly to belly" for a long time. All I could think was that his long distance bill must have been outrageous.

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tagiscom

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Standing on Claude's stomach puts me in the noise bleed section.

BTW, I was reading Claude's description for one of his books on Amazon and he said something like he's been "selling belly to belly" for a long time. All I could think was that his long distance bill must have been outrageous.

Yes, l have used the "I will Get my 5 Year Old, to Ask a Stupid Question, and Bop, You in the Knee, for $5" gig quite a lot for Claude, only trouble is he enjoys it!

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Gary Chapple

9 years ago

Paranoia is a bad personality trait for a comedian; what are you laughing at?

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."

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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."

it also meant that they could make a movie of the same name, with a stupid old lady that throws million dollar jewellery into the ocean, or others that turn a Model T, into a portable brothel.

The captain did gone down with the ship, so it did have a happy ending!
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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."

The fact that you assume that lobsters would only be working in the kitchen is a racist stereotype.
Shame on you.
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  The fact that you assume that lobsters would only be working in the kitchen is a racist stereotype.
  Shame on you.
  
  You're right...everyone knows on a ship it's called a galley and not a kitchen.
  
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whateverpedia

9 years ago

Lobster lives matter!

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Claude just won the award for laziness. He sent Cheryl to pick it up for him."

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Claude just won the award for laziness. He sent Cheryl to pick it up for him."

That was brilliant. Of course...Cheryl had to read your post to me.
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  That was brilliant of course. Cheryl had to read your post to me.
  
  Fixed your grammar mistake.
  
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Kurt

9 years ago

"I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser in an action movie."

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Common sense is like deodorant. People like Claude who need it the most never use it."

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Claude wants to have his cake and eat yours too."

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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Claude wants to have his cake and eat yours too."

Unless it was left out in the rain!
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lanfear63 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Claude wants to have his cake and eat yours too."

Of any given cake, Claude always want's the lions share. He's pissed off many a lion in his time, I can tell you.
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by lanfear63
  
  Of any given cake, Claude always want's the lions share. He's pissed off many a lion in his time, I can tell you.
  
  Should we tell Claude that urinal cakes aren't really pastry or let him keep enjoying his ignorance? They do seem to improve his breath a little bit.
  
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  tagiscom 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  Should we tell Claude that urinal cakes aren't really pastry or let him keep enjoying his ignorance? They do seem to improve his breath a little bit.
  
  Wasting your time, Kurt, l have tried to tell him that mens toilets, don't have all you can eat, dessert buffets, but he won't listen.
  
  But when he does walk into a toilet block, the on the wall, room deodorizer, goes off constantly.
  
  But it is fighting a losing battle!
  
  Although he cannot figure out why the women's toilet isn't as generous.
  
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  discrat 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  Should we tell Claude that urinal cakes aren't really pastry or let him keep enjoying his ignorance? They do seem to improve his breath a little bit.
  
  Okay, makes sense now. Tim was telling me your breath smelled a little rancid. I thought it was just the typical Nuggets fan and the thin air there. But I guess you have been frequenting Wooster here lately for those close encounters of the Third kind
  
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Kurt

9 years ago

"Let them eat cake." - Marie-Antoinette

"Yippee!" - Claude

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Off with their heads!" - Queen of Hearts

"But I'm not Jewish." - Claude

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Kurt

9 years ago

"I'm not fat, I'm flooded." - Claude when he found out the human body is 60% water.

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"I'm not fat, I'm flooded." - Claude when he found out the human body is 60% water.

When I found out the body is 60% water...I decided to send you a sponge. Death will be swift...and soggy.
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  When I found out the body is 60% water...I decided to send you a sponge. Death will be swift...and soggy.
  
  Surf's up!!!
  
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lanfear63 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"I'm not fat, I'm flooded." - Claude when he found out the human body is 60% water.

I hope Claude's not being buried when he goes. After a while their is going to be major flooding in the Wooster area.
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- tagiscom 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by lanfear63
  
  I hope Claude's not being buried when he goes. After a while their is going to be major flooding in the Wooster area.
  
  No, he will be snap frozen, and each piece destroyed in a lab individually.
  
  We need to be 100% sure that every fat, mutant gene has been eliminated!
  
