Listen To Yourselves -- A Ruined New Years Celebration

I agree, if all they do is b**ch and not take some action all they will spend their lives doing is bi**hing. Shi* or get off the pot as my Nanny used to say. Take action or shut up about how crappy your situation is.

Have a happy new years knowing that you are no longer stuck in that pit.

Sylvia

Absolutely. But sometimes this needs to happen and it may hurt, but in the long run you will be so much better off. Extra points if you can someone help these people 'see the light,' but I fear that even if they are shown, they won't take a step towards it...

Gratz on your newest little one. And a happy New Years to you.

Myself I have a sleeping 19 month old, and almost 3 year old, the 4 and 5 year old boys are having a New Years Eve party with Grandma, the 10 year old is at an all girls New Years party a few doors down and then me, working on new products for 2009 lol.

Eric,
I agree it is great to catch up on the past but doesnt it just blow your mind when you realize you were once like them. I know I go for a girls night out about every 6 months and it's all I can take. No money hate their jobs, hate their spouses etc. Scared to see this June with my high school reunion...

The sad and unfortunate truth. Sometimes you can do everything to point them in the right direction, but in the end it's just easier to blame someone else.

What's even scarier is when it's your family that is holding you back, not just your friends...

Agree 100% Mike.
But when those friends are your family and they are just in talk mode rather then recieve mode, it irks somewhat, that, no matter how you talk to them, they just put the road blocks up. ..........

The OP didn't say if the friends were family or just acquaintences..... but? does that really matter?

It's the old case scenario of how do you help someone who already has a pre determined set of answers already?

We're doomed I tell ya! Doomed! - Frazer - the Scotch Guy!

In the words of an old Dad's Army Sketch

Excellent points all around. And Debbie hit it on the head.

Business philosopher and speaker Jim Rohn said "You are the average of the five people you hang around with the most." Further, your income is the average of the five people you hang around with the most.

When you think of it like that... (Sorry, I don't know how to post the EEK! guy with the bugged-out eyes here.) Time to get some new friends!

While I say that half in jest, it's really true and Debbie is spot on.

My dad is a very successful entrepreneur, self-employed his entire life. And he talks about the influence and importance of "self-talk." Whatever you're telling yourself (subconsciously or not) is actually programming your thinking and behavior whether you like it or not. So it's especially important not to say "This will never work" or "I'm an idiot!" To a large extent, you really DO manifest what you believe. And you believe what you talk about and think about repeatedly.

However, I DON'T believe in saying countless positive affirmations every day. I think that's a ridiculous practice. Training yourself to think and behave positively and congruently with your goals and desires is critically important. But positive, empty affirmations without congruent action to back it up is just blowing hot air. You can say positive affirmations every day until you're blue in the face, but if you don't honestly believe it and if you're not ACTING in concert with those positive affirmations, you'll soon become VERY frustrated. (Ask me how I know. )

I'm absolutely convinced of the importance of hanging out with those who support you (or at least don't talk you down) and your goals. You can't choose your family. (I've heard it said that you have to take them as is and be thankful there are no jailbirds among them.) You CAN choose your friends and acquaintences. Those who are negative and discourage you are probably costing you more than you even realize. Time to boot them out of your life.

I'm actually experiencing this myself right now on a personal level. I have a friend I've been friends with for about eight years. She and I have something very important in common (a rare medical condition which affects every area of our lives). But our philosophies, goals, and lifestyles are radically different. We've known this for a long time as we've discussed our differences extensively and even had friendly "debates."

But recently, it's become a BIG problem. We can't seem to agree to disagree. She knows that I want kids and sincerely wants me to have my heart's desire. So her motivation is sincere and genuine. However, I hold a deep conviction that I should NOT be having kids -- ever, no matter how badly I want them (for medical reasons). As she encourages me to have kids and argues spiritedly for me to have them if I want them, I don't feel like she's respecting my decision, even though she disagrees with it.

She has kids and has passed on the medical condition. I'm APALLED because it could have been so simply avoided. Worse, her daughter (with the medical condition) just had her first baby -- and guess what? Yep, the baby has the condition too. I couldn't live with myself if I had a child with it. And though I'd LOVE to have a family, I feel a very deep conviction that it's not right and I shouldn't be having children. (AI and adoption are possibilites though.)

This has almost gotten into a full-blown argument. (There's more to it too, but I don't want to bore everyone here.) The bottom line is that after eight years of friendship, I'm having to put some distance between us and keep her at arm's length. And that's hard to do when she's been more than just a casual friend. Feelings have been hurt on both sides.

But I feel I HAVE to do it if I'm to keep my sanity and stay true to my convictions.

Back to business though...

Hanging out with those who are ahead of you in the business game is even better as it will challenge you to grow and their thinking and behavior will rub off on you. (As the saying goes, if you want to be a millionaire, start hanging out with millionaires!) And getting a coach who's been successful doing what you want to do is probably best of all.

Great thoughts everyone!

Michelle

I've done this on multiple occasions. And to think so many people have to work 1 hour for 5$ (after taxes, etc). That is modern day SLAVERY.

Hi,

So much truth here.

And like others above, I used to be part of that crowd too.

Here's what I discovered - if you stay living in the place where you grew up, it's hard not to encounter the people who are 'stuck' there - doing the same things, going to the same places, moaning about the same stuff - plus, slagging off anyone who 'escaped' and isn't around to defend themselves.

And it quickly progresses to - 'hasn't it changed around here, it used to be much better....'. I know that I could go back to my home town and find the same people, sitting on the same barstools, talking the same drivel - poor souls.

But once you extricate yourself, it's easy to go back ('call' back is safer by phone ) and cherry-pick the ones who get it. Just hit those old friends with the type of conversation that will reveal their disposition - tell them about your plans and successes and freedom.

They will either reveal their negativity, or punch the air and be enthused for you. Then you will know for sure. Some will be stuck halfway and will give you the inkling that they are 'saveable' with some encouragement.

The kindest thing you can do is inspire someone else to escape that negativity trap.

In general, I now have an attitude that it's a little dangerous to stay in one place too long. I'm becoming a drifter - for all of the right reasons. I've been in my current location nearly two years, and I can feel the 'comfort zone' and slight boredom closing in.

But because I am aware of it and recognise it, I have plans and will be getting on a plane in the next month or two to go and check out my new planned stomping ground - and this time, I'm considering somewhere where I need to learn a new language.

There's nothing like being forced to make new friends and do new things to open your mind, reinforce your feeling of independence and strength and give you an 'I can go anywhere and do anything' attitude.

PS - No ruined celebrations here. I can't bring myself to 'do whatever everyone else is doing' just because of some meaningless date on a calendar - that feels too much like following the herd. I rebelled so hard against the 'norm' that I simply cannot allow society's pressure to decide my actions - so I celebrate 365 days a year and let the others follow the calendar. And they all have hangovers now, depleted wallets and a feeling of anti-climax - ha!

But here, I am celebrating the things we are discussing in this thread - discovering that there is a much better way to think and live - and it starts by deciding that one is not going to allow others to affect the way one thinks - no matter how hard they try to bring you down and suck you in.

To (all kinds of) freedom - Cheers!