Listen To Yourselves -- A Ruined New Years Celebration

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* Warning: A bit of a rant... *

So tonight, of all night's, is a night of celebration and social gatherings. I made the choice to meet up with some friends who I hadn't seen in ages and thought it would be a fantastic night! Boy was I wrong...

From the moment I entered said friends house, it was a collective loathing session about the following (whilst drinking cheap beer):

1) How much my job sucks.
2) How much my boss sucks.
3) How broke I am.
4) How I can't afford anything.
5) How life sucks.
6) How life isn't fair.

I have never been in a more depressing situation in my entire life. I thrive off being around positive people and this was certainly NOT my scene.

I sat there after saying hello and making some small talk and thought to myself "this is the saddest thing I have EVER seen".. Sitting around on New Years bitching about how crappy EVERYTHING is... Aren't we supposed to be having a great time? So naive of me to suggest that we go to the bar that was close by, it might liven the mood up? Nope. Who was I kidding, they all claimed they were dead broke.

I suppose I have been blessed with the knowledge that positive thoughts manifests positive experiences and events in reality. That taking a freaking initiative and getting off your a** can really lead to a dramatic difference in your life.

But no, they choose to complain, scapegoat and point fingers instead of shoring up an responsibility what so ever for their current situation. Am I saying that everyone can just go out there and turn into an overnight success or what have you? Absolutely not, but they can STOP blaming others for their situation and perhaps funnel some of that anger and aggression into a passion they can pursue that will turn their financial life around.

Long story short, I just left 45 minutes shy of midnight (EST). I just couldn't take it any longer.

I just had to get this off my chest. If you find yourself in a similar situation, be a true Warrior, and friend, and please do what you can to encourage those who would rather complain about things to actually turn things around by taking action and start doing, rather than blame society for their failures and misfortunes.
#listen #ruined #years
  • Profile picture of the author Andy Money
    They will be broke and miserable for a loooonnnnggggggg timmmmmeeee. What a bummer.
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    • Profile picture of the author Sylvia Meier
      Originally Posted by mrsleep99 View Post

      They will be broke and miserable for a loooonnnnggggggg timmmmmeeee. What a bummer.
      I agree, if all they do is b**ch and not take some action all they will spend their lives doing is bi**hing. Shi* or get off the pot as my Nanny used to say. Take action or shut up about how crappy your situation is.

      Have a happy new years knowing that you are no longer stuck in that pit.

      Sylvia
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      • Profile picture of the author goindeep
        Eric,

        This is a great experience dude!

        You may not see it now, but it will unfold itself with time.

        What has just happend to you is a kind of "proof" that you have and are continuing to change. I myself have seen this happen to myself and others.

        You know, No longer hangin with the same crowd, and theres a reason for it, they are not growing, not learning and not living whilst people like us are constantly pushing on, making things work.

        And trust me...

        Before you know it some of your best mates will be people very similar to you. With similar bank accounts Its just a simple transition.
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        • Profile picture of the author Eric Stanley
          Originally Posted by GoinDeep View Post

          Eric,

          This is a great experience dude!

          You may not see it now, but it will unfold itself with time.

          What has just happend to you is a kind of "proof" that you have and are continuing to change. I myself have seen this happen to myself and others.

          You know, No longer hangin with the same crowd, and theres a reason for it, they are not growing, not learning and not living whilst people like us are constantly pushing on, making things work.

          And trust me...

          Before you know it some of your best mates will be people very similar to you. With similar bank accounts Its just a simple transition.

          I couldn't agree more. I have adopted the current mindset I have about 4-5 years ago and I have NEVER looked back. It was just interesting to catch up with old, old friends and see how some things really never change. The current people I surround myself are positive, upbeat, self starters who love to work hard and party hard. Just interesting times for sure...
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      • Profile picture of the author Kevin Flask
        I've seen this too. All to often.

        Like asking someone How are you doing? The response
        I usually get is "Same s**t different day."

        Well if you want life to be different YOU have to do something
        to make it different....

