Bullying's Effects

Well, the whole thing is a FARCE! NOBODY cares! They didn't on leave it to beaver, they didn't when I was a kid, they certainly don't for adults now, and I bet MOST that say they care WERE bullies! It is all a FARCE!

Besides, WHO CARES about bullies!? What good does it do if society itself is a MESS!

Steve

Bullying is a major problem that is all too often kind of invisible to adults until it is too late and some child is murdered by other kids or commits suicide. Even then, in such cases, authorities are typically scrambling to preserve their own asses more than actually giving a damn.

Even worse the victims often become serial killers or mass murderers.

'society is a mess' - that is putting it mildly. 'Going to hell in a handbasket is more like it'...

OK serial killers and mass murderers (Columbine) were often victimized by bullies - whether a family member or the little rots in school.

... and they are not as rare as you think. Many don't become famous but I watch a lot of forensics and crime programs and it is not that rare.

In fact they say most of the crimes in the country are committed by a small percentage of 'citizen's - at least until we got 14 million illegal aliens so now there are a lot more -

(these include murderers and kidnappers, people, drug and arms smugglers -- (I think the stat I saw was kidnapping is up 480% in Arizona) and guess what we don't know who they are and they just run back across the border.)

Wow, that's sad. I wonder why the kids who said they would kill her
were never arrested. We see stories of knee-jerk reactions, and then
something like this.

And it was classic that the school claimed the records of complaints
were destroyed when switching to a new computer system.

Maybe that school needs to be leveled and turned into a corn field
or something. At least it will be productive real estate, once again.


Ken

This is not the schools responsibility,its the parents of the bullying kids.
I am sure the school is just one of many places the behavior occurred.

WOW, you're watching leave it to beaver? What channel is it on! 8-)

Your last two posts CLEARLY indicated that you feel that the bullies parent should handle it. GOT IT!?!? It was an ANALOGY, GET IT?

Steve

Andie, I probably didn't say enough that time. I do agree with you that the school has the responsibility of safeguarding your child while they are in the school custody.
I guess my feeling is that it comes down to where the school should be saying to the parent of the ones doing the bullying, your child is out of control and you need to deal with it, NOW. Of course, if the parents don't care about raising decent kids,then what?

Honestly, going into a school nowadays is like going into a prison, you walk through metal detectors, and you have uniformed guards at the doors. From an outsider looking in perspective, it looks to me that teachers have very little power to do anything about the bad students. Such a shame.
When I was in school it seemed the vice principlas primary job was weilding the "Board of education",which gave you an education you were not likely to forget anytime soon.

You are right that the school is one place where the behavior can be seen and dealt with to an extent. Outside of the home and school I would think it would be much harder to pinpoint those doing it.
The increase of the rat race and the decline of the community social structure has created an environment where bullies can thrive with no consequences.

I will add...I truly believe it is the failing of parents (aka our society) that our families are so 'disconnected' that kids are not taught how Wrong it is to be a bully, but also that no matter what the answer is not to harm yourself! I think that comes from these victims feeling so alone and unsupported they see no other 'out'.........

all these things have disintegrated like sand on a beach as we <as society> turn away from our family units and disconnect from the people around us.

what has happened to us that a pre-teen / teen doesn't feel that the adults in their life will protect them from the bullying and harm in their every day existence??

i've been saying hell in a handbasket for a long time and it isn't improving

A

Teachers and school personnel are so hampered by classroom crowding, by restrictions, rules, regulations, and policy that they might as well just sit and watch the kids as if they WERE just babysitters.

Every once in a while a teacher can reach a kid or two and turn things around, but with the number of students that they go through every day there's not much of a chance for them to do a lot. My sister teaches and has 60 kids. You think she has time for personal attention for every one of those kids? If problems aren't openly visible there is no way for teachers to know that a kid is in trouble. It's hard enough to tell sometimes that someone is in trouble if you are reacting one on one with them. I'm sure a bully is not going to cause problems when they KNOW someone is watching.

What happens if a kid tells on someone? They get retaliation. They know that. Anyone who thinks that can be stopped without a problem is fooling themselves.

About the only way a kid can be 100% sure that they aren't going to succumb to bullying is if the parents take control of the situation and teach the kid how to react, how to fight (if a bully is going to go physical, it's not safe for the other kid not to know how to defend themselves), how to maintain self-confidence, and what kind of mental issues bullies are tormented with themselves. If a kid fully understands what kind of really bad issues the bully has, it might make them less likely to be so tormented that they just give up.