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Kurt

9 years ago

"I may be drunk, but in the morning I will be sober and Claude will still be ugly." - Winston Churchill

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"I may be drunk, but in the morning I will be sober and Claude will still be ugly." - Winston Churchill

That wasn't Winston Churchill. That was my first wife.

Neener Neener Neener.
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  That wasn't Winston Churchill. That was my first wife.
  
  Neener Neener Neener.
  
  Either way, you're still ugly...and fat, bald, creepy, old, white and gelatinous.
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  Either way, you're still ugly...and fat, bald, creepy, old, white and gelatinous.
  
  Careful. You are getting very very close to insulting me.
  
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Kurt

9 years ago

"Roses are red, violets are blue, Claude is a schizophrenic, and so is Claude too." - Oscar Levant

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lanfear63

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Roses are red, violets are blue, Claude is a schizophrenic, and so is Claude too." - Oscar Levant

"Roses are red, violets are blue, Claude is a schizophrenic, and Claudette is too." - Oscar Levant

Fixed

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

"Roses are red, violets are blue, Claude is a schizophrenic, and Claudette is too." - Oscar Levant

Fixed

None of the voices in my head are named Claudette! So there!
And none of the voices in my head are schizophrenic. One of them is a psychiatrist and has certified that the others are all sane.

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Kurt

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

None of the voices in my head are named Claudette! So there!
And none of the voices in my head are schizophrenic. One of them is a psychiatrist and has certified that the others are all sane.

Even the voices in your head are garbled by the sound of chewing food.

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Even the voices in your head are garbled by the sound of chewing food.

And that's why I keep gaining weight. I'm eating for 8 people.

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Kurt

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

And that's why I keep gaining weight. I'm eating for 8 people.

And they're all chubby too.

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

And they're all chubby too.

One day you and I will meet. After I pretend to enjoy meeting you....for the witnesses...all eight of my personalities will take turns beating you to a pulp.

I'm not worried about prosecution because it will be just your word against all eight of mine.

And all my personalities will take my side of the story....if they know what's good for them.

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Dan Riffle

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

One day you and I will meet. After I pretend to enjoy meeting you....for the witnesses...all eight of my personalities will take turns beating you to a pulp.

I'm not worried about prosecution because it will be just your word against all eight of mine.

And all my personalities will take my side of the story....if they know what's good for them.

Well, other than this quote that I just preserved for posterity...

Foiled again, Whitacre.

Foiled.

Again.

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

Well, other than this quote that I just preserved for posterity...

Foiled again, Whitacre.

Foiled.

Again.

My dear little furry gnomelike friend.....

I have been foiled before. While I prefer to be Bubble Wrapped.....being foiled isn't all that bad.
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Kurt

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

One day you and I will meet. After I pretend to enjoy meeting you....for the witnesses...all eight of my personalities will take turns beating you to a pulp.

I'm not worried about prosecution because it will be just your word against all eight of mine.

And all my personalities will take my side of the story....if they know what's good for them.

One thing they'll never have to worry about is you going on a hunger strike.

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Whatever you do always give 100%. Unless you are donating blood."

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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Whatever you do always give 100%. Unless you are donating blood."

Or give 110% if you want to become a trolley collector!
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whateverpedia

9 years ago

"I stink, therefore I am" - Claude Whitacre.

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Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by whateverpedia

"I stink, therefore I am" - Claude Whitacre.

"Sink or swim or get off the pot" So there.

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Dan Riffle

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

"Sink or swim or get off the pot" So there.

You're too buoyant to sink. Unfortunately.

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

You're too buoyant to sink. Unfortunately.

Only after you found out that I was inflatable.

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lanfear63 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Only after you found out that I was inflatable.

Ego's always are
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Dan Riffle

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Only after you found out that I was inflatable.

I get the insinuation, but you know that's not how that works, right?

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

I get the insemination, but you know that's not how that works, right?

Thought I'd fix it for you.

And one of the voices in my head told me that's how it words. And she's a woman..and a doctor.....so I think she knows what she's talking about.

I win this round, Riffle...

I

Win.

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Dan Riffle

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Thought I'd fix it for you.

And one of the voices in my head told me that's how it words. And she's a woman..and a doctor.....so I think she knows what she's talking about.