        It's not going to change for you. The world is not going to
        change for you or hand you riches on a silver platter.

        Sounds like the people you mentioned have lost faith
        in themselves. Either that or they have that expectation
        mentality.

        I think it's sad. Some people don't realize that the potential
        to living a great life is within them. Always has been. They just
        can't seem to get past their self imposed limitations.

        Life can be good. It's what you believe that really matters.

        All the best,

        Kevin
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        • Profile picture of the author Andy Money
          At least we're not the chumps we're flaming in this thread. That's great news. A+ for ambition. Happy new year.
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        • Profile picture of the author goindeep
          Originally Posted by Jestem ja View Post

          I've seen this too. All to often.

          Like asking someone How are you doing? The response
          I usually get is "Same s**t different day."

          Well if you want life to be different YOU have to do something
          to make it different....

          It's not going to change for you. The world is not going to
          change for you or hand you riches on a silver platter.

          Sounds like the people you mentioned have lost faith
          in themselves. Either that or they have that expectation
          mentality.

          I think it's sad. Some people don't realize that the potential
          to living a great life is within them. Always has been. They just
          can't seem to get past their self imposed limitations.

          Life can be good. It's what you believe that really matters.

          All the best,

          Kevin
          I love the old "Not Bad" response. I always, always, always say "Gee thats not good at all" when i hear them say that, usually the really crappy ones never bother to ask what i mean but every so often someone gets a bit of a shock. Its always great getting to explain to them that being "Not Bad" is certainly not "Good" at all.

          It usually goes something like this;

          Andrei; Hi how are you?

          Grumpy; Not Bad.

          Andrei; Gee thats not good at all.

          Grumpy; What do you mean?

          Andrei; Well, i dont know are you wanting to feel bad? It sounds like your actually expecting to feel bad.

          Grumpy;

          Andrei; Being "Not Bad" is certainly not good is it?

          Grumpy: :confused:

          Andrei; Alright hope your day gets much better then....

          That last bit is probably the most important bit in all the tiny little interactions you have revolving the whole "How are you" greeting we use in western society. It tells them that they really do come off as being crappy and negative.

          I once had a lady @ work ask me how i was too which i replied "Bloody Fantastic" she was pretty shocked. I then followed as per routine and began to ask her the same. She replied with the usual. And i of course replied with my usual rant. To which i couldnt believe she came back at me with something like this...

          "Well Andrei as you get older life takes its course and you begin to have bad days as well as good. And why should i pretend im having a great day when im no?"

          Basically after she said this it was clear she was implying that i was pretending. Maybe she was right maybe a lot of the time we pretend to be trly happier then we are. But if that state of false emotional balance in our brains triggers us to actually be happy, then its worth it!

          Not only this but folks like this lady and your dear old new years eve friends always lack the ability to look at their situation from a different perspective. Life is a grand all thing. There is no point wasting every precious minute grumbling about petty subjects. We are constantly surrounded by abundance and positivity. Look at the simple things like the air we breathe, the sunlight, the body which allows us to be concious...

          I must admit one thing. I have been blessed with what some may call naivety, ignorance or simplicity. I prefer to call it 'life knowledge'. I remember from a very young age hearing that phrase "The skies the limit" from an Australian sporting hero around the time of the olympics. I was probably ten or so.

          I vividly remember walking out to the backyard and sitting on the back step, it was my thinking step. And i sat there and thought how ridiculous this persons view was. I thought "how can the sky be the limit when man has already been to the moon".

          This simple child like thought which was brought upon probaly by some hollywood movie has been a motivator all throughout my life. And the point?

          The point is that positive people need nothing except life itself to be optimistic. Negative people always need to be reminded, and there is no wrong in that at all. So next time someone is acting crabby with you just ask them if they feel lucky for the life giving air they get to inhale into their lungs, The healthy body they reside in, the roof over their head, and so on....

          People like this need to be reminded that they already have everything they want.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ken Strong
    It made a HUGE difference in my life when I learned to start paying attention to what I was saying (both out loud and inside my head, both to myself and other people).