A good school program would be a few hours of mandatory classes on bullying.

The thing that really struck me was reading how the kids laughed
at that girl in the coffin. That indicates some severe disconnect
with what makes a person a normal human.

That person isn't likely to change any time soon.

I do agree that teachers are forced to stand there with hands
tied. But I don't agree it's 100% corporatization of the country.
For many years, and all of us older folks have watched it happen,
there has been the influence and direction toward people taking
less responsibility and actually, in my mind, the encouragement
for people to feel they are a victim of something. When you start
viewing yourself as a victim, then that causes a mind shift - in
general.

But it is correct that it's only gonna get worse.

I've seen a situation similar to this one, although it didn't end in
suicide, just the student leaving the school. The bullying was
pretty intense, was being perpetrated by minorities, the teachers
were of the same race, complaints were made - nothing happened.

There are a thousand individual situations, so we can only speak
in generalities. But the teachers watched physical bullying in
the classroom and did nothing. The bullying was hitting another
student with a text book in the head. That happened more than
once.

If it was my child, sure... I'd be inclined to sue the teacher, school,
school system, PTA, etc. If it bankrupted the school - fine. I don't
care. Maybe if enough people did that, then maybe something
positive would change.

I don't understand why schools don't simply expell students who bully.
They don't need to be around normal students.


Ken

I believe that bullying is largely a parenting issue. Ok there are other issues but if you bring up your kids to respect others and their differences then they are far less likely to bully. I have always instilled into my kids that everyone is different and has different interests and talents. I have also made it abundantly clear to them that if they ever bully another child they will be dealt with severely and that it will not be tolerated.

I have had to cope with my son enduring years of bullying simply because he is a gentle person who doesn't care for rugby but who is a talented ballet dancer. He has to hide his successes rather than celebrating them. Last year he danced with a Russian ballet company and was horrified when one of his teachers happened to attend one of the performances and recognised him.

Thankfully the girl of his dreams, who he has been hopelessly in love with for years, is also a ballet dancer.

I used the wrong word - By "corporatized" I meant that people have been consumerized. They feel that human worth is to be judged by material possessions. You buy a lot of stuff, you have value. You live in a small home and drive an old car, wear out of date clothing - you are called names, denigrated. The slip came from my own philosophy that corporatization and materialism go hand in hand.

I worked in a crisis center and one of the hardest things to get women to understand is that the victim mentality shows enough that predators can pick them out of a crowd and will stalk them. They are vulnerable because the perpetrator can tell they won't put up a fight.

Kids have it harder because they are afraid if they stand up for themselves they might get in trouble, and if some of them get in trouble at school, it's twice as bad when they get home. They are confused about what to do.....and then there is the fear of retaliation if they do tell someone so they can get help to figure it out. I don't think it's quite the same as a victim mentality in the way it's discussed here. I think it's more of a sense of overwhelming helplessness and isolation that is getting to these kids.

As far as bullies? Take the damned cell phones and texters away from them and make them go outside, to camp, get them into something that requires cooperation with others. Once they get to know others that they wouldn't have otherwise done much but spit on, they lose a lot of their "gang kewl" instincts to empathy.

I'm a junior in high-school and I rarely see bullying going on. But when I do it makes me sick to my stomach..I tell them person that's picking on the kid to literally go f* them self. I'm 6`1 and I'm built so I never had to deal with getting bullied. I hate bullying it's an all time low.

I believe what goes around comes around and eventually these bullies will pick on the wrong person and get a taste of their own medicine.However where this schools concerned why were there not stricter rules about bullying after the first suicide.

I'll echo everything Kim and thunderbird did. and I think we are all in the same generation. Of course, it has only gotten WORSE since!

Steve

This story has upset me.I read it last night, but it's still on my mind. A 14 year old girl committed suicide after being raped, then harassed and bullied. I can't imagine the horror and grief her parents feel.

Vigil Held for Samantha Kelly

I read a story about the same incident.
It's both sad and terrrifying that we have raised a generation that has no consciense.(sp?)

Bullying is wrong and kids just can't get away from it, its no longer just on the recess field at school, it has crept into bedrooms through cyber bullying.