I win this round, Riffle...

I

Win.

It might be how it "words", but it's still not how it works.

God, it's like you're crippled in the brain.

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

It might be how it works, but it's still not how it works.

God, it's like you're crippled in the brain.

Don't refer to me as God again.

And I had to change your post from "words" to "works" It's like you're crimpled in the brain.

What an idiat.
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Kurt

9 years ago

"I'm taking this crap to a whole new level." - Claude after he pooped his pants in an elevator.

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flopitdown

9 years ago

I live in my own little world - but that´s okay, they like me here.

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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by flopitdown

I live in my own little world - but that´s okay, they like me here.

Well, you and Claude have one thing in common.
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Kurt

9 years ago

"I'm not as dumb as Claude looks." - Every Warrior member plus every resident, visitor and passerby of Wooster.

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whateverpedia 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"I'm not as dumb as Claude looks." - Every human being that ever lived.

Fixed that for you.
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- Dan Riffle 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  "I'm not as dumb as Claude looks." - Every human being that ever lived, well, except one...
  
  Originally Posted by whateverpedia
  
  Fixed that for you.
  
  Fixed that for you.
  
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Kurt

9 years ago

"Vacuums make great murder weapons because you have an 'air tight' alibi." - Claude's USP when selling door to door.

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whateverpedia

9 years ago

FUN FACT: If all the village idiots left their villages and joined together to form their own village, Claude would be that village's village idiot.

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by whateverpedia

FUN FACTS: If all the village idiots left their villages and joined together to form their own village, Claude would be that village's village idiot.

No comeback. I just want to say that I enjoyed that very much.

You misspelled idiate.
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Janice Sperry

9 years ago

There are about a hundred hilarious jokes in this thread and I want to click a "Thanks" to each one of you but I can't.

If I click the "Thanks" button people will know I visit "Off Topic" from time to time

...and they will also know I crack up at your stupid jokes.

So,... no thanks today.

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Kurt

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Janice Sperry

There are about a hundred hilarious jokes in this thread and I want to click a "Thanks" to each one of you but I can't.

If I click the "Thanks" button people will know I visit "Off Topic" from time to time

...and they will also know I crack up at your stupid jokes.

So,... no thanks today.

Stupid Claude jokes is redundant...just saying.

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Claude's New Year resolution this year was to lose 10 pounds. Now just a few months later he only has 23 to go."

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lanfear63 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Claude's New Year resolution this year was to lose 10 pounds. Now just a few months later he only has 23 to go."

Claude has tried many different diet foods, all at the same time.
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Kurt

9 years ago

"Claude isn't bald. He just has a really really wide part." - Floyd the Barber

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Claude isn't bald. He just has a really really wide part." - Floyd the Barber

You're an idiot. All my parts are really really wide.
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  You're an idiot. All my parts are really really wide.
  
  I didn't say it. Take it up with Floyd the Barber you moron.
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kurt
  
  I didn't say it. Take it up with Floyd the Barber you moron.
  
  Floyd the Barber died in 1969......of Tyfloyd Fever.
  
  And that's MISTER Moron to you.
  
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  Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Floyd the Barber died in 1969......of Tyfloyd Fever.
  
  And that's MISTER Moron to you.
  
  Don't be a clod MISTER Moron to you.
  
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Kurt

9 years ago

"Claude's IQ test came back negative." - Mr. Mensa

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lanfear63 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Claude's IQ test came back negative." - Mr. Mensa

That's because at the test, Claude turned his question paper over early to look at the first page. Then the examiner told the participants to turn their pages over to begin, Claude got a blank last page, so he threw up his hands, shrugged and resumed his game of Candy Crush on his Cellphone.
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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Claude's IQ test came back negative." - Mr. Mensa

I thought it was a pie eating contest.

Mistakes were made, pies flew in people's faces....Mr. Mensa didn't have a sense of humor.

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lanfear63

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

I thought it was a pie eating contest.

Mistakes were made, pies flew in people's faces....Mr. Mensa didn't have a sense of humor.

How could you pass, you don't even know the value of Pie

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

How could you pass, you don't even know the value of Pie

What tickles me is when I say a joke...a decent one...and miss the obvious joke...the great one. And then you point it out. And it was in front of me the whole time.