    It's amazing how constantly negative some people are without even realizing it. It can be hard when you have to leave old friends behind because they have toxic attitudes.
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    • Profile picture of the author Eric Stanley
      Originally Posted by KenStrong View Post

      It can be hard when you have to leave old friends behind because they have toxic attitudes.
      Absolutely. But sometimes this needs to happen and it may hurt, but in the long run you will be so much better off. Extra points if you can someone help these people 'see the light,' but I fear that even if they are shown, they won't take a step towards it...
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  • Profile picture of the author aseltz
    I thank my wife regularly for the support and encouragement she gives me in my marketing work. The positive people have to start at home.

    I'm making a concious effort to raise my daughters to look for opprotunity and see blessings instead of pitfalls and problems.

    I've got a 3 week old, a 2 year old, and a very tired wife sleeping in the other room, so this is my big New Years hurray!

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
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    • Profile picture of the author Sylvia Meier
      Originally Posted by aseltz View Post

      I thank my wife regularly for the support and encouragement she gives me in my marketing work. The positive people have to start at home.

      I'm making a concious effort to raise my daughters to look for opprotunity and see blessings instead of pitfalls and problems.

      I've got a 3 week old, a 2 year old, and a very tired wife sleeping in the other room, so this is my big New Years hurray!

      HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
      Gratz on your newest little one. And a happy New Years to you.

      Myself I have a sleeping 19 month old, and almost 3 year old, the 4 and 5 year old boys are having a New Years Eve party with Grandma, the 10 year old is at an all girls New Years party a few doors down and then me, working on new products for 2009 lol.

      Eric,
      I agree it is great to catch up on the past but doesnt it just blow your mind when you realize you were once like them. I know I go for a girls night out about every 6 months and it's all I can take. No money hate their jobs, hate their spouses etc. Scared to see this June with my high school reunion...
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  • Profile picture of the author Janet Sawyer
    Originally Posted by Eric Stanley View Post

    * Warning: A bit of a rant... *

    But no, they choose to complain, scapegoat and point fingers instead of shoring up an responsibility what so ever for their current situation. Am I saying that everyone can just go out there and turn into an overnight success or what have you? Absolutely not, but they can STOP blaming others for their situation and perhaps funnel some of that anger and aggression into a passion they can pursue that will turn their financial life around.

    I just had to get this off my chest. If you find yourself in a similar situation, be a true Warrior, and friend, and please do what you can to encourage those who would rather complain about things to actually turn things around by taking action and start doing, rather than blame society for their failures and misfortunes.
    That's the circle of life unfortunately!

    "You can take a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead"

    That's a saying from one of my earliest mentors.
    He still gives me the input I need to move forward and he's never even known he has. (I must correct that one day)

    People don't want to be told, they want to be led in the right direction and then aclaim "they did it for themselves"

    An old saying around these parts!
    "There's nowt so queer as folks!" -
    and incidentally that's nothing to do with sexual orinentation.

    As my "Huggy" would say we just spent the evening with two of our best friends, but they weren't in recieve mode, they were just in output mode!

    Happy New Year!

    You can take a horse to water.......... etc!

    Kindest regards,

    Janet
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  • Profile picture of the author NashRyker
    Yes, it is obvious that we live in a world of "victims". In other words, everyone's problems are because of someone or something else.

    Of course I am speaking generally. There are exceptions of course.

    My mind has always believed that if even one other person can become financially independent, then so can I.

    That has always kept me going before I was financially independent when times were tough.

    I always hate associating with negative naysayers. Not that they are bad people, their thought process is just off.
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  • Profile picture of the author tengallonhat
    Sorry to hear you had a bad experience catching up with old friends. Many people are falling for the doom and gloom we hear everyday on the news. The problem is they are sheep, and it is because they do not know any better. They were told to get jobs and work for someone else and just "get through life". They don't know that there are opportunities abound and there really is more to hope for.

    Happy New Year everyone! Hope you have a prosperous year
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    • Profile picture of the author Eric Stanley
      Originally Posted by tengallonhat View Post

      They were told to get jobs and work for someone else and just "get through life".
      The sad and unfortunate truth. Sometimes you can do everything to point them in the right direction, but in the end it's just easier to blame someone else.
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  • Profile picture of the author MikeAmbrosio
    I recognize this thread - from two viewpoints...

    I used to be one of those people.
    When I changed, I left them behind - lock stock and barrel. And I don't regret it.

    Friends are important in life, but no one says you must keep the ones who don't support you and try to bring you down. Besides - you and your family are what's truly important.

    You know you've made strides in your life when you can see this attitude in others, understand that you no longer share that attitude and you have moved on.

    Happy and prosperous New Year to everyone!
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    • Profile picture of the author Eric Stanley
      Originally Posted by MikeAmbrosio View Post


      Friends are important in life, but no one says you must keep the ones who don't support you and try to bring you down. Besides - you and your family are what's truly important.
      What's even scarier is when it's your family that is holding you back, not just your friends...
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    • Profile picture of the author Janet Sawyer
      Originally Posted by MikeAmbrosio View Post

      I recognize this thread - from two viewpoints...

      I used to be one of those people.
      When I changed, I left them behind - lock stock and barrel. And I don't regret it.

      Friends are important in life, but no one says you must keep the ones who don't support you and try to bring you down. Besides - you and your family are what's truly important.

      You know you've made strides in your life when you can see this attitude in others, understand that you no longer share that attitude and you have moved on.

      Happy and prosperous New Year to everyone!
      Agree 100% Mike.
      But when those friends are your family and they are just in talk mode rather then recieve mode, it irks somewhat, that, no matter how you talk to them, they just put the road blocks up. ..........

      The OP didn't say if the friends were family or just acquaintences..... but? does that really matter?

      It's the old case scenario of how do you help someone who already has a pre determined set of answers already?

      We're doomed I tell ya! Doomed! - Frazer - the Scotch Guy!

      In the words of an old Dad's Army Sketch
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  • Profile picture of the author Debbie Songster
    I made it a policy a few years ago to stop associating with negative people. All they do is drag you down.

    I used to be a department director in the local hospital and had to deal with staff that was very unhappy about everything. - and I mean everything

    One negative person ruins the environment for everyone else. The last thing our patients needed to hear was how much the staff hated their job or the latest complaint about management.
    I wasn't very popular when I started telling everyone to leave their frowns and their crap at the door. It took a few weeks for the atmosphere to change.

    They were told they were either part of the problem or part of the solution - pick a side because I was getting rid of the "problem children".
    Life is too short to work with downers.

    Now that I work for myself - its easier to remove myself from those negative people but I also learned that there are plenty of people out there that aren't "happy" unless they have something to complain about.

    I prefer to leave those people to themselves and not get caught up in their negative web
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    Getting back in the grove after taking a year off following a family tragedy.

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    • Profile picture of the author Nightengale
      Excellent points all around. And Debbie hit it on the head.

      Business philosopher and speaker Jim Rohn said "You are the average of the five people you hang around with the most." Further, your income is the average of the five people you hang around with the most.

      When you think of it like that... (Sorry, I don't know how to post the EEK! guy with the bugged-out eyes here.) Time to get some new friends!

      While I say that half in jest, it's really true and Debbie is spot on.

      My dad is a very successful entrepreneur, self-employed his entire life. And he talks about the influence and importance of "self-talk." Whatever you're telling yourself (subconsciously or not) is actually programming your thinking and behavior whether you like it or not. So it's especially important not to say "This will never work" or "I'm an idiot!" To a large extent, you really DO manifest what you believe. And you believe what you talk about and think about repeatedly.