My hat is off to you. Well done.

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Kurt

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

What tickles me is when I say a joke...a decent one...and miss the obvious joke...the great one. And then you point it out. And it was in front of me the whole time.

My hat is off to you. Well done.

Whew! For a second there I thought you were going to talk about your joy of "French ticklers" yet again...

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Claude is so dumb that when asked to fill in his education level on a job application, he entered 'Huked on Fonics.'" - Wooster Board of Education

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tagiscom 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Claude is so dumb that when asked to fill in his education level on a job application, he entered 'Huked on Fonics.'" - Wooster Board of Education

"When Claude wrote out his Will it took almost a full roll of toilet Paper".
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- lanfear63 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by tagiscom
  
  "When Claude wrote out his Will it took almost a full roll of toilet Paper".
  
  Claude wanted to make copies of his will so he used triple ply loo roll, thinking it was three part stationary.
  
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socialentry

Banned 9 years ago

He is one of those orators of whom it was well said. Before they get up, the do not know what they are going to say;when they are speaking, they do not know what they are saying;and when they have sat down, they do not know what they have said

-Winston Churchill

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Kurt

9 years ago

"More cowbell !!!" - Claude at Woodstock

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lanfear63 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"More cowbell !!!" - Claude at Woodstock

"More Bluebell": Claude to his wife in the supermarket
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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"More cowbell !!!" - Claude at Woodstock

Don't laugh. I studied cowbell for 8 year at Julliard.

I flunked. The Dean told me that I set a precedent. No cowbell student had ever flunked out before me.

So I punched him in the nose. I really rang his bell.
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- whateverpedia 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Don't laugh. I studied cowbell for 8 year at Julliard.
  
  Perhaps you should've spent that time learning how to write grammatically correct sentences.
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by whateverpedia
  
  Perhaps you should've spent that time learning how to write grammatically correct sentences.
  
  Perhaps...
  
  Shut up.
  
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Dan Riffle 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"More cowbell !!!" - Claude at Woodstock

There's a reason for this: Back in Wooster, dinner is preceded by its announcement via a ringing cowbell. It's how the hefty lads knew supper was on the table.

It's a Pavlovian response, is all.
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Katlog

9 years ago

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

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Kurt

9 years ago

"How can you tell when Claude is wearing pantyhose? When he farts, his cankles swell." - Big Frank

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socialentry

Banned 9 years ago

"Hurrrrrr durrr derp hurrrrr" - Claude Whitacre

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by socialentry

"Hurrrrrr durrr derp hurrrrr" - Claude Whitacre

Great. I say that one time, and it follows me for the rest of my life.
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whateverpedia

9 years ago

"Claude has no nose."

"How does he smell?"

"Terrible."

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So that blind people can hate them as well.

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Kurt

9 years ago

"Claude's a steaming pile of covfefe." - DJ

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"Claude's a steaming pile of covfefe." - DJ

I get that.
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- Dan Riffle 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  I get that.
  
  That's a rarity.
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle
  
  That's a rarity.
  
  Do you know what else is a rarity?
  Shut up, that's what.
  
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  Dan Riffle 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Do you know what else is a rarity?
  Shut up, that's what.
  
  It is a rarity when you shut up.
  
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  tagiscom 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle
  
  It is a rarity when you shut up.
  
  Gee, this is the second time he has told a well respected, and loyal member of this prestigious forum, to Shut Up!
  
  What an evil, vindictive and snatching donuts from baby's type of person he,.....oh,....no difference, carry on!
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle
  
  It is a rarity when you shut up.
  
  I just need to ask you one more question...and I want an honest answer.
  
  Drop dead.
  
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- Kurt 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  I get that.
  
  Good. Can you explain it to me?
  
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Kurt

9 years ago

"Claude's love life is just like how he plays blackjack...he always hits on 16." - Steve Wynn

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Kurt

9 years ago

"My goal is to make a million dollars. I'm only $1,005,973 short". - Warrior Forum Noob

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DWolfe 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

"My goal is to make a million dollars. I'm only $1,005,973 short" While drunk and high. - Warrior Forum Noob

Fixed it for you
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You can earn 10% average annual returns on your investments - https://app.groundfloor.us/r/m2aa7b
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