      However, I DON'T believe in saying countless positive affirmations every day. I think that's a ridiculous practice. Training yourself to think and behave positively and congruently with your goals and desires is critically important. But positive, empty affirmations without congruent action to back it up is just blowing hot air. You can say positive affirmations every day until you're blue in the face, but if you don't honestly believe it and if you're not ACTING in concert with those positive affirmations, you'll soon become VERY frustrated. (Ask me how I know. )

      I'm absolutely convinced of the importance of hanging out with those who support you (or at least don't talk you down) and your goals. You can't choose your family. (I've heard it said that you have to take them as is and be thankful there are no jailbirds among them.) You CAN choose your friends and acquaintences. Those who are negative and discourage you are probably costing you more than you even realize. Time to boot them out of your life.

      I'm actually experiencing this myself right now on a personal level. I have a friend I've been friends with for about eight years. She and I have something very important in common (a rare medical condition which affects every area of our lives). But our philosophies, goals, and lifestyles are radically different. We've known this for a long time as we've discussed our differences extensively and even had friendly "debates."

      But recently, it's become a BIG problem. We can't seem to agree to disagree. She knows that I want kids and sincerely wants me to have my heart's desire. So her motivation is sincere and genuine. However, I hold a deep conviction that I should NOT be having kids -- ever, no matter how badly I want them (for medical reasons). As she encourages me to have kids and argues spiritedly for me to have them if I want them, I don't feel like she's respecting my decision, even though she disagrees with it.

      She has kids and has passed on the medical condition. I'm APALLED because it could have been so simply avoided. Worse, her daughter (with the medical condition) just had her first baby -- and guess what? Yep, the baby has the condition too. I couldn't live with myself if I had a child with it. And though I'd LOVE to have a family, I feel a very deep conviction that it's not right and I shouldn't be having children. (AI and adoption are possibilites though.)

      This has almost gotten into a full-blown argument. (There's more to it too, but I don't want to bore everyone here.) The bottom line is that after eight years of friendship, I'm having to put some distance between us and keep her at arm's length. And that's hard to do when she's been more than just a casual friend. Feelings have been hurt on both sides.

      But I feel I HAVE to do it if I'm to keep my sanity and stay true to my convictions.

      Back to business though...

      Hanging out with those who are ahead of you in the business game is even better as it will challenge you to grow and their thinking and behavior will rub off on you. (As the saying goes, if you want to be a millionaire, start hanging out with millionaires!) And getting a coach who's been successful doing what you want to do is probably best of all.

      Great thoughts everyone!

      Michelle


      Originally Posted by Debbie Songster View Post

      I made it a policy a few years ago to stop associating with negative people. All they do is drag you down.

      I used to be a department director in the local hospital and had to deal with staff that was very unhappy about everything. - and I mean everything

      One negative person ruins the environment for everyone else. The last thing our patients needed to hear was how much the staff hated their job or the latest complaint about management.
      I wasn't very popular when I started telling everyone to leave their frowns and their crap at the door. It took a few weeks for the atmosphere to change.

      They were told they were either part of the problem or part of the solution - pick a side because I was getting rid of the "problem children".
      Life is too short to work with downers.

      Now that I work for myself - its easier to remove myself from those negative people but I also learned that there are plenty of people out there that aren't "happy" unless they have something to complain about.

      I prefer to leave those people to themselves and not get caught up in their negative web
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      "You can't market here. This is a marketing discussion forum!"
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  • Profile picture of the author AgencyScripts
    One time I bought all my friends a round of drinks each so they would shut up and stop saying "how much is a beer? Like $5?? I dont think I can afford that..."

    It works, pay for their beer and get them to loosen up and start talking about how hot women are instead of "I aint got no money! "

    Haha.
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    • Profile picture of the author Eric Stanley
      Originally Posted by Dylan Jones View Post

      One time I bought all my friends a round of drinks each so they would shut up and stop saying "how much is a beer? Like $5?? I dont think I can afford that..."

      It works, pay for their beer and get them to loosen up and start talking about how hot women are instead of "I aint got no money! "

      Haha.
      I've done this on multiple occasions. And to think so many people have to work 1 hour for 5$ (after taxes, etc). That is modern day SLAVERY.
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  • Profile picture of the author Christie Love
    I have to admit. I've fallen into the negativity trap myself on occasion. I guess, it's just part of human nature although I'm doing all I can to change that.

    I try to separate myself from negative people, but the biggest culprits are my family. It's hard to be the only positive person in a house full of grunts (talking to them about it doesn't help).

    You are right, Eric. Life's too precious to live in a world of negativity and complaining. When you have high energy good things attract to you. I'm sure you know this, from experience.
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    • Profile picture of the author ExRat
      Hi,

      So much truth here.

      And like others above, I used to be part of that crowd too.

      Here's what I discovered - if you stay living in the place where you grew up, it's hard not to encounter the people who are 'stuck' there - doing the same things, going to the same places, moaning about the same stuff - plus, slagging off anyone who 'escaped' and isn't around to defend themselves.

      And it quickly progresses to - 'hasn't it changed around here, it used to be much better....'. I know that I could go back to my home town and find the same people, sitting on the same barstools, talking the same drivel - poor souls.

      But once you extricate yourself, it's easy to go back ('call' back is safer by phone ) and cherry-pick the ones who get it. Just hit those old friends with the type of conversation that will reveal their disposition - tell them about your plans and successes and freedom.

      They will either reveal their negativity, or punch the air and be enthused for you. Then you will know for sure. Some will be stuck halfway and will give you the inkling that they are 'saveable' with some encouragement.

      The kindest thing you can do is inspire someone else to escape that negativity trap.

      In general, I now have an attitude that it's a little dangerous to stay in one place too long. I'm becoming a drifter - for all of the right reasons. I've been in my current location nearly two years, and I can feel the 'comfort zone' and slight boredom closing in.

      But because I am aware of it and recognise it, I have plans and will be getting on a plane in the next month or two to go and check out my new planned stomping ground - and this time, I'm considering somewhere where I need to learn a new language.

      There's nothing like being forced to make new friends and do new things to open your mind, reinforce your feeling of independence and strength and give you an 'I can go anywhere and do anything' attitude.

      PS - No ruined celebrations here. I can't bring myself to 'do whatever everyone else is doing' just because of some meaningless date on a calendar - that feels too much like following the herd. I rebelled so hard against the 'norm' that I simply cannot allow society's pressure to decide my actions - so I celebrate 365 days a year and let the others follow the calendar. And they all have hangovers now, depleted wallets and a feeling of anti-climax - ha!

      But here, I am celebrating the things we are discussing in this thread - discovering that there is a much better way to think and live - and it starts by deciding that one is not going to allow others to affect the way one thinks - no matter how hard they try to bring you down and suck you in.

      To (all kinds of) freedom - Cheers!

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      Roger Davis

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      • Profile picture of the author Colin Evans
        Originally Posted by ExRat View Post

        Hi,

        In general, I now have an attitude that it's a little dangerous to stay in one place too long. I'm becoming a drifter - for all of the right reasons. I've been in my current location nearly two years, and I can feel the 'comfort zone' and slight boredom closing in.
        I thought I was the only one who thought that

        Two years in one place is plenty long enough, any more and I get bored then super lazy...
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        Sig not working today - too hung over...

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        • Profile picture of the author ExRat
          Hi Colin,

          It's your oyster.

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          Roger Davis

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  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    Sounds like my mother over Xmas
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  • Profile picture of the author Eric Stanley
    Sad to see this got bumped to The Chat Room. Seems quite relevant and should have stayed on the main page, but oh well. Keep it going! Hearing what you all have to say is great!
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    LOL Eric -- Wait til you are my age, it gets even more fun.

    Every time I go out to climb a mountain there is always someone there to tell me I'm too old to be doing that. LOL. Okay - it's fun....I look at their lifeless lumps they call bodies, study the lifeless look in their bored eyes.....and cheerfully tell them "Yep, guess so, what's your point?" I really don't get it.
    If you are supposed to not be able to do something just because you've reached a certain age, what the hell do we keep living for?

    IF it's there to go for then go for it. You can't win if you don't play.
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    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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